Caligula: Withdrawal from CIPRALEX (LEXAPRO) 15mg

[Caligula]

Hello,

 

Nice to meet you all. I'm initiating this thread to offer support for myself and potentially others who may be experiencing similar challenges.

 

I began taking 10mg of Cipralex when I was 27 years old. On and off for the majority of my life, I had experienced varying levels of anxiety. While I still managed to function, it often felt like I was struggling more than my peers. After several years of trying different approaches, my doctor recommended trying this SSRI. Though hesitant initially, my doctor persuaded me to give it a try, assuring me that discontinuing it would be straightforward..

 

And it did work. Remarkably so. After a couple of months, I felt like a new person. I remember thinking, "Is this how people usually feel? How refreshing."

 

However, after a couple of years, I began experiencing difficult weeks. For about a week at a time, I would feel worse than I did before starting the medication. Eventually, these episodes became more frequent, occurring around 6-7 times a year.

 

In 2021, I attempted to discontinue usage. Following the doctor's instructions, I tapered off 10mg over two weeks. It was a dreadful experience. I only managed a few weeks before returning to the medication. Soon the challenging weeks came back and this time it was suggested i bumbed it up to 15mg. It worked for a while, but then the "weeks" started again.

 

Determined to try again, I sought additional support for quitting the drug. Unfortunately, such resources are scarce in Sweden and i had not yet discovered this forum. If I had, I would have approached the situation differently. I would have requested the medication in liquid form and tapered it by 10% at a time. However, that opportunity has now passed. Anyhow i found a doctor willing to help me taper over 6 weeks. While the tapering period was manageable, discontinuing the drug completely was horrendous. Here's what I experienced (not in any particular order):

 

- Brain zaps
- Restless legs
- Insomnia
- Sadness
- Irritability
- Fear
- Forgetfulness
- Inability to experience joy
- Difficulty focusing
- Indecisiveness
- Mild panic attacks
- Headaches

 

It has been approximately 5 months since I completely stopped taking Cipralex. Some symptoms have subsided, but many persist. I would rank them as follows, with 1 being the most severe:

 

1. Sadness: I struggle to find joy in anything, even activities I used to enjoy immensely.
2. Irritability: Despite my efforts to remain calm, I often find myself losing control and becoming irritable with those close to me, leading to further distress.
3. Fear: I feel an overwhelming sense of apprehension in various life situations.
4. Indecisiveness: Making decisions, once straightforward for me, has become a daunting task.
5. Difficulty focusing: I frequently find myself zoning out and needing to reread or reprocess information.
6. Forgetfulness: Both short-term and long-term memory lapses occur frequently.
7. Restless legs: Though initially uncomfortable, this symptom has improved and become more manageable over time.

 

If I could offer any advice to someone going through the same experience as me, it would be the following:

 

- Remember, your thoughts are not reality. Strive to observe them without passing judgment.
- Be open and honest with the people close to you about what you're going through.

- Despite the constant urge to isolate, try to do the opposite, even if it's in less intimidating situations than large gatherings. Push yourself to leave the house.

- I have a routine i follow as often as possible, but especially when facing daunting tasks. Personally, I find that taking a cold bath (at 5 degrees Celsius for 3 minutes) followed by exercise significantly reduces my anxiety. While some research suggests this may help stimulate serotonin production, I can only attest to its effectiveness for me. If cold baths aren't possible, ice-cold showers are an alternative. I learned about this approach from a friend who successfully tapered off benzodiazepines, and I began exploring it when discontinuing my medication. The Wim Hof Method is a helpful resource in this regard.

 

I'm here if anyone has any questions and will provide updates whenever I notice a change in my withdrawal symptoms. I must say, there are brief periods where things improve slightly, but at present, they are scarce.

 

Thank you for reading,

//Caligula

Edited May 12 by Emonda
Name to title

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

This topic is for anything relating to you, and any questions you have. Please do not start another topic.

 

All the answers you are looking for regarding tapering and antidepressant withdrawal are on this site. Please search around and continue to read as much as you can manage. Use the site search function to search for specific words or phrases, such as drugs or symptoms.

 

 

The symptoms you were experiencing on the medication sound like what we colloquially call "poopout", or tachyphylaxis. It's when the drug loses efficacy after a number of years. As you've learnt, the only way out was to taper off.

