Not being able to meditate

[peaceandlove]

I use to be able to meditate so easily. However once I took the pill, I delveloped the ocd & intrusive thoughts symptoms that can’t be controlled. So when I meditate I’m left alone with those thoughts & it causes me more anxiety unfortunately. Has anyone else experienced this?? It was curing my anxiety now I don’t know what to do to replace it 

[Ariel]

Hi @peaceandlove

There are a lot of help topics related to meditation, including difficulties with it. 

Doing a quick search on "meditation" turns up these results, have a look:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=meditation&quick=1&updated_after=any&sortby=relevancy&search_in=titles

[Ariel]

59 minutes ago, peaceandlove said:

I use to be able to meditate so easily. However once I took the pill, I delveloped the ocd & intrusive thoughts symptoms that can’t be controlled. So when I meditate I’m left alone with those thoughts & it causes me more anxiety unfortunately. Has anyone else experienced this?? It was curing my anxiety now I don’t know what to do to replace it 

 

Yes @peaceandlove I have experienced this. 

 

Prior to withdrawal (WD) I enjoyed a robust meditation practice developed over many years. It was a pillar of my day-to-day being in the world and felt very supportive. 

When WD sent my mind racing and clattering off the rails meditation became unbearable and ultimately impossible. It seemed to actively exacerbate symptoms. I had to let it go. 

 

Fortunately there are other things one can do. I have successfully experimented with various forms of moving meditation, e.g. walking, gentle yoga/qi gong-type movement, stretching, moving to music. It's possible to go about physical activities in a meditative way, what some people call "mindfulness". This is very helpful to me in WD.

 

Absolutely no multitasking! Instead practice being fully present with whole body in the moment, focused on whatever task is at hand. Washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the house, preparing food, walking outside, looking out the window, shopping for groceries -- anything and everything is an opportunity and an invitation to practice being present in one's body in the moment. All senses, all sensations welcome. This has become my WD meditation/mindfulness/presence practice. 

 

Most importantly, throughout this entire process of recovery, remember: It gets better! 

The difficulties you are experiencing now are temporary. You will heal. It takes time but you'll get there.

 

In the meantime, explore new ways of meditative being. Play around with it, see what works for you. 

 

For specific coping strategies to manage anxiety, you may also look at the help topic on non-drug coping techniques, as well as the one below.

 

 

[peaceandlove]

34 minutes ago, Ariel said:

 

Yes @peaceandlove I have experienced this. 

 

Prior to withdrawal (WD) I enjoyed a robust meditation practice developed over many years. It was a pillar of my day-to-day being in the world and felt very supportive. 

When WD sent my mind racing and clattering off the rails meditation became unbearable and ultimately impossible. It seemed to actively exacerbate symptoms. I had to let it go. 

 

Fortunately there are other things one can do. I have successfully experimented with various forms of moving meditation, e.g. walking, gentle yoga/qi gong-type movement, stretching, moving to music. It's possible to go about physical activities in a meditative way, what some people call "mindfulness". This is very helpful to me in WD.

 

Absolutely no multitasking! Instead practice being fully present with whole body in the moment, focused on whatever task is at hand. Washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the house, preparing food, walking outside, looking out the window, shopping for groceries -- anything and everything is an opportunity and an invitation to practice being present in one's body in the moment. All senses, all sensations welcome. This has become my WD meditation/mindfulness/presence practice. 

 

Most importantly, throughout this entire process of recovery, remember: It gets better! 

The difficulties you are experiencing now are temporary. You will heal. It takes time but you'll get there.

 

In the meantime, explore new ways of meditative being. Play around with it, see what works for you. 

 

For specific coping strategies to manage anxiety, you may also look at the help topic on non-drug coping techniques, as well as the one below.

 

 

Thank you so much. I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this way. It’s really unfortunate because meditation is the best tool I’ve tried to rewire my brain. I will try your advice. Hopefully In a few months I can try again 

[Ariel]

@peaceandlove

I was just revisiting this help topic and thought it might be relevant to share:

 

 

[peaceandlove]

5 hours ago, Ariel said:

@peaceandlove

I was just revisiting this help topic and thought it might be relevant to share:

 

 

Thank you!! Are you able to meditate now? Or is your brain still too hypersensitive 

[Ariel]

@peaceandlove

 

2 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

Are you able to meditate now? Or is your brain still too hypersensitive 

 

Well as I said I meditate differently now. I do consider it meditation, it just looks different from the outside than how it used to.

