☼ Outdoorsman15 intro and experience with Effexor w/d

[OutdoorsMan15]

Yup, I won't be having caffeine again for a long time but at least now I know.  Each time I've had it over the past few months it has produced a significant wave and I'd be a wreck if it happened again.

 

Ive noticed my nervousness and anxiety has been a bit amplified during WD too but as long as I force myself to face my fears and then remind myself that it is only a feeling, then I am okay. I am still so amazed that you have a psychiatrist that understands protracted withdrawal; I'm also jealous!  I saw a neurologist a few weeks ago and had bloodwork and an MRI done to rule any other possibilities out.  I should be getting the results back any day now.  I pray that this really is something that will just improve over time and nothing too serious :/

[primekittycat]

Outdoorsman, sounds like we had the same experience where our WD symptoms were blown off as a relapse in anxiety, happens quite frequently here (even though I never had dizziness or headaches when anxious in the past, made no sense to me).. I'm sure your MRI will come back fine. I had one last summer during what I now know was protracted withdrawal but I was convinced I had a brain tumor because I had constant dizziness for 3 months and horrible nightly headaches. Nope.. MRI was clean.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Yes it's quite annoying.  I feel all of my symptoms regardless of being anxious or not but of course a doctor wont believe that.  As long as there was an issue with it before the drugs it must be returning but "manifesting itself in another way." Paresthesia in my face, anhedonia, short-temperedness and chemical intolerance that has waxed and waned over the past 6 months.  These are all things that are being pinned as "anxiety" because there is nothing else to pin it on.  Although my tolerance for stress has been a bit lower over the past 6 months, I have rarely felt that anxious about anything. When withdrawal or reaction gets brought up it is immediately downplayed because it isnt accepted by the medical community... yet.

 

I am all for ruling out the possibility of this being related to something else.  It's frightening to be in the unknown but I dont even know what other tests that could be done.  I've had bloodwork, an MRI and an upcoming EEG.  Once those results come back, hopefully negative, I guess I will continue to strap myself in for the long haul.  Months, years, who knows...

[OutdoorsMan15]

Bloodwork and MRI came back normal (phew).  I am more confident than ever now that this was all caused by Effexor

[KT38]

This is caused by the drug for sure. The withdrawal symptoms you just described is exactly what I'm experiencing. I cannot handle the smallest stress or I go into full fledged agitation/anger rage inside my head. And I never used to get angry!

[OutdoorsMan15]

KT,

 

It's so frustrating to deal with the uncontrollable rage and irritability.  This entire summer my family has been afraid to rub me the wrong way, it's so far from how I usually am.  However, this past week I've been cheery and feeling pretty well- maybe the irritability is on its way out the door (fingers crossed).

 

What continues to scare me is the one symptom that has come along for the entire journey, the numbness in my face.  As long as I have this it is very uncomfortable to speak and it drives me freaking insane.  What worries me is that I see so many people recovering from the psychological aspect of withdrawal on this website but not so much the physical.  At this very moment the only symptom I am dealing with is physical and it just won't show any signs of letting up, it only changes. Everything else has improved: the cognition, the attitude, the sensitivities, etc.  But I would do ANYTHING to have the facial paresthesia gone, anything.

[clearday]

 At this very moment the only symptom I am dealing with is physical and it just won't show any signs of letting up, it only changes. Everything else has improved: the cognition, the attitude, the sensitivities, etc.  But I would do ANYTHING to have the facial paresthesia gone, anything.

 

I had the numbness in my scalp and left side of my body. It went away. As long as the physical symptoms are changing, that is a good sign.

 

It doesn't matter that it "shows no signs of letting up", that is the nature of recovery.  The healing is happening, the physical symptoms will intensify, and come and go in waves.

 

Sometimes it will seem to worsen. That's also part of this. It's like a fever that spikes up and down, sometimes worse before it finally breaks. But unlike a fever, which runs its course over a few days, this happens over months or years during recovery from SSRIs.

