Bren711 - My complicated psychiatric medication history - please help

[Bren711]

Hi there, this is my story and journey throughout my life taking various psychiatric medications and how they affected me. This is going to be a challenge to write as I am still having trouble thinking clearly, but I will do my best. I apologize that it is so long, but if anyone is willing to read through, I truly appreciate you.

It all started when I was about 6 years old, when I was diagnosed with ADHD because of my inattention in school. I was prescribed Vyvanse. The first day my parents had me take it, I got extremely activated and very excited (I apparently tried to get my parents to help me build a real train). So they stopped it and my psychiatrist suspected possible mania.

 Fast forward to 2018, freshman year of high school. I was starting to have severe emotional reactions to certain situations and obsess over things while becoming emotionally unstable, throwing tantrums and having extreme rage. My parents, not knowing what to do, took me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD and prescribed me Zoloft, which I took until sometime in 2021. The only side effect I remember was for the first few weeks being unable to ejaculate, but it went away eventually. Otherwise, it did do as advertised and softened my emotional reactions and obsessiveness. I also gained over 80 pounds on the medication due to increased cravings (I was huge by senior year). Sometime between 2018 and 2021, I was also put on Atomoxetine for ADHD which didn’t seem to do anything.

                  In late 2021, my doctor switched me to Cymbalta after I was becoming more depressed, and the Zoloft was deemed no longer effective. I was also prescribed deplin at some point in 2021 to treat my symptoms. No noticeable effects from that medication either. I didn’t really notice much of a difference other than maybe some more vivid dreams. Fast forward to 2022, where I really started to notice some emotional blunting, and trouble with focus and clarity during the time I was switched to Cymbalta. It’s also worth mentioning I was on an extreme 800 calorie a day diet during this time, and up until today I’ve lost 110 pounds (I am 134 pounds as of now). 

                  In late 2022 was my sophomore year of college. My best friend and roommate at the time, finding out I was on psychiatric medications, started to express some concern. When I would drive for example, he would point out my driving mistakes, and tell me he thinks the medications were causing some of the focus issues. We started to discuss some of the reasons I may have been feeling the way I was feeling at the time. By this point, the emotional blunting was becoming more severe, and I was using weed to self-medicate regularly every night to try to bring back some of my positive emotion. This was negatively impacting my health and sleep as well, and I remember going on weed breaks where I would have extremely vivid and unpleasant dreams every time I stopped. My roommate, very skeptical of psychiatric medications, convinced me I was being poisoned and that there was a chance I wasn’t fully there mentally. He also told me that if I was experiencing depressive symptoms, not to tell my doctor because he would just add more medication to my cocktail. By the end of 2022, my mental health had deteriorated to the point where I needed to drop out of college and return home. My psychiatrist had prescribed me mirtazapine around this time to help with sleep, and when he found out I wasn’t telling him the truth about my depressive symptoms, he told me he had no idea if anything was working because I was giving him “lousy” information. He was then going to prescribe me Quetiapine on top of the Cymbalta, Deplin, Atomoxotine, and Mirtazipine. I refused this and switched psychiatrists. 

                  In November of 2022, I returned home and my goal was to get off of all medications. My doctor first stopped the Deplin, Atomoxetine, and mirtazapine. Luckily, I didn’t notice any problems stopping those. He then rapidly tapered me off of Cymbalta. The day after my last pill of Cymbalta, was one of the scariest days of my entire life. I experienced chills, fever, severe depersonalization/derealization, and mood swings. I started to read online about peoples experiences and learned about protracted withdrawal. I told my psychiatrist about my suffering when we met two weeks after my last pill of Cymbalta and told me “Well you’re probably through the worst of it”. A month after stopping I was unsure who to trust, my roommate and my parents, my psychiatrist, or the communities online describing withdrawal. My psychiatrist convinced me it was relapse, and being desperate to feel better I gave into my feelings and I decided to go on Lexapro. I took it from January 2023 to August 2023, and while it did work to relieve my symptoms, I was back to the same problem. Emotional blunting, apathy, and tiredness. I also tried Vyvanse during this time again for ADHD and it resulted in major mood swings and euphoria, so I stopped taking it.  He then switched me over to desvenlafaxine which only made the emotional blunting worse and the most severe it had ever been. After being prescribed hydrocodone for an injury for example, it felt like it would unmask all of these emotional blunting symptoms and I would like myself again similar to the self-medication with weed. but I do understand how addictive that mindset can be (I only took the hydrocodone for 3 days for an injury). In august of 2023, I had started community college for computer science after taking some time off of college. But by this point, I was starting to withdrawal again from friends and family because of the emotional blunting, and by November 2022, I decided to taper off of Pristiq. He told me to taper in the same fashion as the Cymbalta, however I asked if I could taper more slowly. Instead of a two week taper, we tapered in about a month. After my last pill, I once again experienced severe symptoms, vivid scary dreams, and depersonalization/derealization, as well as my sex drive completely tanking over the next few months. From November 2023 to early March of 2024, my symptoms became more and more severe. I had severe anxiety and would see images/hear things minutes after trying to go to sleep at night. I can only describe it as being “zapped” awake by these horrific visuals (like for example a person crying/screaming, a scary face or creature, or just an overall scary image). I would wake up with panic attacks at night shaking. I would wait out the clock on weekends when I didn’t have school because I had no interest or desire for activites, hobbies, and just wanted to make it through another day. However, I was still not fully convinced that it could be withdrawal, and me, my therapist, my mother, thought it could just be a return of my symptoms again. 

