Kiasofia: Recovering from the damage done by Escitalopram and tapering Lamictal

[Kiasofia]

That is really sweet of you @ThatOneGirlStitch! Thank you❤️

[Kiasofia]

So since mid January I took a turn for the worse. I was not doing great in December/early Jan, but figured it's the time of year. I've been stuck on a dose where I'm cutting an unscored pill and was thinking a very slow taper to 32mg might be doable. Since I made the switch to 25mg+5mg+2mg+0.5 liquid I started feeling more depressed and realized any kind of reduction was not possible. (Changing to liquid can in itself be felt as a dose reduction.) So I switched back to 25mg+5mg+half 5mg. But it didn't help and I started getting worse symptoms.

 

Intense waves of anxiety, morning cortisol spike, heart palpatations, a tightness in the heart, impending sense of doom, feeling agitated, dp/dr, difficulty focusing and processing information, the mind locked in a loop of regret and even small tasks seem impossible. Just don't feel like myself at all. I'll get windows where the anxiety and agitation passes and the mind is calmer and more present. The windows can last from 10 minutes to a few hours. I am able to sleep.

 

I've been "here" before and know it could be worse and that others have it much worse. But this was an unexpected development, and I'm thinking I must have reacted badly to the switch. Either the liquid or 2mg pill or both.

 

I'm not able to be as active on the forum now, but will try to answer people when I can.

[lithiumnomore]

I did a much faster taper...400 to 0 mg in about 5 months, last dose about 7 months ago now. My withdrawal symptoms seems to have peaked around months 5-6 after 0 mg, and I'm much better now. Have experienced remarkable improvement in the last few weeks since the peak.

 

This, plus insomnia, is very much what I experienced, though:

 

Intense waves of anxiety, morning cortisol spike, heart palpatations, a tightness in the heart, impending sense of doom, feeling agitated, dp/dr, difficulty focusing and processing information, the mind locked in a loop of regret and even small tasks seem impossible. Just don't feel like myself at all. I'll get windows where the anxiety and agitation passes and the mind is calmer and more present. The windows can last from 10 minutes to a few hours. I am able to sleep.

 

Your brain's maybe still adjusting from prior reductions? That's what I've come to believe with withdrawal symptoms peaking so far after my last dose.

 

I need to post this in my thread but I found a very strong correlation between dietary glutamate--both msg and natural glutamate in things like hard cheeses and tomatoes -- and my waves. I started avoiding it as much as possible a couple weeks ago and that corresponded to my improvement. A few others on the Facebook lamictal withdrawal support group have had it help. You might give it a shot.

 

Anyway, hang in there. It's withdrawal. It will pass. Sending you positive thoughts.

 

[Kiasofia]

18 hours ago, lithiumnomore said:

Anyway, hang in there. It's withdrawal. It will pass. Sending you positive thoughts.

Very much appreciated❤️

 

I know we can get slammed with withdrawal many months out, so my first thought was that that was the cause. And it may very well be. My brain is not happy at this low dose and I should have done a long hold at a higher dose. But I feel the switch I made must have contributed somehow to these symptoms. I know any change potentially can, but I still wasn't prepared for such a severe worsening.

 

How long did you take to recover again after your late withdrawal peak? So good to hear you are doing better and that you made it through the fast taper.

 

Tomatoes are bad too? I feel the list of what to avoid is never ending!

[Greatful]

@Kiasofia sorry you are getting hit with a wave.  I  switched to liquid and split my dose of Lexapro and that was a fun ride lol...... It's really hard to believe the power these drugs have on us.  You have endured so much, you will get through this too.❤️  

Take care of yourself❤️

 

[getofflex]

Kia, I'm very sorry you are dealing with this wave.  Please no worries about moderating, you need to take of you right now.  When you switched to the liquid, did you do a crossover?  It's a good thing you are able to sleep OK.  Still, I know how disappointing it can be to get hit with a wave, when we are far along in our recovery. Hang in there - this too shall pass.  

[Kiasofia]

15 hours ago, getofflex said:

When you switched to the liquid, did you do a crossover?

I just added 0.5 in liquid. The rest in pill form. But added in a 2mg pill that I hadn't been taking before.

