unblocktheplanet

[JanCarol]

Hey UnblockthePlanet - 

 

1 hour ago, unblocktheplanet said:

By ‘bad’, I mean symptomatic, both physical & mental. Full-time deeply depressed; anxiety nearly to panic; inner agitation; inability to make even the smallest decisions; forgetful; confused; constant worries; complete social withdrawal; total lack of appetite & thirst w much weight loss (54 lbs since August 2019)—can’t cook; dizzy, disoriented, weak; frequent night wakings 1-2-3am, no more sleep; fatigued to exhaustion; heart palpitations; tingling & numbness in back of right hand; left eyelid twitch. 

 

I immediately cannot handle content: music, video, this time even books & Internet reading. Everything seems like a trigger making me feel worse. Complete lack of energy & confidence, no motivation, interest. Demoralised. (There are more!) I really bottom out.

 

 

So far, what you are describing, sadly, sounds like "normal" withdrawal.  Your version of it, at least.

The long waves, the long windows - may be a factor of age, or your particular body, or the history leading up to this point, accompanied by your current drug regime.

Please don't worry about labelling it.  I know docs love their labels (but it's not "God" spelled backwards!  Love it!), so I encourage you to get artistic with it.  Explore the textures, colours and sounds (even if dimmed and muted for your nervous system), the feelings that well up.  Labelling it is not nearly as helpful as describing it.  The best way out is through!

Many people here had months of bedrest in dark room.  Others couldn't eat well for months (there's the now near-mythical story of the months that Alto ate buttered croissants - because that's what she could eat).  Your weight loss is concerning, and likely the first thing you need to address.  Even if it's the same thing for the next few months - find something (like Alto's croissants) that you can eat, and eat as much as you can!  For me it was smoothies - they were high carb, lots of antioxidants, with pea protein powder - sweet and yummy, and I could manage some nutrition that way (green powders, ginger, turmeric, beet powder, etc).  (Icy cold smoothies would suit your hot, tropical climate).

 

So - as far as tapering, you are in a long hold, until you achieve some stabilisation?

I hope you see the Sun(set) today!

 

[unblocktheplanet]

Thanks, Jan. Trazodone was next up for tapering. I started Trazodone for sleeplessness not depression. Not sleeping is a really scary place for me. So I won't start its taper until I feel stable.

 

Winging it here... One becomes so grateful for a window. That's when one has the presence of mind to start a taper. However, no matter how motivated, one becomes afraid of slamming that window shut & being back in the dark place one left, seemingly just moments before.

 

The other Fear, of course, is that this wave will never end, that it's not really a wave aso. So one applies those psych labels. Yes, they're useless but...what if. This crash is soooo long!

 

Yes, getting my nutrition up is first priority. I notice how different foods amp me up. Of course, it's never regular so just cutting them out is not a great option. And I have to watch my blood sugars. Don't want to get diabetic.

 

Very sweets-averse in my anorexia. But I'm trying for frequent small meals.

 

I can hope for a sunset!