In early March 2024, I went back to see my psychiatrist and we decided to try bupropion. At first, this slightly helped, however I started to notice problems with concentration and focus, as well as an increase in obsessive, racing thoughts about my condition. There were a few nights I felt amazing and couldn’t stop giggling/laughing, and I felt better than ever. One night, I went down to my mother’s room and paced around giggling and laughing, and I was shaking with butterflies in my stomach. I then went suddenly from laughing to crying, and back to laughing again. We were convinced it was mania and were going to let my psychiatrist know in the morning, however I was still able to sleep that night so we decided it may have just been activation and decided to keep going. During this time I started having trouble doing my schoolwork because of the racing thoughts and my psychiatrist told me that we probably needed to add something for anxiety. My two options were buspirone or an SSRI. I was still unsure what to do, because part of me wanted to reinstate the SSRI to relieve my symptoms, as there was a part of me still convinced I could be in withdrawal. My psychiatrist told me that for more obsessive anxiety, SSRI’s were more effective, so we decided on Prozac. The next two days, I took 10mg of Prozac. These two days, up until now, were terrifying. My obsessive racing thoughts about my condition increased rapidly, and I started having panic attacks. I also noticed strange zaps and pain sensations in my gential area, and a rapid deterioration of my already lowered sex drive. The second day, my sex drive was completely gone, and I started to feel very off, zoned out, and like I was in a dream. That night, I went had a scary panic attack after severely dissociating and feeling unreal, and also obsessively worrying about my sex drive. I was shaking uncontrollably and had chills up and down my body. I went to the Emergency room where they prescribed me Lorazepam to take as needed for panic attacks. I took it that night and I was able to sleep. The next day, I saw my psychiatrist and he quickly switched me over to buspirone. The night before taking buspar, I took the lorazepam again to help me sleep as I was sensing another panic attack. At 2-3 AM, I woke up shaking uncontrollably and in fear, I paced around the house, and waited for it to cool off. I went back to sleep later ok.

The next day, I started the buspirone. By this point, after taking the Prozac, I had missed several classes, stopped working out, and could no longer focus on anything. My parents drove my to my one evening class where I felt really strange and unreal. I went home and felt this numb feeling. I went to sleep and woke up again at 2-3 am with an intense feeling of doom. I didn’t want to take another lorazepam as I was scared of depending on it and it making my anxiety worse in the end. I took it for 3 days and on the third day, 30 minutes to an hour after taking it, I experienced tremors, anxiety, and panic. This all was occurring while I was out at a restaurant with my family as well (my mother had to hold my hand through the panic to help me calm down, it was that bad). I went home and tried to sleep, and the Ativan began working about 2 hours in. However, I woke up at 7 am with extreme chills, muscle spams, tremors, chest pain, and tremors.  I don’t know why my anxiety got worse after taking the Ativan the third time and why it took so long to work correctly. Two days later, I made a decision that I completely regret. At dinner with my family, I decided to drink a few sips of alcohol. While it helped my symptoms temporarily, when it wore off I felt the burning feeling come back, like my body was being ripped apart. I went from getting a few hours of sleep a night, to now none. I felt a scary sense of doom for several days and and still feel unlike myself and completely detached from my emotions. It feels like I can’t think and remember clearly and I need constant reassurance from my family about what I’m going through. I haven’t slept in days, I pace in circles for hours while my thoughts don’t make sense and race. My nerves feels like they’re on fire. Every time I try to sleep, my body jolts awake after a few minutes with violent feelings of burning throughout my body and I become drenched in sweat. I can’t sleep.

