injuredman: My Experience thus far

[injuredman]

Like so many of you, I've been through the mill.

My exposure to anti-psychotics started long ago, but it wasn't until the beginning of this year, after I attempted cold turkey withdrawal from a dose of 3.75 mgs of Abilify (15 mgs split twice) how awful this drug was.  4 days after doing so, I almost allowed myself to be brought to an emergency psych unit.  The reputation of that place proceeds itself, let me say (think horror story plus).

 

I thought going off this "small dose" wasn't going to have much effect.  It did, and for those of you who have had to become students of psychology and the other "science" (psychiatry, should be a four letter word) because of their med situation, this has been a road I wish I never went down.

 

I no longer believe in "labels" or my past label or present label, or flavor of the day labels.  I've seen much working in the system and outside the system, generally at the end of the day, it's self preservation for each individual involved, but the poor and miserable "clients" are the ones who suffer the most, the "clinicians"  go home to their families, kiss their children before bed, feed and walk their nice doggies, cute little kitties, and have their lovely "nice" careers to look forward to the next day.  Folks like us just continue to try and survive as best as we can.  Lesson, never give up control to anyone.

 

As far as my disappointment with both the "med" community and "non-med" communities, it has been rather remarkable.  The lack of integrity as far as my experience, and I do have experience with some of those who include the top of the pile so to speak, is quite outstanding.  Another words, I've been gravely lied to and deceived .  And yet, here I am, still alive, I think.

 

I'm going to continue my "history" in the next post soon to follow.

Abilify (now at 1.0-1.5 mg)

Abilify and Trazadone (3.75 mg, 50-200 mg, respectively for 10 years prior)

Celexa, Prozac, Paxil,  Ambien, and other anti-depressants interspersed though out this) 

Zyprexa (5-10 mg, for 10 years prior to that)

Navane  (5 mg, for 5 years)

Halidol (4 months)

Stelizine, Thorizine (3 days)

Total about 27 years

[Fresh]

Hi injuredman , welcome to the site.  Congratulations for making it this far  .

 

You'll find lots of kindred spirits on this site for sure.  No love for Big Pharma here.  Check out the "In The Media" section.

 

Could you have a go at filling in your signature - it comes up with each post to give anyone reading an overview  of

your history.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

[Petunia]

Welcome injuredman,

 

Are you currently just taking Abilify? How are you feeling at the moment...any symptoms? If you could post a bit more information about what's going on at the moment, we may be able to offer some suggestions about how to taper off the last part. Many people find that as the dose gets lower, tapering needs to slow down in order to avoid symptoms emerging. It looks like you have discovered that for yourself.

 

Tips for tapering off aripiprazole (Abilify)

 

As Fresh said, well done for getting this far.

 

Petunia.

[KarenB]

Hello Injuredman,

 

Nice to meet someone who doesn't believe in labels.  You sound like you have a lot of strength for getting through all this, and for making good decisions about what is best for you.  You have certainly come through a lot already.  

 

Have you done much reading round the site?  If not you may like to start with http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/ because understanding w/d really helps you to 'survive' it. 

 

This thread here will be your own journal to record your progress and ask any further questions that come up for you.

 

Best wishes,

KarenB

[injuredman]

Hello again,

It's late, and I won't put much up here tonight.  I posted a few months ago, and didn't really didn't read many of those that followed mine. 

I have gotten off the 1.0-1.5 mgs of Abilify, but not the way I probably should have.  I followed up with a man in Canada who's probably a charlatan to get off all drugs, but after 3 days, had to get back on my thyroid drug.  I didn't get back on the 1.0 mg of Abilify however again.

That was about 6 weeks ago.

I've had an Neuroquant MRI brain and brain stem scan in Rochester, NY.  My current internist, who's inexperienced with this stuff, but willing to work with me and is a non-pill doc, read the report given to him, that the only less than average part of the scan was my hippocampus (spelling), which is smaller than average for someone my age he said.  We've been trying to find a neurologist who will better detail the scan, but no takers so far (legal reasons he finally confessed to me).

Does anyone know where I can a proper functional MRI done and a good neurologist in NY State, for example?

