powerback: tapering no 2

[powerback]

Hi everyone .

Yesterday I an  appointment with a counselling service .this is a charitable organisation that accepts what money one can afford .I was there 6 years ago when I was starting meds .which I now realise was a mistake because  of the  numbing  affects on me of meds  .

the appointment quickly turned into me having to validate my experience of withdrawl .these people haven't the power to prescribe meds but yet they advertise them as a solution and knock my experience down to very rare .

 

I told the lady the year I've had with depression and she said at that point they would direct me to my GP .Yes and we all know were that ends .

the lady was very honest and you can be assured she doesn't deal with someone like me everyday .I was very respectfully critical of the system  and the  service that they provide .

She explained  they have six weeks counselling and then the case is  reviewed  after that ,because its a charity your already on the hook and under pressure to get to some sort of solution to your "issues",i said to her I thought this is a very wrong way to do therapy ,basically they need you to get  "better" and move on .I said to her if I was a millionaire a  therapist would sit there everyday listening to me pour my soul out without fail because they were making money .

I explained the psychological torture ive been put through this year .my heart goes out to anyone that is under the control of a therapist and the system ,yesterday gave me a fright because of going up against a system so intertwined with each other .

 

I have a serious obsession with trying to offload my pain  that's resurfacing ,maybe its a withdrawl obsession but I have a lot of grieving to do also .

Of course I didn't miss an opportunity to promote and push this amazing site on others and I told them its my main support network and you never know they mite google it someday and wake up .

I sent them a  nice email today and thanking them for there time .

 

Thanks everyone for reading, I wanted to come here were I feel safe after feeling a little despondent yesterday .but I'm ok about it,i just fear for the so called help others mite think they are getting from these places ,could it be a bigger problem that there heart is in the right place.

peace to everyone .

Oh I nearly forgot the most important thing I had a window from the afternoon into evening .

PB . 

 

I must add that this is my opinion and anyone thinking therapy would be good/cathartic for them ,of course by all means .I personally can never unread everything I have since I woke up a while back .but don't be afraid to do some research yourself and tread carefully.  

[Distraut]

So glad to hear you have had a window Powerback.  I have not posted on your thread before, but I am following your journey and wishing you well and have been upset to see your distress lately.  So a window is good news indeed!

 

Thank you also for putting the counseling service straight.  They need to hear this more often!

 

I posted a couple of weeks ago that my son Akrontes (on whose behalf I am posting on this Forum) seemed to be re-surfacing.  Unfortunately soon after he took a major dip and we have had mega anxiety, racing and intrusive thinking, calls to the ambulance service, howling in the house and in the park, insomnia, loss of appetite - all hell let loose unfortunately.   But yesterday, out of nowhere, calm seems to have returned.  He is sleeping during the night, having an early morning dip in the nearby lake, eating, socializing - it is all so bizarre and I am on tenterhooks to see whether it will continue and further improve.  It would be the greatest Christmas present EVER!  He is due to see the National Health psychiatrist this Friday for a routine 6 month check.  I fervently hope that he will be in great shape on that day and in a position to tell him that it is their medication which has landed him there and that he now wants to be discharged forever from their books.

 

Rooting for you!

[peng]

Hurting for you, pb.

 

I agree with Joy, here.  Note her full message by reading between the lines.  Refer to my earlier posts to you, too.  I know you have your own fixed ideas about what you want to do, but I feel a compromise is called for.  This level of suffering is just not what you need, nor is it necessary, my 40 years of, until recently, uninformed struggle tells me.  You can always resume the next instalment of the fight "tomorrow".

 

Thinking of the hard time one is giving one's loved ones has to come into the solution, too.  Do you not consider it paramount?  You can try and regain your personal pride during the next campaign. 

 

I was on 225mg Effexor for months and in a rut before visiting this site a couple of years ago.  I am now almost down to another significant threshhold of 75mg.  I can tell you I will not be agonising and suffering like yourself over a handful of beads out of the 37.5mg dose (if I ever get to that) if I gain any semblance of a platform at that amount.

 

I am struggling, too.  Christmas, family visiting and New year is always hard for me and many Scots suffering in silence.  However, the winter solstice will pass in just over a fortnight.  Soon, the increasingly lengthening and brightening daylight and sunshine of mid-February will be with us, marking a point in the year our ancestors revered since the earliest beginning, in our lands.

