Overwhelmed, demotivated, apathetic? Cannot get going on interest or action

[Dee12h]

@Gridley, all that info is in my sig. (Well except the jumping off; I was taking the 2.5 every 3rd then 4th day for a little while before jumping.) 

 

I can’t really get responses on my own thread. What are these other topics for then? I thought my post was on this title/topic specifically. I’m really confused on how to post. Many others have posted very similar things on this thread.

[Gridley]

19 hours ago, Dee12h said:

 

I can’t really get responses on my own thread. What are these other topics for then? I thought my post was on this title/topic specifically. I’m really confused on how to post. Many others have posted very similar things on this thread.

It is much better to post about your specific situation on your own thread, not elsewhere.  That's the way this site is designed.  You are much more likely to get a response by posting on your own thread than elsewhere.  

 

The other topics are intended for general posts about the topic, not posts about your specific situation or posts seeking assistance or recommendations.

 

We strongly advise against skipping doses to taper.  It makes withdrawal worse.

 

Regarding tagging a member: When you use @Gridley (or anyone else on the site ) you will see a small rectangle with @Gridley pop up.  It's necessary to click on this tag for the member for the member to be tagged (notified).  I just happened upon your response by chance.  

 

Moderators regularly go through the Introductions and updates forum to respond to members, but we are extremely short-staffed.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Gridley

[persistente]

Overwhelmed. Not motivated. Depressed. I am very familiar with all of them. Each one is different. 

Together they made a hell. For me and anyone around me. 

[BrokenWings]

This is how I have felt since I started taking these drugs and it has not lifted since. No motivation, no drive, no passion, no creativity, overwhelmed and depressed. It's disturbing and I am wondering if these symptoms will ever go away.

[Katy398]

When symptoms are recorded as lasting for many years this has become tough to read. Can anyone give any experience of their recovery from this? What did it look like? It feels like the  overwhelmed, demotivated apathetic community could do with some encouragement.  

[BrokenWings]

@Katy398Great question, I am also curious of others experiences. I am still struggling with these symptoms with no end in sight.

[PapayaShake]

I also feel the same, I'm 26 months off and motivation is not back :c

Sometimes I also have that sensation of wanting to do some things somewhere inside me but I just cant get it done and cant get the energy.

 

Sometimes I wonder if this will ever return,

[Ariel]

So thankful for this thread. I strongly relate to so much of what has been written and posted here. I'm struggling with this intense blockage that prevents action. Somewhere inside me I can connect to wanting to do certain things, e.g. get out of bed, take a shower, go for a walk, work out, etc. I can get to a place where those things sound good to me and I would like to do them. I just somehow cannot. carry. them. out. Nothing happens. I can neither give the command nor can I execute it. There is just -- nothing. And I spend a lot of time lying in bed like a lump. Sometimes I manage to get up and next thing I know I'm crumpled in a heap on the sofa. I think about those street performers who hold perfectly still until someone throws a coin in their cup, and then they move. (is there a name for those particular performers? are they a kind of mime?) And I keep thinking, what is the coin that would need to be thrown into my cup to get me going? I don't know. No idea how to get it started. Or if started how to keep it moving. It feels like whatever brain processes are necessary to make that happen, they are just not working. I tell myself they are busy elsewhere (surely they must be preoccupied with another project for the time being), and when they're done helping out in the field they will return to the home office. Trying not to judge myself for this, and I gotta say this is one of the symptoms I find it most difficult to not take personally nor interpret against myself. It's so inextricably linked to / visible in behavior, and feels like such a frustratingly insurmountable practical obstacle, that I catch myself berating myself for laziness, inefficacy, failure, etc. I really hope this improves (both the inability to do anything and the negative self-judgment around it). I'm trying to accept it. Literally just lying here doing nothing but practicing acceptance.

Thanks to everyone for their posts here, this thread is so very helpful! Feeling very relieved to know I am not the only one.  

[Ariel]

On a slightly more positive note, for good measure, I do find that sometimes -- sometimes -- if I just get started it's possible to keep the momentum going. That can be tricky, too, though, because if I push myself to just not rest or pause or take a break, then I can end up crossing some subtle threshold and go into overdrive, where my system floods into hyperarousal and I dissociate. So it's neither a foolproof nor a reliable strategy, nor is it necessarily compatible with the overarching goal of following a path of moderation. Nevertheless sometimes it's helpful, when I have a little win, to try to build on that win and ride it rather than stop.  

