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Overwhelmed, demotivated, apathetic? Cannot get going on interest or action


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@Gridley, all that info is in my sig. (Well except the jumping off; I was taking the 2.5 every 3rd then 4th day for a little while before jumping.) 

 

I can’t really get responses on my own thread. What are these other topics for then? I thought my post was on this title/topic specifically. I’m really confused on how to post. Many others have posted very similar things on this thread.

May 2019 started lexapro 2.5 mg; 2020 went to every other day; 2021 beginning of Mar, tried to stop but had insomnia; Mar 30, 2021 reinstated 1.25 ev other day, WD symptoms, not enough

April 19, 2021 started liquid, .85 mg/day; May 1, 2021 .8 mg/day; May 6, 2021 .75 mg/day; June 6, 2021 .7 mg/day, June 20, 2021 .65mg/day, June 30, 2021 .6mg/day, Jul 24 .55 mg/day, Oct 17 .5 mg/day, Dec 5- .45 mg/day

Jan 26, 2022- 4mg/day; April 18- .375 lex; April 24- .35 lex; April 29- .3 lex; Jun 12- .25 mg lex; Jun 28- .2 mg lex

Magnesium, ALA, melatonin or theanine as needed for sleep

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  • Moderator
19 hours ago, Dee12h said:

 

I can’t really get responses on my own thread. What are these other topics for then? I thought my post was on this title/topic specifically. I’m really confused on how to post. Many others have posted very similar things on this thread.

It is much better to post about your specific situation on your own thread, not elsewhere.  That's the way this site is designed.  You are much more likely to get a response by posting on your own thread than elsewhere.  

 

The other topics are intended for general posts about the topic, not posts about your specific situation or posts seeking assistance or recommendations.

 

We strongly advise against skipping doses to taper.  It makes withdrawal worse.

 

Regarding tagging a member: When you use @Gridley (or anyone else on the site ) you will see a small rectangle with @Gridley pop up.  It's necessary to click on this tag for the member for the member to be tagged (notified).  I just happened upon your response by chance.  

 

Moderators regularly go through the Introductions and updates forum to respond to members, but we are extremely short-staffed.

Edited by Gridley

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.   

March 22, 2022: hold at 4.8mg and shift to Imipramine taper

Aug. 5, 2022: shift to Valium taper.  

Current dose as of Aug. 5, 2022: 4.3mg

Taper is 77% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Aug. 5: 9.5mg 

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5 and shift to Valium taper

Taper is 87% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Overwhelmed. Not motivated. Depressed. I am very familiar with all of them. Each one is different. 

Together they made a hell. For me and anyone around me. 

3/2012 - sertralin 50 mg, no major side effects

1/2014 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks as doctor ordered)

7/2014 - back to sertalin 50 mg, no issues

4/2016 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks, my decision)

12/2016 - back to sertalin, major side effects from the first pill and the begginning of hell

2/2017 - mirtazepine 15 mg added for insomnia

6/2017 - stopped sertralin (2 months tapper)

9/2017 - stopped mirtazepine (3 weeks taper)

waves and windows

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This is how I have felt since I started taking these drugs and it has not lifted since. No motivation, no drive, no passion, no creativity, overwhelmed and depressed. It's disturbing and I am wondering if these symptoms will ever go away.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 3 months later...

When symptoms are recorded as lasting for many years this has become tough to read. Can anyone give any experience of their recovery from this? What did it look like? It feels like the  overwhelmed, demotivated apathetic community could do with some encouragement.  

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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@Katy398Great question, I am also curious of others experiences. I am still struggling with these symptoms with no end in sight.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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I also feel the same, I'm 26 months off and motivation is not back :c

Sometimes I also have that sensation of wanting to do some things somewhere inside me but I just cant get it done and cant get the energy.

 

Sometimes I wonder if this will ever return,

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2019: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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  • 6 months later...