 

Just keep in mind that "Countless times during recovery, you will be convinced that no improvement is happening, but to be sure healing is happening." Those who have recovered tell us that, and it certainly applies to my case.

 

Since you were on these drugs for months, not years, the recovery should run its course over a year or so.

 

I'm 18 months out from my last dose of Lexapro. The head noise, which is a type of intense brain paresthesia, has been very persistent. Often it shows no signs of letting up, and sometimes is as intense as it ever has been. But it too is changing over time, and definitely improving. And I was on that drug for 5 years.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Thanks Clearday.  You have continued to pick me up when I'm feeling down and I envy your confidence and faith that we will all be getting better someday.

[OutdoorsMan15]

These last few days have been difficult. I hurt my back at work last week and then re injured it this weekend while moving some things around in the garage.  I know, I shouldn't have been lifting anything in the first place but my back was feeling about 90% better.  But now I am back at square one and can barely get off the couch, let alone do anything to pass the days.

 

This is a bad situation for me because it allows my mind to catastrophize about the current situation that I'm in and absolutely sucks all of the faith out of me that I will have full quality of life again someday.  Can I function in the state that I'm in? Yes. I can focus, remember, exercise (although not at the moment, ha) and work.  However, I am still not myself. I still have no desire to speak at times and can't tolerate caffeine and alcohol, they just turn my brain into mush and exacerbate things.  My social life is still wrecked because of this and I just have no idea when I will feel myself again.  It eats at me during these days where I'm restricted to doing almost nothing; I am a slave to my thoughts.

 

The scariest thing that has popped into my mind as of last night is the potential reality that I may permanently have something wrong with the muscles/nerves in my face now.  I feel like this symptom hasnt improved over the last 7 months, only morphed.  The last couple weeks I have felt pins and needles from the bridge of my nose up into my forehead and the drooping of the muscles around my lower lip. Could it be possible that this is some form of mild Tardive Dyskinesia?  If so, that would explain why it doesn't seem to be going away any time soon. I am stuck with this droopy blank look on my face.  It's almost like a physical form of anhedonia; I cant show emotion because the muscles in my face wont allow it! What also frightens me is that I have yet to see another person who has had this symptom.  Not a single person.  I feel alone in this, worried.

 

- Outdoorsman

[clearday]

You're not alone in this, we all feel similar despair that you do in dealing with our symptoms on a daily basis.

 

The symptoms adversely affect our lives, our productive output, our performance on the job and in social situations, our personal lives.

 

We're all in the fight of our lives - and time is on our side. We just need to ride this out until the slow process of healing runs its course. Easier said than done.

 

Your facial symptom isn't tardive dyskinesia, if you watch videos of that on youtube you'll see what that's about. 

 

If your symptom involves pins and needles, and numbness in your face, causing your loss of facial expression, that is consistent with what many coming off SSRIs experience. I had the pins and needles, the numbness. It went away after a few months. 

 

If it morphs, if it has the ability to come and go, then it should eventually go away. Since the symptoms come and go, the nerves can and do work just fine during windows. It is just the process of healing during waves that is causing temporary disruption of service.

 

It just takes a long time for these nerves to heal.

 

I am back in a wave after a nice 8 day window of much reduced symptoms. My head is ringing off the charts for a couple days now. That makes me feel the same as you do, that I am permanently damaged. That's how we all feel, until we finally, at long last, heal. I went through this with Prozac WD over ten years ago, and it took over 3 years for all those symptoms to finally disappear. I had akathisia for a couple years during Prozac WD. It's long gone. I thought I had some mysterious long term illness. If I knew back then it was Prozac WD, I would have never gone on Lexapro.

 

I believe the numbness we get is partly due to inflammation of the nerve areas as they heal. Just like sleeping on your arm causes pins and needles, but no permanent damage, once the localized pressure and inflammation goes away over time, the nerves are in good shape, its just the inflammation near them that causes them to go numb. Just a guess.

 

When we are in waves, it absolutely seems like we are permanently damaged, we hear that over and over on here. It sure seems that way. Especially because it takes so long to resolve.