[Katy398]

Thank you for your responses @Ariel @BrokenWings @PapayaShake,

Let’s ask the gurus in all all this. @Altostrata and any other success publishers. I know you are all very busy with life but we are stuck in this terrible malaise.  I actually feel addicted to my bed at times. I have no motivation to leave it even though I am not sleepy, I have complete apathy  still (year 4). We would love to hear from someone who healed from this. Did you push yourself relentlessly to get going, did you use a tick list ( out of bed, bathroom, dress, breakfast …..), did it come back gradually  or one day did you just  realise you no longer suffered from it? Weekends are so challenging for me  I have to find my own routine, work days are much easier. 
Apart from the chemical terror that still envelops me like a ‘Dementor’ this is by far my worst symptom. I so want to get into living but I’m finding it so hard.  Please give us some encouragement. 
 

[Altostrata]

Do whatever you can do. Any daily activity will help, even if it's only walking around the block. At least 1/2 hour of walking a day can help your body and nervous system adjust.

 

On 5/15/2022 at 9:53 AM, Katy398 said:

Thank you for your responses @Ariel @BrokenWings @PapayaShake,

Let’s ask the gurus in all all this. @Altostrata and any other success publishers. I know you are all very busy with life but we are stuck in this terrible malaise.  I actually feel addicted to my bed at times. I have no motivation to leave it even though I am not sleepy, I have complete apathy  still (year 4). We would love to hear from someone who healed from this. Did you push yourself relentlessly to get going, did you use a tick list ( out of bed, bathroom, dress, breakfast …..), did it come back gradually  or one day did you just  realise you no longer suffered from it? Weekends are so challenging for me  I have to find my own routine, work days are much easier. 
Apart from the chemical terror that still envelops me like a ‘Dementor’ this is by far my worst symptom. I so want to get into living but I’m finding it so hard.  Please give us some encouragement. 
 

 

Let's talk about this in your Intro topic, as it brings up questions specific to your situation.

[Kat66]

On 4/22/2022 at 4:02 PM, Ariel said:

I'm struggling with this intense blockage that prevents action. Somewhere inside me I can connect to wanting to do certain things, e.g. get out of bed, take a shower, go for a walk, work out, etc. I can get to a place where those things sound good to me and I would like to do them. I just somehow cannot. carry. them. out. Nothing happens. I can neither give the command nor can I execute it. There is just -- nothing.

So glad I've found this thread. This is me too. 

 

Has anyone else got to the stage with this, that they can't bear seeing other 'stuff' going on and other people enjoying that 'stuff'? I'm talking about things like people going to Glastonbury, going on holiday, going to the theatre, going to a sports event, whatever. I just can't bear seeing others 'living their lives' when I can barely function beyond the basics. It's become almost a phobia with me, so I have to avoid reading about/watching anything to do with people 'living full lives'.

[Ariel]

1 minute ago, Kat66 said:

Has anyone else got to the stage with this, that they can't bear seeing other 'stuff' going on and other people enjoying that 'stuff'? I'm talking about things like people going to Glastonbury, going on holiday, going to the theatre, going to a sports event, whatever. I just can't bear seeing others 'living their lives' when I can barely function beyond the basics. It's become almost a phobia with me, so I have to avoid reading about/watching anything to do with people 'living full lives'.

 

@Kat66

I hear you. 

I think of it as a cocktail of neuro-envy and neuro-grief. 

It's not that I don't want people to live their lives, it's just that I can't bear to have anything to do with it. I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time. It's easier to just look away and hole up for a while and not think about what a normal, full life might be like. 

Also, I don't want to slip up and mistakenly say something bitter or resentful or rain on their parade. So I stay away. 

We just have to remember that this WD thing we're going through is temporary. It will pass. It gets better. Healing is happening.

One day we will be recovered and well and we will feel free to join the world again.

