Doctorsrcrap: can't cry and frustrated

[Doctorsrcrap]

Thst is music to my ears and I would kiss you if you were here. 

It's disheartening because the reason i came off them hasnt gone anyway or infact feels worse. 

I know im probably a pain with all my questions and ramblings but it's a very lonely experience 

[Altostrata]

We often see here that people have emotional blunting from taking antidepressants, which becomes more pronounced when they go off. We see this very gradually goes away. Hang in there.

[Doctorsrcrap]

Thanks. It's like there is a pressure that needs to be released but it's stuck. Veey annoying 

Thanks for the support 

[Altostrata]

Are you getting regular gentle exercise? At least a half-hour walk each day?

[NardilTime]

Hi @Doctorsrcrap-

i also took venlafaxine and for a lot longer period of time. I experienced what you are experiencing and it has gotten a LOT better. I’ve been off a year. Hang in there and I’m confident you will improve just as I have. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Thank you. 

It started before the venlafaxine but i guess they all cause the same sort of thing 

[Doctorsrcrap]

This might sound a stupid question but what does withdrawal depression look like? Different from regular 'depression?'

[ChessieCat]

Is it withdrawal or relapse?  Or something else?

How do I know it's withdrawal and not relapse?

[Doctorsrcrap]

Well i was never depressed before the medication was introduced only after 

[ChessieCat]

24 minutes ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Well i was never depressed before the medication was introduced only after 

 

Well then it's either a side effect of the drug or withdrawal.

[Doctorsrcrap]

Is jaw pressure a popular complaint? Or tension in the throat?

[ChessieCat]

There are many existing topics on SA.

 

Before asking about a symptom, please go to the Symptoms and Self Care forum and do a search yourself.

 

There are topics about both of these symptoms.  Do separate searches.  Go to the Symptoms and Self Care forum and search for throat and then do a search for jaw.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I do search for them but i can never find anything.  Maybe im just thick 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I wish i could coherently explain my problems but i feel like i cant get it across properly. And I struggle to find other stories on here similar to mine. I feel like most people got relief from thier problems on the medication whereas I didn't. Which leaves me so confused. 

 

All the while on citalapram I wouldn't say I had a problem with it I would just say it didn't really do the job but didn't make it worse. The only time I noticed a worsening was when they upped the dosage and I became depressed not just anxious so we dropped it. 

It was only when i started sertraline I started to feel like i was in emotional turmoil inside but couldn't let it out. It made me want to scream. This is why i came off sertraline but when i did the anxiety got worse and I became ridiculously depressed which I realise now was probably withdrawal and probably should have stuck it out but i had no idea. 

Then the drugs just kept getting changed but the internal turmoil never went away and it's still here now. 

 

It's horrible like I'm full of negative emotions stuck in my chest and throat and I cant release it. I know some people say it's emotional blunting but is thst whst emotional blunting feels like? 

 

I stopped the tablets because I wanted relief from this feeling but thst hasnt happened. 

 

I feel so confused. 

 

Sorry for moaning I just feel like i need to explain it. Because if its not caused by the drugs then what is it because I've done near enough all the therapies there are. 

 

Guess i need to know its normal. A few weeks ago I felt terrible but managed to be positive. Thst positivity has gone

[FindRest]

What you are describing is very common here. From the ADs never working in the first place, to coming off one too rapidly only to have all subsequent attempts with different ADs fail with increasing symptoms, to ending up where you are today with terrible withdrawal symptoms.  
 

It wouldn’t take long reading through some of the threads here to realize that you are not alone. When we are in the thick of it, it can feel like we are going through something far different than others, then get scared that maybe we are an extreme case and may not survive the road ahead. The good news is that many with similar symptoms/experiences have made it through and are living good lives now. The bad news is that it generally takes a lot of time, suffering, and patience to get to that point.

 

You are still within the window to reinstate a small dose. I know you’ve said you don’t want to do that. I respect your choice, as it’s a very personal and scary decision. It made a huge difference for me when I began taking a small dose of Effexor again.

 

If you are not going to reinstate, then I believe it’s imperative that you read the forums here and arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can. Once you understand why certain WD symptoms are happening, the anxiety is bound to lessen. Then, learning new coping skills that have helped many others get through those same symptoms, will empower you with skills to get through it.

 

Unfortunately, what you are going through is normal when it comes to withdrawals.

 

Edited October 6, 2022 by FindRest

[Doctorsrcrap]

Update.

Have been taking magnesium in water for just over a week. Started at 25mg and have gradually upped to 100mg. 

I sip throughout the day. 

Haven't noticed any help. 

 

Think I'm starting to feel more and more upset. Hoping in the grand scheme of things that will be a positive. 

 

Starting to feel paranoid. Don't know what's thats about. 

 

Not been having the greatest week anyway. 

 

Anyway it just sometimes helps to write or type things down. 

[NardilTime]

I’ve had lots of paranoia. Withdrawal is horrible. I truly believe that the only thing that will heal us is time. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

It's really wierd because I'm not normally like that. 

 

You were very quick at responding. Was you just ready and waiting for me to moan 😂

[Doctorsrcrap]

3 months today since I stopped. 

 

Current problems;

Emotional turmoil

Mini crying spells (very mini)

Very nauseas 

[ChessieCat]

I've moved your new topic to an existing topic.  There are many existing topics on SA.  Please do a search to see if one already exists before creating a new topic.  Thank you.

