slowphie: Hi, I am terrified

[Bestill]

@slowphiei get it.  What if you held a few more weeks and then do the 10% and hold and see how you do?  Or 5% every 3 weeks?

[slowphie]

@Bestill I think I’ll continue with brassmonkey, and then re-assess. I guess that should get me to over 3 months benzo free (god, it’s still so hard for me to accept that this actually happened 🥲), and then hopefully I can try 10%. Lots of people suggest that we should slow down at the lower doses, so if I can be faster now, that would be great. 

[Bestill]

@slowphie I believe that things happen so that we can learn and grow from our experiences. It molds us into who we want to be and a story to have that may help someone else some day.  I also think these experienced help is to slow down and bit and focus on what is really important  Sounds lame but it’s true.  
 

You will find your groove.  Your vision WILL improve and you will continue life, stronger and more capable.

 

❤️❤️

[slowphie]

That’s really kind @Bestillthank you! Btw, do your withdrawal symptoms change? With my first cut, I had some nausea and one night my eyes were watering. With this second cut, I had some heart palpitations. 

[Bestill]

@slowphieYes it changes.  Sometimes I have nausea and the next time it’s muscle pain and a head ache.  It likes a surprise every week.  I get the air hunger every time tho.  Will be so happy when I’m not yawing or constantly trying to get that deep breath.  🥴

[slowphie]

That’s such an annoying symptom @Bestill I’ve actually had air hunger quite a few times throughout my life, just from anxiety. I actually think air hunger was my first ever symptom of anxiety as a child. Hope it goes away soon! 

[LotusRising]

Hi @slowphie

 

Just wanted to reach out and say you can do this! It’s frustrating that we are not told what these drugs can do to our bodies.

 

I am currently withdrawing from clonazepam after being switched from Ativan and have had to speed up my taper due to adverse reactions to the clonazepam. I saw that you asked about symptoms changing and mine definitely are. I find it anxiety-provoking just waiting for the next new symptom to emerge 😟

 

I try to hold onto the fact that we must be put in these situations because there is something we need to learn from them, as difficult as this is to accept. 
 

I’m sorry you are going through this. I too wish I had found this site a lot earlier. 

[slowphie]

Hey @MedRN thanks so much for the encouragement, and I’m so sorry you’re reacting badly to Clon. 

For me, the fact I went through benzo withdrawal is even more frustrating, because I actually knew how dangerous it was. I was very aware, and terrified. I repeatedly told the doctors this, but I was strongly encouraged to “trust the experts” by everyone around me, during a moment of vulnerability. Ugh. 
 

All the best with you taper… I know tapering benzos is especially ugly. I felt like I was losing my mind - but my taper was brutally fast. 

[LotusRising]

@slowphie

 

Yes, I think a lot of us were made to believe the so-called “experts”. I definitely went against my intuition several times when I tried different medications. In retrospect, I was actually living a very full life before the medications were on board, which makes everything especially hard. 
 

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such difficulty with your vision. Not being able to work is difficult. I too am not able to right now. Wishing you the best as you decrease  

[slowphie]

@MedRNsorry to hear you’re not able to work atm either. 🥺

 

btw, I think you’re responding to some people on the wrong thread. 😅

[LotusRising]

@slowphie oh really? I just started reaching out to other people. I thought we were supposed to respond on our own threads? Am I on yours? Not sure how it all works. 

[LotusRising]

@slowphie

oops, yes, I see I am commenting on your thread. Sorry about that. I’ll see if I can get the posts moved. My computer quit working, so I’ve been using my phone and it all looks a little different.  

[Bestill]

Feeling  it today and I was doing pretty good this week and it caught up with me.  I am getting tired of the lows.  Just when I think I’m getting a reprieve, my body says just joking.  I have the next 3 days to rest.  Anyone else experiencing the lows lately?  

 

[slowphie]

Hey @Bestill I’m sorry to hear. When you say lows - as in low mood? 
 

My mood has been… hmm, more stable than last month I guess. However, I am constantly kinda depressed about my vision. 😭

 

Look at that though, you’re down to 10mg! That’s amazing, and something to celebrate. 🎉🎉 Hope you feel better soon. 

