MadMatt: Lexapro withdrawal

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt Scratch the mood thing… lol I was just working up in a man lift and it made me motion sick and caused me to be pretty agitated and hostile with some anger. So weird how something little like that made my symptoms worse. 

[MadMatt]

One thing I’ve learned is that there is no clear pattern in my symptoms. Most of what I’m dealing with doesn’t resemble anything I’ve been through in the past and anything that I have been through is amplified x10. Sucks man, so I get. 

 

 

[MadMatt]

I’m glad your family understands too, I think it’s easy for people to chalk it up to anxiety or depression when it’s so much more than that. Everything is so much more chemical and people that haven’t experienced it just have no clue how out of control it feels. 

 

Also, I think holding is good, even though it might take some time. I came to that conclusion that every change I made or supplement I added was only making things worse (for me, at least). But I’ve always been sensitive to medications and probably the reason why I’m so screwed up in the first place. 

 

 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt my doc wants me to go back down to 15mg…. It’s only been 12 days on 20mg so I think it might be worth a shot. At this point I have nothing to lose. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 From what Ive read, consistency is key. It’s hard to know that after **** hits the fan and you just want to feel better. 
 

It seems like the goal is no longer waiting for the drug to build up in your system but to stabilize the central nervous system. The “rules” change in withdrawal. All very technical and somehow we were never told this by any pdoc because they have no clue what they’re doing or what they’re prescribing, unbelievable. 
 

Just my two cents! 
 

 

 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt yep seems like it. I just need relief from the agitation feeling in my head. It’s almost like a burning feeling that you described but more of just an agitation. Like an itch you can’t scratch. I can’t find anything that relieves it yet. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 have you tried meditation? That helps me, albeit a very small amount. Even if it makes a small difference, it’s worth a shot. I use the Wim Hoff breathing method, there’s an app for it and it takes about 10-20 min. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 I’m 9.5 months from when this all started and the beginning was a nightmare, felt like poison ivy burning down my forehead and behind my eyes. 
 

That has settled for me almost completely, so it will go away for you too. I still deal with head pain and pressure but not burning anymore. 
 

 

 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 https://www.wimhofmethod.com/breathing-exercises

 

You have to pay for the app but it’s worth it. It’s the only mediation that has ever worked for me. Highly recommend it.

 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt I will look into the app for sure! I don’t have the burning sensation necessarily, it’s more of an agitation that comes and goes. Hard to describe as I’m sure you know. I have a hot tub and if it’s hot enough, it seems to calm me down and take away the agitation in my head for a while. 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt question… do you have bad depression during your stabilization process? I have terrible depression and disinterest in everything in life. It’s crazy 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 hey man, yeah unfortunately same here. It’s one of my worst symptoms and the reason I went on medication in the first place. This time around it feels more chemical though and has varied in intensity. Constant negative feedback loop as well. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 As bad as it can be, it helps me to think of it like this. it’s not a priority for the brain while healing. That helps me separate it from how I would feel otherwise. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 I have faith that this will go 100% eventually, there’s a lot of good success stories on benzo buddies that confirm it. Hang in there, I’m there too and am praying for strength for both of us. 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt appreciate the encouragement brother. Just so frustrating and I feel so bad for my wife and family because I never want to or sometimes can’t do the normal stuff. As simple as going out to dinner! So annoying. I still haven’t got a window yet but each day it seems there is some improvement. Today I didn’t have an uncontrollable crying spell and it was the first day without diarrhea. Though they are two of the symptoms I notice the least, it’s a sign of hope! 
 

I just wish I had a date on the calendar circled that said I would be 70% better or 100% better…. Something I could look forward to! 
 

