CursedCrow: How I ended up on Olanzapine (CW: abuse and trauma)

[CursedCrow]

I debated on telling this first part because of the trauma it left me. If you're not comfortable in hearing about the abuse I went through, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

 

This truly started 3 years ago with my first bout of psychosis. I was possibly drugged by my ex and got the authorities called on me because I thought he was going to hurt my family and I was losing my mind. He told me he was calling for help, little did I know it was not help for me. They used excessive force when I wasn't even resisting and made my hands bleed handcuffing me, pinning me down, and putting me in a straitjacket. In the ambulance they injected me with something that made me lose all function of my motor system. I was verbally abused and thrown onto the hospital floor for not being able to move my body where I then passed out. I was forced on an IV that was pumping more **** into me that I didn't know. Throughout my stay I was again injected with something I still don't know and had way more blood removed than necessary to do blood tests after my body had already eliminated whatever was in me so no one could tell if I was actually drugged or not. I was constantly lied to about the medication I was being presented with being told that it was for nausea when it was an antipsychotic. Eventually I agreed when they threatened to force it on me, but only ever truthfully taking it once while spitting out the rest. Upon discharge, they wanted to put me on 5 years of Abilify. I refused. After 6 months of debilitating anxiety refusing to ever see a doctor again, I somehow recovered to a certain point but my overall health was never the same and I just became even more hypersensitive to things.

 

Fast forward to end of October 2023, I was undergoing a lot of stress and depression to the point that it was affecting my eating and felt like vomiting. My body temperature kept fluctuating from normal to abnormally cold; it was nothing like I've ever felt before and I was so terrified of what was happening to me. I admitted myself to the hospital where I was once again, forced injected with something I didn't know (later I found out it was lorazepam), again way more blood taken than necessary to do blood tests, and again fell into a state of psychosis. Once again, I was admitted to the psych ward and lied to about the meds they wanted to give me saying that Olanzapine just helps you sleep, and if I didn't take it I'd be stuck in the psych ward for a month or more. I caved in order to get out faster to ease the stress on my family and thought I could try trusting them because they told me I'd be on a low dose of half a mg. Again I was lied to or the nurse lied on my report and I was put on supposedly 5mg at the start. I remember looking at the half tablet they gave me and there was clearly a 5 on it! Ultimately I don't know what my actual dose was. I was feeling nauseated on it and very sedated and constantly feeling cold, needing to urinate a lot, and elevated heart rate. Even had a low fever at some point. I tried telling the nurse and doctor but it was dismissed as something else or just simply ignored. I tried asking to be on a different med which they agreed for a couple days and then promptly switched me back citing "severe" nausea even though I was experiencing the same nausea on Olanzapine. They really just wanted me on this horrible drug. Though after reading people's stories on here, I dunno how much better I'd have been off on an AD instead of AP in terms of trying to wean off it.

 

In the end I was discharged on 2.5mg of Olanzapine and took it for a full month. I asked how long I was supposed to take it for and my doc just said to keep taking it. Pharmacist didn't say anything about side effects other than drowsiness or dizziness, yet the leaflet listed a whole bunch of it. Not knowing anything about withdrawal, I CT'd after that month and felt fine for a week, then started to feel ill again with random muscle jerks and my body feeling constantly cold. So I reinstated the 2.5mg and took it for another half month before getting Covid which messed with my nervous system even harder where my body temperature wouldn't go down but I was still feeling super cold. After 2 months recovering, there were still random points where I felt really ill like my body was shutting down and the Olanzapine sedation was getting too much. I tried asking my doc about it and it was dismissed as Covid residual symptoms. So I kept on the dosage for a while longer but it didn't fully resolve. I asked my doc if I could taper off the Olanzapine. He told me to do a skip every other day dose approach which led to much head pain so I went on half for a week last week and felt a lot better. But I was feeling tired in the mornings again, so I thought I could do a skipped dose thing again at 1.25mg like an idiot but that just caused some really bad headaches.

 

Right now I'm taking a quarter (0.625mg) and am suffering from random muscle convulsions and now insomnia, in combination with feeling cold, constantly needing to urinate, and nausea that I felt the first time. I'm also feeling random bouts of what I can only describe as the stress hormone which is what feels like causes the random muscle convulsions and insomnia. As I'm typing, I keep hoping the small windows of relief would stay but I inevitably just get waves of cold and stress again...

 

Sorry this was a bit long. I appreciate anyone for reading.

[CursedCrow]

Should I try holding here in hopes of stabilizing or try reinstating my previous dose in hopes of mitigating my symptoms? I'm afraid I won't be able to stay feeling like this, but I don't wanna risk feeling worse especially when this drug was giving adverse effects to begin with.

[CursedCrow]

7:30pm - Decided to try taking 0.625mg again. Immediate nausea and feeling wired for some reason than just before I took it. It felt like a switch flipped in my brain or something. Started feeling really cold again but the feeling eventually subsided. Headache seems to be on and off but not as bad as earlier. Wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight.

[CursedCrow]

2:30am - Looks like another night of disrupted sleep... Slept for 3 hours before waking up.

4:00am - another 2 hrs of sleep...

4:30am - the cold and convulsions are returning...

6:30am - on and off feeling relaxed and restless, cold and body pins and needles; everytime i move around to get water I feel another cold spell

7:00am - couldn't rest... just going to the washroom makes me feel winded... feels like my body is shutting down on me... feeling cold again... cold sweats...

