powerback: tapering no 2

[miT]

21 hours ago, powerback said:

I won't thanks mIT .I just fear others around  me wont be able to see past the demon I cant control in withdrawl .

Peace to you .

PB

 

I know. I often feel like a weirdo due to withdrawal inflicted behavior.

 

I've got to believe it's withdrawal, not me. Same for you.

[powerback]

1 hour ago, miT said:

 

I know. I often feel like a weirdo due to withdrawal inflicted behavior.

 

I've got to believe it's withdrawal, not me. Same for you.

Ye true miT ,lately I loose my train of thought mid sentence talking to people and I panic inside lol,but I keep practicing not to let my mind make it worse .

PB

[powerback]

I'm agonising over starting my taper again after a long hold ,I've got brutal  emotional sensitivities  .2 comments yesterday cut me like a knife ,I'm still feeling it today .in a month I'm going away for a few days and I fear what way ile be for the few days ,short flight also ,maybe ile just hold .the problem is I'm going away with someone in the group that is a huge trigger to me ,maybe my biggest trigger .Christmas and now this break ,I need some traction on the taper .Arrgg.

As I write this I'm listening to relaxation music that I could swear is activating and triggering to me .omg the joys .

PB

[AliG]

PB. Happy New Year.

If it were me, I would perhaps hold a little while longer. It may be better to wait until you were feeling much more stable. Do you think your symptoms have lessened to the point of feeling like you are withdrawal normal? In other words, do you feel able to cope with your symptoms? Or are they getting away from you ?

 

I hope you don't mind me saying, but going away with someone who is a "huge trigger" is not necessarily the best self- care strategy. This is a point worth considering before following through on. Can this plan be changed in any way to possibly avoid this trigger? 

 

As you probably already know ~ stress, in any form can exacerbate symptoms - big time, and this sounds like major stress.

 

It's up to you to figure out what you can or can't handle ~ just be very careful. You need to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can, at this time.

 

Ali

[powerback]

Hi ALiG  cheers for the reply Happy new year to you also .I'm giving myself a ban on seeing  this person for a month ,its a family member so total avoidance is impossible but I will have to actively limit my time around them .I'm in a kind of a nasty funk  with the  idea of turning into this person ,doing introspection in withdrawl wasn't a great idea .

 

Oh of course your fine I don't mind you saying .

 

My symptoms have gotten fairly bad but not as sick and nauseating when I took the  7th bead out .I have very vivid and stimulating dreams and all connected to my fears for my quality of life and future .I think this becomes the problem in protracted withdrawal .people that would never have an opinion on my life are starting to so I'm overwhelmed .ile be damned if I'm going to wear myself out explaining withdrawal to everyone .someone is making comments about me not working full time witch in turn feeds my inner critic .a comment yesterday nearly destroyed me ,I still have a heavy heart because of it .but I'm so glad I have my support here .

With Christmas over and being more careful of triggers I will get there ,I need to make a plan for my biggest triggers for the whole year .I will hold thanks A

peace to you and thanks again .

PB

[powerback]

Hi i think I can claim a window today ,nice stormy weather but I had the energy for a nice walk up the hills it was wild but I love it ,I was patient over Christmas not forcing exercise due to what ever dose had me on very low energy .I was guilty of forcing exercise when I shouldn't before  so I'm proud of myself that I waited it out .I got a nice walk in with my sister also before she went back to OZ land  .

I had the usual intrusive thoughts but I keep up the work and change the channel .

 

We keep up the fight  and never give in .

PB

[Distraut]

Good to hear PB.  Following your progress and hope you hit better times in 2018.

 

High winds in London too and glad to be inside

[powerback]

1 minute ago, Distraut said:

Good to hear PB.  Following your progress and hope you hit better times in 2018.

 

High winds in London too and glad to be inside

HI D i hope you and your son are well .ye its barely stopped for days .I walk through a small forest then mostly open paths ,so extra careful through the Forrest lol.

Got to stop repeating certain behaviours this year than last year ,I wasn't keeping my stress down like I should .this year is the year of trigger watching and stopping my  ego getting in the way and making me tough it out around triggers .

[Scorpio]

That’s really good news for you pb. Long may it last. I also got out today and the wind was ferocious but milder than it has been. 

[powerback]

6 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

That’s really good news for you pb. Long may it last. I also got out today and the wind was ferocious but milder than it has been. 

Hi scorpio thanks ,I'm mindful not to get manic ,the mindfulness works both ways .I love the wild weather and the sun was out so it was a good old day .I know my usual walk so well I can tell the latest trees down lol.

Good you out yourself .

[powerback]

Having a pretty heavy emotional spiral and this has helped beautifully to release .

 

[AliG]

Hi PB. Thanks for that. I love Enya and knew the song but hadn't seen the clip ~ loved it!

 

How was the holiday and "trigger" people and situations?

 

How are you feeling with holding? What symptoms are you having ?

[Shep]

40 minutes ago, powerback said:

https://youtu.be/4jg_F9VBgTw

 

Having a pretty heavy emotional spiral and this has helped beautifully to release .

 

 

Hi, PB.

 

Thank you for posting this video. Like Ali, I'm also an Enya fan but hadn't seen this one. It's a brilliant piece, both for the beautiful music and the beautiful nature scenes, which are simply breath taking. I'm glad it helped you with your emotional spiral and by posting it here, you're helping others. 

 

A lot of times, music really is the key to a calm and peaceful mind, body, and soul.  

[powerback]

Thanks 

32 minutes ago, AliG said:

Hi PB. Thanks for that. I love Enya and knew the song but hadn't seen the clip ~ loved it!

 

How was the holiday and "trigger" people and situations?

 

How are you feeling with holding? What symptoms are you having ?

