Tale: My story

[Tale]

Hello everyone.

 

First of all, I would like to thank you for creating this website. I don’t know where I would be without it. I have learned a lot of information in here about antidepressants and the importance of tapering.

 

I started sertraline in September 2018 due to depression and anxiety. My doctor never told me about any side effects or when I should stop the treatment. It was fine until I started noticing my motivation and my emotions were going away. I had more symptoms, but at the time I didn’t connect the dots. I suspect my IBS and my need to sleep 12 hours a day were part of it. After 4 years my mom suggested me to stop antidepressants since she thought I was doing fine and she read that they probably were not good to take for that long. At the beginning I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed. My doctor gave me instructions on how to stop. She told me to alternate days which now I know is very bad advice. I had no symptoms until I started alternating half a tablet and no tablet. Then I started having horrible symptoms. I thought I was going insane.

 

I started going to a psychologist who told me she couldn’t help me unless I took drugs. It disgusts me now that she said something like that. She recommended a psychiatrist. In the first visit she convinced me to start 10 mg escitalopram. I remember I started having full body pain for the first time in my life. The psychiatrist told me that it was not possible for these drugs to cause that. Now I know she had no idea what she was talking about. The pain went away in a couple of weeks. I was still having no motivation and almost no emotions. The psychiatrist decided I needed 20 mg escitalopram for some reason. That made things worse. She decided I should try bupropion and stop escitalopram in like two weeks which concerned me. I asked her if that wasn’t a bit too fast. She said it was fine (lol). It was horrible. I thought I was going completely insane. I talked to her and I reinstated to 5 mg. But I was still taking bupropion which was making my heart go very fast. My gut told me I would have a problem if I continued taking bupropion when I tried to come off. So I decided to stop bupropion cold turkey after taking it only for 2 weeks. I think that was the best decision of my life because I saved myself from becoming dependant on it. I explained to my psychiatrist I was tired of this and that I wanted to come off escitalopram. She told me to reduce 1 mg every month.

 

When I reached the 2 mg point I discovered this website through reddit. Everything started making sense. I decided to stop seeing my psychiatrist after she made me feel like I was a “bad patient” and that the problems I had were all my fault and not hers. But I still had a problem. I didn’t know how to go from 2 mg to 1.8 mg because my liquid is 20 mg/ml. So I made the mistake of going to 1 mg and that was quite bad. Going from 3 mg to 2 mg was already bad, but this time it was worse. I decided I won’t reinstate ever again unless my situation becomes very bad. So I held there until I got better. Then I learned how to make my liquid less concentrated and use syringes to taper by 10%. I started tapering again, but I went too fast because I am very impatient. I am going slower now. Maybe a bit faster than suggested in this forum, but I’m learning to listen to my body and hold more if necessary.

 

The worst symptoms I get when I go too fast are very bad misophonia, thinking everyone wants to hurt me, wanting to die, irritability, full body pain, unable to sleep at a normal time, headaches and digestion problems. Right now I’m doing fine, but I’ll try to keep you informed. My intention is to keep this as a journal of my progress and help others that have a similar story. Again, thank you for everything!

[Emonda]

Welcome to S.A. @Tale,

 

I'm glad you found the site and have learned so much. I'm sorry to hear about your past experience with various doctors and psychologists - it's all too common, unfortunately. You've done really well to get as low as you have.

 

Thanks for completing your drug signature.

 

I'm sure you've seen this, but I'll add the link just in case:

 

 

8 hours ago, Tale said:

I went too fast because I am very impatient. I am going slower now. Maybe a bit faster than suggested in this forum

 

It's good that you can recognise you have previously gone too fast with your taper. You mentioned you are still progressing a bit faster than suggested here. I'd encourage you to slow down to no more than the maximum of 10% per month. People find it more challenging to taper at lower doses. Once you destabilise yourself, it can take quite a while to recover.

 

8 hours ago, Tale said:

Right now I’m doing fine

 

Good news - go slow and keep it this way.

 

8 hours ago, Tale said:

My intention is to keep this as a journal of my progress and help others that have a similar story.

 

Great attitude to help others. I know I benefited greatly from reading about the experience of others tapering from ADs.

 

I look forward to reading your updates.

 

Emonda

 

[Tale]

Thank you, Emonda!

 

It is very reassuring to know I'm not alone in this journey and that a lot of people are in a similar situation. I will try to be more patient. Yesterday I had a bit of a stressful day and today I'm already feeling a bit worse. I think I will try to hold one more week for a total of 5 weeks since my last reduction and then do another 10% if I feel better.