 

I continued to deteriorate after switching back to all pills so it is also possible I reacted badly to that. That is when anxiety got intense, dp/dr and brain fog.

Edited February 22, 2022 by Kiasofia

[Kiasofia]

15 hours ago, Greatful said:

sorry you are getting hit with a wave.  I  switched to liquid and split my dose of Lexapro and that was a fun ride lol...... It's really hard to believe the power these drugs have on us.  You have endured so much, you will get through this too.❤️  

Take care of yourself❤️

Thanks Greatful❤️ Sorry you've been having it rough also.

[lithiumnomore]

20 hours ago, Kiasofia said:

Very much appreciated❤️

 

I know we can get slammed with withdrawal many months out, so my first thought was that that was the cause. And it may very well be. My brain is not happy at this low dose and I should have done a long hold at a higher dose. But I feel the switch I made must have contributed somehow to these symptoms. I know any change potentially can, but I still wasn't prepared for such a severe worsening.

 

How long did you take to recover again after your late withdrawal peak? So good to hear you are doing better and that you made it through the fast taper.

 

Tomatoes are bad too? I feel the list of what to avoid is never ending!

 

The late withdrawal wave kind of peaked in two phases--with second peak ending about a month ago. In December 2021 I was having a lot of depersonalization, brain fog, irritability and anxiety. Intermittent insomnia worsened with a lot of racing thoughts in during the insomnia and this sense that my brain/mind was trying to reorder itself. Like looking through a mess of papers and filing them where they needed to go except the papers were memories and experiences, some trauma but just life on drugs.

 

Over Christmas, I noticed my executive functioning really starting to improve, and I found myself more optimistic. In the new Year, though, following a two-week work vacation, I had the symptoms returned but more of a depression quality, and I feared relapse. That started to clear around mid January, and there's been an acceleration in my recovery. I'm having days when I feel great, and I'm better able to navigate the bad days once or twice a week. A lot of the worst symptoms, including suicidal ideation, have just stopped.

 

Tomatoes are relatively high in glutamate, and I noticed a correlation of symptoms with eating tomato based foods. If you wanted to try limiting glutamate, here are couple resources outlining what to avoid:

 

https://www.webmd.com/diet/high-glutamate-foods

 

 

https://aci.health.nsw.gov.au/projects/diet-specifications/adult/allergy/glutamate-low#heading-6

 

The theory is that because lamictal blocks glutamate, probably resulting in upregulation of glutamate receptors, in withdrawal you become sensitive to dietary glutamate. I have no way to fully 

test this but I definitely noticed a correlation and avoiding it helped. The clearest example was when I ate a ton of parmesan and was bed-ridden the next day with the worst withdrawal symptoms I've experienced.

 

Also, the need to avoid glutamate seems to be temporary based on the anecdotal reports of this helping. 

 

Hope you get some relief soon.

 

[Faure]

Hey Kiasofia, I've just read pages 2&3 of your thread and wanted to say thank you for all the assistance you have been giving others, you have been so busy and helpful to so many people. I often browse threads (it helps me stay on track with my own taper) and it is devastating that there is so much suffering that is disregarded by the medical "profession". I told my psychiatrist I couldn't get off mirtazepine and she actually said "well I don't know then", it's a disgrace. Thank goodness for this online forum so full of wisdom, knowledge and support. 

 

I'm really sorry you've hit a wave, I hope things stabilise for you very soon. Take care 🙂

[Kiasofia]

Thank you for your kind words @Faure❤️

 

 

[Greatful]

@Kiasofia  How are are doing?  

[JandD]

I wish you much strength and positive energy. I hope the spring and the beautiful weather also support you!

[Ariel]

Hello @Kiasofia

Thinking of you and wishing you well. 

We have not officially "met" but I am a fan of your work here. Thank you for your many helpful posts. 

Sending healing vibes and white light,

A.

[arbor]

Dear @Kiasofia  I hope you're doing ok.  I send you best wishes for reprieve from the effects of these horrible drugs.

Arbor

[jkhm]

21 February 2023

 Dear Staff Members at SurvivingAntidepressants.org

  This is a letter I have been trying to write for a long time. I felt it necessary that you, the staff, be informed about one of your moderators. She has not been active since February 2022 and you may have tried to reach out to her.