All the symptoms you are experiencing now are common with the post-acute withdrawal odyssey, and we would expect them to very slowly improve and fade over the coming months. Despite your current challenges, it sounds like you are coping quite well with your situation.

 

On 5/11/2024 at 12:31 PM, Caligula said:

The Wim Hof Method is a helpful resource in this regard.

Just be careful with the breathing methods he suggests, I found they are far too intense for someone going through this. I prefer slower diaphragmatic breathing exercises.

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

--------From the Symptoms and Self-Care Forums--------

 
What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

 

Regards

Erimus

Edited May 15 by Erimus

[Alfred1977]

Hi Caligula,

if I understand you correctly, you quit 7.5mg Escitalopram over the course of about 6 weeks, ending at the beginning of Dez. 2023. And you still suffer from symptoms that you started to experience during those 6 weeks?!

 

In that case your taper has been extremely fast and this is probably the reason why you are still suffering. I did a fast taper over the course of roughly 3 month and it broke me. A lot of people need to get gradually off those drugs over the course of years if they want to avoid severe suffering.

[Caligula]

On 5/14/2024 at 10:34 AM, Erimus said:

The symptoms you were experiencing on the medication sound like what we colloquially call "poopout", or tachyphylaxis. It's when the drug loses efficacy after a number of years. As you've learnt, the only way out was to taper off.

Thank you. I'll look into it.

 

On 5/14/2024 at 10:34 AM, Erimus said:

Just be careful with the breathing methods he suggest, I found they are far too intense for someone going through this. I prefer slower diaphragmatic breathing exercises.

I've been incorporating ice baths and breathing exercises into my routine almost since I began my phase-out, and they've been invaluable to me. They've truly been a lifesaver.

[Caligula]

On 5/14/2024 at 11:14 AM, Alfred1977 said:

if I understand you correctly, you quit 7.5mg Escitalopram over the course of about 6 weeks, ending at the beginning of Dez. 2023. And you still suffer from symptoms that you started to experience during those 6 weeks?!

Tes.

 

On 5/14/2024 at 11:14 AM, Alfred1977 said:

In that case your taper has been extremely fast and this is probably the reason why you are still suffering. I did a fast taper over the course of roughly 3 month and it broke me. A lot of people need to get gradually off those drugs over the course of years if they want to avoid severe suffering.

Yes, it happened too quickly, but not by choice. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough support or knowledge from medical professionals.

[Alfred1977]

13 hours ago, Caligula said:

Yes, it happened too quickly, but not by choice. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough support or knowledge from medical professionals.

Same with me.

[Caligula]

Hello friends,

 

It has been a tough week. I´ve felt more personality-changed than in a long time.

 

I have my son every other week, and the week I have him I always look forward to with a mix of excitement and dread since I started my withdrawal. Excitement because he is a super nice kid and we have fun together. The dread comes from the fact that sometimes I am short-tempered and irritable with him, even though I really don't want to be. It's like I know that now you are angry, and it's unreasonable because he is 6, but I can't do anything about it. Completely powerless.

 

It feels like I’m becoming more and more socially misfit with each passing day. I've always had a bit of trouble connecting with people, instead I've had a few really good friends that I feel safe with. So in larger groups, I always feel strange, very conscious about trying to do the right thing. 

This weekend I made my debut as an assistant coach in my son's soccer team. It's been an emotional hangover for the past 24 hours. It went okay, until one of the other coaches did something that I thought was over the line. It wasn't a huge deal, but apparently I took it incredibly badly and have been obsessed with it ever since. My brain refuses to let go.

 

It's as if all my usual "character flaws" are coming through with incredible force in this.

 

So now I sit here, early morning, with shame that I can't connect with other people, that no one likes me, and fear that I have a whole Sunday ahead of me where my son and I will try to find something fun to do. And I hope I can keep my mood in check.

 

Take care,

[Caligula]

On 5/16/2024 at 10:08 AM, Alfred1977 said:

Same with me.

Ah i see. How are you feeling?

[Alfred1977]

1 hour ago, Caligula said:

Ah i see. How are you feeling?

Thank you for asking. Compared to the time around when I reinstated and the 4 weeks after that I'd say quite alright. I had pretty severe insomnia and anxiety with cortisol spikes and this stuff. This is significantly less now, however actually I am still feeling pretty bad. I am still anxious, I worry a lot, lost hope and feel depressed. I wonder again if I should push myself more or rest (same question in the beginning). I am doing almost nothing at the moment and find it hard to distinguish between withdrawal and psychological factors. Probably both matter.