[Emonda]

On 10/8/2023 at 10:45 PM, Tale said:

I think I will try to hold one more week for a total of 5 weeks since my last reduction and then do another 10% if I feel better.

 

Take your time...there's no rush 👍

 

Time and patience are your friends in this process.

[Annie123]

Welcome Tale! I am new here too. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry your psychologist said that to you. I am a psychologist myself and psychological therapy is first line treatment for anxiety and depression before an antidepressant. They should have known that. I am so sorry 😞 

 

[Tale]

3 hours ago, Annie123 said:

Welcome Tale! I am new here too. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry your psychologist said that to you. I am a psychologist myself and psychological therapy is first line treatment for anxiety and depression before an antidepressant. They should have known that. I am so sorry 😞 

 

Thank you Annie! Fortunately I stopped seeing her and now I have another psychologist that has a lot of empathy and we connect a lot more. I see you have had quite the journey with psychiatric drugs. I hope everything goes well for you!

[Annie123]

@TaleSo glad you were able to find someone you can connect with and I hope it will be a helpful journey for you 😊

 

Yes, quite the journey, and one I have never really wanted to be on. 

[Tale]

Hi. After all I got a bit impatient and I reduced my dose two weeks ago by 10% to 0.648 mg. I've been writing notes of how I feel everyday since June and I've noticed I usually get withdrawal the third day after the reduction. But this time a lot of the symptoms went away in one week. This shows how doing 10% reductions is a lot better for my brain.

 

I've had some good days last week, but also bad days which is fine. The only symptom that drives me crazy is misophonia. Before I ever took antidepressants my misophonia was bad, but I never really paid much attention to it. Now it is the worst part of my life. I already wear earphones most of the day and that helps. I am also having very bad allergy. I think that's related to withdrawal too, but I'm not too sure.

 

Maybe I will do one last reduction and then let my brain stabilize during the holidays, unless I get impatient again lol. I would like to see if things get better with a longer wait.

[Tale]

I've been holding for almost 6 weeks now. It was worse than I thought it would be. But at the same time I've had days where I've felt the best in months. Unfortunately I've made a mistake and I diluted my liquid a bit more than usual, which means I've accidentally made a 4.8% reduction. I think I will stick to that because it's been 6 weeks, but I'm also kind of terrified. I'll try to stay calm and next time I'll be more careful. I don't like taking the liquid because it never feels very accurate to me, but I don't think I have an alternative.

 

One think that terrifies me about withdrawal is that I was doing fine and then one evening I started getting doom thoughts out of nowhere and everything seemed hopeless. Then, the next day I was fine again. It's so unpredictable, it is scary. But that's why we go very slow.

[Tale]

A little update. I haven't changed my dose at all since my last mistake. I also don't think I'll be able to do that this year any more. I've been on hormone replacement therapy for many years because my body can't produce them. It was always estradiol from the beginning, but there was a supply issue some years ago. I switched to a new brand, but the doctor never told me it had norethindrone (a progestin). Crazy thing is I never knew until very recently. I was kind of shocked. I came across the info because I was looking to replace oral estradiol with estradiol patches. I searched online for withdrawal symptoms from norethindrone and found nothing. I guess I didn't search deep enough because I did the switch 2 weeks ago and I'm feeling quite bad. So now I will hold until I feel okay again, which might take a while.

It is quite crazy how I feel horrible during the day, but I start feeling fine at night. All of this makes me a bit sad because I wanted to have a nice Christmas with my family and now I don't know how I'll be. But I know I will heal, at least now that it is night and I can exist in peace LOL.

[Tale]

Hello everyone. I have been through a lot since my last post. I got some kind of virus 2 weeks ago and I started vomiting for an entire night. Then I ate almost nothing for a week because I felt quite bad after eating anything. This week I feel like I've finally recovered from that, but withdrawal has been torture. I don't have words to describe how bad and tortured I feel. It feels like all the stress from an entire year is condensed into every single day of my life. My misophonia is killing me little by little. I hate to be so negative., but I can't do this anymore. I feel so stupid for reducing my dose again even if it was just a 2.5%. I got that virus and I couldn't think straight. I don't know what to do. Probably nothing except cry and wait until this nightmare is over. Does anyone feel like every single sound and movement gives you an enormous amount of stress and you have to escape? I wish I could be temporarily deaf. At least I can close my eyes, but I can't just cover my ears the entire day. I always feel like an idiot sharing negative feelings. It feels like I will have to hold this dose for a year to feel slightly normal again. Which is all I want right now: to feel like I can live. Merry Christmas. :(