 

The changes done to our nerves from these drugs is a very strange thing and the long term nature of changing them back to normal plays tricks on our mind. The fact that you have the numbness in your face just means that is how you got hit. So many of us get numbness, in all different parts of our body. It's just that each of us gets it in a different place.

 

It must be very difficult to have that facial symptom. It's hard to hide something like that. No one knows my head is ringing, but people do look at our faces for expressions. Sometimes I wish people could hear my head ringing so they knew what I was going through. At this point I keep it to myself because people get tired of hearing about my long term withdrawal, and start to doubt what I'm saying. I hope your next window comes soon. Remember, each day that passes is one day closer to getting better.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Having down time while in withdrawal has been a curse for me, it just allows my mind to conjure up these awful possibilities.  What always bites is the fact that we have to rely on anecdotal stories to keep our faith, not what doctors tell us.  I'm not saying that what is said on this site is untrue, I think it is actually very real, but a glimmer of doubt will always shine through when I rely on what I hear on the internet.

 

Clearday,

 

Would you say that you recovered 100% from Prozac withdrawal?  I guess experiencing the whole thing once already will give you great confidence about what you are (and what I am) dealing with currently.

[clearday]

Having down time while in withdrawal has been a curse for me, it just allows my mind to conjure up these awful possibilities.  What always bites is the fact that we have to rely on anecdotal stories to keep our faith, not what doctors tell us.  I'm not saying that what is said on this site is untrue, I think it is actually very real, but a glimmer of doubt will always shine through when I rely on what I hear on the internet.

 

 

Yes, I agree totally with what you said. This adds greatly to our dilemma. We are stuck fending for ourselves, no doubt about that. It is an absolute fact that the majority of doctors, GP and psychiatrist alike, do not understand protracted withdrawal. That's just the reality we face right now. Many prominent doctors do understand protracted SSRI withdrawal, but the word is slow to get out. There's reasons for that. But word is getting out, slowly but surely.

 

I recovered 100% from the worst Prozac withdrawal symptoms. The sensitivity to light, chronic daily fatigue, the brain fog, and akathisia, the withdrawal depression, are all long gone. I have gone from age 40 to 50 so I don't know if aging or the WD has caused any diminishing of my mental and physical capacity that I may feel.

 

Yes, I agree we always have to question and verify what we hear on the Internet. Not only that, we have to doubt what we hear face to face with doctors when they tell us that our bizarre WD symptoms are a return of our anxiety, which is ridiculous. When I got hit with Lexapro withdrawal 7 months after stopping it, I stumbled onto these Internet forums and within a couple days of reading stories I knew exactly what I was going through. There is just no doubt, the symptoms of what I am going through are basically the same with people on here. There are variations of symptoms - my Prozac WD was very different from Lexapro WD, but I found people who had the same symptoms. It became quickly clear to me that this was al  SSRI WD. And it makes sense; these are powerful nerve altering drugs. There was nothing else in my life that could have caused this. I am very active and healthy.

 

Not only that, but during my Prozac WD I spent months on medical tests. I got hit hard with severe symptoms one afternoon four months after cold turkey six years of Prozac. Sick for a couple years. All the doctors, clueless as to what I was going through. All the tests showing everything was fine. The only variable was that I had just come off six years of Prozac. But since the symptoms were delayed by four months, the cause and effect was lost on all of us. Here I read story after story of people being fine for months after stopping, then get hit out of nowhere with severe symptoms. It should have been clear to the doctors what had happened to me. I had done all this research trying to figure out what happened to me - was it depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, adrenal problems, thyroid problems, diet problems, toxic poisoning, etc? Nothing fit. Once I read about protracted SSRI WD, it all fit, right away. It was a lock.

 

So I agree, having gone through this before with Prozac, lets me know with 100% confidence that what I went through back then and what I am going through now is SSRI WD. I read story after story on here, and it is just different versions of the same story - that powerful nerve-altering drugs screwed us up. Doubt about that just doesn't enter the picture for me. A year ago I figured out that Lexapro damaged my brain, I have never had a reason to doubt that for a second since then, and the more I read, the more it is confirmed. 