Right now, it feels like my life is over. My sex drive is gone, my thoughts don’t make sense, I have severe separation anxiety from my mother (I stay in her bedroom while she works all day just to retain some form of sanity), I can’t focus or remember things, and I am unsure whether to drop out of college again or not because I can’t work due to the constant horrible feelings. I am scared to leave the house, I have no appetite, anything that made me feel happy or positive now gives me an intense feeling of fear/doom. I have a sudden fear of things that aren’t even scary (like my old hobbies). I stopped the buspar and Wellbutrin CT now because it is only making things worse.

I am trying to convince my parents of the validity of PSSD and protracted withdrawal. I regret all my medication decisions in the last few months and wish I had believed the stories of withdrawal I had heard online. I didn’t want to believe any of it, and wanted to truly believe that this was just relapse and if I got back on medications, I could have some relief. I learned the hard way that I may very well be having severe adverse reactions and hypersensitivity and am worsening my withdrawal from all my previous medications. I’m 21 and didn’t expect my life to come to this, and I wish this suffering would end. I feel like part of my brain is dead and I am not even remotely the person I once was. Before 2018 and all my psychiatric mediations, I was bright, happy, had friends, a life to look forward to. I went from being able to laugh, make others laugh, and wanting to be around friends to emotionally numb, apathetic, and now on top of all that, unable to function and think clearly while in a state of panic. I barely feel real right now.

[Bren711]

I apologize for how lengthy this post is. I don’t know how to keep it shorter without it making complete sense. I wrote this as of two days ago. As of right now, my doctor knows about this and prescribed me Quetiapine for sleep. I absolutely do not want to take it, as I see that as a recipe for disaster. I will continue to update my medication history over time with more accurate dates and doseages as I figure out more info, as this is based on guesswork right now. Tomorrow, I’ll update with my latest symptoms. I have many questions, and if anyone has any for me, please let me know. I’ll try to get some sleep but I’m terrified to do so as that’s when my body seems to go haywire.

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

This topic is for anything relating to you, and any questions you have. Please do not start another topic.

 

I'm sorry you have suffered so much from misinformation and rapid drug changes. If I understand correctly, you are currently drug free. Is that correct? Given your complicated history of medication it would be difficult to recommend reinstatement, as we would not know which drug to re-introduce. If it was me I would plough on drug free, but I can't hide how challenging the process will be, and I also can't tell you how long it will take to recover. Your brain and nervous system is currently an unstable mess but, given the right environment and support, will recover with time.

 

If you have only used the benzo a couple of times, I wouldn't make a habit out of it. I also wouldn't recommend throwing another drug into the mix with the quetiapine. You might consider returning it to the pharmacy for disposal, if you don't want to act on desperation and take it one night.

 

Recovery happens in a non-linear way, often called the "windows and waves" of withdrawal. Over time the trend is still upwards, but you will probably experience fluctuations in your symptoms that make it seem like you are going backwards. This is normal. You can read more about it in the links posted below.

 

 

All the answers you are looking for regarding tapering and antidepressant withdrawal are on this site. Please search around and continue to read as much as you can manage. Use the site search function to search for specific words or phrases, such as drugs or symptoms.

 

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

Important topics in the Tapering forum and FAQ

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

 

Regards

Erimus

[Bren711]

Quote

If I understand correctly, you are currently drug free. Is that correct?

Correct, have been off of everything for 3 days.
So far the burning sensation in my body has gotten better. I don't feel like I need to pace around like crazy today, which is a good sign. I'm still experiencing random muscle spasms throughout the day and just feel really detached from my emotions. But overall hopefully its a sign of rapid improvement, or at least its just a 'window'.

I saw my therapist today, and she thought my reaction to all the recent medications could indicate mania and possible bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist thought the same. If I understand correctly, this is a pretty common problem, where doctors don't know how this could possibly happen so they attribute all of this as just an underlying illness. Part of me is unsure though, I have had signs throughout my life and did experience what I believe to be moments of "extreme euphoria and elevated mood" while on wellbutrin and other stimulants. I felt like a little kid at random moments and cried and laughed. I understand how the people around me may come to this conclusion. I just feel so lost, if I was bipolar, this would explain everything. But if the doctors are wrong and I end up taking the Quetiapine, I just end up harming myself even more. It feels like such a gamble right now. I just want a night of sleep without waking up every 2 minutes feeling feelings of terror for once. This is pain.