[Tale]

Hi. I wanted to come here to say I'm doing a bit better. When I'm doing bad it becomes very hard for me to see that things will get better. My last post is proof of that. Right now I have changed my plans a bit. I will be taking 0.6 mg for the foreseeable future and I will resume once I feel ready. I was gonna do that when I was taking 0.648 mg, but I made a mistake and I stopped being rational. We learn from our mistakes. And I've made a lot. So that must mean I've learned a lot LOL. I had a meltdown on the 30th probably because of my messed up sleep schedule. I am trying to improve that now by going to bed everyday at the same time. I am also happy to say I have survived a dinner with family on the 31st and a launch at a restaurant today. It gets very hard by the end, but I have managed somehow. I still have 2 family meals to go to and I hope to the universe it will go well. This is when I jinx myself 🫠. I will make it. I know it. Even if it is out of anger against the pharma industry.

 

Happy new year!

[Tale]

Hi. Unfortunately I'm not getting better. Since November I have a lot of strong headaches and weird sensations in my brain. I also have a lot of days were I'm unable to cope. Everything feels like it hurts. I keep having thoughts of just stopping the medication, but I don't think that's a good idea. I feel so disappointed in myself for tapering too fast and now suffering horrible consequences. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid the answer is wait. I am just waiting. My life is waiting for this to stop. I can't do anything because everything makes me feel worse. Does anyone have any advice?

[Tale]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to quickly share that I'm eternally grateful for my mom. She can be a pain sometimes, but I would not be here if it wasn't for her. She was the one to suggest me to stop taking ADs. Today she's told me she's reading a book about the whole psychiatric mess we live in today. That's made me feel so understood, loved and supported. The book says in one part that this is not your fault. It is your doctor's fault. The system failed you. That made me cry. We will heal

[Tale]

@Emonda Hello, sorry to bother. My symptoms keep getting worse and me and my family don't know what to do. I am very irritable. I have a lot of anxiety and everything is giving me an enormous amount of stress. I can't stay home anymore because my neighbors keep making noise and I can't deal with it anymore. I feel disabled. I recently started probiotics in January 15th and stopped after 3 days. I think it made things worse... I also stopped taking norethisterone back in November because I searched online and every link said it was fine. I don't think it was considering I was given that without my consent around 6 years ago. I have not changed my escitalopram dose (0.6 mg) since Desember 11th. This is probably me having done too much to my brain and it doesn't know what to do anymore. I don't think reinstatement is a good option at this point? Can you tell me what you would do in my case? I am quite lost. Thank you so much for what you do in this site. You are a blessing

[Emonda]

5 hours ago, Tale said:

I don't think reinstatement is a good option at this point?

 

Do you mean up-dosing won't work? Some people find relief with a very small up-dose to the last dose they felt ok. Was that 0.648mg for you? You're still at 0.6mg, right? But maybe read some of the links below and give it more time.

 

What you describe sounds like windows and waves: Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Have a read of these links:

Emotional Spirals

 

Non-drug coping strategies

 

When you have unpleasant WD symptoms, that's a sign you need to hold your dose...don't push on. Were you waiting until you felt okay before making each reduction? Sounds like the reduction on 2 January was unhelpful.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) Can you identify with the things on this list?

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Are you drinking alcohol?

 

How is your caffeine intake?

 

You mentioned you had a virus a little while back; this can flare up WD symptoms.

 

The Christmas / Holiday / New Year period can be stressful for many people. Don't underestimate this. You mentioned it caused you some stress. I held my dose from Mid-December to mid-January in anticipation of this stress.

 

I gave you the link above for tapering Sertraline...that was your previous AD. Should have given you this one.

 

 

I hope some of this info is of help.

 

[Tale]

24 minutes ago, Emonda said:

Do you mean up-dosing won't work?

Yes I meant up-dosing, sorry.

 

25 minutes ago, Emonda said:

You're still at 0.6mg, right?

Yes that's right.

 

25 minutes ago, Emonda said:

Were you waiting until you felt okay before making each reduction?

I definitely didn't wait enough because I didn't really know how to listen to my body. Especially in withdrawal, my brain seems to stop being rational and I act on impulse. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and I will hold for as long as I need to.

 

28 minutes ago, Emonda said:

Can you identify with the things on this list?