My withdrawal was horrendous, but I needed to get off that ****.  I basically had very little reliable support and couldn't find a doc who'd follow me through it... I went all over the country trying to find a clinic or honest doc (good luck), even the ATM Center in Sedona, AZ (omg, that's for a private discussion)..

I've been doing Neurofeedback, expensive, but at least it's a regarded technique for brain problems.

 

I'm so fragile, does everyone feel the same way?  Stress sends me into crisis mode.  Past relationships, especially with my old gf can be devastating, even if we've resolved to be friends.  We need time to heal before we can tackle the world/life again.  No one can tell you how long that will take.

 

I've read stories of others off/on Antipsychotics and their concern for their brains like mine.  What happened to me was unspeakable, my current therapist confesses to me lately in our sessions together, he was a high level person in the field years ago.  I'm his priest so to speak while he confesses that what they did in the hospital was deliberate, they intentionally disabled me as they did to people back then (1986) who told them that they may hurt themselves or others (I mentioned I tried to hang myself, BAD move).  Robert Whitaker (editor of MadinAmerica.com) in the Washington Star did an investigative report about that (2005).  Ironically, my sister (I will not mention her name) wrote a scathing review of Whitaker in a national newspaper (I won't mention which) as a opportunist dissing psychiatry and wrote me that when I wanted her research help with my withdrawal!  Then when I showed her more evidence about these neurotoxins, she wrote me back, "not my field."  Ok, I could go on with more, but I need to sign off.

[injuredman]

I found basically no help withdrawing from Abilify at a 3.75-4.0 dose for about 10 years; didn't establish a Paleo Diet first, and tried the Roadback supplement regime.  I was given a "diagnosis" of P. Schizophrenia when I saw a psychiatrist in college when I was 18; that diagnosis, like others, are based on "symptoms" and then categorized as such (a label is usually provided by the "counselor"); in the DSM manuals, you have two "positive" and two "negative" symptoms of this "illness," bingo, you're it...  all I recall back then was I didn't "fit in" with the other more 'sophisticated' young men from the NYC area, had a hard time coping in general, felt like a coward and tried to act "tough" and "smart," when it really wasn't the case, and I wouldn't admit it, I was depressed as heck. 

 

Was I hearing voices then or now or ever? No.  Was I "psychotic" then now or ever (seeing things for example that weren't there) no.  Was I a scared and depressed young guy who lacked self esteem and whose father had committed suicide the year before, lacked a proper "peer" circle of friends, and yet was with high powered achievers at SUNY Binghamton, the flagship NYS State University, but didn't belong there at the time, yes.  Was I always trying to fake an identity, yes... did I feel like a stupid little **** (my father, mother, and siblings were high achievers)? Yes. 

 

Over the years, thereafter, I finished college, got an MS in a science field, and stayed on "meds," but the progression for my career and relationships, got worse and worse, that until 2015 when I tried to save a little cash by c/ting off the last neuroleptic (antipsychotic for Pharma purposes), then started taking the "side effects" seriously.... **** hit the fan 4 days later, and I attempted the Will Hall Harm Reduction method, been all over the country trying to feel better (in my noggin).  I've posted my story here before.  I've got medical "trauma" up the ying yang... worstly after I voluntarily signed into a State Psych Hospital where I live and mentioned the "S" word (not ****, suic....).

 

As Thomas Szasz describes (he was actually a colleague of my grandfather, though my family knew very little then about "mental illness," other than what was told to them by the establishment), it's as if a black jack is weld against the patient, a condemnation for life.  I wasn't told the "diagnosis" then, nor was my mother, but it was given to me again, from another "expert," who also relied on the DSM manual, and who was paid to do so.

 

My question to Atla Alstrata is:

I was on 1 mg of Abilify, couldn't get my docs compounding pharmacist to titrate me off that, though I thought they would... I stopped that 1 mg completely 8 months ago, after taking the advice of an "energy practitioner."

You've indicated that could cause "permanent" problems...I'm not sure how well I'm doing now....

Do you think over time, a lot perhaps, I'll still get better?

