slowphie: Hi, I am terrified

[Bestill]

Windows with the vision is very good signs.  I’m glad things are improving.  Little steps in the right direction!

[slowphie]

Was reading this https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/08/jim-van-os-peter-groot-assessing-antidepressant-withdrawal-methods-rcts-fall-short/ last night and it made me seriously begin to consider tapering strips. I just can’t fathom tapering for two years, therefore significantly increasing the length of time I’m taking this crap, after a few months of use. 
 

I’m going to see a doctor who has a tapering consultation, on Friday, and see what he thinks. 

[Bestill]

How are you doing?

[slowphie]

Hey @Bestill I’m thankfully doing okay so far, I’m actually not even sure if I’ve had noticeable withdrawal from tapering Mirtazapine so far. 
 

I’m spending way less times on all these forums and engaging with my life more, so I think that’s a good sign.  I hope you’re doing okay. I’ll hopefully finally be below 10mg in about 2-3 more weeks. 

[Bestill]

That’s good!!  Having a life is always a good sign.  Keep it up!  ❤️

[slowphie]

Just wanted to come here and update for anyone who reads this thread in the future. I read so many horrific stories during acute withdrawal that added endless anxiety to vicious circumstances. 
 

I’m extremely grateful to say that I’m doing a lot better than six months ago. In 9 days, I will be seven months off lorazepam and that will also mark five months of tapering Mirtazapine. At that point, I will be down to 8.05mg, and I expect to hit 7.5mg in approx two weeks.

 

I will soon move on to tapering 3.5% per week, after tolerating 3% cuts for 10 weeks. Thus far, I have no withdrawal pattern from my Mirtazapine taper. I only notice increase in physical anxiety symptoms when I’m about to ovulate and estrogen is dominating progesterone, I imagine this could be remnants from benzo withdrawal, as they mess with GABA-a receptors, and progesterone seems to interact with GABA. However, I’m so so grateful that I’m functioning. I socialize, exercise a lot, I have completed a few freelance jobs, I’m almost done with my new work website and will start applying for new jobs in the coming weeks. I have boarded a flight, been to two concerts and went to a theme park. I can handle and enjoy life again. My body has been through so much, but it seems to have a lot of resilience, and for the first time in my life, I am immensely proud of myself. 
 

I’ve talked to some members here who posted when they were in distress but disappeared once things began settling down. I promised myself I’d share updates when things were decent too. Whoever happens to read this in the future, whether it’s a day from now, or ten years - know that you will be okay. It might take a few weeks, it might take a few years, but you will be okay and the suffering will become a memory, just like all the others. 

[Knosretep]

Hi @slowphie

 

Thanks for coming back to share your improvements with the rest of us.  I think you're due for your sunshine icon on your thread.  🌞

[slowphie]

@Knosretep no problem! I'm down to 4.85mg now and still doing okay. This full body widespread intense muscle pain and extreme stiffness I had for 9.5 months miraculously stopped about 3 weeks ago. In 2 more months, I'll be a year off lorazepam and 10 months into tapering Mirtazapine. My birthday is next month and I'm hopeful it's going to be a lot nicer than the hellish one I had last year when I felt completely brain fried. 

[slowphie]

Just wanted to add another update. On the 10th of December I hit one year off lorazepam, and I’m grateful for the healing I have experienced in the last year. I know some people have an excruciatingly long journey to peace, so I’m extremely thankful to be where I’m at. 
 

I still get symptoms occasionally - like passing tinnitus and my vision still hasn’t fully normalised. I also don’t have my full tolerance to stress back and I can get fairly easily triggered by certain withdrawal related memories. I’m still working on myself and learning a lot. 
 

I started a new full time job 3 weeks ago too, which really feels like a miracle because I truly can’t overstate how disabled and immensely sick I was a year ago. I’m now down to 3.36mg of Mirtazapine and have yet to notice a Mirtazapine withdrawal pattern. At the moment, I expect that I have 49 weeks of tapering left. 
 

I hope I can post a true success story late 2024.  

[Hanna72]

Hallo @slowphie

Just loved reading your positive post. Thank you for sharing.

9 minutes ago, slowphie said:

10th of December I hit one year off lorazepam

This is huge and such a milestone. I am so happy for you. Well done👏

 

10 minutes ago, slowphie said:

I started a new full time job 3 weeks ago too

Congratulations, wow you should be so proud.

Thank you for this uplifting post, I am so happy for you.

Keep on thriving and let nothing stop you. You can and are succeeding👏👏👏
 

All my best to you🙏

[slowphie]

@Hanna72 Thank you so much ❤️ I looked for positive stories desperately when I was really sick, so I feel a responsibility to share the improvements. Everyone going through this needs hope. 

[slowphie]

Just adding another update for anyone following along. I'm still tapering, currently at 0.98mg; I am hoping I'll finally be off by the end of this year, provided nothing drastic happens with my fragile health. Unfortunately, following my first infection with COVID-19 in January 2023, I developed Long Covid and have yet to recover fully. I understand sharing these updates brings a lot of questions... I ask that people please don't DM me because I don't have time to respond to everyone. I share a lot of my story on IG, and I'd look there if you'd like more details. All the best to everyone going through this bs. ❤️