Yeah... I'm 100% in withdrawal. I have to stop reducing my dose out of fear...

 

29 minutes ago, Emonda said:

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil.

I started taking magnesium half a year ago, but I'm not sure it is doing much. I haven't taken omega-3 though. I've heard it can be activating and that's the last thing I need now.

 

30 minutes ago, Emonda said:

 

Are you drinking alcohol?

Fortunately I've never in my life taken a single drug including alcohol and caffeine. Although the liquid solution they sell of escitalopram contains ethanol, which is alcohol... So technically I am? But there's no way around that and I'm guessing it is a tiny amount.

 

My mom and I had a long conversation today. She's helped me feel a lot better. Obviously I'm still unwell, but I feel like I have the support I need now. Thank you for the links. I'll take a look at them. And thanks for the reassurance that I should stay at my current dose and survive this wave. I think I'll be fine.

 

Thank you for your help!

[Tale]

Hi. I feel so sorry for posting when I'm not doing well, but I need serious help. I feel in constant alert 24/7 and unable to relax. It is extremely stressful and it is not going away. I am constantly waiting to hear sounds that bother me and then I get very angry. It is not the same intensity everyday, but it hasn't left me and I feel like it is consuming me. I am in tears from all the stress. I wish I could scream very loud, but I can't do that, of course. I hate this because there isn't any guarantee that updosing would help and I feel unable to do any techniques to cope. My mind is going so fast. I have had misophonia since I was a child and it ruins my life. It's like I was born with a broken brain. Should I see a doctor? What type of doctor? A neurologist? I am so lost. My family is lost. I am scared. It feels awful sharing this with all of you. I wish I could be the light for somebody, but I can't even do that for myself. Why do I have to be bothered when I hear my parents eating, my neighbors dragging furniture, my mom cooking or cleaning, even people breathing? It is so unfair. I am completely isolated. I wish there was a cure.

 

Even with all of that I have noticed some improvements, although they are completely overshadowed by the horrible feelings I've mentioned above. I've felt like I laughed more. I've felt emotions I haven't felt in years. My skin feels smoother. Some music made me feel very good. But... at what price? I am really sorry if you read all of that.

[Emonda]

On 1/29/2024 at 2:30 AM, Tale said:

Should I see a doctor?

 

You could, and they will give you a new AD, or tell you to increase what you are on to 5mg, 10mg or 20mg. Is that what you want?

 

At what dose did you last feel stable? 

 

On 1/29/2024 at 2:30 AM, Tale said:

I have had misophonia since I was a child and it ruins my life

 

Have a look in the symptoms and self-care section of this forum. There is some information there you may benefit from reading. I don't have the exact link...I'll go and have a look for it later tonight.

 

On 1/29/2024 at 2:30 AM, Tale said:

Even with all of that I have noticed some improvements

 

On 1/29/2024 at 2:30 AM, Tale said:

I've felt like I laughed more. I've felt emotions I haven't felt in years. My skin feels smoother. Some music made me feel very good.

 

You've got to celebrate the improvements! This is a really good sign.

 

On 1/29/2024 at 2:30 AM, Tale said:

But... at what price?

 

Again, at what dose did you last feel stable?

 

You tapered very quickly and it's caught up with you. You need time and patience for your body to adjust.

 

Emonda

[Tale]

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

You could, and they will give you a new AD, or tell you to increase what you are on to 5mg, 10mg or 20mg. Is that what you want?

I know... I was in the middle of a horrible wave and I was getting desperate. Of course I want to get off this poison!

 

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

At what dose did you last feel stable? 

To be honest I am not quite sure. I think I was stable at 0.72 mg. Maybe at 0.648 mg too. But it went downhill after that.

 

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

You've got to celebrate the improvements! This is a really good sign.

I know! It can get very hard for me (and others). It is funny because I've had the most little improvements after the worst waves. It's a bit scary.

 

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

You tapered very quickly and it's caught up with you. You need time and patience for your body to adjust.

Thank you for the reassurance! I guess my subconscious didn't really believe this journey would be this long. Now I am fully aware.

 

Hugs.