[Gh0st]

 

 At this very moment the only symptom I am dealing with is physical and it just won't show any signs of letting up, it only changes. Everything else has improved: the cognition, the attitude, the sensitivities, etc.  But I would do ANYTHING to have the facial paresthesia gone, anything.

 

I had the numbness in my scalp and left side of my body. It went away. As long as the physical symptoms are changing, that is a good sign.

 

 

I find this really interesting. My genital /skin numbness is slightly worse on one side (my left). I thought this was only me, and wondered why it could be? It's an odd feeling.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Well, here we are, summer is coming to a close for me.  It's pretty amazing how quickly it went considering I wasn't really engaged in much other than working about 4 days out of the week.  But it's also amazing how wacky this summer has been symptom-wise.  I went from having the worst setback of this entire process back in May to having signs that my brain power is returning here in August.  It's hard to say that things are better overall but I think that is the nature of withdrawal because healing occurs so slowly.  I think my cognition has improved, I have had fewer sensations in my face and overall my head has felt clearer.  However, I am still irritable, emotionless and rarely want to have conversations with others.  This brings me to my current obstacle...

 

In a few days I am starting grad school.  I'm attending a school I've wanted to be at since high school and the subject matter is what I love.  The problem is, I am having a hard time looking past the fact that I am certainly not recovered from withdrawal yet.  For the past few days I have been wrestling with thoughts that are making me question whether I should be diving into grad school while not feeling 100% yet.  I am worried about stress affecting my recovery.  I am worried about how my newly dulled personality will affect my assignments and communication with others (which could end up being pretty important to what I'm studying).  My first year will mostly be just reading and processing information, it's speaking off the cuff that I am mostly worried about.

 

With all of this in mind, I have to mention that I was able to push through my last and most stressful semester of undergrad early on in my withdrawal.  I actually used the coursework as a distraction from how I was feeling, so maybe having the stress of school was a benefit.  I also faced some situations that usually cause me a lot of discomfort, like big public speaking engagements, and I was totally okay.  I have also tried being stagnant a few times this summer to see if it would speed up healing and  I can not definitively say that being inactive helped me recover any quicker than when I was dealing with some pretty stressful stuff.

 

So all in all, I've sort of been down this road before but I can't help but worry about how this new stress could really screw things up for me.  Has anyone else had to dive into a new, stressful experience while in withdrawal?  Did it hurt or help you?

 

Does anyone think that stress can actually stop recovery?  I'd love to hear some stories/opinions. Could also use some encouragement

 

- Outdoorsman

[brassmonkey]

Not personally, I've just had to maintain the status quo.  However, I do know at least half a dozen people who have completed med school while in WD and were well into residency last I heard.  It sounds like you should be able to use it as a distraction like you said and have minimal problems.  Best of luck.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Thank you Brass, I really appreciate it.

 

Really encouraging to hear that people persevered through something as tough as med school while dealing with this.  Are any of them on this site?

[brassmonkey]

The ones I am thinking of I lost track of with the collapse of Prior Place.  I'm not sure if any of them made it over here or not.  I think there are a couple of others here, but I can't remember their names.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Gotcha. Well they don't seem to be posting if they made it over here, so that's usually a good sign.

[OutdoorsMan15]

In a few days I will be 9 months out from my last pill.  While I feel good about that number I am also incredibly angry that I have lost so many aspects of my life, for this long, because of a 7 week regiment of pills.  The way I feel every day is changing no doubt but when it comes to actually feeling better the results come in at a snails pace.  It's been a month since I updated and a lot has happened since then so I figured I'd jot down the current state of things.

 

Going to start with the bad and wrap up with the good. That way we leave on a positive note.

