Ak93: Lexapro withdrawal hell akathisia

[Ak93]

Dear survivors,

 

I hope you will take the time to read this. I feel so desperate.

On June 21, 2021 I took my last little bit of lexapro. Now, since September 3, hell has come.

 

I really loved and enjoyed life, but was very ambitious and ended up in a burnout in August 2018. I was 24 years old at that time. Because I was stressed out and felt dissociatie, I was labeled an anxiety disorder. Within six weeks I was on the lexapro 10 mg and from that moment on I felt never myself again. In the Lexapro build-up phase, I ended up in a day treatment of the mental health care because my anxiety was going sky high and on top of that I was feeling depressed since the first time of my life. These side effects became less over weeks but I still felt restless, didn't sleep well, felt gloomy and worst of all, emotionless. Because of this I tried to reduce Lexapro in 2019 (and 2020). How lower de dose was going I felt more like myself, until I fell back again. Although the relapse symptoms were very different than the symptoms of starting lexapro. But I quickly built up again. After a few months reinstate it got better, but the gloom (soul dispair some days) and restlessness remained. 

 

After a lot of alternative therapy, shadow work and growth in spirituality I decided to try again because I remained depressed and didn't feel a connection with myself and others. In 10 weeks, yes I know now, too quickly, I have been tapered to 0. My last dose was on June 21st this year and I started to feel better and better. However, on September 2nd I did transformational breath where I think I triggered my central nervous system and got full blown Akathisia + Anhedonia. 

 

I feel in my body gigantic terror, burning skin, terrible fear, restlessness, headache, needles in my brain, as if my brain is too big for my skull, deep depression, insomnia and no possibility to relax, obsessive thoughts. Because I was convinced that I couldn't stand this for a minute longer, feeling of jumping out of my skin, I started having suicidal thoughts because I thought that was the only way out. I'm so scared of this, because I really want to live and know that life is beautiful. I have no idea what hell I've landed and feel trapped. Everything I read about akathisia, also on facebookforums, websites as missd, youtube etc, terrifies me to the top. 

 

Short story: I took lexapro for over 2.5 years, 10 mg. Trying to taper in 2019 and 2020 but failed. Reinstate then helped but took three months before I went back to baseline (restless, depressed and emotionless). Sorry for my English by the way, I'm from the Netherlands but I'm too restless and tired to make a good coherent story out of it. 

 

I take magnesium, vitamin C and omega 3.

I have been taking lorazepam 1 - 2 mg for a few weeks now, because otherwise I really didn't think I would make it. It takes the edge off but I am still suffering bad. I know that I have to taper this off again and that this is addictive. I tapered this off before because I was physical addicted to it by starting antidepressants. 

 

By the way, I am a caring and positive young woman. But I really don't see it now. The past three years were so hard, I thought it couldn't get any worse, but this is truly awful.

My question, what do you think of my story? Will this pass or am I doomed like the many stories on the internet. Are there more people who have experienced what I experience and healed? Ive been feeling trapped in this hell for 5 weeks now, living with my mother again because I can't take care of myself. 

 

Thankyou already for reading my story... 

Love, Ak 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Ak93

 

Some people have immediate adverse effects from antidepressants, which indicates their nervous systems are not compatible with the drug. See Adverse reactions to an antidepressant within a few doses -- how long for recovery?

 

If they go off the drugs, even if after only a few doses, they have symptoms very much like withdrawal syndrome.

 

In your case, you stayed on the drug (with the help of lorazepam, apparently); after less than a year, you went off escitalopram and suffered severe withdrawal symptoms. After reinstating for 5-6 months, your taper failed again. 

 

In the spring of 2021, if you tapered off 10mg escitalopram by 1mg per week, you went off in about 10 weeks, correct? How did you feel while you were making these reductions? How did you feel after you took your last dose June 21 and before September 3?

 

What are your current symptoms? How's your sleep?

 

On 10/11/2021 at 10:52 AM, Ak93 said:

I have been taking lorazepam 1 - 2 mg for a few weeks now

 

Please give more detail about your lorazepam use. When did you start, how often do you take it? Has there been a recent period when you've taken it every day?

[Ak93]

14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Some people have immediate adverse effects from antidepressants, which indicates their nervous systems are not compatible with the drug. See Adverse reactions to an antidepressant within a few doses -- how long for recovery?