 

[CursedCrow]

8pm? - managed to eat breakfast but mind was really numbed; mild fever

10am? - muscle convulsions again, feeling pent up and had to hyperventilate to release it

12:30pm - managed to eat lunch; brain still feels numb; still mild fever

2:00pm - chills not getting any better... I feel like passing out but can't

[CursedCrow]

7:30pm - reinstated 1.25mg and immediately felt better; still reeling a bit when I walk around though. Absolutely ridiculous how dependant my body is on this... I just hope this stops the dry heaving I'd been doing and lets me sleep... Starting to feel kinda off again though... Hope the waves get less as I try to stabilize again...

[CursedCrow]

3:00am - Woke up to what feels like a cortisol spike and cold sensation. 

5:30am - Felt it again...

6:30am - Getting more frequent...

7:30am - Feeling really out of breath for some reason

8:00am - Still randomly out of breath...

[FireflyFyte]

Hi CursedCrow,

 

Welcome to SA. Thank you for putting your drug history in your signature.

 

You have made a lot of changes recently so would encourage you to stay at a single dose for at least a few weeks to see if you stabilize. 

 

Once stable and ready to taper, we recommend tapering no more than 10% per month of the previous dose which you can read more about at Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

We also have information specific to tapering Olanzapine at Tips for tapering off Zyprexa (olanzapine)

 

Thanks,

 

Firefly

[CursedCrow]

Thank you for the reply. I'm much more stable now but still suffering from some insomnia. No more body convulsions but still just very tired and sick.

[FireflyFyte]

58 minutes ago, CursedCrow said:

I'm much more stable now but still suffering from some insomnia.

 

Insomnia is very common during withdrawals. We have some advice on addressing this symptom at Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

I hope that you continue to stabilize further.

[CursedCrow]

Thank you for the encouragement.

 

I went to see a psychiatrist to see if I could get any sort of support from them, but they just wanted to push Abilify/aripiprazole on me and called my 1.25mg olanzapine a placebo. They said Abilify was less sedating but I feel like there's just as many if not more horror stories for it... Also if it's less sedating, won't it just cause a "relapse"? I freaking swear...

 

Won't be changing anything for a while but I can only hope they didn't write lies on my file like the hospitals did...

 

I will be using a different brand of olanzapine soon and am worried about the change. Any tips to mitigate potential side effects?

[FireflyFyte]

11 minutes ago, CursedCrow said:

I went to see a psychiatrist to see if I could get any sort of support from them, but they just wanted to push Abilify/aripiprazole on me and called my 1.25mg olanzapine a placebo.

 

Generally speaking, the majority of doctors know next to nothing regarding withdrawals and often times their solution is to add new medications to the mix.

 

12 minutes ago, CursedCrow said:

I will be using a different brand of olanzapine soon and am worried about the change. Any tips to mitigate potential side effects?

 

How many pills of your current brand do you have remaining?

[CursedCrow]

4 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

How many pills of your current brand do you have remaining?

12 but I take half so 24 days technically.

[FireflyFyte]

3 minutes ago, CursedCrow said:

12 but I take half so 24 days technically.

 

Are you taking your dose via a liquid solution or cutting and weighing your tablets?

[CursedCrow]

Just now, FireflyFyte said:

 

Are you taking your dose via a liquid solution or cutting and weighing your tablets?

Cutting in half. I don't have a scale unfortunately.

[FireflyFyte]

37 minutes ago, CursedCrow said:

Cutting in half. I don't have a scale unfortunately.

 

If possible, I would get a scale or consider making a liquid solution as cutting in half does not guarantee an even dose which can cause instability.

[littlebird]

42 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

1 hour ago, CursedCrow said:

Cutting in half. I don't have a scale unfortunately.

 

If possible, I would get a scale or consider making a liquid solution as cutting in half does not guarantee an even dose which can cause instability.

It's worth the investment to get a good/accurate scale! I started feeling a lot better from day to day getting the exact same dosing. At first I thought the Gemini scale recommended on here cost too much, but after trying a less accurate cheap version first I'm glad I spent the cash on a decent one. 

[CursedCrow]

On 3/21/2024 at 1:32 PM, littlebird said:

It's worth the investment to get a good/accurate scale! I started feeling a lot better from day to day getting the exact same dosing. At first I thought the Gemini scale recommended on here cost too much, but after trying a less accurate cheap version first I'm glad I spent the cash on a decent one. 

I'll look into it when I'm ready to start tapering again, but thank you for the recommendation.

 

I tried one dose of the other olanzapine brand to try it out, and I feel weird... It's like, I feel symptoms like nausea and headache but it's very muted... I had chills and fever the other day before I switched and I feel a similar thing but again it's very muted. Hope I don't regret doing that...

[FireflyFyte]

14 hours ago, CursedCrow said:

I tried one dose of the other olanzapine brand to try it out, and I feel weird... It's like, I feel symptoms like nausea and headache but it's very muted... I had chills and fever the other day before I switched and I feel a similar thing but again it's very muted. Hope I don't regret doing that...

 

Some people react to brand changes which is why we recommend slowly transitioning when changing brands, if possible. 

[Jaffa]

@FireflyFyte just caught your advice about not cutting the medication in half. If you have time I would really appreciate it if you look at my last few posts on my thread as I have been seeking advice about this exact same issue. Thanks

[CursedCrow]

Crap. Welp, the couple days I tried the other brand gave me terrible nightmares and sleep apnea, but they've now stopped back on the old brand. So ridiculous when they say generic brands of this hell drug can be substituted with each other. I'm having crying spells everyday. Head hurts. Feeling exhausted. Praying that I don't destabilize again.