 

I'll keep pushing through for now. No matter what, it does make sense to keep any drugs out of my body for now. I'll keep updating with my symptoms. I was able to sleep for a few hours last night. Althought the dreams were weird and distressing and I did wake up several times sweating and with a sense of doom.

[Bren711]

What is also weird as hell is how anything that used to make me happy or any hobbies I had now make me feel a sense of panic. I can't tolerate my favorite songs as all the feelings the songs used to give me are replaced with doom. It feels like everything in my life makes me scared right now. I haven't felt anything like this before. It's like anything that stimulates my brain makes it panic. (Even just sleep). Any possible explanations for this?

[Erimus]

1 hour ago, Bren711 said:

I saw my therapist today, and she thought my reaction to all the recent medications could indicate mania and possible bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist thought the same. If I understand correctly, this is a pretty common problem, where doctors don't know how this could possibly happen so they attribute all of this as just an underlying illness.

If I had a penny for every time I read about somebody being diagnosed with biploar disorder due to side effects, or withdrawal, I'd be a millionaire. I'd only be concerned if you were getting all these symptoms and you'd never touched a psychiatric drug in your life. It's crucial that you understand what you are feeling is a direct result of rapid chopping and changing of many different medications over the last 3-6 years.

 

46 minutes ago, Bren711 said:

What is also weird as hell is how anything that used to make me happy or any hobbies I had now make me feel a sense of panic. I can't tolerate my favorite songs as all the feelings the songs used to give me are replaced with doom. It feels like everything in my life makes me scared right now. I haven't felt anything like this before. It's like anything that stimulates my brain makes it panic. (Even just sleep). Any possible explanations for this?

The neurotransmitters in your brain are all out of order, things that once brought happiness can trigger all sorts of unusual emotions. The important part to remember is that these feelings are not the "real" you. They're a temporary reaction to stimuli in your environment.

[Bren711]

Ok, thank you very much for your help so far. I'll continue to monitor my symptoms. Hopefully I will get out of this sooner rather than later, as I am still young. I never thought this would be the trajectory my life was going to take, but its a learning experience I suppose. I'll keep pushing forward as much as I can.

[Erimus]

9 hours ago, Bren711 said:

Ok, thank you very much for your help so far. I'll continue to monitor my symptoms. Hopefully I will get out of this sooner rather than later, as I am still young. I never thought this would be the trajectory my life was going to take, but its a learning experience I suppose. I'll keep pushing forward as much as I can.

You will recover with time. Just try not to act when you get the inevitable downward spirals.

[Bren711]

Alright, so I’m back with an update. It’s been a  hectic last week, and I have been trying to slowly sludge through catching up on my schoolwork even though most of the time it feels extremely difficult or near impossible. Recently, what has been strange is how in the last week my sleep actually improved greatly for a few days (I was falling asleep, dreaming deeply without interruptions) and now for the last 3 nights my sleep has been progressively getting worse again. My current symptoms in this regard are this: within a few minutes of closing my eyes, my body literally feels like it’s dying and I feel like I’m loosing control/my grip on reality and I get jolted awake. This cycle continues for hours. If I do fall asleep for even a little bit, I will wake up with crazy racing thoughts and a feeling of terror throughout my whole body. I have a theory though, my last 10mg pill of Prozac was March 17th, I had taken it for two days. Could it be that it was basically a “mini reinstatement” and so a few days ago, it was actually relieving my symptoms because of its long half life? Then it proceeded to leave my system and now I’m back in a state of severe withdrawal? I know I reacted badly to it initially, but my thinking is that once it wore off to a tiny dose, it was actually helping slightly, I have no idea, I may be just overthinking this all.

[Bren711]

Of course I understand patterns also fluctuate in a windows and waves pattern so it could just likely be that. I’ve also been heavily concerned about the high possibility of PSSD which is greatly adding to the unsettling and horrific nature of everything so far ( I have some genital numbness, but I also have a complete loss of sexual drive towards anything). This is something that’s been progressively getting worse as well over the last few months (started about 3 months after my last pill of Pristiq in October 2023). I fear this because from my understanding, PSSD is a whole other beast, but I pray this is all just do to the high amount of stress my body is under. I don’t even feel connected to my memories anymore and feel like the person I once was is completely dead.

