Laineyk: back for another shot of antidepressant freedom

[laineyk]

well I am just going to have to ride this out. I will be needing support just to know that I am not crazy and that others have felt this way coming off SSRI

 

so please no one berate me for not reinstating. I understand what I have done to myself. And I have to believe that healing will come with time.

 

I just need to find others that are in the same boat as I am

 

not sure where to post

[laineyk]

*post and replies moved from success stories forum

 

Hi all, may I join this conversation?

I inadvertently came off Zoloft (15 yrs on 2000-2015) 50mg in 4 short weeks. was being told by Dr that I would go right onto Gabapentin and be fine.

I have a loooooooong hx of coming on and off dosing up and down with this drug so I have no one to blame but myself.

I am to far out and Dr will not agree to reinstate...so I have to ride this bronco out.

I am also on 1.25mg lorazepam its not doing a whole lot since quitting the Zoloft (and Gabapentin was just 1 week used)

I take the lorazepam in 3 doses 6:00am .5mg

2:00pm .25mg

10:00pm .5mg

I tried updosing the Lora to 1.5mg and dosing 4xs a day and its made no difference so I need to go back to what was working before I came off the Zoloft

I need support in the way I am feeling and reassurance that although healing will take TIME that what I am feeling is normal

Please I need others who know how I am feeling to talk to

Edited September 19, 2016 by Petunia
added note

[servadei]

I didn't reinstate when I could.

[LoveandLight]

Your not too far out..find another doc?

 

What symptoms are you having?

[laineyk]

today has been exceptionally hard. I am trying to figure out my doseing schedule with lorazepam because I can not distinguish between w/d from Zoloft or tolerance to lorazepam

 

I am going to hold with the lorazepam until I pray some of these symptoms settle down a bit

[laineyk]

so now we can add insomnia to the madness

[laineyk]

Oh I am if you only knew my hx. been here to many times to do this again

 

My anxiety is back pretty strong, My head feels like I am in another dimension, burning eyes..sensitivity to light and sound

 

And now my newest one INSMOMNIA!!!

[LoveandLight]

I've seen it! I think your like me thing you can handle it then it all goes up.

 

Well that's all common symptoms.

[Meimeiquest]

Sending you a hug! When I was awake through the night I found some comfort in knowing a lot of people from SA were awake with me. I'm guessing you have read the threads about insomnia? Really, for me, I think the biggest thing is just to try to keep calm in the midst of it.

[LoveandLight]

I'm with you..no sleep..two nights

[laineyk]

slept on and off last night with the help of 1mg melatonin...but thank God I did not updose on the lorazepam

[Pugknows]

Hi LaineyK,

 

I'm in my 9th month of CT gabapentin withdrawal and I've been through a very rough time.

 

If your doctor won't reinstate the Zoloft, and you have no plans to get a new doctor who will, then welcome to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

 

From reading your thread, it

sounds like you've been here several times before, so I can't add any advice you haven't already gotten from people with a lot more knowledge and experience than I have.

 

Just offering my support, a safety harness, a barf bag and a hug.

 

Love, Pug

 

PS. I took Lorazepam on a PRN basis for a couple of months, but the WD I'm experiencing doesn't mimic typical benzo WD from what I've read, except for the anxiety and insomnia, which we all pretty much have at one time or another, regardless of the psyche med we took.

 

Lorazepam's a nasty little bugger too. It sounds like you're going to keep taking it to help with the AD WD. I wish you luck with that one.

[laineyk]

thanks Pug...I am so glad I did not start Gabapentin too. What kind of mess would I be in then?

 

Mr Toads wild ride? is that a thread/[post?

 

yes lorazepam is going to be hell to get off but one hell at a time thank you

 

I appreciate any and all feedback and encouragement. this is starting to become really bad and I have been off 10 weeks tomorrow.

 

3 months is when I always would cave (or before) so gritting teeth and relying on God for ALL my strength

 

I slept good last night without melatonin or updosing...so Thank you Jesus

[Pugknows]

Excellent Lainey!

[laineyk]

so tonight is turning out to be blabbering mess of tears, can not stop the crying and feeling worthless..defeated and hopeless.

 

so scarey how I can go from a trembling ball of nerves to a big mound of tears

 

so I need all the prayers you all can muster up. This is not fun and I can not believe that I put myself in this position.

 

I have been praying all evening that God would peace me...why oh why does He seem so far away right now. I KNOW HE ISN'T just would like to feel Him a little closer right now.

 

I am SOOOO scared of having these feelings...depression has never been an issue, so do not know how to get from under this dark cloud that has consumed me tonight.

 

Jesus save me

[SelmaLady]

So, so sorry that you are going through such a hard time.  Please know that I will pray for you.   God is with you though at times we can't feel His presence.  He understands all you're going through.  Hang on. 