Not sure if you’re knowledgeable on the Bible or not, but This reminds me of Paul and Job in the Bible. Job had everything taken from him. Kids, family, money, material possessions yet he still chose to praise God and give him credit and chose joy even though he couldn’t understand any of it. Same with Paul. He was tortured, beaten, had terrible anxiety that he referred to as the thorn in his side. I pray I have the strength of Job and Paul. It’s also hard for me because I’ve only been dealing with this for a little bit, not months like you have so I still remember the “normal” days lol. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 Of course man, I get it, I’m living at home with my family and I want to get better for them but I also know that it’s not all up to me and more time and patience is needed. Easier said than done for sure. I definitely miss my old self before this happened. 
 

I can definitely relate to Job here, and was just watching a movie on Paul funny you should mention it! Funny how the “thorn in his side” was depicted as all the things he did wrong in the past and all the people he persecuted. It struck a note with me bc of that negative feedback loop I was talking about! Once again, I’ve been told this goes away as we heal. Everything is just negative right now and things I never attached meaning to in the past now seem like crimes against humanity. It’s crazy but that has gotten a little better honestly. 

 

I wish I had a timeline too, it’s tough when things improve so slowly or sometimes not at all. I remember someone on here saying time is our worst enemy and best friend. Definitely true. 


 

 
 

 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt Do you ever get crazy intrusive thoughts? Like suicidal intrusive thoughts? I get them randomly about me killing myself and it’s so crazy and uncontrollable. I dont want to do it and am not going to do it, but it’s scary and concerning. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 Yes, I do and it definitely feels uncontrollable. 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 how you doing man, any better? 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt sorry I just saw this… doing much better. Feel about 80%. Just have some underlying anxiety and still am not 100% myself, but compared to a couple weeks ago, wayyyy better! How about you? You making any progress? 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 That’s huge! 80% is great, sounds like you’re on the right path. You still at 15 or 20? 
 

I’ve made very slight improvement the past couple of weeks, which is better than nothing, so I’ll take it. 

[BenD7123]

Thats great! I am sure that is encouraging since you have been at a 4 month plateau. I have been wondering if your 30mg dose is too high? Just a thought. 

 

I am on 20mg.  Tomorrow will make four weeks on 20mg.  I feel much better, but still not 100%.  I am sleeping pretty now (6-8 hours), but I notice that if i eat anything, especially dessert or sugary foods before bed, I do not sleep well at all and get really sweaty legs at night.  Today is my first day back on keto so we will see how that helps.  I mainly just don't have the excitement about life I used to have, minor anxiety, and have a harder time controlling my thoughts and not hyper-focusing on the stabilization process.  I also notice in the mornings I get pretty weird emotions or emotional surges/feelings.  Deep breathing is also working for me again and really helps.  I am starting to get back into the gym and that makes a world of a difference.  At the gym, I feel 100% normal... its hard to want to leave the gym sometimes lol. 

I am trying to focus on all the improvements and positive aspects I am having, but I am super impatient so that is tough! 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt how are you doing? Making any progress? 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt you ever try progressive muscle relaxation when deep breathing doesn’t work? I am thinking I might try that starting today just to see what happens. You doing alright? 

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 I don’t think I’ve ever tried that. How do you do it? My fatigue has gotten a lot worse recently, everything else is about the same. All part of the process I guess. Pretty upset at the whole situation still. 

[BenD7123]

@MadMatt I just found out about it on youtube.  Just figured it might be worth trying for us when the deep breathing does not work.  Have you had any windows yet? It seems like you are in a constant wave.  Maybe I just got lucky...

[MadMatt]

@BenD7123 I’ll definitely give it a shot. I’m sure it can only help at this point. Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty constant where I’m at, I had one window in November. The good news is my physical symptoms are getting better. How are you holding up? 

[BenD7123]

That is great news about the physical symptoms! What symptoms have gone away?  

 

I am doing better. I felt completely normal last week from Monday - Thursday and have been in a wave ever since.  Each of my last waves have gotten progressively better and better and my windows have felt more normal each time.  This window has been a little worse but I feel a lot better today, just feel like I am in a constant adrenaline rush (which is way better than what I experienced at first, so I will take it!)