[Peter23]

So sorry that you are suffering due to psychiatric drugs. I can empathise with your symptoms. Especially the sense of doom, anxiety, panic and insomnia. I have ended up on 5 different medications due to numerous misdiagnosis by my psychiatrist. You are fortunate in not having taken any further psychiatric drugs. I am now in the slow process of coming off one of these drugs at a time.

I hope you improve gradually. 

 

 

[Bren711]

3 hours ago, Peter23 said:

I have ended up on 5 different medications due to numerous misdiagnosis by my psychiatrist.

Thank you for the kind words 😊. I’m so sorry to hear about that. It seems like such a common occurrence now the more that I read. I read your story and I hope you continue to improve as well. I read some of your post and can relate to much of your experience, especially in regards to the bipolar diagnosis. 

 

Today I had my final visit with my psychiatrist. I explained everything up till now and tried to make it clear of the symptoms I was experiencing. They explained to me, just like my therapist, that this was an “unmasking” of bipolar disorder. They really wanted to give me an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer but I rejected this. I just felt so misunderstood and discouraged after that visit. Unless I have a full blown manic episode in the next 5 years without meds, I won’t be trying anything like that. They also wanted to prescribe more benzos but I brought up concerns about dependency. They said yes, it can cause “a little” dependency if used daily for a while. Uhhhh hold on…. just a little??

[Bren711]

I think I’ll make it through this… I’m finding the best way so far is to not “fight” my symptoms. There are times, like sleeping, where this is incredibly difficult, but I’m going to stick this out. I’ve ordered some epsom salts to try, hopefully that will make difference or at least bring some relief. It’s going to be a long difficult road but I’m hopeful.

[Bren711]

I’ve hit a very brutal wave. Currently cannot sleep at all and am experiencing what I now believe to be mild akathisia. I feel so uncomfortable and tense. I can hear every heartbeat when I put my head down to try to sleep. Also random pins, needles, itches and pains randomly appearing on different parts of my body every few seconds (new symptoms I’ve never had before). Restless leg syndrome as well. Not even drifting off to sleep at this point because my nervous system is so activated/on fire. The last two weeks must’ve been a very long window because this feels like I’m back to square one.  I haven’t made any changes or added any new drugs/supplements. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I pray this will end.

[Erimus]

On 4/14/2024 at 7:13 AM, Bren711 said:

I’ve hit a very brutal wave. Currently cannot sleep at all and am experiencing what I now believe to be mild akathisia. I feel so uncomfortable and tense. I can hear every heartbeat when I put my head down to try to sleep. Also random pins, needles, itches and pains randomly appearing on different parts of my body every few seconds (new symptoms I’ve never had before). Restless leg syndrome as well. Not even drifting off to sleep at this point because my nervous system is so activated/on fire. The last two weeks must’ve been a very long window because this feels like I’m back to square one.  I haven’t made any changes or added any new drugs/supplements. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I pray this will end.

Like I said you have to learn to manage the ups and downs of withdrawal.

 

If you read the topics in the Symptoms and Self Care forum you will find a wealth of information for dealing with withdrawal.

Edited April 15 by Erimus

[Bren711]

The topics have all been super helpful, thank you. I think managing my OCD and obsessiveness about what has happened is going to be the most challenging aspect. The symptoms produce anxious unhelpful thoughts which lead me to research for hours, which has a soothing effect on me. When I stop researching obsessively, the anxious thoughts and uncomfortable sensations flare up more. The cycle repeats. Hopefully with time, I'll be better at dealing with it.

[Bren711]

If someone could please give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it. I haven't slept for two days and can barely type this out. This has been brutal to say the least. I'm worried this is more than just a wave. I have a bunch of new symptoms and it feels like the worst torture humanly possible. New symptoms are:

-The return of intense burning and electricity throughout my body, very hard to sit still/lay down and feel like I'm being cooked alive from the inside out.

-Sense of smell and taste has been dramatically reduced
-hallucinations and eye floaters

-pins, needles, and stabs throughout my body that come and go
-worsening of PSSD symptoms

Given my medication history it makes sense that I am one of the more severe cases on here. I imagine this is what benzo withdrawal must be like at this point. I honestly don't know how much longer I can handle this, it's pure torture. I need to sleep, I have two classes left out of the 4 I originally had, I was hoping not to drop them all (I had caught up in two). Would it be a terrible idea to take the benzo at least once? I only took it 3 times over 3 weeks ago, maybe if I took a cut dose would it break the cycle? 

