mariamisery: Can I survive this withdrawal?

[BaccatePlayer]

3 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

Thank you...if only my body would allow me to nap. I am envious of you. You are right no matter how horrible it is.  This too shall pass.  Why am I having anxiety now and did not have it initially,? Wish I was as insightful as you.

Like I said you don't even need to fall asleep. Even if you just lied down and spend a while with closed eyes this frees your brain from a few processes like coordination, walking, interpreting seen images. Anxiety may even be omnipresent because you know that inside you there is a constant change. Changing and adapting into something new is mysterious. You are tense and alerted because this is one of the states your body can be in and your CNS is yet to figure out when it should be and when not. Sentesized system simply overreacts. Maybe you were in a crowd room lately and it's a delayed response, maybe you were feeling lonely but didn't notice, maybe you thought of your last wave and your mind tried to fixate in it hoping it'll figure out a way to prevent it. It's a valid feeling, accept it because like you said "this is something new" and we naturally are scared of something we don't control or recognize. Good luck!

[mariamisery]

Yes losing my mind. When I say quiet I mean I am not jumping off walls but body feels like it wants to. This is a new feeling just today.  So difficult to navigate.Trying to distract. I was not built for this 

[mariamisery]

Thanks again !!!! 

[BaccatePlayer]

14 hours ago, mariamisery said:

Yes losing my mind. When I say quiet I mean I am not jumping off walls but body feels like it wants to. This is a new feeling just today.  So difficult to navigate.Trying to distract. I was not built for this 

Facing it too. Sometimes after leaving distraction I just become aware that I'm lost, like someone just cutted off my narrative and I don't know where the beginning or end is. I think I freak out at the prospect of being subject of a mood. It does make sense because it's just unnatural and it feels being trapped. Then again, meds are out of my system, so wierd or not, this is still actual me, just injured. This is something else, something that it's hard to hide under belief that it will change, something hard to distract myself from. I think my mind tries to find a way to cope with it now, somehow get used to it, but it's just so wierd and lacking in sense. I think this confusion is about delay in processing. I've noticed my mind sometimes feels shaken when switching between focusing on different objects and people around and the internal thoughts, images, sounds. I was thinking I couldn't wake up fully, but it's more like stuck at the "deep inside thoughts" mode even if I do something else. No issue if it's typing on phone, but very abnormal when making dinner for example. Definitelly agree on the "not built for this". Still this is just cognition combined with mood. I realized this is hidden frustration in my case. Maybe try to picture it as a few receptors not being yet repaired where needed and your body sending you some "error" or glitch signal because it works on loading your real current emotional state. When the though or feeling or sensation is especially estranging I notice it lacks a full link. Imagine your healthy body going through anxiety and then back to normal. It feels like you have some control over it. You feel how smoothly it releases that emotion of fear and how you know the path back. When these unique for recovering organism experiences emerge I feel like they are out of my reach. It's lacking the clear beginning or end and just feels like mistakenly recognizing a paper in your mouth while eating pasta. Clear intrusion, unexpected and alien without feeling like your body has a way of dealing with it in its inventory. I don't have the need to jump or anything but the "something inside wants to jump out of my skin" feeling comes and goes. It's common from what I see. When I had severely "fried" or "electric" feeling of there being too much chemicals in my brain making it feel heavy, full, overloaded it presented itself as me carrying some burden inside unable to throw it out. It was prompting nausea, unlocated pain, mental mania. Maybe it's a lesser version of it now. Maybe some of that burden got deleted and now there's a void and mind tries to figure out what should be there instead. We're not losing our heads, Maria. It will pass, the body always aims for homeosthasis, it wants to go back to what it used to be. If you feel helpless by all these strange realms, remember that since you are going through a change, it doesn't stay as it was. The recovery really is underway and such symptoms are proof brain is working on it. If the time to try feeling yourself isn't now, it is pending. You'll get there but now you're going through a portal and it feels unnatural. Temporarly.

[mariamisery]

Hi. Thanks again. I feel you are right on.  How can this be so hard? How do you stay so positive?  Misery everyday. What do you say to yourself to  get from one day to the next?

[BaccatePlayer]

18 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

Hi. Thanks again. I feel you are right on.  How can this be so hard? How do you stay so positive?  Misery everyday. What do you say to yourself to  get from one day to the next?