[laineyk]

well I got over that depression thing quick like...just begged God to give me a better view on all this...so its back to anxiety got to love it.

 

I am trying my best not to updose anymore on my lorazepam for sleep...have to tough it out I guess.

 

So many on here have insomnia because of the SSRI w/d...so I am not alone

 

melatonin is not good besides no one should take anything over 1mg since our bodies make less then that. Why they make it in 3, 5 10mgs is stupid

 

when I have taken the melatonin even 3mg it gave me a bout 3 hours a sleep anyways

 

 

so here I am praying for sleep and restorative sleep at that

[laineyk]

anyone have this its becoming increasingly unnerving and lasting longer

 

wonder if its a symptom or something else.

 

I am not diabetic so that rules that out

 

I sit with laptop on my upper thighs a lot during the day but even when I don't have it on there I feel this sensation

 

I walk 3 miles daily can that have anything to do with this?

 

My shins feel kinda numb and odd too

[Altostrata]

lainey, by this time, you should know to use search in the Symptoms forum to see the existing topics on this.

[laineyk]

This Friday will mark being off the Zoloft 3months...I know I have a ways to go before my brain settles down to a small riot.

 

I am proud that I have made it this far but the cost for this has been hefty to say the least.

 

I want to see if by 6 months I am well enough to entertain the thought of tapering off the lorazepam. which I have to believe has staved off a lot of the sx from the Zoloft w/d

 

everytime in years past that I went off the Zoloft I always went climbing back to it within 4 months or so.  Mind you back then I never knew about tapering slowly (even though knowing still did not prevent me from going to fast this time )

 

so every week that goes by I weigh how much of wht I am feeling being Zoloft related or possible lorazepam related.

 

God is in control, I must trust that and just give this time.

 

my symptoms are so weird I can not even describe what is going on in my head.....What has happened to my brain!???

[LoveandLight]

Yep just plain weird..couldn't have imagined that this sertraline induced twilight zone existed..

[laineyk]

Today has been a BAD day with feeling light headed and neck killing me along with head weirdness. I am going to try the Paleo diet except I will cheat here and there with rice and cheese.

 

I try to stay gluten free already and I think that when I have eaten gluten the next day is when I feel really bad.  had gluten last night...ate a bunch of saltine crackers

 

My youngest daughter has been doing the diet for almost a month and she says that after three weeks she started to feel so much better. Her dermatologist said that she had a lot of inflammation in her body and she needed to cleanse herself of it.

 

pretty sure I too have inflammation.  I had h-pylori and Sibo 2 years ago  that has left my gut in shreds.

 

so anyway today has been burning eyes, neck and head pain, light headed...feeling unwell day. Oh but the anxiety has been low so there you have it.

[laineyk]

yesterday was a real hard day...had sudden attacks of severe anxiety...and that always leaves me so restless and worried.

 

I am already on lorazepam...and since coming off the Zoloft it doesn't seem to be doing much anymore.

 

I am suffering in silence (other then on forums) do not want to make my family anymore worried about me.

 

today I even feel shaky? I took an early dose this morning 1/2 of my regular dose at 5:00am took rest at 6:45am and still a mess.

 

I do not know how I can handle this for two or more years...since I still have to taper off the lorazepam at some point.

 

ahhhh the life of withdrawal....so relaxing and calming...NOT!!!!!!!

[laineyk]

I am thinking that I may have Sjogrens syndrome...my eyes have been extremely dry for years and now my mouth and lips are too.

 

feeling light headed everyday off and on. Gut is starting to hurt again (IBS) I don't know what is causing what anymore.

 

just feel unwell and sick all day and all night now...no windows like I did before w/d from

[Skyler]

My response as posted in the benzo forum.

 

 

>just feel unwell and sick all day and all night now...no windows like I did before w/d from zoloft

 

Every day off and on.  Are you taking Zoloft every other day now?  You had windows before w/d from Zoloft?  I don't understand.. windows are a part of the withdrawal process, and would not have started before you took psychotropics.  Perhaps you could clarify.

 

Your dry eyes and mouth predate this?  Benzos would certainly have made symptoms from a pre-existing condition that causes oral dryness worse. Have you been checked by a doc to see if you do have Sjogrens?

 

[pug]

Hi Laineyk,

 

Thank you for visiting my thread. I don't have an opinion to offer you other than to follow the wise advice of the moderators here at SA. Their knowledge and wisdom are a big help to all of us, we just need to listen and follow through. I hope that things will improve for you and that you will continue to heal.

[laineyk]

As I always do, I change my mind constantly...its what I like to call my Monkey brain

 

anyway, cancelled apt with Rheumatologist...figured after reading other poaters who have the same thing ,,,its just a symptom and not a syndrome.

 

But I AM going back to ENT because although I do have BPPV...this is not that...this is light headed dizzy /off balanced feeling that is not relieved by position of my head

I have been dizzy for ever I need answers and possibly vestibular rehabilitation?