So thankful for this thread. I strongly relate to so much of what has been written and posted here. I'm struggling with this intense blockage that prevents action. Somewhere inside me I can connect to wanting to do certain things, e.g. get out of bed, take a shower, go for a walk, work out, etc. I can get to a place where those things sound good to me and I would like to do them. I just somehow cannot. carry. them. out. Nothing happens. I can neither give the command nor can I execute it. There is just -- nothing. And I spend a lot of time lying in bed like a lump. Sometimes I manage to get up and next thing I know I'm crumpled in a heap on the sofa. I think about those street performers who hold perfectly still until someone throws a coin in their cup, and then they move. (is there a name for those particular performers? are they a kind of mime?) And I keep thinking, what is the coin that would need to be thrown into my cup to get me going? I don't know. No idea how to get it started. Or if started how to keep it moving. It feels like whatever brain processes are necessary to make that happen, they are just not working. I tell myself they are busy elsewhere (surely they must be preoccupied with another project for the time being), and when they're done helping out in the field they will return to the home office. Trying not to judge myself for this, and I gotta say this is one of the symptoms I find it most difficult to not take personally nor interpret against myself. It's so inextricably linked to / visible in behavior, and feels like such a frustratingly insurmountable practical obstacle, that I catch myself berating myself for laziness, inefficacy, failure, etc. I really hope this improves (both the inability to do anything and the negative self-judgment around it). I'm trying to accept it. Literally just lying here doing nothing but practicing acceptance.

Thanks to everyone for their posts here, this thread is so very helpful! Feeling very relieved to know I am not the only one.  

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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On a slightly more positive note, for good measure, I do find that sometimes -- sometimes -- if I just get started it's possible to keep the momentum going. That can be tricky, too, though, because if I push myself to just not rest or pause or take a break, then I can end up crossing some subtle threshold and go into overdrive, where my system floods into hyperarousal and I dissociate. So it's neither a foolproof nor a reliable strategy, nor is it necessarily compatible with the overarching goal of following a path of moderation. Nevertheless sometimes it's helpful, when I have a little win, to try to build on that win and ride it rather than stop.  

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you for your responses @Ariel @BrokenWings @PapayaShake,

Let’s ask the gurus in all all this. @Altostrata and any other success publishers. I know you are all very busy with life but we are stuck in this terrible malaise.  I actually feel addicted to my bed at times. I have no motivation to leave it even though I am not sleepy, I have complete apathy  still (year 4). We would love to hear from someone who healed from this. Did you push yourself relentlessly to get going, did you use a tick list ( out of bed, bathroom, dress, breakfast …..), did it come back gradually  or one day did you just  realise you no longer suffered from it? Weekends are so challenging for me  I have to find my own routine, work days are much easier. 
Apart from the chemical terror that still envelops me like a ‘Dementor’ this is by far my worst symptom. I so want to get into living but I’m finding it so hard.  Please give us some encouragement. 
 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Do whatever you can do. Any daily activity will help, even if it's only walking around the block. At least 1/2 hour of walking a day can help your body and nervous system adjust.

 

On 5/15/2022 at 9:53 AM, Katy398 said:

Thank you for your responses @Ariel @BrokenWings @PapayaShake,

Let’s ask the gurus in all all this. @Altostrata and any other success publishers. I know you are all very busy with life but we are stuck in this terrible malaise.  I actually feel addicted to my bed at times. I have no motivation to leave it even though I am not sleepy, I have complete apathy  still (year 4). We would love to hear from someone who healed from this. Did you push yourself relentlessly to get going, did you use a tick list ( out of bed, bathroom, dress, breakfast …..), did it come back gradually  or one day did you just  realise you no longer suffered from it? Weekends are so challenging for me  I have to find my own routine, work days are much easier. 
Apart from the chemical terror that still envelops me like a ‘Dementor’ this is by far my worst symptom. I so want to get into living but I’m finding it so hard.  Please give us some encouragement. 
 

 

Let's talk about this in your Intro topic, as it brings up questions specific to your situation.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 1 month later...
On 4/22/2022 at 4:02 PM, Ariel said:

I'm struggling with this intense blockage that prevents action. Somewhere inside me I can connect to wanting to do certain things, e.g. get out of bed, take a shower, go for a walk, work out, etc. I can get to a place where those things sound good to me and I would like to do them. I just somehow cannot. carry. them. out. Nothing happens. I can neither give the command nor can I execute it. There is just -- nothing.