 

[Greatful]

@Kat66  Yes I can relate.   Will I ever be able to enjoy the simple things in life again. The anger and then the jealousy which then turns into self pity.  Somehow I can recognize this is happening but can't always stop it or accept it.  Sadly I even have to admit I get jealous of people on here making progress or at least having a good positive outlook😒 Is this a nasty side of me or is this normal emotion😒

I know deep inside this isn't me but the inner child throwing a fit.  I also feel a part of it is the feeling of abandonment from trauma growing up.  I am still needy and have yet to learn how to self soothe. 😒

 

[Roserdl]

I have this bad.  My partners brother was over yesterday and talking about a two month trip he is going on.  There is a family reunion we are missing and we had huge plans for the summer which are demolished.  I'm grieving as I desperately miss my old life and I am having a hard time believing it will ever end.  Hopelessness is my biggest challenge. And I am in constant turmoil over my reinstatement and not knowing whether to just keep dropping despite the suffering as I am wasting time holding if I can't stabilize anyway. I totally get it Kat.  I finally attained our dream home and amazing relationship and now I feel like I died but still am alive and it's gone forever.  I feel like mourned at my own funeral much of the time.  I'm trying to walk this path but it sucks.  

 

@Greatful  you aren't a nasty person. It is totally understandable

[Kat66]

7 minutes ago, Ariel said:

 

@Kat66

I hear you. 

I think of it as a cocktail of neuro-envy and neuro-grief. 

It's not that I don't want people to live their lives, it's just that I can't bear to have anything to do with it. I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time. It's easier to just look away and hole up for a while and not think about what a normal, full life might be like. 

Also, I don't want to slip up and mistakenly say something bitter or resentful or rain on their parade. So I stay away. 

We just have to remember that this WD thing we're going through is temporary. It will pass. It gets better. Healing is happening.

One day we will be recovered and well and we will feel free to join the world again.

 

 

2 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66  Yes I can relate.   Will I ever be able to enjoy the simple things in life again. The anger and then the jealousy which then turns into self pity.  Somehow I can recognize this is happening but can't always stop it or accept it.  Sadly I even have to admit I get jealous of people on here making progress or at least having a good positive outlook😒 Is this a nasty side of me or is this normal emotion😒

I know deep inside this isn't me but the inner child throwing a fit.  I also feel a part of it is the feeling of abandonment from trauma growing up.  I am still needy and have yet to learn how to self soothe. 😒

 

 

How you guys manage to somehow rise above the soup of horrible neuro emotions and make sense of all this amazes me. I must be in a particularly thick opaque soup right now!

 

I totally get what you say @Ariel about being happy for others. In the sense I can intellectually grasp the concept of being 'happy' for others, yes, I don't resent others for having a life.

 

 

10 minutes ago, Ariel said:

I haven't got the capacity to hold their joy and my sorrow at the same time.

Bang on - it's just too much to deal with.

 

@Greatful I agree, I sometimes get jealous of people on here who've made progress - it doesn't make us bad people, surely it makes us human with human reactions. It took me ages before I even clicked on 'success stories' and even now I only look infrequently.

 

 

 

[Kat66]

12 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

I have this bad.  My partners brother was over yesterday and talking about a two month trip he is going on.  There is a family reunion we are missing and we had huge plans for the summer which are demolished.  I'm grieving as I desperately miss my old life and I am having a hard time believing it will ever end.  Hopelessness is my biggest challenge. And I am in constant turmoil over my reinstatement and not knowing whether to just keep dropping despite the suffering as I am wasting time holding if I can't stabilize anyway. I totally get it Kat.  I finally attained our dream home and amazing relationship and now I feel like I died but still am alive and it's gone forever.  I feel like a journey at my own funeral much of the time.  I'm trying to walk this path but it sucks.  

OMG....I feel you @Roserdl so much. All of what you've written I could've written. It's the feeling of wasting/marking precious time while others are truly 'living'......UGH!!!

[Roserdl]

4 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

OMG....I feel you @Roserdl so much. All of what you've written I could've written. It's the feeling of wasting/marking precious time while others are truly 'living'......UGH!!!

It's so hard.  But remember, you have had windows and will get them again

  Hold on

[Kat66]

18 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

 Hold on

Same to you - I know you're having a tough time too.

xxx