 

The Bad:

 

My social life is still a mess.  Everything I do requires a cost/benefit analysis.  Should I go out tonight and risk ingesting or doing something that could make me feel awful the rest of the night and even days on end?  I usually err on the side of caution and just stay in or try to get some exercise.  My rationale is that the more I avoid triggers, the quicker I will get through this and be able to resume my normal activities.  I realllly wish I had somebody in a similar boat that I could do gentle activities with on the weekends that dont require partying.  The problem is my friends love to go out (cant blame them) and they also dont know what Im going through. The way I feel can change in a heartbeat depending on my environment, the temperature, substances, etc.  The symptoms I am still dealing with are slight paresthesia in my face, fatigue, dizziness and anhedonia at times.  When these things are cranked up to their max it also gets pretty hard to concentrate on just about anything.  My symptoms are worse in the morning but also vary day to day.

 

That was no fun, let's move on to the good.

 

The GoOOooOdDD:

 

I've taken the dive into grad school and am actually doing pretty well.  I love what I'm learning and feel a sense of fulfillment that I am doing something to truly better myself.  There are times that I believe that I sound dumb and then a professor will turn around and give me a compliment after class.  Clearly I do not come across as somebody who is struggling with something serious on a daily basis.  This leads me to my next point: my mind is getting sharper.  I believe the academic and intellectual workout from being at school has helped a lot with this.  The pins and needles in my face are also beginning to show their weakness.  It is finally beginning to fade, something I really thought would never happen.  This is making it easier to talk as well.  I can talk faster than I have in previous months and my ability to just "speak off the cuff" is coming back.

 

There are good days and bad days.  Today was awful, which is partially why I decided to post today.  However I've been dealing with this long enough to know that the way I feel right now wont last.

 

I have to admit that I'm getting a bit tired of it all.  This was actually easier early on because it was beyond question that I was sick and needed to shut down.  Now I am in this intermediary period where I go back and forth about what risks I should and shouldnt take.  Still desperately waiting for the day that I can just hit "Resume."

[KT38]

So wonderful to see where you are!  You are doing great! Do you still have the irritability? I was on ADs for just 2 months and the irritability, despair and anger has reved up even more for me the past week.  I just entered into month 6 off and thought it would get better and now I just feel like you do...just want to hit "resume"

[OutdoorsMan15]

KT,

 

Irritability was a huge issue for me months 5-8.  I had many days where I wanted to rip somebody's head off just for trying to make conversation with me.  The past couple weeks this hasn't been much of a problem though.  Hopefully it's gone for good.

[KT38]

Oh my goodness that is so me!!!!!!!  It started getting extreme the past few weeks.  I had a raging fit on my staircase, punching the stairs....then threw the glass of water I had in my hand down them and almost threw my computer against the wall.  All for NO reason.  It's like I wanted out of my body.  NOT ME AT ALL!!!!!  I am afraid of myself!  I have no idea what coming off these drugs do, but it is scary!

[OutdoorsMan15]

It is extremely scary.

 

How could we not be irritable from all this?  We haven't felt "good" in so long, minus a few lucky days here and there.  To me, being irritable is just a natural response to all of this and of course nobody can understand why you are lashing out like this.

 

Hold tight. It will get better

[KarenB]

Thanks for sharing Outdoorsman - I love to read stories about recovery from Effexor.  I started withdrawing only 5 months ago, and it's so helpful to read from someone who's way ahead.  I totally know what you mean about trying to work out how much to try to do and how much to rest - it's a constant juggle for me.

 

Do keep posting from time to time,

Karen 

[KT38]

I was seriously thinking I was developing borderline personality disorder or something.  I was so scared I developed a mental illness from all of this!

[Katamari]

What a relief to know that others are having some anger management problems as well. This became my main problem after being about 7 months off venlafaxine. I really hope that it will pass as time goes by. 

[KT38]

Must be something about this timeframe.  Hopefully it's one of, if not the last, stages of this ordeal.

[OutdoorsMan15]

KarenB- Thank you for the post.  I will surely continue to update as things progress.

 

KT & Katamari-  I can't say for sure that irritability indicates a particular stage of your withdrawal.  I can say that this was a big problem for me months 5-7 but has improved months 8-9.  I can still be "set off" easily but it is nowhere near what it was like back in june and july.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Over 10 months off now and things continue to change.