It is hard because it's our government. It's how you navigate everything in life and your whole body. If this was transcribed into an eye injury you'd be seeing everything blurred all the time, having days of extreme astigmatism and sore eyes only slowly having better sight each day. If it affects your mood, thoughts and feelings, you are basically under a spell. It's an out of character experience but you can always tell yourself that you'll be alive without any harm. Even if you feel crazy, you won't be cutting yourself with knife or anything. MRI would show no abnormalities, so as impossible as it seems just remember it's always a symptom. I don't really stay positive, there's fear all the time, I can't even feel confident enough to say I will handle everything from now on. What's the alternative though? If it heads recovery and I will be alive anyways, it's only a matter of me having bad time. The mood needs to match the external, there's no answer inside other than catastrophizing rumminations. Give yourself in to the influence of reality because it is stable unlike your mind. If there was any danger, your body would react to protect you no matter what. You may feel like you can't separate yourself from symptoms, but they really aren't signaling external threat. This sounds like a mad idea, like asking yourself to give up on your autonomy and giving your body to an unknown man abandoning yourself fully, but if you trust the symptoms, they will take you into absolute hell, so better to sync with your surrounding knowing that what you'll do or say will be completely normal and safe even if you feel like not holding a steering wheel. Waves happen, morning cortisol happens, menstrual cycles happen, this will never stop rolling cause your body is always in motion. Your thoughts react to everything around all the time, you are digesting food, processing what you see and your CNS is always there with you throughout each experience. If it makes you feel abnormal, use what works to set an example. Panic feels like something bad will happen, so go there, do something and let your mind see nothing bad happened. When in a wave write down your negative thoughts. Maybe during a window you can reframe them. Maybe post them here and we could work on it together. Maybe tell someone close that you feel it and it will be less of a threat because your family or friends will assure you you're safe. Next wave you will have a base. You will remember it was the real you who proved your neuroemotions wrong. I'd say if you can, start a day with relaxing your body, touching the nature, hugging your closest ones, something that will prove you are participant in regular life. Then read the affirmations and really pay attention to accept them fully. Maybe read your own topic. See how you were exiting your doubts each time. Maybe someone else's topic. You need to have that panorama of it feeling bad, accepting it happens all the time, changes all the time and eventually returning to normal. Without it symptoms will be leading and real life will go to a shadow. When you are set physically and mentally, do your best to stay distracted for the rest of the day. When it persists at some point, slow down and hold onto your current activity. Shut down any thinking and just follow your participation. You grip a pen or focus on who is talking to you at the moment and avoid intentionally affecting your flow of thoughts. If you see your thoughts don't help, simply don't let yourself be the one to rescue yourself. You won't control it anyways, so just let yourself be controlled by your enviroment instead of your healing internal office.

[mariamisery]

Thank you! Really good and insightful  information. Thank you for taking out time to chat with me. It really makes a difference. Please let me know if I  am or become a  bother. I agree with the distraction idea. Getting to this place is a process.  If fact from the first statement on down is spot on.   It is helpful to know I am not alone in these struggles. I searched the forums and no one talks about what it was like right before complete healing.  Do you know how healing behaves in these situations.  Is it symptoms getting better how we determine healing process? Because of the strength I feel in your writings it is hard to imagine you suffering.

[BaccatePlayer]

24 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

Thank you! Really good and insightful  information. Thank you for taking out time to chat with me. It really makes a difference. Please let me know if I  am or become a  bother. I agree with the distraction idea. Getting to this place is a process.  If fact from the first statement on down is spot on.   It is helpful to know I am not alone in these struggles. I searched the forums and no one talks about what it was like right before complete healing.  Do you know how healing behaves in these situations.  Is it symptoms getting better how we determine healing process? Because of the strength I feel in your writings it is hard to imagine you suffering.