 

Love & best wishes. (and to the whole of Ireland in the coming days.)

[powerback]

6 minutes ago, Distraut said:

So glad to hear you have had a window Powerback.  I have not posted on your thread before, but I am following your journey and wishing you well and have been upset to see your distress lately.  So a window is good news indeed!

 

Thank you also for putting the counseling service straight.  They need to hear this more often!

 

I posted a couple of weeks ago that my son Akrontes (on whose behalf I am posting on this Forum) seemed to be re-surfacing.  Unfortunately soon after he took a major dip and we have had mega anxiety, racing and intrusive thinking, calls to the ambulance service, howling in the house and in the park, insomnia, loss of appetite - all hell let loose unfortunately.   But yesterday, out of nowhere, calm seems to have returned.  He is sleeping during the night, having an early morning dip in the nearby lake, eating, socializing - it is all so bizarre and I am on tenterhooks to see whether it will continue and further improve.  It would be the greatest Christmas present EVER!  He is due to see the National Health psychiatrist this Friday for a routine 6 month check.  I fervently hope that he will be in great shape on that day and in a position to tell him that it is their medication which has landed him there and that he now wants to be discharged forever from their books.

 

Rooting for you!

Hi distraut ,I think I posted on your thread ,thanks for the reply to mine ,my heart bleeds for your family and your sons situation ,never give up ,of course you don't need me to say that ,what a wonderful human being  you are to care for your son so much .the window was even a little manic but I use mindfulness so its handy to bring  me down somewhat and be aware of my hyper state .sadly it doesn't work as well when I'm in a deep depression .

I'm painfully aware of what I'm like to be around when in a wave ,so today I will make a conscious effort to connect with family while being "ok".

 these appointment's can be tricky if he's in a wave because seeing him in a distressed state can only feed into there thinking of "sick" .

 

Thanks so much for your compassionate words ,they mean so much more from someone living with the experience than an overpaid book worm straight out of collage [psychiatrists ].

do you follow madinamerica and peter breggins podcasts ,I listen every week and the compassionate tone from there guests and validation is very uplifting .

Take care to you and never forget yourself also in this process.

PB 

 

[Distraut]

Bless you PB.  You have another London-Irish mum here praying for your swift and complete recovery.  Let 2018 be the year of liberation and the start of better things.

[Distraut]

For another gallant hero, Powerback:

 

 

[powerback]

54 minutes ago, peng said:

Hurting for you, pb.

 

I agree with Joy, here.  Note her full message by reading between the lines.  Refer to my earlier posts to you, too.  I know you have your own fixed ideas about what you want to do, but I feel a compromise is called for.  This level of suffering is just not what you need, nor is it necessary, my 40 years of, until recently, uninformed struggle tells me.  You can always resume the next instalment of the fight "tomorrow".

 

Thinking of the hard time one is giving one's loved ones has to come into the solution, too.  Do you not consider it paramount?  You can try and regain your personal pride during the next campaign. 

 

I was on 225mg Effexor for months and in a rut before visiting this site a couple of years ago.  I am now almost down to another significant threshhold of 75mg.  I can tell you I will not be agonising and suffering like yourself over a handful of beads out of the 37.5mg dose (if I ever get to that) if I gain any semblance of a platform at that amount.

 

I am struggling, too.  Christmas, family visiting and New year is always hard for me and many Scots suffering in silence.  However, the winter solstice will pass in just over a fortnight.  Soon, the increasingly lengthening and brightening daylight and sunshine of mid-February will be with us, marking a point in the year our ancestors revered since the earliest beginning, in our lands.

 

Love & best wishes. (and to the whole of Ireland in the coming days.)

Hi peng ,we have gone over this ground before , .the fight you write about is  valid ,do you read any psychiatry criticism .

 

maybe my wording is coming off more severe to you .I haven't harmed my family on purpose [they are caring and supportive]  ,so this conversation stops here on this .

this site would not even exist if it was so simple as ile have that drug and that dose today .I don't come to your thread and bring the "fight " so with total respect to you , you can block me .I really mean that in a nice way ,your obviously irritated by my personality and beliefs and my experience .

I am hugely more informed now than I ever was that day I was given meds.my biggest issue was coming off the drug so this is were we need to catch the future  people ,have a serious coming off plan .this wasn't my experience because I was under the doctors spell and lets not forget this was under a doctors instruction and later when I questioned him about it being a problem ,he was defensive .this is the mans words verbatim "I don't know if you take them after leaving here " .that is a classic defensive come back .I am not taking on big pharma here camping outside factory's.