 

The first 3 weeks of October were wonderful, the only symptom I really had was dizziness.  During that 3 week period my old personality began to shine through.  I could almost speak completely normally, I could defend myself, I could interject in conversation and I was outgoing. It was so nice to see that the real me is still hidden underneath this awful sickness.

 

Then this past week I was thrown right back into a wave.  The facial numbness, the emotional numbness, difficulty communicating, all of it.  It doesn't phase me anymore though because I know that it's temporary and I'm capable of feeling so much better.  The fact that I felt so great for 3 weeks prior to this means that this wave can't be permanent.  I know that sounds very positive, accepting and uplifting but I have gone through a ton of suffering to get to this point. I've had to let go of who I once was and have been forced to accept this new (but temporary) me.  My social life has gone down the drain, I can't drink alcohol, I can't connect with others, I can't pursue anyone romantically.  It all sounds overly pessimistic but anyone in the thick of withdrawal knows all of those things are true.

 

Withdrawal is a psychological nightmare, the constant up and down of your condition could drive any rational human being to the brink of insanity.  With most illnesses you can pull out a calendar and say "I should be feeling better by ______."  This doesn't apply to us.  We can pick out a date, even a few months into the future and possibly be feeling worse than we do now.  I've lost count of how many times I've made plans with people because I am feeling optimistic during a window, only to realize that I can't follow through because I am actually feeling much worse by the time the event comes around.  "I thought you were feeling better?" - My family will constantly ask.  Non-linear improvement is very difficult for other people to understand.  This is why I have kept my withdrawal a secret from most people; I know they just wouldn't get it.

 

With all of this being said I am really enjoying grad school.  I wish I could be more involved socially but there are so many other aspects to it that have been beneficial.  First of all, it's been a wonderful distraction.  Distraction is the key to surviving this with your mental well-being (somewhat, ha) intact.  But not only is it a distraction, it's given me a sense of purpose.  I finally feel like I'm working towards something greater again.  It's a one-dimensional life I'm living right now but at least that dimension gives me a sense of accomplishment.  

 

I know many others on here aren't capable of taking on any challenges right now.  I see you and I understand.  With that being said, take a chance and try to get involved in something.  I have surprised myself many times at what I am still capable of doing despite this illness.  You don't have to take on a massive career-boosting endeavor, just something to give you that tiny bit of satisfaction at the end of the day.

 

The sad reality is that we're very alone in this. The only person who truly understands our new limitations is ourselves.  But I have a feeling that this may be our greatest gift in the long run.  The ability to take on extreme adversity without leaning on somebody else through the entire ride.  Heck, this experience may give us all the strength to do things in our lives that we may have shied away from in the past.

 

Keep fighting, every single day.

 

- Outdoorsman

[KarenB]

That's wonderful Outdoorsman,

 

Thanks for taking time to share how it's going.  It sounds like you manage really well, even with the waves coming and going.  And I know what you mean about difficulty in making plans - my daughters had invited my two close friends over for my birthday tomorrow because all week I've been feeling pretty good, but today I got so anxious about it that I had to ask them to cancel.  Then I felt better (probably due to voicing my tension) and so it's all on again! 

 

I'm glad you are enjoying grad school. 

 

There is a lot of reassurance for me in what you write. 

Karen

[OutdoorsMan15]

Thanks Karen.

 

We're totally handcuffed when it comes to commitment while were in withdrawal.  The waves/windows is also so hard to explain to others, so I don't even attempt it. This all looks like avoidance but I compare it to a standard sports injury.  Would you play football with a torn ACL? Of course not.  I think it's important to stay busy and maintain relationships with people but we also need to be aware of our new (and unwelcome!) boundaries.

 

At some point we'll see some consistency in how we feel.

 

Hope all is well

[OutdoorsMan15]

Just over 11 months out...