 

There are few success stories about people who've been on neuroleptics for long periods of time, though most of that time, the doses weren't "excessive," (probably because I wouldn't stand for it).

Edited August 29, 2016 by scallywag
moved from Withdrawal dialogues topic, inserted paragraph breaks

[injuredman]

I vehemently tried to get my internists compounding pharmacist to compound reduce my last 1 mg-1.5 mg of Abilify, they kept screwing around with me, saying one thing, doing another... I really thought she (the pharmacist) would help me...  I'd been trying to find and do so much research when I c/t'd off 3,75-4.0 mg, and went up again and tried the Will Hall Harm Reduction... yikes, I wasn't "stable" on the 3.75 mg anyway, so to speak... ground up the pills and put them in suspension... 10% (or so) very 2-3 weeks (or so)  ok, I didn't really have a clue, tried the RoadBack protocol... didn't establish Paleo Diet, first...  went to a shrink in Gaithersburg, MD, P. Breggin...  (story on here)... ok, Dr. B, I'm not your patient anymore, you weren't much help....

 

I went off the last 1 mg of Abilify, after taking the advice of a "energy guy," that was about 8 and 1/2 months ago... yes, that wasn't the "right" thing to do on retrospect, I couldn't find anyone to help, even ATMC in Sedona, omg... I was very insomnia tic at the time... had to leave, they tried high doses of Depakote, but I couldn't run, barely walk, and the darn treadmill didn't work when I got there (get the sweat moving for detox), (Lyle Murphy) ended up fixing it himself (thought he had a whole staff, yikes)... bad experience, got out in one piece... 

 

So, I've got a really long road... really long road... may sell my house, advice?

Edited August 29, 2016 by scallywag
moved from Abilify topic

[scallywag]

injuredman: I've moved your posts to your introduction topic so that more people will see your question and update.
 
People recover, even after taking neuroleptic (aka antipsychotic) medications.  Have you read Robert Whitaker's Mad in America.  He discusses a study that people who have discontinued one of these meds do worse during year 1 and 2 after discontinuing than those who've continued but that after 2 years their lives and health continually improve.
 
It takes time for the CNS (central nervous system) to undo all the changes it made while you were on the medications.
 
How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

You may also want to look at topics in the Success stories forum. There are people who have posted having improved after treatment similar to yours.

[injuredman]

It's now over 14 months off my last 1 mg of Abilify.  I was also taking Trazadone for sleep.  Nothing posted about going off 1 mg so suddenly; I'm still suffering dp/dr and struggling with life issues.  I read somewhere that people who've been on them so long, may need to resort to larger drops (I think that's what I read).

Tiny sporadic "recovery," would be improved with more social support, in short supply.

[scallywag]

Recovery can be awfully slow -- much slower than any of us would like. What non-drug techniques are you using to cope?

 

For some ideas, check this topic: Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

[injuredman]

I'm using Infra Red light therapy, Heartmath breathing, neurofeedback, supplements recommended by practitioners, Paleo Diet, I'm now at a friend's apartment.  Last night, was again tortuous.  I likely have chronic anxiety disorder... I have a "small thyroid" and take levothroxine.  I developed Hashimotos, and still have a high antibody level, from blood drawn from the Cleveland Clinic Functional Medicine, also EMDR for life history...

 

No one gave me a good answer about that last 1 mg I jumped off of 14 months ago; because Administrators can't respond to such a question?  My insomnia is holding up my healing process.  I go for walks; I can still run, but that probably isn't wise, too much Sympathetic activity.

 

Like older survivors, I need to balance my ANS, do moderate exercise, get sun, eat clean, I've done a lot of research and tried so much over the past 2 years.

[scallywag]

I haven't answered because I didn't interpret what you'd written as a question about the medication. Sometimes we miss things.

 

Clearly your CNS (central nervous system) didn't deal well with discontinuing abilify at 1 mg. There is no universal "safe-jumping" dose for any medication. It's always a best guess situation. Had you been posting here at the time we likely would have suggested that you continue slow, gradual tapering to a dose much lower than 1 mg, possibly as low as 0.1 mg.