[Tale]

Hi. I am not able to control myself anymore. Since November or so I have kept declining. My symptoms just keep getting worse and worse. The smallest of things will set me on the worst rage even while breathing deeply. It feels like I won't get better. It feels like the time I completely stopped my medication 1 year ago and 2 years ago. But this time I am still taking it. Is 0.6 mg doing nothing or what? I feel like a complete psycopath at times. How long will this take? 10 years? 100 years? I am dramatic, I know. But I can't think straight. One second I'm fine and the next I become a souless monster. I guess this is delayed withdrawal from going too fast half a year ago. I don't understant how this can be our reality. How are they prescribing this to people? In what world do we live in? I am so confused. I just want to be one month completely alone in Hawaii or something... It would be nice, wouldn't it? But I still depend on my parents and I am poor. Oh well... It's time to wait forever. I don't think I'll be able to finish university anymore and I only have one class left to pass and one project. But in this state I can barely function. I can already feel the disappointment from my mom. I wish I had not listened to my mom and my psychologist when they said that I was going too slow. How dare they. I felt pressured to taper faster. And now I'm here, dying LOL. I will do this. I will make it. Maybe I'll lose an arm on the way, but I will get off this drug horror. You are not alone!

(BTW, my mood changed like 3 times while writing this post. It is unbelievable)

[Tale]

Well... It seems like I'm still going downhill. But I think I know why. I believe stopping synthetic progesterone back in November is mostly the reason I'm feeling so bad. I'm still not sure about this, but I remember reading in here that steroid hormones should also be tapered and I did NOT do that. It makes sense because I started getting quite bad in December. I also had to stop taking HRT once for a surgery and I was suicidal and that felt quite unnatural. Now I connect the dots.

 

It's still crazy to me to realize how doctors just switch you over to something else without warning or anything. Not even a mention. It's like I can choose whatever I want from the "shop" and they'll allow me to buy it. That simple. No questions. Unbelievable.

 

Obviously I don't think stopping that alone would have been this bad if it wasn't for the fact that I already was in escitalopram withdrawal. So now I'm in double withdrawal... Double the fun LOL. And that's also why I don't want to up-dose escitalopram. I think it could be very dangerous in this state. The only way I'm coping right now is by being extremely sarcastic. I love feeling like I'm dying inside apparently. Anyway... One thing I do is I set a date as a "goal" and I calculate every day what percentage of the way I'm to reaching that date. The "goal" was supposed to be to taper, but now it is mostly symbolic as I keep pushing it forward more and more LOL. Right now it is set to April 1st and I'm at 54%. I do that because withdrawal doesn't have a known duration and that terrifies me. Having a number that keeps getting bigger, even if I reset it again later, makes me feel like I'm going to get there one day.

 

I am grateful everyday for this website being free and open to everyone who has internet. That is truly an act of kindness. Thank you very much. I would still be brainwashed and drugged to infinity if it wasn't for you.

[Tale]

Hello. I don't know what's happening. Hearing the same noise repeatedly makes me go completely insane. The amount of anger, sadness and disgust I feel is inhumane. Today was the first day I went back to university since last year and it was only a 2 hour class. The teacher kept smacking his tongue and I was completely unable to pay any attention to the subject. I had to repress all my feelings because I was not going to have a whole panic attack in the middle of the class. But the moment I got to the car I exploded and let everything out. How can a noise make me feel completely disabled? I only have this one subject to finish university, yet I can only think about giving up and k**ling myself.

 

Next week I go to my doctor for the results of a neck x-ray and I think I'll bring up misophonia. I will reject any and all drugs he tries to give me and see if he can refer me to a neurologist. They probably won't help, just like every doctor I see. But what if they do? This is probably withdrawal, but I had misophonia since I was a teenager and I didn't take any drugs back then. So it can't just be withdrawal. Withdrawal would be so easy if it wasn't for this single thing. And it seems like barely anyone in this forum has something like this (and trust me I've read a LOT of threads) which makes me feel like it must be some neurological problem. I sometimes wonder if my neck is messed up and that has messed with my brain. My head always feels like it'll fall off and sometimes it feels like it snaps out of place and it is extremely painful. That's not normal. Maybe the x-rays will reveal something. Or maybe not. It always seems like doctors find nothing wrong with me which gives them the excuse to tell me it is all in my head. I hate that so much.

 

I have always hated religion and this is very out of character for me, but, please, pray for me.

[pedroespecial]

When I was down to a really low dose of Citalopram, I had a period of at least a few weeks where my dog, Thomas, would lick himself for a seemingly endless time and it would drive me absolutely crazy! He would usually come and sit under my desk and I thought he was perhaps doing it on purpose to torture me. He is only 8kg and really very sweet but he is lucky to have survived that period! I blew up several times at him and forcibly removed him from the room on many occasions - poor little confused love he was!  That lip smacking sound just drowned out everything else and hotwired my nervous system. Just thinking about it now several years on, I feel activated.