So glad I've found this thread. This is me too. 

 

Has anyone else got to the stage with this, that they can't bear seeing other 'stuff' going on and other people enjoying that 'stuff'? I'm talking about things like people going to Glastonbury, going on holiday, going to the theatre, going to a sports event, whatever. I just can't bear seeing others 'living their lives' when I can barely function beyond the basics. It's become almost a phobia with me, so I have to avoid reading about/watching anything to do with people 'living full lives'.

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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1 minute ago, Kat66 said:

Has anyone else got to the stage with this, that they can't bear seeing other 'stuff' going on and other people enjoying that 'stuff'? I'm talking about things like people going to Glastonbury, going on holiday, going to the theatre, going to a sports event, whatever. I just can't bear seeing others 'living their lives' when I can barely function beyond the basics. It's become almost a phobia with me, so I have to avoid reading about/watching anything to do with people 'living full lives'.

 

@Kat66

I hear you. 

I think of it as a cocktail of neuro-envy and neuro-grief. 

It's not that I don't want people to live their lives, it's just that I can't bear to have anything to do with it. I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time. It's easier to just look away and hole up for a while and not think about what a normal, full life might be like. 

Also, I don't want to slip up and mistakenly say something bitter or resentful or rain on their parade. So I stay away. 

We just have to remember that this WD thing we're going through is temporary. It will pass. It gets better. Healing is happening.

One day we will be recovered and well and we will feel free to join the world again.

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@Kat66  Yes I can relate.   Will I ever be able to enjoy the simple things in life again. The anger and then the jealousy which then turns into self pity.  Somehow I can recognize this is happening but can't always stop it or accept it.  Sadly I even have to admit I get jealous of people on here making progress or at least having a good positive outlook😒 Is this a nasty side of me or is this normal emotion😒

I know deep inside this isn't me but the inner child throwing a fit.  I also feel a part of it is the feeling of abandonment from trauma growing up.  I am still needy and have yet to learn how to self soothe. 😒

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 300 to 400mg a day 

Lexapro   Sept/01/2021  4.90mg  Sept/25  4.75mg   Oct/19 4.69mg  Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg  2/24  3.8mg   3/21 3.4mg  5/2 3mg  6/1  decreasing by 0.02ml  daily  to 2.70 mg  7/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to  2.5 mg 8/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to 2.3mg

Lamictal 25mg

 

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I have this bad.  My partners brother was over yesterday and talking about a two month trip he is going on.  There is a family reunion we are missing and we had huge plans for the summer which are demolished.  I'm grieving as I desperately miss my old life and I am having a hard time believing it will ever end.  Hopelessness is my biggest challenge. And I am in constant turmoil over my reinstatement and not knowing whether to just keep dropping despite the suffering as I am wasting time holding if I can't stabilize anyway. I totally get it Kat.  I finally attained our dream home and amazing relationship and now I feel like I died but still am alive and it's gone forever.  I feel like mourned at my own funeral much of the time.  I'm trying to walk this path but it sucks.  

 

@Greatful  you aren't a nasty person. It is totally understandable

Zoloft on an off since 30s with no issues. On and off for years  long periods 25 to 150 mg.  75 average dose.  (Current age 50).

Risperdal 1 month. 2018.  Various trials of other drugs but Never for more than couple of weeks due to poor tolerance and all over 12 years ago.  Script for seldom used klonopin.  Would take 1 month at most.  Off for years

January 2021 went off Zoloft 25 mg and supplemented with Fish Oil/L Theanine/L Tryptophan to keep up Serotonin level

zoloft taper 100 t0 25mg over one year. concerns of vision heart side effects jumped at 25

went off in january 

Off for three weeks, went back on at 25 mg after depression symptoms came back

February 12 2022- either med reaction/serotonin toxicity with Zoloft mix other serotonin natural supplements

February 16 - 21 2022 (two doses of Zoloft on advice to restart, one 25mg, one 12.5mg - nausea

Supplements. Fish oil magnesium mct oil cytokine suppress multi vitamin nac modified keto and daily walks

Over next 2 months re instated  Zoloft to 65mg with significant partial improvements steady sleep. 