Most likely yes, less symptoms is how we know it's getting better, but remember a wave can quickly convince you it's getting worse, so it's usually about WDnormal. Some symptoms occur, then go away for some time, then come back again. Some mutate into some variant of themselves and it just keeps rolling because healing takes place all the time. I noticed more of my thoughts appear normal which is decent recovery sign. If I spontaneously have more memories of music videos, goals scored in games I watched, when there are jokes, thoughts about sex, actual plans based on what I have at hand, casually searching something like "main language of Zimbabwe", it's a sign, as one mod put it "life resumes". You're not a bother, you are very helpful and your words are always full of respect and honesty. First pages of my introduction topic are full blown panic and whinning for instant rescue, so I guess I just don't externalise it anymore.

[Kaylaq]

@mariamisery i see you, I hear you!  Give yourself lots of love today! 🥰 even though our symptoms are from brain healing, we are in need of lots of emotional healing also! Do many kind things for yourself! I’m giving myself many hugs today as I try to be patient through this difficult process 

 

🙏🙏🥰🥰

[mariamisery]

Thanks 😊 without going to your page. How long have you been on this journey?  It seems like everyone but me is coping. I know we are healing even though it does not feel like it. Trying to change my mindset. 

[Kaylaq]

I have been in this place a year now! Depression, anxiety and fear rule my life on a daily basis!  Mornings are my hardest time! The cortisol am rush hits me hard, I feel like I’m going a hundred miles an hour.  My system calms down a bit as the day goes by. But I spend most of my time is distraction mode cause as soon as I let myself into the reality of my world, I get overwhelmed and panic 😱  I’m better at being there for others than for myself.  💗💗

[BaccatePlayer]

Hello Maria! If you're still struggling with breathing, I did a research just for you and found this video: 

I know you may not feel like in panic, but there's actually an explanation for "air hunger" being tied to the experience of panic attack here. Oftentimes we associate anxiety and panic with their direct manifestations, but many symptoms like heart racing, depersonalization or brain burning are in fact a way our body signals being nervous and in fear. We know symptoms aren't logical, they don't make sense since, for instance many of us feel nausea when there's clearly no reason looking at digestive system. Treating panic seems like a real game changer here. There's no way for it to be harmful since it's just breathing with slower tempo and it can help with your symptoms as well as waves. Emotional pain and some wierd body sensations may be linked to what I often say about my waves: a general slowdown in the whole system and thoughts "closing off", so they only become a small bubble of neuroemotions and a very trap-like mood that doesn't register anything positive or hopeful. Maybe that's the whole point? Our mind believes it's stuck in the panic attack? I don't know if you ever had panic attack outside of withdrawal, but it feels exactly like this, waves are just a little bit more stretched in time at the cost of their intensity. Hope you're feeling better!

[mariamisery]

Hi. Thanks for the help. Hope you are ok. With my breathing. I will be breathing fine and then all of a sudden I lose my breathing tempo. Am I inhaling or exhaling. It will awaken me during the night and last through the morning. I have to consciously breathe. I read that our CNS plays a big part in the respiratory system.  I am not sure if this is air hunger. As said before hope this goes away soon. I guess we never know what we will encounter. I really appreciate you taking out your time to research this for me. It means a lot!!Today is challenging. I need so much strength to get through this process. 

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

Hi. Thanks for the help. Hope you are ok. With my breathing. I will be breathing fine and then all of a sudden I lose my breathing tempo. Am I inhaling or exhaling. It will awaken me during the night and last through the morning. I have to consciously breathe. I read that our CNS plays a big part in the respiratory system.  I am not sure if this is air hunger. As said before hope this goes away soon. I guess we never know what we will encounter. I really appreciate you taking out your time to research this for me. It means a lot!!Today is challenging. I need so much strength to get through this process. 

As I remember time when I had it as well, it is sudden and may even work like sleep apnea. Similair to heart racing I have now, unexpected "cramps". Definitelly CNS to blame, even if you can't see a direct link between, let's say stomach heat and CNS (had such blasts of heat in legs just before panic attack once), but you can only react with what you control. Think of it as your system having short circuits. If you power it with lots of energy, the glitches are more prominent, if you keep it at low, it will only reach so much intensity.

