Hi, I'm Halsyon (and this is my journey to a life without SSRIs)

[getofflex]

Even though it may be because you are taking time off work, it is a very good sign that your mood has improved so significantly.  This means your nervous system is stabilizing.  

3 hours ago, Halsyon said:

I will stay on 6.5 mg for the time being, and pay close attention to how I feel when I return to work.

This sounds like a good and prudent plan.  Be sure and give yourself plenty of time before you do another reduction.  It will make things easier for you in the future.  

[Halsyon]

It has been two months since my last reduction and I am currently not doing well and am tempted to go back to my full dose. However, I'm tired of seemingly making progress with tapering and then having to start over again. I was warned to slow down and I did, but there is a good chance tapering too quickly plus the changes I made in dosage last year has caused my brain to still be majorly trying to cope.

 

A complicating factor for me is work. It's a lot to explain, but it definitely makes trying to be mentally well a lot harder (let's just say I work in a caring profession that can be extremely toxic, and I've realized it isn't a good fit for my personality). I haven't done very well at my job this year - I wouldn't say terrible, but not great either and underperformed in several ways.

 

Recently I almost decided to re-home my pets and move back in with family so I could study something else and switch careers. I love my pets but I couldn't take them with me (I won't go into why unless someone really wants to know). The grief at the thought of giving them up was too much to bear, I was waking up in the middle of the night with sadness and anxiety in anticipation of the person interested in taking them coming to meet them. I tried to rationalize it away and convince myself I wasn't that sad, they're "just pets". It was overwhelming and I changed my mind about moving out and leaving my career.
 

I instantly felt relief that I could keep my pets, but I've job hopped a lot and am terrified I won't find another job for next year (may be let go from this one). I'm terrified I'll be unemployed and then eventually homeless and will lose my pets anyway. 
 

I have a ton of anxiety, catastrophic thinking, low mood, tearful, and just feel very dark/negative/disturbed and ruminating a lot. I'm going to try to be proactive looking for a job, forcing myself to at least go to the gym and walk on the treadmill, and do the best I can at my job despite my failings this year. 
 

I don't want to take my full dose again but I do feel quite depressed and miserably anxious and wonder how long I should hold out? Definitely not making any more dose cuts of course (that would just be foolishly working against myself right now). 

[Mamgu]

Hi Halsyon, fellow Citalopram warrior here!  I hope you don't mind me jumping in with my two-penneth?

 

I relate to your updates, I have had/am having similar thoughts, worries and fears.  This time last year I was in a right state due to work pressures and perceived threats to the point I was thinking I'll end up jobless and homeless, me and my dog on the streets; talk about catastrophising eh!  Anyway, I linked up with a great CBT counsellor who helped me find different perspectives and it really settled my over-thinking.  Thought I'd mention it as you may like to consider looking into it, if you haven't already?

 

It sounds as though finding another job would help a lot, though the process can be challenging, what with writing CVs, applying for vacancies, interviewing, making decisions BUT, perhaps engaging with this might help you feel you're taking a bit of control?  Even if you don't find a new job right away, you'll be making some positive decisions and actions which will have a positive knock-on effect with your taper.  I also think it's all good experience, even if you don't find the right job straight away, getting more interviews under your belt improves the confidence (can you tell I work in HR 😆).

Talking of tapering, I'm a bit further down that road than yourself and I would strongly echo what others have said, and you yourself have said, take things slow.  It's tedious, it's frustrating and it's disappointing but a slow taper strategy will get you the results you're after.  I can't advise on increasing your current dose if you think it would help, I'll have to leave that to the experts here.  You might find some relief by taking magnesium and omega 3 supplements.

 

I hope things settle for you soon.

Mamgu

 

P.S. They are never 'just pets' they are family and the fact you reacted so strongly at the thought of not having them shows how much they mean to you 🙂

 

[Erimus]

7 hours ago, Halsyon said:

It has been two months since my last reduction and I am currently not doing well and am tempted to go back to my full dose. However, I'm tired of seemingly making progress with tapering and then having to start over again. I was warned to slow down and I did, but there is a good chance tapering too quickly plus the changes I made in dosage last year has caused my brain to still be majorly trying to cope.

 

A complicating factor for me is work. It's a lot to explain, but it definitely makes trying to be mentally well a lot harder (let's just say I work in a caring profession that can be extremely toxic, and I've realized it isn't a good fit for my personality). I haven't done very well at my job this year - I wouldn't say terrible, but not great either and underperformed in several ways.

 

Recently I almost decided to re-home my pets and move back in with family so I could study something else and switch careers. I love my pets but I couldn't take them with me (I won't go into why unless someone really wants to know). The grief at the thought of giving them up was too much to bear, I was waking up in the middle of the night with sadness and anxiety in anticipation of the person interested in taking them coming to meet them. I tried to rationalize it away and convince myself I wasn't that sad, they're "just pets". It was overwhelming and I changed my mind about moving out and leaving my career.
 

I instantly felt relief that I could keep my pets, but I've job hopped a lot and am terrified I won't find another job for next year (may be let go from this one). I'm terrified I'll be unemployed and then eventually homeless and will lose my pets anyway. 
 

I have a ton of anxiety, catastrophic thinking, low mood, tearful, and just feel very dark/negative/disturbed and ruminating a lot. I'm going to try to be proactive looking for a job, forcing myself to at least go to the gym and walk on the treadmill, and do the best I can at my job despite my failings this year. 
 

I don't want to take my full dose again but I do feel quite depressed and miserably anxious and wonder how long I should hold out? Definitely not making any more dose cuts of course (that would just be foolishly working against myself right now). 

You need stability in other areas of your life before you try tapering. Obviously none of us are free from stress but you have to scale back your life in order to manage withdrawal.

[Halsyon]

2 hours ago, Erimus said:

You need stability in other areas of your life before you try tapering. Obviously none of us are free from stress but you have to scale back your life in order to manage withdrawal.

Fair 🙁 I haven't had stability in a long time. Actually can't remember the last time I was truly stable, if ever (definitely part of the story of why I ended up on SSRIs in the first place). 
 

I've already cut down on my dose to this point - would it be best to remain here for a while in your opinion rather than go back to full reinstatement?

[Erimus]

50 minutes ago, Halsyon said:

Fair 🙁 I haven't had stability in a long time. Actually can't remember the last time I was truly stable, if ever (definitely part of the story of why I ended up on SSRIs in the first place). 
 

I've already cut down on my dose to this point - would it be best to remain here for a while in your opinion rather than go back to full reinstatement?

I would suggest staying on your current dose, and working on improving your situation outside of the medication.