Thankfully Thomas and I both survived that period and he still has regular bouts of licking which I barely register. I'm back on Citalopram though. It's funny, I hadn't realised the link between that and the (now obvious) AD withdrawal until I read your post.

[Tale]

Hi @pedroespecial,

Thank you for sharing this with me. It makes me feel less insane LOL. What made you go back to taking Citalopram? Are you still planning on tapering again? Today was a lot better for me thankfully. How are you doing?

[AblazingTulip]

On 10/8/2023 at 1:45 PM, Tale said:

Thank you, Emonda!

 

It is very reassuring to know I'm not alone in this journey and that a lot of people are in a similar situation. I will try to be more patient. Yesterday I had a bit of a stressful day and today I'm already feeling a bit worse. I think I will try to hold one more week for a total of 5 weeks since my last reduction and then do another 10% if I feel better.

Hi @Tale,

 

It is frightening to see how many of us are in this boat, but at the same time reassuring to know we are not alone. I see for both of us 2023 was very hard. I hope you find 2024 a year of success. I cried when I found this site. Partly because I was "too late", but mainly because I made it through my worst in 2023, and truly feel I will be OK eventually.

 

This is my first post to another, and I am so new to the site I am still in shrink wrap. Comparing the week I've had, vs. today, is chalk and cheese (day and night). I know my journey and challenges with withdrawal continues, but just wanted to say "Hi, you are not alone. 🌷"

 

I am much improved today, and daresay that I think my switch to epsom salts are much to thank for that.

 

Anyways, a belated welcome from a total noob.

❤️

 

[AblazingTulip]

On 10/10/2023 at 10:25 AM, Annie123 said:

Welcome Tale! I am new here too. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry your psychologist said that to you. I am a psychologist myself and psychological therapy is first line treatment for anxiety and depression before an antidepressant. They should have known that. I am so sorry 😞 

 

Hi @Annie123,

 

I am perhaps a few months late (as I "just got here myself"), but welcome to you too! 🌷

[Annie123]

Thank you ✨

[Tale]

Hi @AblazingTulip,

Indeed, 2023 was absolutely horrible. But we both know it won't last forever. Thank you so much for welcoming me here. I am so glad you are having good days. That must feel very nice. I am also noticing improvements. Especially physically. Not so much psychologically LOL, but that's fine. They'll go away too. I hope your journey is as smooth as possible and that 2024 is a little better than 2023.

Hugs!

[AblazingTulip]

Thank you so much for the well wishes! ❤️ (First tear for the day. Not too shabby). Well shed, as you are my first non-admin contact from this site, and I have been feeling a bit "alone" in my journey since June '23 despite distant friends and relatives being supportive. I only joined the site like a week ago.

Don't tell anyone (yet), but I think the Epsom salts are a winner component for me. I am still monitoring of course, but despite my minor relapse with benzo being prescribed as sleeping tablet, and myself remaining the ever-idiot, I have managed to somehow get two "sleep achievements" this week, even with renewed (though milder ADS):

1. On Monday night I managed to get a 8.5 uninterrupted sleep (The last time I managed this was pre-June 2023.) I "cheated" with Dopaquel 200mg though, but before, even with the  Dopaquel I could at most get 4hrs uninterrupted.

2. Last night was my second "achievement". I managed to fall asleep without Dopaquel at 10pm in the evening. The best I had managed before was around 3am, since June 2023. Last night 3am was when I woke, and I felt refreshed! I had 5hrs only to be sure, but it felt like 8. 🙂

 

The epsom salts (even with the 1-2 cup dosage, coz KISS, really have helped me feel so relaxed. I am not anxious these days (another story altogether), but the brain as you know, just won't stop, even when everything else seems to have, lols.

 

I did a bunch of "quick win" other things from the sleep tips on the site (related post (points 3.1 and 4)), but I really think the Epsom salts (2 cups / 20 minute soak (still slowly ramping/monitoring) last night helped me switch off so early. It was wonderful! And today, I only had one short lie-down around 7am for 30 minutes (to rest the brain), and I'm still going. I have felt over the months that I would be "much better" in general, if only I could get enough REM. I believe I am in the process of managing to finally win on this front despite renewed ADS from the inadvertent benzo (Purata) "incident".