 

This is one of the worst or just the worst day this week for me, I was stuck in very disturbing mood and didn't even notice. Some moments I thought I'm completely losing it. I often imagine we're all mates at the hospital or a ward going through withdrawal symptoms together, holding our hands and motivating each other. No one around gets my symptoms, so I only have either praying or communicating here. I will always remember how you supported me so many times. I'm so proud of you for the progress you are making. You used to panic and seek instant rescue, but you've grown out to be a very brave and wise girl spreading hope despite her own misery. I can tell you are recovering, it took me a while to even decide to try being strong, but you are so mature and courageous that you already got strong enough so fast. I'm surprised by how you adopted the right mindset so quickly, the healing is coming Maria. The hours of suffering will become shorter and shorter, you'll be going through your days and only realize a few times a day that you have a symptom and one day you'll see that the last symptom never reappeared. Your success story will be insightful gold here and you'll have a fantastic life again!

[mariamisery]

At hospital right now to check  breathing. It is awful.  Breathing but feeling like I can't.  It is so difficult and challenging . Hope things get better for you.

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

At hospital right now to check  breathing. It is awful.  Breathing but feeling like I can't.  It is so difficult and challenging . Hope things get better for you.

@mariamiseryHi Maria, I'm so glad that you're getting it checked out, it will give you peace of mind. Sending you love and best wishes.💐🙏

[mariamisery]

Thank you. Air saturation good and lungs good. What is going on. In a bind. Is this part of  withdrawal?

[Sonia009]

6 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

Thank you. Air saturation good and lungs good. What is going on. In a bind. Is this part of  withdrawal?

@mariamiseryAll I know is others have complained of air hunger in withdrawal, myself included. I hope they will be able to sort it out and give you the answers you need Maria. Sending hugs🙏❤️

[mariamisery]

Do you get it often?

[Dahlia50]

@BaccatePlayer 

3 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I often imagine we're all mates at the hospital or a ward going through withdrawal symptoms together, holding our hands and motivating each other.

Im here - as as you describe it. When I was in hospital I felt so ill but no one understood. Im hanging on a thread right now, still dont understand how this is possible.

 

@mariamisery  I have started to get air hunger. Thought it was hard on the heart yesterday too. You feel that your whole body is fighting so hard. It's so strange that it doesn't show up on any tests.

 

 

[mariamisery]

I am scared . I went before and they found nothing. Don't know what to do. I am breathing but it is so uncomfortable!

[Sonia009]

47 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

Do you get it often?

@mariamiseryIt comes and goes, if I'm anxious I get it if I think too much about it but it usually goes with distraction. ❤️🙏

[BaccatePlayer]

11 hours ago, mariamisery said:

At hospital right now to check  breathing. It is awful.  Breathing but feeling like I can't.  It is so difficult and challenging . Hope things get better for you.

Thanks! It's not good yet, but I'm realistic about my waves. If I'm close to finishing third day of wave, it may very well take another one and maybe another one. Still tuesday and wednesday are still unlikely to look like instant relief, but more like a hangover and feeling wierd, like in a new, more repaired body. No worries, just let's keep going. In 10 days I'll finish fourth month, but I've learnt to let go of expectations. You could benefit from it too. If wave/withdrawal/symptom can last so long, then demanding it to go away now can only disappoint you. If I saw you reporting breathing issues in a month, that'd still be justified. Brutal, but what is about to happen, will happen. You only choose if you respond to it the wise or the easy way. The latter is sadly more painful path.

 

9 hours ago, mariamisery said:

Air saturation good and lungs good. What is going on. In a bind. Is this part of  withdrawal?

Yes. Classic. It would be the same if I went to check my heart racing. Various people went to different doctors only to never see anything abnormal on examinations.

8 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

@BaccatePlayer 

12 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I often imagine we're all mates at the hospital or a ward going through withdrawal symptoms together, holding our hands and motivating each other.

Im here - as as you describe it. When I was in hospital I felt so ill but no one understood. Im hanging on a thread right now, still dont understand how this is possible.

Definitelly hard to believe it unless it happens to you. I guess we wouldn't be able to imagine it before our symptoms appeared. Try to picture yourself on the timeline from outside perspective: you will be alive the next days, next weeks, next months, next years and you won't even look like you're ill. The only task is getting through each second of it. It will happen regardless, so may as well put all efforts of finding peace, grounding exercises, relaxation podcasts. It's good that you connect with us. I used to be guilt-tripped by parents and decided to isolate. This was... horrible in its side effects to say the least. It will all pass, sweetheart.