I am using Dr. Glenmullen's symptom tracking sheet and the most I have had checked on the symptom sheet was maybe three or four (other than one day I had 6).  I know I am doing a lot better, but it is still tough to manage because just 4 or 5 months ago, I felt completely normal and now I just feel kinda off and not myself.  But I also know that each day that passes is one day closer to getting back to normal! 

The most frustrating part of this whole process is not knowing when we will get back to normal.... could be a month, a week, a year, or maybe tomorrow! I wish there was a date on the calendar I had circled that I knew by that day, I would feel better.  That would make it so much better... like we have something to look forward to! Not knowing when we will heal is the hardest part.  I tend to go back to my daily journals and look at the progress I have made in the last two months and it really is amazing how far I have come in a short two months compared to a lot of the people on this website! Whenever I feel a wave come on,  I just hope I do not start to back track any and have a worse wave than I did last time, but my history does not seem to favor that so I try not to think that.  

This whole thing will make me super thankful and not take anything for granted whenever I am back to 100% Definitely makes me trust in the Lord more and has brought me closer to him.

[AAOffZ]

@BenD7123 God uses everything that’s for sure. My faith has grown substantially. And the Lord has sustained me through the darkest days of all this. I’m also feeling more like myself everyday. Been holding at 87.5 mg zoloft for a little over 3 weeks after changing my dose around a lot whenever I had no idea how these meds work. I was very unstable.
 

Now I just have to figure out when to start the tapering process. Glad you’re feeling better. I was reading your posts and I had similar mental WD symptoms as you. It was horrendous. 
 

Do you have a plan for tapering moving forward once you’ve held a while? 

[BenD7123]

@AAOffZ glad you are feeling better too! I bumped my dose back up to the original 20mg about 8 weeks ago and am slowly feeling better and better. Weekends seem to be hardest for me. Not sure if it’s because I’m not working and staying busy or what? Running also helps a lot. 
 

I plan on holding at 20mg until I fully stabilize just to play it safe. My body is already dysregulated and want to make sure I don’t do anymore harm so I will be staying at 20mg for atleast a few more months or until I’m back to my normal self. 
 

Woke up today with the tinnitus ringing in my left ear that everyone talks about so that is really the only new symptom I’ve had in the past few weeks. I am in a wave now so it doesn’t really surprise me just a little discouraging to have a new symptom pop up. But I’d much rather have tinnitus than suicidal ideations, depersonalization, and insomnia like I did at first! 

[AAOffZ]

@BenD7123

thanks for the reply! I am kind of in the same boat. Been holding at this dose for almost 4 weeks. Seemingly getting better and better as the weeks go on.

 

Tinnitus, although annoying, is harmless and don’t let it bother you. Mine comes and goes. Sometimes I barely hear it.. like whisper quiet and then especially in a wave, it seems very loud at times. 
 

If you want some tips on how to deal with it if it becomes annoying to you, please reach out! 
 

I am counting today as wave because I had a mole biopsied. My original reason for going in meds was health anxiety..so as you can imagine, I’m struggling today as I wait for results. 
 

Adding you to my prayers, my friend! This life is hard sometimes. Thankful that Jesus has overcome it. 

[BenD7123]

@AAOffZ Luckily the tinnitus was only yesterday... today I don't have the ringing. My waves have been getting shorter up until this current wave that I have been in since Friday of last week.  Still a much better wave than the first one where I had suicidal ideations and could only sleep 3 hours with some minor akathisia.  

 

My main symptoms during my waves are somewhat minor but still very annoying.  Dry skin, itchy skin, minor burning in legs (though that has mostly gone away), some adrenaline rushes, lowered mood, and sometimes just a weird feeling in my head.  The other annoying thing is that deep breathing only works half of the time for calming me down.  

Luckily I do not have anymore anxiety so I know the Lexapro is working, now I just need my nervous system to balance out.  I remember before I got on the Lexapro I had all the same symptoms I am having now like dry and itchy skin, just had the anxiety as well.  Hopefully we both get back to baseline soon!