June 7 Resume taper 62.5 on  6/21 60mg 7/9 57.5mg 7/24 54 mg

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7 minutes ago, Ariel said:

 

@Kat66

I hear you. 

I think of it as a cocktail of neuro-envy and neuro-grief. 

It's not that I don't want people to live their lives, it's just that I can't bear to have anything to do with it. I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time. It's easier to just look away and hole up for a while and not think about what a normal, full life might be like. 

Also, I don't want to slip up and mistakenly say something bitter or resentful or rain on their parade. So I stay away. 

We just have to remember that this WD thing we're going through is temporary. It will pass. It gets better. Healing is happening.

One day we will be recovered and well and we will feel free to join the world again.

 

 

2 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66  Yes I can relate.   Will I ever be able to enjoy the simple things in life again. The anger and then the jealousy which then turns into self pity.  Somehow I can recognize this is happening but can't always stop it or accept it.  Sadly I even have to admit I get jealous of people on here making progress or at least having a good positive outlook😒 Is this a nasty side of me or is this normal emotion😒

I know deep inside this isn't me but the inner child throwing a fit.  I also feel a part of it is the feeling of abandonment from trauma growing up.  I am still needy and have yet to learn how to self soothe. 😒

 

 

How you guys manage to somehow rise above the soup of horrible neuro emotions and make sense of all this amazes me. I must be in a particularly thick opaque soup right now!

 

I totally get what you say @Ariel about being happy for others. In the sense I can intellectually grasp the concept of being 'happy' for others, yes, I don't resent others for having a life.

 

 

10 minutes ago, Ariel said:

I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time.

Bang on - it's just too much to deal with.

 

@Greatful I agree, I sometimes get jealous of people on here who've made progress - it doesn't make us bad people, surely it makes us human with human reactions. It took me ages before I even clicked on 'success stories' and even now I only look infrequently.

 

 

 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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12 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

I have this bad.  My partners brother was over yesterday and talking about a two month trip he is going on.  There is a family reunion we are missing and we had huge plans for the summer which are demolished.  I'm grieving as I desperately miss my old life and I am having a hard time believing it will ever end.  Hopelessness is my biggest challenge. And I am in constant turmoil over my reinstatement and not knowing whether to just keep dropping despite the suffering as I am wasting time holding if I can't stabilize anyway. I totally get it Kat.  I finally attained our dream home and amazing relationship and now I feel like I died but still am alive and it's gone forever.  I feel like a journey at my own funeral much of the time.  I'm trying to walk this path but it sucks.  

OMG....I feel you @Roserdl so much. All of what you've written I could've written. It's the feeling of wasting/marking precious time while others are truly 'living'......UGH!!!

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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4 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

OMG....I feel you @Roserdl so much. All of what you've written I could've written. It's the feeling of wasting/marking precious time while others are truly 'living'......UGH!!!

It's so hard.  But remember, you have had windows and will get them again

  Hold on

Zoloft on an off since 30s with no issues. On and off for years  long periods 25 to 150 mg.  75 average dose.  (Current age 50).

Risperdal 1 month. 2018.  Various trials of other drugs but Never for more than couple of weeks due to poor tolerance and all over 12 years ago.  Script for seldom used klonopin.  Would take 1 month at most.  Off for years

January 2021 went off Zoloft 25 mg and supplemented with Fish Oil/L Theanine/L Tryptophan to keep up Serotonin level

zoloft taper 100 t0 25mg over one year. concerns of vision heart side effects jumped at 25

went off in january 

Off for three weeks, went back on at 25 mg after depression symptoms came back

February 12 2022- either med reaction/serotonin toxicity with Zoloft mix other serotonin natural supplements

February 16 - 21 2022 (two doses of Zoloft on advice to restart, one 25mg, one 12.5mg - nausea

Supplements. Fish oil magnesium mct oil cytokine suppress multi vitamin nac modified keto and daily walks

Over next 2 months re instated  Zoloft to 65mg with significant partial improvements steady sleep. 

June 7 Resume taper 62.5 on  6/21 60mg 7/9 57.5mg 7/24 54 mg

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18 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

 Hold on

Same to you - I know you're having a tough time too.

xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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