 

Thank you again for reaching out.🌷

 

[starsandjoy]

hi @Tale,

 

Just wanted to jump in here and say you are not alone. I tapered off of Lexapro over much of 2022, but stopped at too high of a dose (1.25mg) in January 2023. At first I had all of the hallmarks of discontinuation, but around 3 months later, I had a breakdown that started my misophonia (I had some sound sensitivities before but it practically never bothered me except for when I was suuuper stressed).

 

2023 was hard for me, I was all of a sudden sensitive to so many noises and even movements and it was just miserable. I was crying multiple times a week. I felt I was making progress in getting better with time but it was slow which I get but I felt like it was wearing me out faster than I was making the progress. Misophonia was by far the worst symptom, especially because it felt so new and hard. And I so relate to having the intense mood swings. Its so exhausting to go on an emotional rollercoaster of feeling fine, then panic, then anxiety, then feeling normal again, only to feel panic when you hear an inconsequential noise.

 

I just wanted to share some resources that I think have helped me with the misophonia:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/s5iltc/how_i_overcame_misophonia/

https://www.amazon.com/Solved-Sound-Sensitivity-Problem-Misophonia-ebook/dp/B016QZEI1E/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=how+i+solved+my+sound+sensitivity&qid=1690249581&sprefix=my+sound+sensitivit%2Caps%2C89&sr=8-1

 

I also did reach out to Tom Dozier and have been seeing him (he specializes in misophonia). It is out of pocket but I think he may have free sessions for people who cannot afford to pay.

 

I did end up reinstating Lexapro because I had a setback that had to do with an external stressor. I still have misophonia and but I feel like I am making more visible progress, and though sounds still bother me, I feel like the emotional rollercoaster is less intense, and the intense dips have been less frequent. I did also notice worse symptoms and different points in my menstrual cycle. If you have a menstrual cycle, see if you can find some patterns to know when to give yourself more grace.

 

I also created a profile on this website https://www.stuffthatworks.health/misophonia/. It's basically crowdsourcing symptoms and treatments for various conditions (I'm in the misophonia one, OCD, and LPR one) and I found, if nothing else, there are people who are going through similar things and helps you feel seen.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to share all of the resources I found over the last year. Wishing healing for us and for inconsequential noises and movements to returning to being just that, inconsequential.

 

Sending lots of hugs.

 

[N2deep]

Hi Tale, sorry you've had such a rough go of it. I haven't had misophonia exactly, but when I had Long Covid my nervous system was on such insane high alert that any sound whatsoever would scare me as much as a gunshot right behind my back without knowing it would happen. This is quite common in LC. I had to wear earplugs at all times, just the freaking sound of the toaster would just floor me. It got better thankfully. I'm also in the midst of WD from going a bit faster than I should have, but I'm sure we'll both so the other side of it.

[Tale]

Hi @starsandjoy,

I am very happy that you decided to share your story with me. It means a lot! That reddit post seems very interesting and it seems like there might be a connection with ticks and misophonia. Very interesting. Since I was very young I've had problems having feelings in my body that I feel like I can't ignore. Some kind of tingling specially on my hands and feet. I started wearing socks all the time to "avoid" feeling it. It seems like I obsess over some things and then it gets harder and harder to stop focusing on those. My strategy has always been avoiding things which I probably need to change. It feels like misophonia might work exactly like that. So maybe exercising my ability to focus on what I am doing and not on my triggers would help a lot. I will try this because I feel like I've done this sometimes and it helped. It will probably be very hard at first, but with a lot of time and practice this might improve my quality of life by a lot.

 

5 hours ago, starsandjoy said:

 

Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to share all of the resources I found over the last year. Wishing healing for us and for inconsequential noises and movements to returning to being just that, inconsequential.

Don't be sorry! You have helped me a LOT, you don't even know. Thank you kind stranger ❤️ . I hope your journey is full of healing.

Hugs!

[Tale]

4 hours ago, N2deep said:

Hi Tale, sorry you've had such a rough go of it. I haven't had misophonia exactly, but when I had Long Covid my nervous system was on such insane high alert that any sound whatsoever would scare me as much as a gunshot right behind my back without knowing it would happen. This is quite common in LC. I had to wear earplugs at all times, just the freaking sound of the toaster would just floor me. It got better thankfully. I'm also in the midst of WD from going a bit faster than I should have, but I'm sure we'll both so the other side of it.

Hi @N2deep,

It definitely feels like withdrawal and other illness that affects the nervous system can create a lot of sensitivities to all kinds of things. I am sorry you had Long Covid. I've heard it can be very debilitating. Hopefully you are good now.