 

Back before WD meditation practice involved some version of sitting on a cushion in stillness, or lying on my back in stillness, silent with my inner landscape. 

I usually did this in the mornings for 30-45 minutes and it was consistently delicious, more or less. 

 

I can't do that anymore the way I used to. Certainly WD mornings the last thing I want to do is be still with my thoughts! Morning cortisol spikes get my mind racing and my nervous system overactivated, and any attempts at stillness meditation are extremely unpleasant and practically impossible. Sometimes mornings are okay for gentle movement practice, such as yoga or walking. Sometimes I just white-knuckle it through the mornings and distract distract distract until my system calms down. 

 

Meditative activity generally flows better later in the day when my symptoms aren't as intense. 

Also sometimes if I start off with meditative movement practice first, e.g. a gentle yoga session, at the end of it I can ease into 10-15 minutes of stillness on my cushion or lying on my mat. It's as though the movement session prior centers me sufficiently to better handle the stillness afterwards. This doesn't always work but the past few months it's been getting better. The past few weeks I've been able to stay on my cushion/mat for up to 20 minutes post-yoga session. That's big progress compared to how it used to be. 

 

It's a process. It's not like we wake up one morning and everything's back to normal. As healing happens we co-create our new normal in parallel. The future reality of our brains and bodies is for us to discover and explore as we heal. It's an enriching, rewarding neurogenesis feedback loop. 

[Ariel]

@peaceandlove

Also, shorter guided meditations are sometimes okay. It really depends on the day and the speaker/guide. Has to be the right voice and cadence. I can handle maybe 5-10 minutes on average, but again, sometimes I can't. I just play around with it and practice non-attachment to outcome. Whatever works!

[peaceandlove]

10 hours ago, Ariel said:

@peaceandlove

 

 

Well as I said I meditate differently now. I do consider it meditation, it just looks different from the outside than how it used to.

 

Back before WD meditation practice involved some version of sitting on a cushion in stillness, or lying on my back in stillness, silent with my inner landscape. 

I usually did this in the mornings for 30-45 minutes and it was consistently delicious, more or less. 

 

I can't do that anymore the way I used to. Certainly WD mornings the last thing I want to do is be still with my thoughts! Morning cortisol spikes get my mind racing and my nervous system overactivated, and any attempts at stillness meditation are extremely unpleasant and practically impossible. Sometimes mornings are okay for gentle movement practice, such as yoga or walking. Sometimes I just white-knuckle it through the mornings and distract distract distract until my system calms down. 

 

Meditative activity generally flows better later in the day when my symptoms aren't as intense. 

Also sometimes if I start off with meditative movement practice first, e.g. a gentle yoga session, at the end of it I can ease into 10-15 minutes of stillness on my cushion or lying on my mat. It's as though the movement session prior centers me sufficiently to better handle the stillness afterwards. This doesn't always work but the past few months it's been getting better. The past few weeks I've been able to stay on my cushion/mat for up to 20 minutes post-yoga session. That's big progress compared to how it used to be. 

 

It's a process. It's not like we wake up one morning and everything's back to normal. As healing happens we co-create our new normal in parallel. The future reality of our brains and bodies is for us to discover and explore as we heal. It's an enriching, rewarding neurogenesis feedback loop. 

Yeah very hard to do with this over stimulated sensitive nervous system. I can’t even watch certain tv shows anymore & definitely not the news. But Cool, I’m glad you’ve been able to do yoga lately. I enjoy it as well. I try to do it everyday. Thanks, you have been very helpful 

[Ariel]

@peaceandlove

 

10 minutes ago, peaceandlove said:

I can’t even watch certain tv shows anymore & definitely not the news.

 

This is very common in WD. I was the same way for a long time! I still don't watch the news, but I didn't really do that before WD either (most "news" is just a stupid, manipulative, fear-mongering, commercially driven waste of time -- I call it emotion-porn -- my 2 cents, haha!). Now I can pretty much watch what I please as far as nervous system stuff goes, although my mind still wanders a lot and on worse days it feels near impossible to pay attention properly or follow a plot. Sometimes I put the closed captioning on and that helps me stay with it. 

Anyway, it gets better! 