 

Could this be the two 10mg Prozac I took March 17th wearing off? Should I reinstate a tiny dose? I'm probably experiencing overlapping withdrawals from the Pristiq back in November 2023, Kindled from the Prozac, and possibly even withdrawal from the Bupropion (although I only took that for a month and then quit CT). I only took the Ativan 3 times, I couldn't be experiencing withdrawal 3 weeks later right?

Is this akathisia? I have no idea, but its horrible. How can the body do this? I have to sleep, I'm afraid of become psychotic or something. Please if anyone can help me, I'd appreciate it.

[Erimus]

14 hours ago, Bren711 said:

Would it be a terrible idea to take the benzo at least once? I only took it 3 times over 3 weeks ago, maybe if I took a cut dose would it break the cycle? 

I wouldn't suggest adding fuel to the fire with benzos.

 

14 hours ago, Bren711 said:

Could this be the two 10mg Prozac I took March 17th wearing off? Should I reinstate a tiny dose? I'm probably experiencing overlapping withdrawals from the Pristiq back in November 2023, Kindled from the Prozac, and possibly even withdrawal from the Bupropion (although I only took that for a month and then quit CT). I only took the Ativan 3 times, I couldn't be experiencing withdrawal 3 weeks later right?

Prozac does take a lot longer to fully leave the body. You've chopped and changed so many drugs that I think your body just needs a long period of no more psychoactive substances. Unfortunately this is going to bring about a wide variety of wild symptoms that often make you question your sanity.

 

Eventually you will crash and sleep will return.

Edited April 17 by Erimus

[Bren711]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

Unfortunately this is going to bring about a wide variety of wild symptoms that often make you question your insanity.

 

Eventually you will crash and sleep will return.

I think that’s what makes the waves so difficult. It feels like I’m never fully prepared for what they’re going to bring. 
 

By the way, would it be helpful to see a neurologist sometime in the future? Are there things that have been able to be detected during WD for some people? I feel like my problems have become very sensory related (like possibly neuropathy and dysautonomia). Also, getting other things checked like my blood levels and thyroid by a GP. If it’s unhelpful/a waste of time I understand since I know a lot of WD problems can’t be detected by modern science.

[BaccatePlayer]

2 hours ago, Bren711 said:

Eventually you will crash and sleep will return.

What does "crash" mean here?

[Dahlia50]

@Bren711 Just wanted to say Hi. I’m having a hard time sleeping too and that intense burning and electricity. Agree, inhumane. Hope for better sleep 🙏

[Erimus]

3 hours ago, Bren711 said:

By the way, would it be helpful to see a neurologist sometime in the future? Are there things that have been able to be detected during WD for some people? I feel like my problems have become very sensory related (like possibly neuropathy and dysautonomia). Also, getting other things checked like my blood levels and thyroid by a GP. If it’s unhelpful/a waste of time I understand since I know a lot of WD problems can’t be detected by modern science.

It's very unlikely a neurologist will be able to help with any of your symptoms. Most of what we experience isn't visible on any tests or scans, which is why many are falsely led to believe the symptoms are of their own design.

 

Routine blood tests are fine. Probably worth getting once a year to make sure your levels are alright, particularly in withdrawal.

[Erimus]

1 hour ago, BaccatePlayer said:

What does "crash" mean here?

After having insomnia for a while you eventually crash and get some sleep, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[Bren711]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

Routine blood tests are fine. Probably worth getting once a year to make sure your levels are alright, particularly in withdrawal

That makes sense. I hear of weird things happening like hypothyroidism and and certain hormones being off during WD, so having answers for those would probably be helpful.

[Bren711]

2 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Just wanted to say Hi. I’m having a hard time sleeping too and that intense burning and electricity. Agree, inhumane. Hope for better sleep 🙏

The feeling is so bad and hard to put into words. I pray it gets better for you, it’s probably my worst symptom. That and the horrible thoughts that come along with it.

[Bren711]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

After having insomnia for a while you eventually crash and get some sleep, even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

3 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

What does "crash" mean here?

I did eventually, and fortunately crash. I think my body just eventually caved in because I looked at the clock in bed and it had been a few hours (So I assume I had fallen asleep at some point). Wasn't great sleep whatsoever but it probably kept my sanity. 