 

This is taking forever.  Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd still be feeling sick almost a year later.  I'm getting pretty tired of waiting; I'm a young guy in his early 20s who just wants his life back.  I'm tired of ducking around social gatherings and making excuses as to why I can't do things.  Yes, I really haven't told anyone about this besides my family. 

 

Why haven't I told anyone?

There's a bunch of reasons, one of them being a gut feeling that I just shouldn't.  I'd have a terribly hard time explaining the entire thing and by the time I'm done I'm not sure anyone would even believe me.  I also feel like people would grow impatient.  I've tested the whole thing with my family and while they've been as understanding as they can, I get comments like this all the time: "You were feeling good last week.  How can you be feeling bad again?"   "This has gone on forever"  "This is taking forever, at some point you should go back to a doctor"  The bottom line is there really is no way to properly explain this to someone.  I'm much more comfortable faking things

 

The paresthesia in my face is no longer my biggest problem symptom-wise, now it's dizziness.  I'm still emotionally flat at times and I'm still sensitive to a whole slew of things.

 

That being said, I continue to have awesome windows from time to time- usually 2 days out of the week.  I always feel better at the beginning of the week as opposed to the end of the week, I'm not sure why this is.  I also feel better when I start my day earlier. 3 days out of the week I leave for school at 9.  There are 2 days where I go in later, I always feel worse on these days.  It's like even a slight change in routine will throw me off.

 

Overall, much better than I was 6 months ago but still nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point.

 

-Outdoorsman

[nz11]

Glad you are seeing some improvement ...she can empathize with that frustration at explaining to others and yeah i have that same gut feeling.

[KarenB]

So happy you are getting those windows - what a relief for you.  Consistency and stability are everything to our central-nervous-systems during withdrawal.  Eating, sleeping and waking at the same times each day really does help.  Maybe you could go to school at the same early times on those other days and just study somewhere?  Just a thought.

[OutdoorsMan15]

Thanks, NZ.  Couldn't we have come down with a long-term problem that's at least explainable and well-known?  Seriously it's like it doesn't get any worse than this.

 

 

KarenB,

That's a great suggestion and I really might start doing that.  Up to this point I figured it was all just the coincidence of windows/waves but I really think the change in my schedule was throwing me off.  I thought that I was far out enough that somethng so simple wouldn't throw off my nervous system but I'm beginning to think I'm wrong about that.

[clearday]

Why haven't I told anyone?

 

There's a bunch of reasons, one of them being a gut feeling that I just shouldn't.  

 

I'd have a terribly hard time explaining the entire thing and by the time I'm done I'm not sure anyone would even believe me.  I also feel like people would grow impatient.  I've tested the whole thing with my family and while they've been as understanding as they can, I get comments like this all the time: "You were feeling good last week.  How can you be feeling bad again?"   "This has gone on forever"  "This is taking forever, at some point you should go back to a doctor"  The bottom line is there really is no way to properly explain this to someone.  I'm much more comfortable faking things

 

Yes, exactly. It is very frustrating. 

 

People have their own problems, and they get tired and skeptical of people like us. Your gut has a good instinct.

 

I only like to tell a select few people who may benefit from the information to avoid SSRIs.

 

But they all get tired of hearing about it, especially when we do have good days. They eventually wonder if we are just imagining it on our bad days.

 

If I can't make an event, or need to avoid something, I say "I'm busy", or some other excuse. My gut also is telling me that most people can't wrap their heads around the protracted, weird affliction we are enduring. Who ever heard of "windows and waves"? Even our doctors don't yet understand this thing.

 

We can barely understand and accept this affliction, so it is understandable that others are skeptical. I wouldn't believe this if it didn't happen to me.

 

Yet, most of the people close to me that I have told have been very understanding, they largely trust me. And they value the information.  A few have said, "Yup, I never trusted those medications, and now I'm really glad I never took them", thanks to what I have told them they did to me.

 

It's hard to figure out which people we run into to tell. I suppose the less, the better. 

 

It is great that we have this website to affirm what we know about what has happened to us. Otherwise, we'd really be in the dark and not know that eventually, it gets better - we will slowly heal.