[Bestill]

@slowphiemood, body.  It’s better today and I’m making myself rest.  I feel like each person has one major symptom.  Yours is vision and mine is air hunger.  I’m just over it already.  🥴

[LotusRising]

On 2/1/2022 at 3:20 AM, slowphie said:

My intense ear pressure after I jumped has turned into light tinnitus

Hey @slowphie

 

I was just wondering about the ear pressure you had - was it a benzo wd symptom? I'm currently getting pretty intense ear pressure, but pain as well. Did you have any pain in your ears that accompanied the pressure? How long did the ear pressure last for you and was it constant? Sorry, I know that's a lot of questions! It's a fairly new symptom for me and has been pretty constant for the last week. It's got me worried, perhaps because of where it originates, so close to my brain *ugh* 

[slowphie]

Hey @MedRN I’m so sorry you’re getting that. It was definitely a benzo WD symptom that was especially bad in the week after I jumped. Peak acute withdrawal, my ears had really intense pressure and pain. I’ve also experienced some ear fullness while tapering Mirt - not sure if they’re remnants from benzo withdrawal or from the Mirt taper. 

I know the side effects are scary, but I’m sure you’re going to be fine. My head/ears hurt in like 5 different ways simultaneously. You seem like you’re towards the end of your taper? Congrats! It’s probably going to get rough, but healing will start. ♥️

[LotusRising]

@slowphie

 

Thanks for getting back to me. It’s reassuring to know it went away. Mine seems to have improved somewhat overnight after being present for the last week. It was pretty intense for a few days. My whole taper has been pretty rough, but I think if I slow it down, it will help to minimize symptoms. Kind of a letdown, cause I was feeling like I was getting close. I suppose I still am … 

 

Are you continuing to see ongoing improvement with your eyes?

[slowphie]

@MedRN I’m glad you noticed improvement. No btw, unfortunately my vision still sucks. I’m going to skip the two week hold of the brassmonkey slide and just keep cutting 2.5% every week. I can’t taper for 6.75 years after 3 months of use, if Mirtazapine is impacting my vision. 

[Bestill]

@slowphieim not fantastic at math but I am trying to figure out why it will take you 6.5 years.  I have myself doing 2.5% every two weeks with no holds and I would be at half in a year finishing up a year later.  This was just something I was playing around with.  I’m not sure what will actually happen as I’m listening to my body.  I was even thinking of doing 5% every 3 weeks because that would get me to the end faster.  My doctor warned me that when we get down to a 1/3 of the pill is when it gets difficult and we may need to cut smaller and hold longer.  You know yourself best.  Just listen to your body and go from there.  
 

🤗 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2.5% of your original dose or 2.5% of each new dose as recommended by this site? 

[Bestill]

@slowphiewith each new dose.  Perhaps I’m just not accounting for when you go under 1%. It does seem forever.  

 

P.S.  Had some blurred vision this evening.  I feel for you.  I put on my glasses and it’s better but I can see how it’s such a bummer.

 

im hoping for the both of us and as I read on this website, the lower you go, the better it gets.  🤞🏻

[slowphie]

@JesusSavemefromWD2.5% of the last dose. 
 

@BestillHalf-life of the brassmonkey slide method is 9 months. So in 9 months I’d be at 7.5mg, and then in another 9 months at 3.75mg, another 9 months for 1.875mg, another 9 for 0.94, another 9 months for 0.47, another 9 for 0.23, another 9 for 0.12, another 9 for 0.06. 
 

That’s 72 months or 6 years… 🥲

[slowphie]

@Bestillbtw - sounds like your doctor really knows what they’re doing! Mine literally told me to go down to 7.5mg for a week, and then stop. 🥲 He said he’s never ever had a patient have difficulties with discontinuing Mirtazapine. Strangely enough I also happen to personally know 3 people who got off this drug without any problem, but knowing my luck and track record - I doubt I’m one of those people. 😅 Not willing to take the chance rn. 

[Bestill]

@slowphieI have a functional doctor that I pay out of pocket.  In the 6 months of seeing her, she has gotten me off the couch and back to semi normal.  Unfortunately, she cannot prescribe me medication so I will have to go back to my regular doctor and talk about it.  At least I’m aggressive enough to ask for the support and have those expectations and not allow to be walked on.  But again, I’m not the one writing the prescription so when the times comes, I will have figure out a plan.  I have a few months.

 

ok ok.  I see the tapering.  This is my vision as we get lower, that we feel so much better that the lower doses make us feel fine and are side effects are gone and it’s just like taking a sugar pill.  I will this into the universe so that I create this positive energy to bring it into reality.  If that makes sense.