[Bren711]

I think the worst of the wave has subsided (so far) but those few days were crazy. Thankfully the burning has gone down a little bit for now. My thoughts felt nearly impossible to control during that wave because of how hijacked my CNS felt by stress hormones. Hopefully the next wave wont be as bad but if it is I'll just need to take it minute by minute.

[Bren711]

Update: Unsurprisingly, I’m still struggling, but with new problems now. My PSSD symptoms continue to rapidly deteriorate and it’s directly correlating with intensifying Anhedonia and complete loss of emotion. It’s so severe even my sense of taste and smell have been greatly reduced. I feel so emotionally numb it’s basically painful. There haven’t been any windows with this and it only seems to be intensifying every day. I get traumatized by my own memories of my former self because they don’t even feel like my memories anymore. That person was alive and had emotion. I’m concerned by how many drugs I’ve been on that I’ve done something to myself that I can’t recover from. I cant engage in anything because of the intense brain fog and discomfort knowing nothing feels right. The prognosis for PSSD doesn’t look good…. I just want to feel at least a little something… all I can feel is the intense discomfort every once in a while. Im starting to get concerned because I don’t see how my brain could recover from this amount of rapid change. Having PAWS and PSSD at the same time is probably some of the worst suffering imaginable and I don’t wish this on anyone

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Bren711- I just wanted to say hello, and I'm so sorry for the suffering that your revolving door of drugs has caused.  I went through a very similar time in the early/mid 2000s.  I did recover for the most part, although knowing what I know now, I do wonder if some of the odd symptoms I had throughout my drug-free years might have actually been ongoing PAWS.  But life absolutely did get better.  It will for you, too. 

 

I also agree with you that fighting your symptoms is not useful.  I'm a control freak at heart lol, but over the years, I've had to learn to just be in the moment, and accept where I'm at minute by minute.  And I'm constantly reminding myself that the body and the mind do heal- healing is natural.  We have to work hard NOT to heal.  Make that your mantra!

 

Wishing you more windows than waves, and a good, solid night's sleep! ❤️‍🩹

[Bren711]

This is hopefully just a wave….I do hope that this is just a part of WD and my intense OCD about my symptoms. maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones who recover PSSD sooner since it’s only been a few months.
 

I have to function….i have finals for my classes and I need to make it though… the brain fog and fatigue is insane though.

 

May try a diet for cleaning up my gut… I swear some of this is probably connected to what the drugs have done to mess with good gut bacteria. Probably will test for SIBO at some point.

 

My mental sharpness is the worst it’s ever been. I guess it was inevitable, I was on so many drugs… I hope others can learn from my story. I feel so stupid and guilty for going back to the doctor multiple times… I should’ve just quit the first time and never had gone back.

 

i guess I didn’t fully know, my entire family told me everything was just depression and anxiety, convinced me to go back on meds. I listened and it got me in this cycle, I should’ve been stronger. They still don’t fully believe the drugs could’ve caused any of this, neither does my doctor. It feels lonely…

[Bren711]

Just now, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @Bren711- I just wanted to say hello, and I'm so sorry for the suffering that your revolving door of drugs has caused.  I went through a very similar time in the early/mid 2000s.  I did recover for the most part, although knowing what I know now, I do wonder if some of the odd symptoms I had throughout my drug-free years might have actually been ongoing PAWS.  But life absolutely did get better.  It will for you, too. 

 

I also agree with you that fighting your symptoms is not useful.  I'm a control freak at heart lol, but over the years, I've had to learn to just be in the moment, and accept where I'm at minute by minute.  And I'm constantly reminding myself that the body and the mind do heal- healing is natural.  We have to work hard NOT to heal.  Make that your mantra!

 

Wishing you more windows than waves, and a good, solid night's sleep! ❤️‍🩹

Thank you! I really needed this today. I pray that being young will give me a chance to heal. I’m shocked at how resilient my body was for like the first 7-8 meds I was on, I was okay for the most part! The last few were the last straw though it seems and my nervous system had had enough. I am not super good at not fighting my symptoms yet, but I’m trying, and I know it’s the only thing I can do.

 

i appreciate you! I’m glad you’re feeling better. Your words are so encouraging. 

[Catwoman73]

3 minutes ago, Bren711 said:

This is hopefully just a wave….I do hope that this is just a part of WD and my intense OCD about my symptoms. maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones who recover PSSD sooner since it’s only been a few months.
 