 

1 hour ago, Caligula said:

It feels like I’m becoming more and more socially misfit with each passing day. I've always had a bit of trouble connecting with people

I got issues with that too.

 

Do you like Roman history?

[Caligula]

7 hours ago, Alfred1977 said:

Thank you for asking. Compared to the time around when I reinstated and the 4 weeks after that I'd say quite alright. I had pretty severe insomnia and anxiety with cortisol spikes and this stuff. This is significantly less now, however actually I am still feeling pretty bad. I am still anxious, I worry a lot, lost hope and feel depressed. I wonder again if I should push myself more or rest (same question in the beginning). I am doing almost nothing at the moment and find it hard to distinguish between withdrawal and psychological factors. Probably both matter.

 

 

I´m sry to hear that. I suppose I've been fairly lucky overall. I don't have any major physical complaints. There were a few acute issues at first, but most have gone away.

 

Hmm, I understand. Decisions do become harder the more knowledge one has, wouldn´t you agree? The first time it happened naturally because the knowledge of what would happen was so low. With all the knowledge you have now, I can imagine it's overwhelming to try to see clearly in it. In some way, it's a relief that so much time has passed since I stopped that a reinstatement to do it slowly would be highly risky. One less thing to worry about..

 

7 hours ago, Alfred1977 said:

Do you like Roman history?

 

No, not really. There are other periods in history I find more interesting. If you're thinking about the name, it was something my father used to throw around. It felt fitting as a name in this phase of my life. 😃

[Catwoman73]

9 hours ago, Caligula said:

Hello friends,

 

It has been a tough week. I´ve felt more personality-changed than in a long time.

 

I have my son every other week, and the week I have him I always look forward to with a mix of excitement and dread since I started my withdrawal. Excitement because he is a super nice kid and we have fun together. The dread comes from the fact that sometimes I am short-tempered and irritable with him, even though I really don't want to be. It's like I know that now you are angry, and it's unreasonable because he is 6, but I can't do anything about it. Completely powerless.

 

It feels like I’m becoming more and more socially misfit with each passing day. I've always had a bit of trouble connecting with people, instead I've had a few really good friends that I feel safe with. So in larger groups, I always feel strange, very conscious about trying to do the right thing. 

This weekend I made my debut as an assistant coach in my son's soccer team. It's been an emotional hangover for the past 24 hours. It went okay, until one of the other coaches did something that I thought was over the line. It wasn't a huge deal, but apparently I took it incredibly badly and have been obsessed with it ever since. My brain refuses to let go.

 

It's as if all my usual "character flaws" are coming through with incredible force in this.

 

So now I sit here, early morning, with shame that I can't connect with other people, that no one likes me, and fear that I have a whole Sunday ahead of me where my son and I will try to find something fun to do. And I hope I can keep my mood in check.

 

Take care,

Hi @Caligula- just wanted to drop by and say hello.  Like you, I have never found tapering to be hugely problematic, even when done too quickly, but that step off the drugs- look out lol!  I'm going slower this time, hoping like crazy to avoid dropping off a cliff when I stop.  Fingers crossed!

 

With respect to your son,  I've found that explaining what is happening to my daughter in an age appropriate way has helped us maintain our relationship, even when I'm snapping and difficult to live with.  Kids are surprisingly astute and compassionate.  My daughter is almost 15 now, and she just gets it, but at age 6, I just had to tell her that mom was struggling with feeling sad and scared sometimes.  And I would apologize when I made a mistake with her- and there were lots of them.   Communication is key!

 

I totally understand that feeling of socially not belonging.  I've been on and off these drugs for almost 30 years, and I've felt that way the ENTIRE time.  I'm hoping I'll be able to feel more comfortable at parties, etc on the other side of this, but for now, while dealing with so much, I've decided not to challenge myself too much on that front.  I only say this because, if you find coaching your son's soccer is too triggering right now (which it sounds like it might be, given your emotional hangover), that's ok.  If you don't feel you can do it- it's fine.  You could still go to games, chat with a parent or two watching the games, and likely feel a lot better the next day.  What's important right now is to take care of yourself and your own emotional wellbeing.  Sometimes just getting through the day is enough.  Be gentle with yourself, and be patient.  It WILL get better. ❤️‍🩹

[Alfred1977]

3 hours ago, Caligula said:

Decisions do become harder the more knowledge one has, wouldn´t you agree?

