auV8 - Long term prescribed ssris

[auV8]

My introduction post for the forum.. short story I have been prescribed SSRIs since I was about 18/20 and now they are no longer helping me.

 

The long story.

I started on my antidepressant journey when I was around 18 or 20 years old (now 29), but I never recorded what brands I tried or the exact date of starting antidepressants.

 

I sought out antidepressants as a way of dealing with depression and anxiety which emerged about a year or two prior. I attended counselling. Unsuccessful. This led me to the Dr and going on a mental health care plan to get bulk billed psychology and subsequently started taking SSRIs. I believe I tried Fluoxetine and the side effects scared me so much I needed to switch to something else. I ended up on Paroxetine as that gave less severe side effects.

 

So going forward, Paroxetine was doing a good job of getting me 'functioning' as an adult. I got my first job at 20 years old, was getting over social anxiety and I generally started progressing enough to come out as Transgender and be treated for that as well. Unfortunately though some side effects of paroxetine never subsided, and as time went on I felt myself being affected by SADs every winter. This was combated with increased dosage of paroxetine. Since I am such a small human being, I didn't tolerate the increases well and it lead me to sleeping over 12-13 hours a day. I could barely wake up without falling back to sleep and was diagnosed with OSA.

This is the paradox of Antidepressants.

 

I ended up successfully reducing my dosages every spring and somehow I still managed to go to work, be a normie, save money.. Did the things I wanted to do. Then after around 8 or so years on Paroxetine, it finally pooped out. I had gone through some big life shifts not limited to moving house, having a sibling leave for overseas, and finishing up a uni degree after three years of somewhat stable routine (as much as you could get with covid).

 

So I succumbed to a relapse in depression and since that time in 2021, my life has not been the same. Due to said intolerance of dosage increases, my doctor switched me to escitalopram. For about a month it improved my mood but then stopped working. Dosage increase. Same mood improvement then failure. New drug time! Venlafaxine. Oh boy! An SNRI! Started on a small dose then worked up to a bigger dose. Same thing.. Mood improved for a bit then dropped off and these stupid drugs aren't helping me!

 

I was then referred to a psychiatrist. Convinced I have some sort of ADHD, because why else am I having all these problems and can't focus on a life path for myself? He said that he didn't believe I was ADHD.. That I am just affected by my anxiety which impacts decision making. He suggested back onto SSRIs since Paroxetine worked so well for me. So that lead to Sertraline.. The dreaded Zoloft. So right now, having been through the normal 'mood is good for a while' stage, time to go back into the familiar low mood phase. Okay. Dose increase. On to 75mg every other day.

 

So now I am experiencing the wonderful side effects which I had forgotten about SSRIs while I was on Venlafaxine. They are:

 

Stomach/gastroesophageal pain (is that an ulcer or GORD? No! It's just antidepressants!)

 

Brain fog and being spaced out

ie. Feeling like I'm one drink in without having consumed alcohol

 

Diplopia

 

Trouble waking up in the morning and/or waking up but feeling tired through the day

 

Emotional blunting and anhedonia

 

Mood swings

 

Increased tinnitus

 

No appetite at all

 

And this is a new one: EXTREME ITCHINESS! (no it is not the dreaded drug rash, it is hives.. Wonderful itchy hives)

 

So now with all this bullsh*t I have been through, I just really want a break from these meds. My life has scarcely moved on from where I was in 2021 when I relapsed. I am sick of the side effects and I'm sick of being on these bloody drugs.  Obviously something deeper has affected me because I am no longer having success on antidepressants and the side effects are not encouraging me to stay on them.

 

Well done if you read to the end!

I have no reward for you.

 

Or maybe the reward was the story we read along the way?

 

[LotusRising]

Hi @auV8

 

Welcome to SA,

 

We are a peer-run volunteer site dedicated to a harm reduction tapering approach in an effort to minimize withdrawal symptoms.

 

Your situation sounds similar to mine when I was in my early 20's. I struggled with social anxiety, though one could really just call this a lack of self-confidence from not being comfortable with myself at the time. I was on and off many different medications, but none of them actually 'worked' for me. My advice would be to follow our recommendations to taper off the effexor by no more than 10% each month of your most recent dose. Once you're off, I would never look back. Start working on coping skills and inner work now while you're young.

 

Have you had a chance to look around the site yet? This link might be useful:

 

 

These two links explain a bit about withdrawal:

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

And here is information on tapering effexor:

 

Please post any updates or questions related to your specific situation right here in your thread.

 

And once again, welcome  

[auV8]

Hello @LotusRising

 

Thank you for sharing this with me. It's been a rollercoaster these past few years trying to find yet another drug that would help me after the paxil pooped out. Reading the links has been very informative. I'm pretty unhappy that I've lost the last few years to tolerance and my ex GP never even made me aware of what was going on. All she wanted to do was increase the dose, and when I told her I couldn't tolerate it, move on to the next drug. Now that I look back I really question why I developed SAD while I was on an antidepressant. Shouldn't the antidepressant stop that from happening? Now having read more about tolerance and paxil poop out... I understand why things went the way they did.

 

So now comes the problem. I am on Zoloft right now, not Effexor anymore.. Regardless I think I definitely have to get off these ADs. It's obvious to me that I've been on them that long, and each subsequent AD is less and less effective. I am not really feeling the 'positives' consistently anymore, I feel like I'm not even on antidepressants at this point.

 

And this rash/hives I've developed from Zoloft is absolutely driving me mad. I am positive it is the Zoloft, but my Dr thought it was scabies by the way I presented and that round of treatment did not help. So I am highly doubtful. I wanted to test whether it was Zoloft and ceased taking it for 5 days. In those 5 days, the feeling of "pings" on my skin improved, and I could ignore it easier without having to scratch my skin raw. Since I got reinstated Zoloft two days ago, I have noticed an increase in the "pings" and I've been itching worse again. This is absolutely ridiculous. Would you think I could taper off from here, or cross taper back to paxil and then taper off completely from that? I am seeing my Dr on Tuesday and am definitely going to be bringing all of this up with him.

 

 

[auV8]

I've only been on a 10% taper for about 3 weeks. I was doing well distracting myself (with crypto degen gambling of all things..) up until this week where I've just felt completely flat.

 

I actually had this problem after I hit my medication tolerance too. I only see my psychologist once a month as that's all I can access with a mental health care plan. I tell myself that this feeling is temporary that it will pass.. But it's very hard to deal with, it makes me feel like maybe I'm making the wrong decision. On top of that, when I do feel better after depressive episodes, imposter syndrome creeps in and makes me feel guilty regarding my increased functionality.