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Severe delusions?


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I can't stop feeling like I'm cursed. There are so many moments where I find myself in a corner, crying my eyes out and terrified of spiritual attacks or that someone is messing up my life. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not cursed and everything is okay, but my brain will not listen to me. 


Anyone else get this weird symptom? 

Riseridone (dose unknown) 2010 (no approximate end, short-term use), Aspergers. Tapered. Fluxoetine 10mg 13/14. Direct switch to -- Citalopram 2014/14. Quetiapine 2014/14. 1 week. (Cold turkey, advised by NHS). 

Risperidone, 20th March 2016, cold turkey April 10th, 2016 Zoloft, April, 2016, 25mg, increased to 50mg in May, increased to 100mg in late 2016, decreased to 50mg, September 2019(Accidentally)weaned myself off. Reinstated Zoloft 50mg for 3 days - March 23rd to 26th. Early 2021 (changed brand of Zoloft. Tapered down. Med free since 11th February. Waiting to see if any windows happen). Supplements (occasionally l theanine 300mg, trialing CBD) Took a small light dab of powder, barely a compound. Deciding to wait and see what happens afterwards, not wanting to reinstate now. 


Took a small dose of L-Theanine (under 20mg). Negative reaction included: sweating, mania, head pressure, head tingling, worse insomnia. Not touching anything ever again. 


Anhedonic since March 2020!

Using a THC free edible on the 5th June ruined everything. Insomnia, no appetite, numbness, DP/DR.


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This sounds like classic WD fare to me. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I know how unpleasant it can be to feel out of control, like we are at the mercy of our own brains. 


8 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not cursed and everything is okay


It's really good that you have this awareness! Keep up the good work. 


The monkey mind tries to sell us so much fake news -- don't buy into its tabloid stories. All that sensationalist BS is just dirty tricks to hijack your attention.

WD monkey mind thinks it's the most important thing in the world and the only authoritative source on everything. Don't believe the hype. That's not real, it's illusion.

Your inner wisdom knows YOU ARE NOT CURSED and EVERYTHING IS OKAY, and that is the voice to heed.  


You're doing a nice job with the positive self-talk. You might want to experiment with incorporating some proactive ways to distract yourself, such as:

- gentle physical activity (anything that can help get you "out of your head, into your body"; anything that feels grounding)

- physical chores and practical tasks, e.g. manual labor (gardening, yardwork, home maintenance/repairs; cleaning the house; building/making something with your hands, like crafts or woodwork; etc.)

- spending time in nature with your feet in the dirt/on the grass (earthing), breathing

- spending time with someone/people you trust and feel comfortable around

- spending time with animals (cats, dogs, horses, pets, etc.) -- try to relax into their presence and let them teach/heal you with their presence -- if you can touch and cuddle them that helps, too

- Accept - Acknowledge - Float (AAF)

- what are some of your tricks to ground yourself and distract from the monkey mind? 


I suggest you read and re-read these help topics, where much of these sorts of WD symptoms are described, along with suggestions for how to manage:


Dealing with emotional spirals

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

Withdrawal causing repetitive or intrusive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic?


Most of us in WD at one point or another run into neuro-fear, neuro-panic, neuro-paranoia, neuro-anxiety, etc. It's really unfun. 

The practice is to try not getting distressed about the distress, as that only makes things worse. 

And remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY. This too shall pass. Hang in there and you will get through. 


In solidarity and support,


1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house


I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 1 month later...
On 30.5.2022 at 14:00, 00ColdTurkey said:

Ich kann nicht aufhören, mich zu fühlen, als wäre ich verflucht. Es gibt so viele Momente, in denen ich mich in einer Ecke wiederfinde, mir die Augen ausheule und Angst vor spirituellen Angriffen habe oder dass jemand mein Leben durcheinander bringt. Ich versuche mir immer wieder einzureden, dass ich nicht verflucht bin und alles in Ordnung ist, aber mein Gehirn hört nicht auf mich. 


Hat noch jemand dieses komische Symptom? 

Hi, did this pass? Are you feeling better ?

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