 

I am afraid to drive most days and its effecting my entire day

[laineyk]

rough day, had 2 grandchildren to watch and I felt like I was either going to just die or go insane

 

Had to get through the day somehow

 

Wish I could know if this is all w/d or tolerance to the lorazepam

 

Not sure what to do from here

[Skyler]

Wish I could know if this is all w/d or tolerance to the lorazepam

 

Lainey, please, when you speak of having tolerance withdrawal because of lorazepam (as differentiated from tolerance and interdose tolerance), put down the symptoms that make you think this.  The vast number of times people refer to tolerance withdrawal from benzodiazepines, it is because of withdrawal from another medication, or lag time catching up, side effects or a paradoxical reaction.  In the thousands of accounts I've read, only a handful have sounded like they actually have TW (and even now I'm not sure what people actually regard as TW), and I have never heard of TW after only a few months use.  

 

The concept of TW is perpetuated by tales such as yours...  when people do not know what symptoms are from.. they parrot the misconception that it may be because of TW.  The unfortunate reality is it is vague reports such as yours that perpetuate the myth.  The scepter of TW is used to get people to taper on regardless of the symptoms, and this has caused untold harm.

 

I first wrote about this to you in your thread in the benzo forum.  We have an exhaustive discussion of tolerance withdrawal.  I strongly suggest you read it.  Thank-you.

 

PS.. below see my original response to your post in the benzo-forum,  to which you did not reply.

 

Lainey... perhaps you could enlighten me... just WHAT is full blown tolerance?  What do you expect to experience when this happens that is different from what is going on now.  Thanks

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2233-benzo-tolerance-withdrawal-during-tapering-does-it-exist/

 

PPS... tolerance in and of itself only means the drug is no longer working.. it does not have any relationship to tolerance WD..  Because a benzo stops working does NOT mean TW will develop.  While everyone develops at least some level of tolerance to benzos, very very few develop tolerance withdrawal. (I've read about 5 accounts out of thousands that sound like they might be so described.)

 

edited

[laineyk]

I stand corrected....not tolerance....interdose w/d

 

Sorry for the confusion

 

when I am ready for next dose I can feel my head start to get burning and foggy, anxiety rises, dizzy just unwell....that's interdose w/d

 

yesterday I was really bad, changed doses by accident. Can not do that...have to stay consistent because any little change and my brain wants to explode.

 

I am updosing .25mg as of today to help counteract the w/d from the Zoloft

 

still under what I am prescribed which is 2 mgs a day and I have been taking 1.25mgs

 

s now its 1.5mgs and I pray that will be enough to get me over this hump.

 

Some time in 2016 I will start my taper from this last miserable monster of a drug

[Skyler]

Sounds like interdose withdrawal... Rhi used to take her dose 6 times a day. How about taking .25 mgs every 6 hours.  You will probably feel better... or at least, it's worth a try?

[laineyk]

I have tried that...no difference...right now I am dosing every 5 hours or so and I feel that my head is becoming foggier during the day

 

I go from extreme anxiety in morning to zombie land all day..

 

 

have no idea what to do. I increased dose to 1.5mg a day and not sure if that has done anything really

 

but yesterday I only took 1.25mg for the day and today I am really our of it.

 

might be the extreme heat?

[Meimeiquest]

I had to do uneven dosing, took a tiny dose every two hours by day, a bit bigger dose at 7 p.m. and a much bigger dose at 9 p.m. But taking more in the daytime was way too sedating. I carried a set of syringes with me at all times for over a year. But I'm benzo-free now and you will be so someday too!

[laineyk]

oh to be benzo free along with ssri free....that is my goal

 

Yesterday was horrendous and without getting into detail I lost my temper (unlike me) and punched the floor so hard I may have broken a bone in my hand

 

my stress level was so high I actually felt that I was losing grip with reality. So scarey

 

today it was a bit less had 4 yr old grandson to watch but I am still feeling this complete disconnect feeling almost all day.

 

I feel as if I have a brain tumor or something.

Have physical on Monday and believe me I will request she has me checked from head to toe to rule out any other cause

 

this is seriously done...I have been battling one thing or another since 2012...I may never get my brain back

 

I seriously need friends right now who understand....

[Meimeiquest]

We do. I slammed the dishwasher so hard two days ago I broke a jar. Which was nothing compared to other things. Your symptoms sound like exactly what would be expected at this stage. Hang in there!

[laineyk]

well went to urgent care yesterday afternoon and I have "boxers fracture"!!!!! Never broke a bone in my 56 yrs of life

 

yet in a manic phase of total hysteria I bash my hand in

 

 

thanks drugs for making me crazy

 

today had to see ortho hand specialist. Splint and 4 weeks go back...hoping not to have surgery

 

I am so lost and do not have the slightest cue what to do to make myself feel better