This is probably right...at least if the decision is not easy to begin with it gets more complicated with more information and knowledge.

 

3 hours ago, Caligula said:

No, not really. There are other periods in history I find more interesting. If you're thinking about the name, it was something my father used to throw around. It felt fitting as a name in this phase of my life. 😃

I like history. Which periods do you find interesting? Which phase of your life do you mean, currently? Do you mean it felt fitted because of Caligula's alleged insanity?

[Caligula]

On 5/19/2024 at 4:56 PM, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @Caligula- just wanted to drop by and say hello.  Like you, I have never found tapering to be hugely problematic, even when done too quickly, but that step off the drugs- look out lol!  I'm going slower this time, hoping like crazy to avoid dropping off a cliff when I stop.  Fingers crossed!

❤️

 

On 5/19/2024 at 4:56 PM, Catwoman73 said:

With respect to your son,  I've found that explaining what is happening to my daughter in an age appropriate way has helped us maintain our relationship, even when I'm snapping and difficult to live with.  Kids are surprisingly astute and compassionate.  My daughter is almost 15 now, and she just gets it, but at age 6, I just had to tell her that mom was struggling with feeling sad and scared sometimes.  And I would apologize when I made a mistake with her- and there were lots of them.   Communication is key!

I agree. I can objectively see that it even brings us closer. He sees me vulnerable, and at the same time, he sees that one can make mistakes and apologize. But sometimes, when the darkness is already present, guilt takes over. It was nice to hear from someone else that it is right to involve children at a good level

 

On 5/19/2024 at 4:56 PM, Catwoman73 said:

I totally understand that feeling of socially not belonging.  I've been on and off these drugs for almost 30 years, and I've felt that way the ENTIRE time.  I'm hoping I'll be able to feel more comfortable at parties, etc on the other side of this, but for now, while dealing with so much, I've decided not to challenge myself too much on that front.  I only say this because, if you find coaching your son's soccer is too triggering right now (which it sounds like it might be, given your emotional hangover), that's ok.  If you don't feel you can do it- it's fine.  You could still go to games, chat with a parent or two watching the games, and likely feel a lot better the next day.  What's important right now is to take care of yourself and your own emotional wellbeing.  Sometimes just getting through the day is enough.  Be gentle with yourself, and be patient.  It WILL get better. ❤️‍🩹

I appreciate that. I had a great time last time. But we will se. I do have to prepare myself with my routines before doing something like that. Otherwise, it gets to hard.

 

Have a nice day,

[Caligula]

On 5/19/2024 at 7:48 PM, Alfred1977 said:

I like history. Which periods do you find interesting? Which phase of your life do you mean, currently? Do you mean it felt fitted because of Caligula's alleged insanity?

Exactly. It felt fitting.

 

I would say that more contemporary history interests me more. I am one of those who find it immensely interesting to see World War II in color.

[Alfred1977]

27 minutes ago, Caligula said:

Exactly. It felt fitting.

😀 I don't think he was insane. He was quite young and an inexperienced politician. Probably the power and the decadence of his position and surroundings corrupted him. It took him only 4 years to antagonize the Roman elites with his cruelty and arbitrariness to such an extent that basically everybody wanted him to be removed and he was killed by his own praetorian guards.

 

38 minutes ago, Caligula said:

I am one of those who find it immensely interesting to see World War II in color.

 

Who are "those"? Didn't know you can watch it in color...

[Caligula]

On 5/27/2024 at 11:30 AM, Alfred1977 said:

Who are "those"? Didn't know you can watch it in color...

There are two different ones. One is just called 'World War II in Colour, and the other one is called 'World War II in Colour: Road to Victory. Whre i´m at they are available on Netflix.

[Alfred1977]

1 hour ago, Caligula said:

There are two different ones. One is just called 'World War II in Colour, and the other one is called 'World War II in Colour: Road to Victory. Whre i´m at they are available on Netflix.

 

Couldn't find that exact movie...but, Jesus, there are dozens of WW2 movies on Netflix...you are probably not the only one watching this.

Right now I have again this feeling of impending doom...so I guess I have a pass on that one for the time being...

[Caligula]

On 5/28/2024 at 10:45 PM, Alfred1977 said:

Couldn't find that exact movie...but, Jesus, there are dozens of WW2 movies on Netflix...you are probably not the only one watching this.