 

If they go off the drugs, even if after only a few doses, they have symptoms very much like withdrawal syndrome.

 

In your case, you stayed on the drug (with the help of lorazepam, apparently); after less than a year, you went off escitalopram and suffered severe withdrawal symptoms. After reinstating for 5-6 months, your taper failed again. 

 

Yes, this is correct 

 

14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

n the spring of 2021, if you tapered off 10mg escitalopram by 1mg per week, you went off in about 10 weeks, correct? How did you feel while you were making these reductions? How did you feel after you took your last dose June 21 and before September 3?

 

When I started tapering I felt restless and anhedonic and depressed about anhedonic.
During tapering I occasionally had shocks in my head, more restlessness and fear and fatigue.
This lasted for a while, but over the weeks I felt less and less heaviness, I felt more emotional, with I actually found liberating. I could feel music again, which felt so fantastic. Even a few windows of a few hours where I almost felt like myself. Especially the last week before the crash, I was so happy to be off the meds. Calm returned. 

 

But then, around 3/4 september I crashed and started to feel really anxious. My mind wouldn't stop racing and my skin burned. In the evening I would calm down but the next morning it would come again. First week it was severe depression alternated anxiety with burning skin on my arms. 

But it got worse and worse, and what I've been feeling now for several weeks is like I'm feeling a gigantic chemical fear. Pressure on my chest, or as if my guts were being pushed out of my chest. Gigantic nervous energy in my abdomen and heart area. Burning skin on arms and neck. Headache with stabbing. Brain fog and gigantic hopelessness, despair, thinking that I can't get out of this and that death is the only way out to experience peace. What scares me so much. I loved life!

I live with my mother again, and she and my sister support me in everything and are with me all the time. They believe me. And they believe I can heal. But I'm so hopeless. 

 

I have been taking oxazepam and lorazepam every day for 4 weeks now. Which last week 1 mg lorazepam in the morning and 1 mg in the evening. I also know that can cause akathischia so I'm super scared but if I don't take it it's even worse. This morning I started to switch it over to diazepam. So I can taper it off again. But I have no idea what to do now, this is unsustainable. I have extreme fatigue so I'm almost bed-bound while I'm super anxious and restless in my body. I can't feel anything positive, it's like my soul is ripped out. 

 

Do you have any tips what I can do? I am so afraid..

 

 

[Ak93]

And about my sleep. I sleep with 1 lorazepam and a quarter of 25 mg doxylamine for about 5 hours. Without it, I don't sleep at all... 

[Altostrata]

6 hours ago, Ak93 said:

When I started tapering I felt restless and anhedonic and depressed about anhedonic.
During tapering I occasionally had shocks in my head, more restlessness and fear and fatigue.

 

While tapering, you got mild withdrawal symptoms that got worse until you went off, then you got severe withdrawal symptoms in early September.

 

6 hours ago, Ak93 said:

I have been taking oxazepam and lorazepam every day for 4 weeks now. Which last week 1 mg lorazepam in the morning and 1 mg in the evening. I also know that can cause akathischia so I'm super scared but if I don't take it it's even worse. This morning I started to switch it over to diazepam. So I can taper it off again. But I have no idea what to do now, this is unsustainable. I have extreme fatigue so I'm almost bed-bound while I'm super anxious and restless in my body. I can't feel anything positive, it's like my soul is ripped out. 

 

You have escitalopram withdrawal syndrome and maybe adverse effects from the benzos, too.

 

Exactly what benzodiazepines have you taken, at what dosages and times o'clock, for the last week? Please keep notes about this. You are probably physiologically dependent on benzos and may be having symptoms from the way you're taking them. We may need to make a schedule for you. @Frogie will assist.

 

For the antidepressant withdrawal symptoms, you might try taking 0.5mg liquid citalopram, escitalopram's milder sibling drug. We often see this reduces withdrawal symptoms. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Frogie]

I will be happy to help you with the benzo if you can please let me know how much and what time(s) you are taking it.

[Ak93]

Thank you for your response and help. I also read on this website that fluoxetine was an option for reinstatement of escitalopram, is that correct? escitalopram and therefore also citalopram scares me because I've experienced **** with it for three years. but I want to try everything to escape from this hell. If it works, how long does it take? 
 