 

look I would love to take a drug and be "ok" but from reading others experiences  and researching my options and comparing to others like me ,taking more drugs ,the odds don't look good in my favour .believe me the last few months I have thought about this non stop . there is not one shred of evidence of the medical model like insulin diabetes .

 

I am writing my valid experience about yesterday and I shocked that lady with my insight ,this is the only way theres ever going to be progress in a disgusting industry of human suppression . I didn't go there to shout at the system and release  my anger ,like people do to the cash register in a shop or road rage to release emotions,i  had valid points to make   I will . I will try relax more this month coming up to xmas  and enjoy it .

Totall respect to you peng I really mean that .

love and best wishes to you also .Happy xmas 

PB

[AliG]

Distraught ~ that is awesome ~ so happy to hear that. Please post on your thread as I and I'm sure everyone would love to hear about his progress.

 

Sorry PB ~ just had to add that, as it's very positive progress.

 

1 hour ago, powerback said:

 

Thanks everyone for reading, I wanted to come here were I feel safe after feeling a little despondent yesterday .but I'm ok about it,i just fear for the so called help others mite think they are getting from these places ,could it be a bigger problem that there heart is in the right place.

 

So glad you feel safe to vent and more importantly ~ had a window!  I'm happy for you ~ I hope it sticks around for a while.

Ali

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, AliG said:

Distraught ~ that is awesome ~ so happy to hear that. Please post on your thread as I and I'm sure everyone would love to hear about his progress.

 

Sorry PB ~ just had to add that, as it's very positive progress.

 

 

So glad you feel safe to vent and more importantly ~ had a window!  I'm happy for you ~ I hope it sticks around for a while.

Ali

OH of course AlIG work away . ye me too but I wont put much thought into ,if I over think the window ,ile land myself in a wave .

Peace to you .

PB

[AliG]

Peace to you, also PB ~ You always make me smile and I love talking to you ~ you have such a kind heart and it hurts me to think that you are suffering. It can only get better from hereon in and I know that it will. Hang in there.  

Ali

[powerback]

22 hours ago, AliG said:

Peace to you, also PB ~ You always make me smile and I love talking to you ~ you have such a kind heart and it hurts me to think that you are suffering. It can only get better from hereon in and I know that it will. Hang in there.  

Ali

Thanks AliG ,nice of you to say, the shift needs to change to  make myself smile again much more often .ile hold you to that better hereon in

Take great care .

PB

[powerback]

23 hours ago, Distraut said:

Bless you PB.  You have another London-Irish mum here praying for your swift and complete recovery.  Let 2018 be the year of liberation and the start of better things.

AH shucks your so sweat thanks D .

Thanks for the song its great .

Peace /

PB

[powerback]

Hi folks I just want to log something thanks .

I'm 2 days taking a b12 spray and I cant work out if its activating to me [nausea] .I'm in the kitchen this morning making home made ketchup and juicing veg and my system is definitely    reacting to smells .the package on the box says 4 spays a day ,but I'm only doing the one spray .I'm envious of members that know straight away what makes there system react .I suppose ile do the usual and cancel it out for a few days .

I'm 2 months on a plant based wholefoods diet and this is the reason for the b 12 .I tend to fight this nausea  and eat and drink my smoothies anyhow but even though I'm thinking its healthy I probably should be cutting back on it but I am obsessed with getting nutrients into my system To fight this devil withdrawl.

total respect to everyone .

PB

[dj2010]

PB do yourself a favour and throw the b12 spray in the bin, I have read many posts on here and other sites about b vitamins totally f***ing people up who are in withdrawal, you will get all the nutrients you need from your plant based diet, smoothies and juices, I learnt the hardway with supplements especially with CBD oil, the only safe ones for me are turmeric and magnesium citrate,

[powerback]

10 hours ago, dj2010 said:

PB do yourself a favour and throw the b12 spray in the bin, I have read many posts on here and other sites about b vitamins totally f***ing people up who are in withdrawal, you will get all the nutrients you need from your plant based diet, smoothies and juices, I learnt the hardway with supplements especially with CBD oil, the only safe ones for me are turmeric and magnesium citrate,

Hi DJ thanks for the heads up ,I hope your system has settled down after the CBD oil episode .