 

why-and-when-did-you-decide-to-come-off-drugs

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Oh right. I find this site complicated

[Doctorsrcrap]

Is it normal to feel sick because you can't get your emotions out. It always feels like my emotions are stuck and it makes me feel so sick. Feels like my chest and throat are becoming more restricted too

[ChessieCat]

It's important to learn and use non drug coping techniques to calm yourself otherwise you can end up causing more symptoms (because you get scared of the sensations and add fear and anxiety) and possibly even a panic attack.

[Doctorsrcrap]

Believe me I've done near enough every technique there is. 

[ChessieCat]

It takes practice and it can be hard.  And it's not that one thing will work every time.  And sometimes you just have to say okay I know what this is and I just need to get through it moment by moment until things improve.  Finding things to distract you from focusing on it can be helpful.

 

Nobody can do this for you, you have to try different and learn different things.  And you also need to have the attitude that it might help, not think to yourself it probably won't help.  If you do something thinking that it won't help, then it probably won't.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I think its because I did all that stuff for the last 2 years whilst taking the meds and it didn't help with any of it that I've become disheartened. 

[ChessieCat]

It is important to learn to accept things.  One thing that someone said to me many years ago when I was talking about regrets that I had was that I did what I did with the knowledge I had at the time.  It didn't change the fact about those things but I did help me to put things into perspective.  Over the years I have had to deal with various things from my past but they will still come up every now and then and I just try to remind myself that I have already dealt with them as best I can and that I need to not allow them to keep affecting me now.

 

And I find that it helps to try to find things that I am thankful for, even if they are only small things.

 

Something that I have noticed over the last few years (as my emotions returned as my dose got lower) is that when I'm not coping very well, for example I'm tired or a bit stressed over something, is that my thoughts about everything are become more negative.  And I'm starting to recognise it more/earlier now which helps me to manage it better than I had been.

 

I learned a lot of non drug coping skills during my taper and many of them have been very helpful for other areas of life.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I just dont know how to deal with being this emotionally messed up for so long with no breaks. 

I dont know how to thibk positive when i don't get any respite to fill me with hope. 

Half the time I'm worrying its not the medication and I'm just a messed up person. 

 

[ChessieCat]

It's not about thinking positive.  But it does take effort and only you can do it.  It's like going out for a walk or an outing, it can take a lot of effort to get ready and put on the shoes and get out the door but once you get outside you realise that you enjoy it and it was worthwhile.

 

I realise it can be difficult when you feel so low; I've been there myself so I do understand.  Set an alarm on your phone for several times during the day and go outside and look at things around you, notice the breeze, the noises, the warmth or the chill, or if you can't get outside go to the window and look at the sky and see if there are clouds or if the wind is blowing the trees.  If you have a camera take a photo of some interesting things.  It doesn't have to be anything exciting but just look around and see what you can find.  A leaf, a plant, an interesting part of a piece of furniture or brickwork.  Bark on a tree.

 

I know that it might sound stupid suggesting to do these things but it can help to get you from focusing inwards to focusing outwards.

 

And then post about it here.  Sharing it will give you a reason for doing it.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I did so much to keep my mind busy whilst waiting for the drugs to work (waste of time).

I taught myself to draw and I even wrote a novel but i still feel so crap. 

I used to walk for hours too. 

I guess the trying so hard whilst waiting for tablets to work has made it harder to try and accept the situation now. 

I just want to be happy and enjoy life 

I wanted to get a puppy but feel like I'm too sick to do that 

 

[ChessieCat]

You are probably feeling battle weary and this is understandable.  Sometimes when we can put a name to something it can make it easier to understand and cope with.

 

Sometimes I would (and even now) get to the point where I have to make the decision between am I going to give up trying or am I going to continue trying my hardest to get through it.  Sometimes the "trying" just means doing the minimal amount to get through the day.  I've had times where I would get up and wish it was bedtime and then when it got to bedtime I would wish it was morning  For many months I would go for 3 days in a row and not have a shower.  All I was doing was surviving.  But gradually things improved.

 

I suggest to members that they compare how they feel now with how they felt at their worst, not how they felt at their best or how they want to feel.  The same goes for situational things.  All we can do is the best with what we have or what we can do at this time. 

 

You might consider doing a CBT course online or seeing a counsellor to teach you this.  I've renamed it to "change bad thinking".

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbt.htm

 

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I've done cbt. Emdr. ACT. All sorts. None of it helped.

But i guess if the tablets were messing me out the therapy wasn't going to work was it 

[ChessieCat]

Then try some relaxing and calming exercises.  It's all part and parcel of recovering.  I refer you back to this post where I gave you some information and links.  The worst thing you can do is give up.  If you give up then everything that you have gone through up until now will be for nothing; a waste of time.  You can come out of the other end of this, but it takes some effort, continually practising/learning/using and time.  I came out stronger than I was and wish that I had learned the non drug coping skills when I was in my teens/20s.

 

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Well i can definatly see that my symptoms are changing. 

The tablets were certainly suppressing my emotions which was stressing me out because crying spells are becoming more frequent now and the anxiety is through the roof. 

I just hope its withdrawal and not my underlying condition. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Ok so...

The blockage stopping my emotions seems to have gone on the most part but now I'm swamped with horrible anxiety and panic. 

In everyones opinion would this be original problem returning or still withdrawal? 

 

Also has anyone ever found that therapy wasn't effective whilst on ADs? 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I would like to know how people can distinguish between thier old anxiety problems and withdrawal anxiety.

How coukd you tell the difference? What's does it mean when someone says it feels chemical?