8 hours ago, mariamisery said:

I am scared . I went before and they found nothing. Don't know what to do. I am breathing but it is so uncomfortable!

Notice that what you're doing now is feeding the symptom on all fronts. You are panicking, rumminating about this, validating the symptom as real and on top of that you desperately seek relief on the wrong side of the reality (you want to fix the symptom). Trust the external, Maria! You have proof, I know it sounds like invalidating your own senses but regardless of what you feel about your breathing, it's fine. You won't be able to do more here. I have heart racing from time to time since the beginning of recovery and it's still there, still reaching 90 pulse and immobilizing me during waves. Freaking out will not help. Ever. You can even picture that as clueless Maria entering a neverending loop of having panic inside, panicking about it and both panics intensifying because you forget to stop that cycle. Please, leave that train of thoughts before it takes you over completely. You can even make a drawing with you sitting and worrying about it and this resulting in devil adding more days to your recovery calendar. Don't let yourself be irrational, everything is under control, we're with you.

[mariamisery]

Hi. glad you are managing your symptoms. I understand what  you are saying.  It causes me to not be able to sleep through the night.  It is extremely uncomfortable and unbearable.  I do breathing exercises all day.  Don't know how to survive this  one. I never had anxiety before.  I Don't hyperventilate.  God help me through this. I promise I am not freaking out.  I just want to survive this. At first the breathing hell would just happen for a few hours in the morning and then it would stop.  This week it would start in the middle of the night and lasted longer. Yesterday it lasted all day. Just want relief. I want to live my friend! It is difficult to eat, sleep and live.  I need answers and help. But no one to relieve this nightmare. 

 

[mariamisery]

I know it reads like I am not listening to your advice which will help me tremendously.  I  am trying my best to accept the process.  I admit that implementing what's necessary is a challenge.  I have to believe that this breathing  issue will go away in time.  Don't  give up on me.  You are so amazing !

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

Don't know how to survive this  one.

This...

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

God help me through this.

This...

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

Just want relief.

This...

 

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

I want to live my friend!

This...

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

I need answers and help. But no one to relieve this nightmare. 

This... All panic. I mean, no wonder. It's obvious you care and good luck finding someone who wouldn't be nervous about this, but the situation is still the same. If it doesn't go away now, then it doesn't. What can you do? Take meds? It won't solve it. Get an inhaler? But you do breathe normally. I'm really sorry Maria, but you won't find a solution to it. I was absolutely terrified at the prospect of having some symptoms, I was crying and begging God not to experience it even one more time, but it kept happening. I was having such overloads that it was unbearable pain along with incredibly narrow, trapped thoughts, full blown panic and I didn't even know about the forum back then. I couldn't bear a second of it, let alone believing I'll ever feel better. This is not something I like to tell people, but oftentimes you just have to go through the unknown. It will be unbearable, you'll be ready to give up so many times and yet there will still be an even worse symptom, but there's really nothing you can do. You don't need to read my topic but at the start I was feeling worse and worse, it was so bad that I completely lost hope. There were no windows. There was a wave all the time because my mindset never gave my brain any relief. I was just like "no, it's too much, stop it now!", "I can't like this anymore, help!" and my brain started acting like I was actually terminally ill because I didn't counter it with anything. I was just reacting to each day being worse and worse. You are here now, I don't know how old you are, but you understand things enough to know how it looks like. It doesn't last forever, but among waves and windows there are also what I call "twists". It's once a month for me and it involves my brain going through extremely heavy operation. This is truly unbearable and temporarly makes both waves and windows extra harder like never before. Who knows, maybe once your breathing issues go away you'll be facing the estranged moods and thoughts like me, Gonzo or Kai and then admit these days weren't so bad? Everyday you're different, catch any sleep you can. If you can't, let it go. I know people who had breathing issues as adverse effect for over half a year, some have PSSD, some have intrusive thoughts. Don't forget it's all unfair from the beginning.

 

I was thinking, maybe you'd benefit from Jacobson relaxation? It's about releasing tension from the muscles while exhaling and contracting while inhaling. Again, this is not a solution, it's coping. It adds up to support long term recovery, but this is not a fix for everything. Remember, we are drug free, we are just on our own. All this journey is about enduring. You can stay distracted, use techniques for emotions, but at the end of the day it's always hell. For everyone. If your past self made up to now, your current self will make up to the future. Don't leave me alone in this, fight, fight, fight, fight...