I hope your well .

[Martina23]

Hi PB, I hope you are well. Here I see advices on good nutrition. I would need that too. I have a feeling that I am eating so less and still I got two kilograms in the last two weeks. I dont know what is going on. I train every day for hour, try to eat healthily and always the weight is only going more. I start to be already frustrated from this. I told myself I can look bad, I can have bad clothes, but I can not be fat. This is already this worst thing possible. So now I am thinking how to change the course..

[powerback]

11 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Hi PB, I hope you are well. Here I see advices on good nutrition. I would need that too. I have a feeling that I am eating so less and still I got two kilograms in the last two weeks. I dont know what is going on. I train every day for hour, try to eat healthily and always the weight is only going more. I start to be already frustrated from this. I told myself I can look bad, I can have bad clothes, but I can not be fat. This is already this worst thing possible. So now I am thinking how to change the course..

Hi martina23 ,I hope your well also thanks for asking,there's more to nutrition than we realise ,nutrition has become my distraction from withdrawal so i try to practice what I read and watch ( but I am no expert).

Not eating to the bodys motabilism clock is a big problem.we might not have eating much but what we have eating could be full of sugar and whats called empty calories.when we eat food ,it should be dense with nutrition so it can feed the cells in our body .

Sugar and cooking oils are 2 things our bodys dont need ,the body obsorbs this and turns it straight to fat .also hormones can play havock with weight gain and the dreaded meds we are fed.

We are taken in by food advertising aswel and it really puts a spell on us .the best thing you can do is cook all your own food fresh and learn to read food labels .

I will send you some links to people I follow about nutrition .

Take care 

PB 

[powerback]

Hi I have a question about high doses of vitiman c ,I started taking a vitiman c supplement a few days ago at half the recommended  daily dose .its the proper stuff ascorbic acid ,im taking it to help my amunne system fight colds and flu since im finished ever going near a doctor ever again. I used to get the flu jab for years.

If anyone has any input about this with going through withdrawal would be great .

Thanks in advance.

PB

[powerback]

Hi everyone I hope your well for Christmas .

Its typical that I'm hit with  a huge wave just in time for the holidays when even a normal brain suffers under stress .I get hit with every single spiral .the little Buda In me is no were to be found .dam god help us all .

Peace .

PB

  

[powerback]

Anyone out there have any natural remedies for a kidney infection ,im making a parsley tea today but any suggestions would be appreciated thanks in advance .

PB

[Kristine]

Hi Powerback, I believe the most effective natural method is plenty of fluids, particularly water.  Cranberry juice might help.  If you have a fever, lower back pain, painful urination ect....you may need some professional advice, if you haven't already. 

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas 😊 Cheers. K

[dj2010]

56 minutes ago, powerback said:

Anyone out there have any natural remedies for a kidney infection ,im making a parsley tea today but any suggestions would be appreciated thanks in advance .

PB

try couple of tablespoons apple cider vinegar with couple tablespoons of fresh squeezed lemon and raw honey in hot water, I have this every morning when wake up, its apparently excellent for kidneys and kidney infection, when choosing apple cider vinegar choose one which has the mother in it, I use braggs, it is available at most health food shops and some supermarkets, using this everyday can effect the teeth because so acidic so i usually add a tiny bit of baking soda in it, its a excellent wake up drink, if you go doctors they will likely give antibiotics which can cause havoc for people in withdrawal, take care buddy

[powerback]

Thanks Dj sound advice ,ye I want to avoid antibiotics big time ,hopefully it wont come to that .

Take care and have a good Christmas .

PB

[powerback]

5 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hi Powerback, I believe the most effective natural method is plenty of fluids, particularly water.  Cranberry juice might help.  If you have a fever, lower back pain, painful urination ect....you may need some professional advice, if you haven't already. 

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas 😊 Cheers. K

Hi kristine ,I do have back pain but no fever so fingers crossed it doesnt escalate,my brain is exhausted so my bodys fighting off a good bit.

Same to you for Christmas and take care 

PB

[miT]

Happy holidays PB!

 

Maybe shy away from alcohol for now, if that's possible...

 

Best wishes,

Tim

[powerback]

Hi mit thanks same to you ,im nearly 3 years sober so no worries there .im a happy man I dont need to worry about hangovers .

Take care .

[RachelSusan]

On 12/5/2017 at 3:02 AM, powerback said:

I have a serious obsession with trying to offload my pain  that's resurfacing ,maybe its a withdrawl obsession but I have a lot of grieving to do also .