With the benzos. i don't remember very well, i live in a fog this past weeks. But first i took 0.5 lorazepam a day at different times but often around 6pm (for three weeks)

 

From Saturday 9 October: 1 mg lorazepam between 9:00 and 12:00 and in the evening between 21:00 and 22:30. never at same times.
Today October 14: 7:00 AM in the morning 0.5 mg lorazepam and 2.5 diazepam together.

And around 19:30 0.5 mg lorazepam and 2.5 diazepam.

 

I also took THC oil at 6:00 pm because I am so desperate for something to relieve. but I won't take it again. Everything I try seems to backfire.

 

In the evening around 10 pm it is always a little lighter, I come out of that paralyzing state and than i cry for whats happening and scared again for the next day. I want to live so badly, I loved life for all this. But I'm so afraid of the torture in my body and the terrible dark tearing feeling convinces me that this is the end. Thank you so much for your response and help, both of you. Really really! 

[Altostrata]

Please note I suggested 0.5mg liquid citalopram, a much lower dose than anything you've taken before. Because it's so closely related to escitalopram, it's more likely to address escitalopram withdrawal syndrome than fluoxetine. Also, fluoxetine has a much longer half-life, so if you are sensitive to it as you were to escitalopram, the adverse reaction would last much longer than that to citalopram.

 

Escitalopram, by the way, is several times stronger, milligram for milligram, than either citalopram or fluoxetine. Your 10mg escitalopram would have been equal to 20mg or 30mg citalopram or fluoxetine.

 

You are in a bind because you might be sensitive to all SSRIs, but you have severe withdrawal from escitalopram. Perhaps you would feel safer reinstating with 0.25mg citalopram?

 

Please work with @Frogie on the benzo dosing, to minimize any adverse effects of that. It could be that some of your symptoms are from the benzo, not withdrawal syndrome.

[Frogie]

Hi @Ak93

 

If you have taken the benzo for 3 weeks your body has become dependent on it unfortunately.

 

You need to take it at a consistent time each day and please don’t take the lorazepam and diazepam at the same time. They need to be take at least an hour apart. I would take the diazepam

2-3 hours after the lorazepam as diazepam stays in your system much longer.
 

This is just an example schedule:

7:00 am 0.5 mg lorazepam 

10:00 am 2.5 mg diazepam 

7:00 pm 0.5 mg lorazepam 

10:00 pm 2.5 mg diazepam 

 

We can adjust the hours, but like I said it just needs to be at a consistent time.

 

Let me know how I can help you further.

 

 

 

[Ak93]

Thank you for your suggestions and help.

I'm going to try frogie's schematic first.
@Frogie do you think it is a good idea to switch from lorazepam to diazepam at all, or should I have stayed with lorazepam?
 
Regarding reinstatement, my GP is not very cooperative and wants me to discuss everything with a psychiatrist because I am in bad shape. I only have an appointment with that on 11 November, here in the Netherlands there is a waiting list for a psychiatrist.

Do you @Altostrata and @Frogie think, after 3 years of poisoning from an adverse reaction of escitalopram, kindling and now after 3 months of severe withadrawal akathisia, my body can still heal? There are so many horror stories about akathisia online. What is your experience? I also feel so tired and depressed. It is the first time that I feel that my fighting spirit is (almost) gone. Is that normal? I'm afraid of that. But don't worry, my family takes care of me.

[Altostrata]

Yes, we see people recover from much longer exposure to adverse drug effects.

 

It is possible once you get your benzo schedule evened out, your symptoms will be greatly diminished, as some of them may be from the benzos.

 

@Frogie would that be a schedule in preparation for tapering off the lorazepam, converting to diazepam twice a day?

[Frogie]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Yes, we see people recover from much longer exposure to adverse drug effects.

 

It is possible once you get your benzo schedule evened out, your symptoms will be greatly diminished, as some of them may be from the benzos.

 

@Frogie would that be a schedule in preparation for tapering off the lorazepam, converting to diazepam twice a day?

@Altostrata

 

@Ak93 is taking 2.5 mg of diazepam at the same time as the lorazepam from what I read. The equivalent of diazepam would be 5 mg as they are taking 1 mg of lorazepam. I would have @Ak93 take the diazepam a couple hours after the lorazepam for a couple of days, then cut the 0.5 mg lorazepam in half (0.25 mg) and then take the diazepam at the same time at that point to stabilize on the diazepam. Do that for a week or so then drop the lorazepam and just take the diazepam. 
 