[BaccatePlayer]

7 minutes ago, mariamisery said:

I know it reads like I am not listening to your advice which will help me tremendously.  I  am trying my best to accept the process.  I admit that implementing what's necessary is a challenge.  I have to believe that this breathing  issue will go away in time.  Don't  give up on me.  You are so amazing !

It's fine, really. I approach each wave with belief that I won't snap under it next time... and I do. Still. Don't worry, I'll have enough patience for you even if it meant learning that you're crying all days from pain. You're worth living your regular life, just follow the actions. Even if it's thinking "I'm going to take a bath and later I'm going to make a sandwich", it pulls you to the ground. Actions is how you change anything, with rumminating thoughts... well, it's like you were standing alone on the desert angry at your enemy that's not even there, so you keep throwing boomerangs in the air only for them to come back and hit you instead. These things are out of your reach. Your body protects you from them this way. Just as tums won't work on withdrawal nausea, there is no relief nor a need for cure for your breathing. Maybe you shouldn't even insist on accepting it now, move your focus elsewhere cause while coping might be helpful, it still keeps your mind on the symptoms. You got this. And you're fabulous soul too.

[Kaylaq]

@mariamisery so sorry you are suffering so much especially only being on Meds for one month.  There are no clear answers or solutions!  Only time will heal, and give yourself lots of self care!!!  Reread @BaccatePlayer posts again and again! It really helps! he has sent us so much encouragement and advice to get through this! 

Sending you strength, courage to get through this day by day! 
 

@BaccatePlayer thank you again for being here for us, you are an amazing support!  Hopefully your days are getting easier 🙏🏻🥰💪

[mariamisery]

Hi. Thank you. I was on the medication for almost 7 weeks. It made me feel bad.  Soon as I stopped taking it the depression went away.  You are right. Going through this because of short term use of a med makes no sense.. It has been 2 and a half months since stopping.  Breathing is better today.  I know you are going through a lot. Thanks I need lots of  strength and courage. Sending peace and smiles your way. I believe life will be better for you soon. Thanks 

[Carmie]

Hi @mariamisery

 

You said in the DM that you wanted to ask a question. So as to keep your history all in one place, can you please ask the question here on your thread. Thanks a lot.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[mariamisery]

Hi Carmie. I have been having the breathing issue and it is very uncomfortable.  Had health checked and all is good. Is this a part of withdrawal? 

[mariamisery]

Please . I always have trouble finding my thread. Can you  help?  Thank you.  So sorry I just sent something to you. I can resubmit. 

[mariamisery]

Hi Carmie. Is the shortness of breath a part of withdrawal.  Everything checked out at hospital.  I  read you  were having some trouble.  This is so uncomfortable.  Wondering if it will pass as  I heal.

Thank you.  

[Carmie]

On 4/7/2024 at 11:00 PM, mariamisery said:

Hi Carmie. Is the shortness of breath a part of withdrawal.  Everything checked out at hospital.  I  read you  were having some trouble.  This is so uncomfortable.  Wondering if it will pass as  I heal.

Thank you.  

Hi mariamisery,

 

I only just saw your post, as you didn’t tag me. I’m really sorry you’ve been in such a panic. It looks like you’re getting some excellent advice and support here on your thread. As mentioned, breathing problems can be from withdrawals. 

 

My problem with my breathing isn’t related to withdrawals. I have an autoimmune issue, my immune system is trying to destroy my lungs. I’ve struggled to breathe for years. I can’t seem to go into remission since I got the vaccine years ago.

 

As the kind people who are interacting with you on this thread have mentioned, we have to be patient. Time is the only thing that will get your brain slowly into homeostasis again, and heal any symptoms you have from withdrawals. There’s nothing we can do, except ride the waves. No one knows how long it will take to recover. There really is nothing black and white when it comes to these meds and withdrawals, everyone reacts differently. There are no definite answers as to a timeline of when one will heal, I’m sorry to say.
 

The best thing to do is to find distractions to help you to get through the waves. I need to keep distracting myself, not only because of withdrawals, but also because of illnesses.