Hi Powerback,

I found your thread today and started following you because the things you had to say really stuck with me.  Your post on December 5th, which I just saw, about trying to offload your pain really struck home.  I have felt the same exact way in the past and I think this if the first time I ever saw another person put it so clearly into words.  I don't know if it's a withdrawal obsession or not. I've wondered about that myself. Thanks again.

Rachel

[powerback]

23 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

Hi Powerback,

I found your thread today and started following you because the things you had to say really stuck with me.  Your post on December 5th, which I just saw, about trying to offload your pain really struck home.  I have felt the same exact way in the past and I think this if the first time I ever saw another person put it so clearly into words.  I don't know if it's a withdrawal obsession or not. I've wondered about that myself. Thanks again.

Rachel

Hi RS its definitely part of withdrawl and I'm glad I could help with some common ground  ,the thing with me is I did a lot of soul  searching and introspection and I don't think it was the best thing for me  to be doing in withdrawl ,I was doing it before withdrawl anyway ,do your best to try shift your focus to distraction when it becomes overwhelming .when the drugs are "working " it shuts everything down so everything comes flooding back when weaned off the drug or they poop out on us .I don't judge emotional pain ,I try let it flow and release .

Take care and peace to you .

PB

 

[powerback]

In a huge wave and I thought I would watch a movie ,I watched 10 minutes of one called "its kind of a funny story ".

the most trigger ragefull  inducing   movie imaginable  .god help me and all fellow members that suffer .

Peace .

PB

[miT]

It differs from person to person, but for me it would be counter-productive to watch tv in a huge wave. Instead I would meditate and, very important, feel everything. Direct confrontation works best for me.

 

But everybody reacts differently, definitely in withdrawal!

[powerback]

Hi mIT ,ye everyone different ,sadly im in a constant state of nearly loosing my mind its dreadful ,in extreme moods and extreme emotional sensitivities ,i believe my life will be ruined in the next year of tapering but ive no choice .

Thanks for the reply it means a lot .

Take great care my friend and happy new year to you .

PB

[miT]

Don't lose hope pb. You're not alone, 2018 will be a crucial year for me too. Tapering seems to get harder on lower doses. But normality is also getting closer. 

 

We're in this together. Happy new year!

[powerback]

I won't thanks mIT .I just fear others around  me wont be able to see past the demon I cant control in withdrawl .

Peace to you .

PB

[dj2010]

19 hours ago, powerback said:

In a huge wave and I thought I would watch a movie ,I watched 10 minutes of one called "its kind of a funny story ".

the most trigger ragefull  inducing   movie imaginable  .god help me and all fellow members that suffer .

Peace .

PB

sorry to hear you are in a wave PB, best just sticking to comedy programmes and nature documentaries, ive been watching the old red dwarf series before bed, finding them relaxing, on netflix at the moment, you need to stay positive to beat this, easier said than done I know, take care

[powerback]

I know DJ ,its like a spell and I cant control it .

My life is far from set up for this proccess but im too far gone to change it .

All new members need to heed the warning and have a plan in action before coming off meds

.if I win the war there will be many  battles lost and I will have to come to terms with this .

Ive so much respect for parents like yourself bringing up kids,I have been spending the Christmas with my little neice and im overwhelmed with emotions of joy she has brought me ,albeit the wave always ready to knock on my shoulder and say hey im not going anywhere .

Happy New year to you ,sorry I havent been on your thread so I hope your well 

PB

[dj2010]

14 hours ago, powerback said:

I know DJ ,its like a spell and I cant control it .

My life is far from set up for this proccess but im too far gone to change it .

All new members need to heed the warning and have a plan in action before coming off meds

.if I win the war there will be many  battles lost and I will have to come to terms with this .

Ive so much respect for parents like yourself bringing up kids,I have been spending the Christmas with my little neice and im overwhelmed with emotions of joy she has brought me ,albeit the wave always ready to knock on my shoulder and say hey im not going anywhere .

Happy New year to you ,sorry I havent been on your thread so I hope your well 

PB

 

yes we all need to make the best of a bad situation at the moment, you will win the war but its going to take a long time,

 

yes kids helping me a lot get through this, be lost without them

 

happy new year to you too, I hope this new year is a better one for you and you manage make good progress on your taper,

 

take care