Right now I have again this feeling of impending doom...so I guess I have a pass on that one for the time being...

Yeah, save them for another time my friend.

[Caligula]

Hello friends,

 

It's been six months now since I completely stopped taking the medication.

 

The past two weeks have proven to be a bit more challenging. I'm experiencing a heightened and persistent stress in my body. It's difficult to remain still, hard to focus. My body seems to be constantly on high alert, making it challenging to find moments of peace. Alongside this, I've been feeling increasingly irritable. It's been a few days since I've had any respite from these feelings. I'm also growing weary of the restless legs, which seem to be escalating...

 

So, at the moment, things are a bit rough.

 

//Caligula

[Alfred1977]

17 hours ago, Caligula said:

So, at the moment, things are a bit rough.

Sorry to hear this. Have you ever thought about reinstating? I know that after 6 months it is not the optimal time. On the other hand it might be worth a try and doing a very small dose (e.g. 0.25mg) would mitigate the risk coming with it. Why did you wanted to quit in the first place?

[Caligula]

Haven't been on here for a while, but I thought I'd update a bit. Mostly for myself, as I feel I need to get this off my chest. It's been 6 1/2 months since I completely stopped. And I'm experiencing the toughest period since I quit.

 

I have a constant and high level of anxiety. Not about anything specific, but about everything. With this level of anxiety, it's challenging, read impossible, for me to be a contributing partner/father. I feel so guilty for how I am. I'm dismissive and easily irritated.

 

The reason I quit was partly because I suspected the effect was starting to wear off, but also because I wanted to see what life was like without medication. I was going to start working with a therapist and didn't want the shell that the medication provides.

 

I don't want to start again. But I also want to start again. It's paradoxical. If someone could promise that the medication would work for the rest of my life, I would take it without hesitation because I'm about to break down. I would gladly accept being a bit more distant from my emotions, being a bit more linear, to avoid this terrible constant anxiety. But I'm terrified of starting again. What if I start again, the medication doesn't work, and I have to quit again? I don't think I can face that truth. These months have been a living hell that I never want to go through again. If I were faced with having to do it again, I don't know what I would do.

 

I feel lost. I want to believe there is something better on the other side, but right now it feels like I'm destroying my relationships. Especially with my son. My girlfriend is an adult and can understand more. But he is six, and I think he misses his fun, playful dad. Not this grumpy guy who has such incredibly short patience.

 

//Caligula

[Caligula]

On 6/4/2024 at 9:18 AM, Alfred1977 said:

Sorry to hear this. Have you ever thought about reinstating? I know that after 6 months it is not the optimal time. On the other hand it might be worth a try and doing a very small dose (e.g. 0.25mg) would mitigate the risk coming with it. Why did you wanted to quit in the first place?

Thank you for caring. I think I'm simply very afraid of reinstating. I'm scared that this whole journey will somehow start over again. That's why I keep going back to my classic strategy: dig in and endure. But I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this.

 

//Caligula

[Alfred1977]

42 minutes ago, Caligula said:

I think I'm simply very afraid of reinstating.

Reinstating comes with risks. You went from 2.5mg Lexapro to zero in 2-3 weeks. It is estimated that at 2.5mg about 60% of the targeted receptors in your brain are still occupied. So what you did is basically quitting cold turkey or jumping off the cliff. While taking the drug your brain changed physically adapting to the environment of the drug. It has now to readapt and undo those changes. This is often a very lengthy and painful process. Taking a small amount of the drug again can ease this process. The sooner reinstatement is done, the more successful and easier it will be. Reinstating late and at a high dose can be like shifting into reverse gear while speeding 100mph on the motorway, so we don't wanna do this.

 

The most important point that people in this community try to teach is that coming off an psychotropic drug and the readaptation of your brain can take a very long time. Once you accept this and accept that nobody can know how long it will take in his special case to overcome the drug, it becomes clear that quitting a drug must be done in a way that avoids as much pain as possible, a way that is sustainable for many years if necessary. Reinstating cannot shorten the time you need to overcome the drug, but it can relief the pain and enable you to make it through this long journey.

 

Reinstating after a couple of days usually works nicely and you get immediate and complete relief. Reinstating after a couple of weeks usually works but you don't get immediate and complete relief, you notice some instant improvement but have weeks and maybe even months of recovery ahead of you. Reinstating after a couple of months can work but is difficult and also does fail. Reinstating after a couple of years probably makes no sense at all.