 

It’s time for me to go to sleep now, Goodnight from Queensland, Australia 💛

[BaccatePlayer]

Oh Maria, looks like the symptoms dragged you into a trap again. Don't worry, you can still pull yourself up a bit!

 

On 4/7/2024 at 2:35 PM, mariamisery said:

I always have trouble finding my thread.

Are you by any chance familair with bookmarks in your browser? You can copy the link from the top now and save it somewhere. You can also add this link to your profile, so those who find you can find your introduction topic. Otherwise you'd be relying on notifications which is not optimal if you follow or post on others threads.

 

On 4/7/2024 at 2:35 PM, mariamisery said:

I can resubmit. 

Remember that the other user gets notified when you tag or quote them. If you don't, they either don't know until they decide to check your topic or if they follow you/your thread, they will see that you posted something here, but they won't know that you are responding to them.

 

On 4/7/2024 at 2:34 PM, mariamisery said:

Is this a part of withdrawal? 

Why would you doubt it? That's what we're all telling you from day 1. There's a Glenmullen's withdrawal symptoms list on the forum and many topics about this particular issue like this one: 

 

On 4/7/2024 at 3:00 PM, mariamisery said:

Wondering if it will pass as  I heal.

Again, why not? Did anyone except your panicking mind tell you that it won't? This isn't even a very complicated symptom to label. You feel like you struggle to breathe. Just like Sonia did. Just like I did. Just like many users here, not only mirtazapine victims, but various polydrugged people.

 

On 4/7/2024 at 3:00 PM, mariamisery said:

Everything checked out at hospital.

If this brings you comfort and reassurance, that's fine. You came back with more panic instead though. Please do not get fooled, Maria. Your CNS needs to get the message that you're not in danger... and you just sent all your efforts to make it believe that you are. You took it seriously, kept rumminating and drive your panic again. I beg you, do not go backwards!

 

On 4/7/2024 at 3:00 PM, mariamisery said:

This is so uncomfortable. 

See, that's the issue. You may be thinking "others are so lucky and strong, I can't cope, this is so unbearable" - the only thing that sets you apart from a person who doesn't seem to suffer so much is that you identify with your thoughts. You're not your thoughts. Don't believe everything that pops out in your imagination. Your mind learns how to deal without meds. When you want to write "I need to be encouraged" or "I hope this will end soon", think of how you could accept your current state. Don't just respond to me with "You're right, I should try harder to be positive" cause this is not about me expecting you to think certain way. It's about you feeling better in your journey, Maria. I'm not getting angry at you or anything when I see you're struggling. You're not guilty of anything and don't blame yourself for buying into your waves' narrative. We all do to some degree. Just notice there's hope. You can improve. Use it. Even if it doesn't last too long and you start doubting again, you made good effort in surviving one more day... and some more day... and then you'll come here and tell us you can finally breathe and sleep like you used to.

 

On 4/6/2024 at 5:47 PM, mariamisery said:

It made me feel bad.

An adverse reaction on top of cold turkey withdrawal? No worries, you'll still recover. Also remember that breathing exercises are not there to fix your symptoms. Nothing can do it but time your system needs to stabilize itself. When I encourage you to use relaxation podcasts, it is to clear your mind. Take you away from your worries. There is no "cure" for any symptom and you shouldn't approach coping as such. When you feel bad, don't run to your strategies with the intention of torpedoing the symptoms. This would be a form of avoidance, a signal for your brain that you panic because of serious threat and want to hide. You don't need to. You want to enjoy your life and thus you want to keep your activation levels low. That's why rumminations and panic bad. And you do these as you can see. The less activated your system is, the weaker the symptom get. You get it? Composed and rational Maria runs on low adrenaline, so symptoms are "low megawatts" meaning they won't shock you that much. Stay on it and the symptoms will only be so bad. Also, I'm not giving up on you, don't doubt it too, little pearl!

[mariamisery]

Hi. Being in this situation causes me confusion and I guess it makes me feel desperate.  Thanks for the help. Today is challenging.  I go for a walk and do things to try to get my mind in another place.  Not successful just yet. I must survive this awful challenging  situation.  Hope you are doing better.  If only I can be strong  like you. Seeing this thing as temporary