Meelo92- Quitting the stuff for good (Vraylar, Lamictal, Adderall)

[meelo92]

Hi fam-

 

so I’ve just turned 32 after what’s seemed like a decades-long book of a psychiatric journey. At age 13 I was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. My family decided to perform an intervention to get me out of bed and into the hospital, due to not being at a place to deal with the conflict. My mother a neurologist, father an endocrinologist, and to-be-doctor sister at the time, failed to intend to resolve the issue outside of psychiatric means. So I was put on Zoloft… my first medication in a line of maybe 15+ drugs that Ive had a regimen for in my life.

 

But I come to this forum nearly 20 years later and realize what my journey has been like, my yearning to get back to who that passionate individual was, superseding all bounds of the medicinal chaos that entrapped me for most of my life.

 

but I’ve found good structure in my life as of late. Past all the suicidal years in my late teenage and early-to-mid 20s. I started a family, with a wonderfully empathetic wife who supports me in my journey. I had met her having gone Cold Turkey for a complete stint of two years before … more trauma.

 

we lost our baby boy in March ‘21 during a traumatic uterine rupture. God bless him.

 

three months after, my rage knew no bounds and I ended up striking my wife.. and I ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt… the last in the line of 6 attempts throughout life.

 

I was then out into an IOP program, the fourth time I have participated in one so my skills were really in for polishing. I remember being the “wise” one by my peers and even the mediators themselves. All in all I picked up my toolkit, for helping in my structure in many ways. I have no regrets here.

 

my life has become pretty stable, with the vraylar since then, along with the time old and tested Lamictal that I take to feel that so-called “mental clarity” of my 20s.

 

I take 10mg of amphetamine to abide by the demands of working in a high-paced IT consultant gig. It does its tricks, but makes me feel like a token minority (indian, here) and like I live up to fewer merits without it. So it needs to go. Eventually. But my diagnosis of ADHD inattentive-type is pretty seriously affecting me and need to cope with it as best as I can. I rationalize this with taking the low dose and having deliberately open conversations around this and all my drugs with my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice.

 

so I want to start with vraylar and lamotrigine subsequently. I think my bipolar diagnosis can go to hell, just like when we threw out borderline personality disorder. Hell, I’m not even feeling like I’m up to dealing with them stigmatized labels anymore like being inattentive or autistic. I just want to be free.

 

oh yeah, smoke a bong dab a day for calming the nerves. Peace and love. Thank you kindly for reading.

[Emonda]

Welcome @meelo92

It sounds like a rough decade or so. I'm sorry to hear about your experiences.

 

On 2/15/2024 at 1:14 PM, meelo92 said:

my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice.

 

If, after consulting your doctor, you want to taper your meds, there are a few links you should read. I'd suggest you read all of the following as a starting point:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

Never skip doses to taper

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage? If you go faster than this, the WD symptoms can be very unpleasant: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

When taking multiple meds, it would be advisable to read the next link to work out which med to taper first: Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

It's generally best to taper one at a time. That way, if you have horrible WD symptoms, you know the cause.

 

Some links for your specific drugs:

 

 

Even when you taper slowly, you still have good days and not-so-good days. Sometimes, those not-so-good days can last weeks or longer. Some of us find relief in these links:

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Non-drug coping strategies

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

Also, avoid marijuana: 

 

This is your own Introduction topic.  Each member has only ONE Introduction topic.  Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda

 

 

[AblazingTulip]

On 2/15/2024 at 4:14 AM, meelo92 said:

Hi fam-

 

so I’ve just turned 32 after what’s seemed like a decades-long book of a psychiatric journey. At age 13 I was admitted to the hospital for severe depression. My family decided to perform an intervention to get me out of bed and into the hospital, due to not being at a place to deal with the conflict. My mother a neurologist, father an endocrinologist, and to-be-doctor sister at the time, failed to intend to resolve the issue outside of psychiatric means. So I was put on Zoloft… my first medication in a line of maybe 15+ drugs that Ive had a regimen for in my life.

 

But I come to this forum nearly 20 years later and realize what my journey has been like, my yearning to get back to who that passionate individual was, superseding all bounds of the medicinal chaos that entrapped me for most of my life.

 

but I’ve found good structure in my life as of late. Past all the suicidal years in my late teenage and early-to-mid 20s. I started a family, with a wonderfully empathetic wife who supports me in my journey. I had met her having gone Cold Turkey for a complete stint of two years before … more trauma.

 

we lost our baby boy in March ‘21 during a traumatic uterine rupture. God bless him.

 

three months after, my rage knew no bounds and I ended up striking my wife.. and I ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt… the last in the line of 6 attempts throughout life.

 

I was then out into an IOP program, the fourth time I have participated in one so my skills were really in for polishing. I remember being the “wise” one by my peers and even the mediators themselves. All in all I picked up my toolkit, for helping in my structure in many ways. I have no regrets here.

 

my life has become pretty stable, with the vraylar since then, along with the time old and tested Lamictal that I take to feel that so-called “mental clarity” of my 20s.

 

I take 10mg of amphetamine to abide by the demands of working in a high-paced IT consultant gig. It does its tricks, but makes me feel like a token minority (indian, here) and like I live up to fewer merits without it. So it needs to go. Eventually. But my diagnosis of ADHD inattentive-type is pretty seriously affecting me and need to cope with it as best as I can. I rationalize this with taking the low dose and having deliberately open conversations around this and all my drugs with my psychiatrist. He’s supportive of me looking into tapering which is nice.

 

so I want to start with vraylar and lamotrigine subsequently. I think my bipolar diagnosis can go to hell, just like when we threw out borderline personality disorder. Hell, I’m not even feeling like I’m up to dealing with them stigmatized labels anymore like being inattentive or autistic. I just want to be free.

 

oh yeah, smoke a bong dab a day for calming the nerves. Peace and love. Thank you kindly for reading.

Hi @meelo92,

Welcome. 🌷 You have arrived at a place of support and understanding and a wealth of knowledge (which I am still just scraping the surface of). I too am new here, but I feel I have arrived among friends, and welcome you as such. May your future continue with ongoing improvement, from those on this site, and as you continue to gain your own inner strength.

[itsalyssadood]

Welcome Meelo92! You’ve had a long journey ♥️

 

My question is specifically for the IOP you were in. Did you find it pretty helpful? I start my program officially tomorrow. I’m nervous, especially to be going through it during an active taper.