 

Honestly, even before withdrawal and SSRIs I seemed to always jump when I heard certain sounds a lot more than other people. I've always been quite sensitive since I was a child LOL.

 

I hope we can all stop taking these drugs safely and without too much pain.

Hugs!

[Tale]

8 hours ago, AblazingTulip said:

Thank you so much for the well wishes! ❤️ (First tear for the day. Not too shabby). Well shed, as you are my first non-admin contact from this site, and I have been feeling a bit "alone" in my journey since June '23 despite distant friends and relatives being supportive. I only joined the site like a week ago.

Don't tell anyone (yet), but I think the Epsom salts are a winner component for me. I am still monitoring of course, but despite my minor relapse with benzo being prescribed as sleeping tablet, and myself remaining the ever-idiot, I have managed to somehow get two "sleep achievements" this week, even with renewed (though milder ADS):

1. On Monday night I managed to get a 8.5 uninterrupted sleep (The last time I managed this was pre-June 2023.) I "cheated" with Dopaquel 200mg though, but before, even with the  Dopaquel I could at most get 4hrs uninterrupted.

2. Last night was my second "achievement". I managed to fall asleep without Dopaquel at 10pm in the evening. The best I had managed before was around 3am, since June 2023. Last night 3am was when I woke, and I felt refreshed! I had 5hrs only to be sure, but it felt like 8. 🙂

 

The epsom salts (even with the 1-2 cup dosage, coz KISS, really have helped me feel so relaxed. I am not anxious these days (another story altogether), but the brain as you know, just won't stop, even when everything else seems to have, lols.

 

I did a bunch of "quick win" other things from the sleep tips on the site (related post (points 3.1 and 4)), but I really think the Epsom salts (2 cups / 20 minute soak (still slowly ramping/monitoring) last night helped me switch off so early. It was wonderful! And today, I only had one short lie-down around 7am for 30 minutes (to rest the brain), and I'm still going. I have felt over the months that I would be "much better" in general, if only I could get enough REM. I believe I am in the process of managing to finally win on this front despite renewed ADS from the inadvertent benzo (Purata) "incident".

 

Thank you again for reaching out.🌷

 

I am so glad that the Epsom salts seem to be working for you! Sleep is very important. And don't call yourself an idiot! I know you are not. I am having a lot of trouble with sleep too even though I am tapering SSRIs, not benzos. Although the melatonin that I bought back in September had valerian root and that is considered a mild benzo. I stopped taking it immediately after realizing. I noticed it felt a bit addictive. Sometimes I wanted to take more than one pill. And I also was taking a progestin without my consent (the doctor switched my HRT to another brand and didn't mention a thing) which acts on GABA. No wonder I was sleeping like 12 hours a day (sometimes 14). I was over-medicated. Anyway... That's all over now. I only need to taper escitalopram now, but I'm holding for the moment because I'm a mess LOL and I kinda have to finish university. When I feel ready I'll start again.

It's nice to have someone to talk to. Thank you

[AblazingTulip]

8 hours ago, Tale said:

I am so glad that the Epsom salts seem to be working for you! Sleep is very important. And don't call yourself an idiot! I know you are not. I am having a lot of trouble with sleep too even though I am tapering SSRIs, not benzos. Although the melatonin that I bought back in September had valerian root and that is considered a mild benzo. I stopped taking it immediately after realizing. I noticed it felt a bit addictive. Sometimes I wanted to take more than one pill. And I also was taking a progestin without my consent (the doctor switched my HRT to another brand and didn't mention a thing) which acts on GABA. No wonder I was sleeping like 12 hours a day (sometimes 14). I was over-medicated. Anyway... That's all over now. I only need to taper escitalopram now, but I'm holding for the moment because I'm a mess LOL and I kinda have to finish university. When I feel ready I'll start again.

It's nice to have someone to talk to. Thank you

We don't know where tomorrow takes us, but while I am here, I too am glad to talk and grateful also to have found after so many months of severe ADS that it's not just me. I feel it's time to talk.

I was maybe not a complete idiot, but I was and still am largely ignorant, and that will change, is changing. And so is the world. Last year my online searches called it mostly AWS. Now they call it mostly ADS. In one place I've read they've known of these withdrawals since the 1960s (Related link). Last night I saw a reference that they've known since the 1950s (Related link) . Something smells very off.

Good luck with the studies Tale! I want to celebrate your degree here with you, when you get it. 🌷