 

Her username was KiaSofia. She was my daughter, Kirsten, and her nickname was Kia. She was a bright, funny, fabulous history educator, loyal friend to all, and an important family member. She was on her way to being an antidepressant survivor.

I am using the past tense because Kia did not survive antidepressants.......

On 24 June 2022, our darling daughter took her own life. She was 38.

 

Your site gave her a sense of purpose while things were going so well for her. Those of you reading this letter know the stories of so many who have contacted the site. Perhaps you yourselves are survivors. She flourished on being able to share her experience and give encouragement and guidance to others. At the same time she would want to learn more about psychiatry and the drugs/treatments used - some of which she had first hand experience. She had a dedication to your site and those contacting her. She was always prioritizing reliable sources for the information she gathered. She was an educator at heart.

 

Her user name is still on your site and I hope after reading my letter, you will now be able to remove her as a moderator. People may have wanted her advice and she didn't answer. You may have contacted her and she did not answer. If so, you now know why. Sadly.

Our daughter's life meant so much to so many. Her network was full of friends, colleagues, and family. Yet so many around her never realized how much she had been struggling and for how long. When she believed ..... she would not be the person living a good life free of these drugs, then it was time to plan an exit. We are now a family and large circle of friends trying to live our lives with this outcome.

I would very much appreciate hearing from one of you to confirm that you are informed and that Kiasofia is no longer a part of survivingdepressants.org i.e. her name is now removed. If you need any more proof than a mother's words, I will send a death certificate.

If you are interested, I would be very willing to add more detailed information on how things just worsened by February 2022. But I would like you to know that she really wanted to continue being active on the forum to hopefully help others to survive antidepressants. She was a survivor until she wasn't.

I hope all of you can help as many people as possible. I hope you are all as equally dedicated as my daughter was. KiaSofia was a very special person. I know she would have wanted you to keep helping others as best you can, just as she had tried and thought she would continue doing for a long time.....

Fondly,

KiaSofia's mother

 

[Shep]

@jkhm Thank you for posting about your daughter and letting us know what happened. We are so sorry for your loss. Kia was a dedicated moderator who helped many people, despite her own struggles. Please take care of yourself and your family. 

[Moonpie]

@jkhm I am deeply sorry for the loss of your daughter.  My heart breaks for you.  She helped so many in spite of all struggles and suffering.  Many lives were changed and helped by her compassion and giving of herself.  That is true giving when you put others before your pain to make their paths easier.  She was an amazing person, and will live on through the lives of those she has supported.  I pray that God will comfort you in the time ahead as only He can.  Love and sympathy.

 

[Altostrata]

So very sorry for the loss of KiaSofia. We all loved her here.

[getofflex]

I was deeply saddened to hear about the loss of your daughter Kia.  My prayers are with you and your family.  

[Frogie]

My prayers are with you and your family. I’m truly saddened by this news.

[HealthHopeHappiness]

This is so incredibly sad. Sending lots of love and strength to everyone who knew and loved Kia. 💔

[arbor]

This news saddens me deeply.  It is good of you to share it with us so that we can share in mourning together.  

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[JandD]

Dear Mother of Kiasofia - I am very saddened by this news. I am grateful for the short contact with her and wish you and all those close to her much strength and also the ability to feel happiness again for beautiful things! As Moonpie said it so beautifully before me: "She will live on through the lives of those she has supported."

[Faure]

@jkhmi am deeply saddened to read this and so sorry your beloved daughter was not able to survive what these medications did to her. Thank you for finding the strength to let us know.

[Jools44]

@jkhm so very sorry to hear this. Kia helped me and so many others in their hour of need. 

[DataGuy]

So sorry to hear about Kiasofia. She was an excellent moderator. She caught on quickly to concepts of tapering and was very empathetic. Unfortunately, these drugs are much more dangerous than either doctors or patients are aware of. She was very ill-served by the medical system and deserved much better. Sorry for your loss 🙏😢

[Heath]

So sorry to hear this about Kiasofia. Thank you for writing this post and sharing with us. Prayers for you and family!