@Ak93does that make sense to you? If not I can do an example schedule for you 😊

[Altostrata]

Thanks, @Frogie. 

[HiddenGems]

Hi. I’m a human being who reinstated and my akathisia did not remit. So be very careful. However benzos completely masked my symptoms for a period. Where i had near total relief. Is it the same for you? Take care. I know how you feel and I’m truly sorry. This is so so hard.

[Altostrata]

Really sorry you're having such a bad time, HiddenGems, but you haven't given enough information in your own topic for the staff to figure out what might help you.

[Ak93]

@Frogie

 

Do you think it is possible I don’t tolerate diazepam well? It feels like i’m going worse since thursday when i started the diazepam. Is it an option to stay with the lorazepam but divide this 2 mg over the day?

 

i'm in such a bad shape, i've had hope and fighting spirit for three years but ever since the severe tardive aka i think all day now that death is a welcome rest in this torture and that scares me so much. at night after 10 pm it is better and I want to live so badly. i loved life. the anhedonia is also not helping. 
 

love and thanks for your help

[Ak93]

21 hours ago, HiddenGems said:

Hi. I’m a human being who reinstated and my akathisia did not remit. So be very careful. However benzos completely masked my symptoms for a period. Where i had near total relief. Is it the same for you? Take care. I know how you feel and I’m truly sorry. This is so so hard.

No, it doesnt relieve my symptoms, only the first weeks when i took it occasional. I’m so sorry you are also suffering.. i’m 27 years to and life is so beautiful. but this hell in my body is so serious, i can't participate or even connect with my lovely people around me. 

[HiddenGems]

Please listen to me dear. I’m the same age I have the same exact thing even confirmed by doctors although they are clueless. I’ve been like this 21 months. Same age. Thank God I have my family to be sure i have food and a place to sleep. This is hell and a sick torcher. But I know that one day it must leave or get better. Nobody deserves this. I’ve found some luck with Propanolol because 90% of the drug crosses the blood brain barrier but it has to be taken daily to lessen symptoms. I take 20mgs - Neurologist says up to 80mg because we’re labeling this as “Neurologic agitation” - take care and know there’s someone on the other side of the world and same age living this too.

[HiddenGems]

Also I’ve found a trick to survival is 1.) Do not by any means push yourself. If you need to lay in bed and yell than that’s it. 2.) Accept the pain (no point resisting what is) it’s often intolerable but me resisting it ALWAYS makes it worse. 3.) Stay away from social media- it will deplete you when you’re already on empty. Yes. You can survive severe akathisia for a long time although media will make you think it’s impossible. 24 hours at a time.

[Frogie]

Stop the diazepam now since you’ve having a hard time with it but take 2 mg of lorazepam split into .5 mg 4 times a day. So you could take it at 7 am, 11 am, 3 pm and at 7 pm ( this is just an example). It just has to be consistent, same times every day.

 

Let me know what you think about this.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Ak93]

Thanks @frogie
Since yesterday i follow your schedule but different times: 10 am, 2 pm, 6 pm and 10 pm. Is it wise to reduce this dose soon? I'm afraid the longer I use it, the more difficult it will be to reduce or that I will get intermediate withdrawal due to tolerance

 

I still have the same problems as described but the terror in my chest and extreme fatigue seems a bit more bearable today. Is it normal to experience this kind of depression that you wake up and the first thing you think is **** another day I have to survive due to the dread/doom feeling in my chest, and not being able to get out of bed or see reasons why things will get better in the future? I was always positive but now I have 1000 reasons why I am not recovering from this. When I try to be positive about my recovery there is always a reason why I am not getting better and it is very convincing. wtf is that?

 

I’m also jalouse of everyone out there living their lives, create familys etc.. doom, hopelessness and jalousy seems to be the only emotions/feelings i can have.. i’m scared 

[Sofa]

@Ak93

Hi, how are you doing? I also struggle with akathisa for two months now. Severe inner restlessness and constant anxiety. Have not relaxed in two months. Sometimes extreme tention/akathisa in my chest that caused panic for hours. 
 

Just wondered if you are feeling better and your symptoms lessened a bit?