 

I’m thinking about cutting 5% tomorrow.  Do you find you feel good for a few days right after the cut?  It’s almost when I feel my best.

[slowphie]

@BestillThanks for explaining, that makes sense. 😊 I would like to see a functional medicine doctor eventually, too. Can’t really afford it atm though. 
 

If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t noticed that much from my tapering so far, and if I have, it’s pretty minor stuff. I just got my period recently, which was painful af, as per usual. However, I didn’t get it at all last month - so I take that as proof that my body is healing from the benzo damage. 
 

Good luck with your 5% cut! I think I’m just going to continue with 2.5% per week for now. So I’ll drop down to around 13.6mg tomorrow, looking forward to joining you in the single digits in a few months. 😅

[slowphie]

I had a window of about 3 hours last night, where my vision was as close to normal as it’s been for about three months. 🥲 Confused the hell out of me, but also gave me hope that this isn’t permanent or my new normal. Hope I get more windows like that. 😭

[Bestill]

@slowphiethat is awesome.  It is a glimpse of the wonderful things that will come.  I had a great taper this week and breathing was better!!

[slowphie]

@Bestillthat’s amazing!! I’m so happy for you. 😊 I ate chocolate last night and it made me itchy. Seems like I’m already having some kind of histamine rebound, which sucks. I guess it’s good for my overall health that I’ll be forced to cut out a lot of stuff. 

[Bestill]

@slowphie.  I get the chocolate.  Can’t do any myself.  I also don’t do refined sugar, corn, wheat, soy, dairy, nuts, some night shades.  I promise I still eat food and actually it really tastes amazing.  I just get sick of cooking all…the…time….yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend at a vegan place.  I had the easiest salad and some soup and it was bliss.  Something I can totally do at home but someone else made it for me and it just tasted so good!

[slowphie]

@BestillYour diet is SO healthy! That’s incredible. 😍 I’m trying to be a lot better with mine, but I’ve always had a massive sweet tooth and it’s not easy, but I’m definitely slowly doing better. 
 

I’m sure it must have been nice to enjoy some food with a friend without worrying about preparation or cleaning up. You deserve that. 😊 

[Gigi68]

@slowphieYou asked about my dry eyes on Bestill’s thread but thought I should answer on yours. My eyes produce very few tears so they are dry and often feel sore. When I do cry, they don’t sting. I have blurry vision occasionally but it doesn’t last long (maybe 30 min. at a time) and it isn’t too bad. It’s usually when I go outside after being inside for a long time. My eye dr. told me blurry vision is very common with all AD’s. Also, I wear glasses and just got a new pair that block blue light. Supposed to help with eye strain from looking at screens. I think it’s helping with that. My eyes don’t feel so tired at the end of the day. Hope yours improve soon!

[slowphie]

@Gigi68Thanks so much for elaborating. I’m glad your bluriness isn’t too bad. Mine is just as bad as ever, as I type this, sadly. I feel like I have some moments lately with a bit of improvement though, so hopefully I’m not stuck in this discouraging impaired vision land for too much longer. 🥲 It’s frustrating because it really tempts me to speed up my taper… alas, I don’t want to add extra problems.

[slowphie]

Well, my vision is horrible again today but I’m happy to report that I’ve had a lot more moments where it’s a lot better since around 90 days benzo free. I’m 112 days off lorazepam now, and definitely feel like I’m healing from benzo wirhdrawal - for me, my vision is clearly the thing that’s going to take the longest, even the tinnitus is almost gone. 
 

I’m in my 8th week tapering Mirtazapine atm, and at 12.3mg, I haven’t noticed much. If it continues this way for another 4-5 cuts, I’m going to start cutting 3% per week. 
 

Maybe this helps someone out there. 😊

[LotusRising]

@slowphie

 

Good to hear you're getting some decent windows with your vision!

 

As someone also tapering a benzo, it's reassuring to hear that things do in fact continue to improve. I've been having similar windows with my heart rate. It used to be 130's walking around back in December, but now it hovers around 100 most days and even normalizes to 70-80's at times.

 

Sounds like healing is happening for both of us  

[slowphie]

@MedRN I’m so happy to hear you’re having windows throughout your taper ☺️ my entire benzo rapid taper was pretty chaotic. Sounds like you’re definitely doing it in a more responsible manner.