I have to function….i have finals for my classes and I need to make it though… the brain fog and fatigue is insane though.

 

May try a diet for cleaning up my gut… I swear some of this is probably connected to what the drugs have done to mess with good gut bacteria. Probably will test for SIBO at some point.

 

My mental sharpness is the worst it’s ever been. I guess it was inevitable, I was on so many drugs… I hope others can learn from my story. I feel so stupid and guilty for going back to the doctor multiple times… I should’ve just quit the first time and never had gone back.

 

i guess I didn’t fully know, my entire family told me everything was just depression and anxiety, convinced me to go back on meds. I listened and it got me in this cycle, I should’ve been stronger. They still don’t fully believe the drugs could’ve caused any of this, neither does my doctor. It feels lonely…

None of us knew.  We all trusted our doctors to take care of us, and as the oath says, do no harm.  I honestly believe that even the doctors have been duped by big Pharma as well, and are just parroting their narrative.  We all just do our best in the moment- no point beating ourselves up for what is done.  Work on looking forward- good will come of this.  It has to!!!

 

Diet has been huge for me dealing with long covid symptoms (which are a lot like WD!).  I am currently on a whole foods plant based diet with intermittent fasting.  I don't think it's a one size fits all situation, but I can attest that cleaning up your diet can work wonders in so many ways. 

 

Do you have a break after finals?  Spending some time just concentrating on wellness would be a huge benefit for you right now.  I've been on disability for coming up on two years, and it has been a huge blessing.  It is helpful to get rid of all the noise of our busy lives, and focus on who we are. 

[Bren711]

2 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Diet has been huge for me dealing with long covid symptoms (which are a lot like WD!).  I am currently on a whole foods plant based diet with intermittent fasting.  I don't think it's a one size fits all situation, but I can attest that cleaning up your diet can work wonders in so many ways. 

I totally agree. I remember doing keto at one point and feeling better in a lot of ways. I heard somewhere on this form the importance of organic foods too. Will definitely give it a shot. Haven't tried intermittent fasting but I've heard a lot of good things about it!

 

2 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Do you have a break after finals?  Spending some time just concentrating on wellness would be a huge benefit for you right now.  I've been on disability for coming up on two years, and it has been a huge blessing.  It is helpful to get rid of all the noise of our busy lives, and focus on who we are.

Yes (thankfully) and I think the stress of finals is probably adding to the intensity of the WD/adverse reaction. Once its over I hope to start getting back in shape physically, although I'll just need to take it one day at a time. These days its a lot of loud intrusive thoughts that I have to manage. Once I'm past them and they calm down, I become a little more functional (like right now).

[Erimus]

12 hours ago, Bren711 said:

This is hopefully just a wave….I do hope that this is just a part of WD and my intense OCD about my symptoms. maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones who recover PSSD sooner since it’s only been a few months.
 

I have to function….i have finals for my classes and I need to make it though… the brain fog and fatigue is insane though.

 

May try a diet for cleaning up my gut… I swear some of this is probably connected to what the drugs have done to mess with good gut bacteria. Probably will test for SIBO at some point.

 

My mental sharpness is the worst it’s ever been. I guess it was inevitable, I was on so many drugs… I hope others can learn from my story. I feel so stupid and guilty for going back to the doctor multiple times… I should’ve just quit the first time and never had gone back.

 

i guess I didn’t fully know, my entire family told me everything was just depression and anxiety, convinced me to go back on meds. I listened and it got me in this cycle, I should’ve been stronger. They still don’t fully believe the drugs could’ve caused any of this, neither does my doctor. It feels lonely…

You have a young brain and nervous system, which means your chances of full recovery are much more positive. You are still in the acute phase of withdrawal. The fact you are still attending classes is a positive sign, despite the absence of emotion.

 

If you want to experiment with diet I'd suggest starting by removing gluten and dairy. Just try one or two things at a time, see how it makes you feel.

[Bren711]

5 hours ago, Erimus said:

You have a young brain and nervous system, which means your chances of full recovery are much more positive. You are still in the acute phase of withdrawal. The fact you are still attending classes is a positive sign, despite the absence of emotion.

 

If you want to experiment with diet I'd suggest starting by removing gluten and dairy. Just try one or two things at a time, see how it makes you feel.

I appreciate this. I hope its a good sign, even if I'm not noticing the recovery right now eventually it will slowly come.

I'll give the diet changes a try, it makes sense that making small changes at first is a better idea.