It's great that you're able to do yoga.

Hang in there <3

[peaceandlove]

12 minutes ago, Ariel said:

@peaceandlove

 

 

This is very common in WD. I was the same way for a long time! I still don't watch the news, but I didn't really do that before WD either (most "news" is just a stupid, manipulative, fear-mongering, commercially driven waste of time -- I call it emotion-porn -- my 2 cents, haha!). Now I can pretty much watch what I please as far as nervous system stuff goes, although my mind still wanders a lot and on worse days it feels near impossible to pay attention properly or follow a plot. Sometimes I put the closed captioning on and that helps me stay with it. 

Anyway, it gets better! 

It's great that you're able to do yoga.

Hang in there <3

 

Lol yes I’ve disliked the news since I was a kid honestly I thought it was weird to watch bad things happening to people. But I always overhear my parents watching it no problem.. but now I have to leave the room immediately. Glad your able to watch more stuff. Thanks I am!

[peaceandlove]

On 5/30/2022 at 9:03 PM, Ariel said:

Hi @peaceandlove

There are a lot of help topics related to meditation, including difficulties with it. 

Doing a quick search on "meditation" turns up these results, have a look:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=meditation&quick=1&updated_after=any&sortby=relevancy&search_in=titles

Would you suggest cold showers to help with recovery? I saw you talking about it

 

Or would it be too much for nervous system 

[arielS]

Same here, I cannot do meditation ot just try to imagine anything I feel ly head trapped in anything.. But all I can do is slow breathing.. 

[Darklight]

Hi there, yes I also used to meditate regularly and found it a huge help to my outlook when on all the drugs. Since month 4 of withdrawal I've found I can rarely meditate as ruminating thoughts have been very full on. If I try it I can get very upset about how difficult it is and how busy my mind is. 

 

As Ariel has described I use bringing myself back to the present moment in every activity in my life. Whatever I'm doing, and if I can remember to notice, I check in, to observe if I'm talking to myself and creating a constant narrative as much as possible. I name what I've observed my mind to be doing "thinking, catastrophising, pre-empting, re-examining" etc and then say 'Let go, let go, let go' three times and enter the space between me and my mind again. Its helped me realise how my mind really is a law unto itself and gets very carried away, it needs constant vigilance and very gentle tapping back into the peace of the space that is us which exists between our mind and our body. 

 

I can do the odd guided meditation sometimes. I listen to a lot of dharma talks which can be very calming and of course hugely helpful. Tara Brach is particularly good on Youtube, I also listen to talks given by Ajahn Brahm from the Buddhist Society of Western Australia. He's quite irreverent and brings needed lightness to circumstances when I feel really bogged down by my symptoms and how much my life has come to a complete standstill from coming off the medication. 

 

It seems that at the moment, while the nerves are so raw I need a guide to hold me in my practise. 

 

I do some visualisations as well around imagining a healing golden syrupy liquid pulsing and coming in waves over parts of me that I associate with the symptoms I'm experiencing. So I might imagine a swirling flush of this healing heavenly liquid entirely circling and caressing my Hyperthalamus because I experience a lot of temperature symptoms. Or it coating and filling my feet, swishing up and around my spine and flushing my brain where I get a lot of burning still. I try to imagine where these organs are, like the amygdala having looking up on anatomy charts and then apply my visualisations. I can do this while walking my dog if I'm very anxious and then constantly think about it travelling in rich, waves throughout my body as I move. 

 

I'm in one year from being completely drug free and am noticing that my mental symptoms which were awful since March to July this year, seem to be less invasive. I experienced pretty overwhelming anhedonia and depersonalisation, derealisation at that stage and it triggered very powerful suicidal ideation. I don't know if these symptoms are now dealt with and whether they'll come back, but am hoping I'm getting closer to being able to do the 20 - 40 min meditations I used to be able to do self-directed again soon.

 

When the suicidal thoughts and anxiety were at their worst I spent hours lying in bed at night or on the floor or sofa in the day just repeatedly bringing my wandering monkey mind back to the present moment, to what was in the room, or to sounds or to a phrase as simple as 'I'm OK', 'Come back to the space', 'This will pass' or to sending myself whatever I was feeling love. Saying I love you and putting my hand on my heart and other on my belly which can feel very comforting. It was a horrendous experience but this kept me from acting on some very awful thoughts about ending my life.