Hi A your more than welcome .trying to practice my non judgement of emotion ,as I said to a friend today in  a PM ,who's cutting  onions .

The holding is irritating but it has to be done ,I'm glad I haven't got this ozzy flu at least,this from a man that would listen and get the  flu jab every year because "I had to ".

well no more good bye doctors .8 months since I've been near one .

My symptoms are mainly psychological and all that goes with it .  

I hope your well .

PB

[powerback]

17 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Hi, PB.

 

Thank you for posting this video. Like Ali, I'm also an Enya fan but hadn't seen this one. It's a brilliant piece, both for the beautiful music and the beautiful nature scenes, which are simply breath taking. I'm glad it helped you with your emotional spiral and by posting it here, you're helping others. 

 

A lot of times, music really is the key to a calm and peaceful mind, body, and soul.  

HI Shep its beautiful isn't it  .ye I do enjoy music a lot the last year ,there was a time my noise sensitivity would stop me but it eases and then I'm ok .

yesterday I was out on a walk in nature and the hills and I had to a make a conscious effort to take the earplugs out and listen to the nature ,I watched 2 blue finches  courting going from tree to tree and got a nice picture of a robin  .I put the earphones back in when I came back to civilisation lol.

Just thought maybe a new hobby in the pipe line ,nature photography .

When my body allows I have some great jogging songs/music .

peace to you  shep .

[AliG]

I agree with Shep that music can be one of the the ways to experience peace and calm during this healing process. I know it has helped me.

 

I think it's about 3 years since I saw a doctor ~ and I just keep getting healthier ! Go figure.  

[Shep]

What a wonderful idea, PB! Nature photography. And anyone can do it with a cell phone. 

 

Next time I'm out in the park, I'm going to have to give it a go. Also sounds like a great mindfulness exercise in paying attention to the healing nature around us and a way of getting out of our heads and away from withdrawal, even if just a moment at a time. And those moments add up. 

 

As for avoiding doctors, except for the dentist and the eye doctor, it's been 4 years for me. And like Ali, I just keep getting healthier. 

[powerback]

Just now, AliG said:

I agree with Shep that music can be one of the the ways to experience peace and calm during this healing process. I know it has helped me.

 

I think it's about 3 years since I saw a doctor ~ and I just keep getting healthier ! Go figure.  

YIPPY, great inspiration for me, thanks A .Not that I need it as it concerns DRs .

Good your healthier for it .brilliant .

PB

[powerback]

16 minutes ago, Shep said:

What a wonderful idea, PB! Nature photography. And anyone can do it with a cell phone. 

 

Next time I'm out in the park, I'm going to have to give it a go. Also sounds like a great mindfulness exercise in paying attention to the healing nature around us and a way of getting out of our heads and away from withdrawal, even if just a moment at a time. And those moments add up. 

 

As for avoiding doctors, except for the dentist and the eye doctor, it's been 4 years for me. And like Ali, I just keep getting healthier. 

Ye Eckhart tolle often talks about walking in nature and absorbing it   ,I'm lucky I have decent trails on my doorstep but I get bored easily but I can switch my walks around .

Its funny because I was having anxiety in the summer with winter coming but I love all the seasons ,they all have there benefits .

in Ireland they can have all the seasons in one day .the summer can be funny looking at tourists faces when its lashing rain and 10 degrees and then the next day its sun and 20 degrees.

Off now soon for a ramble have a good day ,I often think of the great people I've met and helped me from SA since I joined while out on my walks  .

Peace

PB 

 

[powerback]

4 hours ago, AliG said:

Hi PB. Thanks for that. I love Enya and knew the song but hadn't seen the clip ~ loved it!

 

How was the holiday and "trigger" people and situations?

 

How are you feeling with holding? What symptoms are you having ?

Sorry A I didn't answer your question properly earlier ,I had one eye out the window looking to get my walk in while the sun was out 

The holiday isn't for another 2 weeks , I have the airbnb sorted and ready to go ,I haven't stayed in a hotel for 3 years ,vastly over rated and priced ,I love the way I can cook my meals and chill in the airbnb .

[powerback]

3 hours ago, Shep said:

What a wonderful idea, PB! Nature photography. And anyone can do it with a cell phone. 

 

Next time I'm out in the park, I'm going to have to give it a go. Also sounds like a great mindfulness exercise in paying attention to the healing nature around us and a way of getting out of our heads and away from withdrawal, even if just a moment at a time. And those moments add up. 

 

As for avoiding doctors, except for the dentist and the eye doctor, it's been 4 years for me. And like Ali, I just keep getting healthier. 

Great shep ,4 years no doctor .as I said to A ,I'm inspired .it took this withdrawl for me to break the destructive addiction to DRs .

Peace to you .

[Martina23]

4 hours ago, powerback said:

HI Shep its beautiful isn't it  .ye I do enjoy music a lot the last year ,there was a time my noise sensitivity would stop me but it eases and then I'm ok .

yesterday I was out on a walk in nature and the hills and I had to a make a conscious effort to take the earplugs out and listen to the nature ,I watched 2 blue finches  courting going from tree to tree and got a nice picture of a robin  .I put the earphones back in when I came back to civilisation lol.

Just thought maybe a new hobby in the pipe line ,nature photography .

When my body allows I have some great jogging songs/music .

peace to you  shep .

I also love your new hobby. It seems like we everyone in withdrawal turn to artists :-) But why not. It comes to me more reasonable than only gathering money and running after high paying jobs.

[powerback]

Hi martina thanks for your reply ,I'm having a deeply reflective day .withdrawl certainly shakes the core of our soul ,I wouldn't turn down loads of money  but I would certainly have different ideas of what to do with it after what's happened   the last couple of years that's for sure  .

I think trying to deal with society will push anyone into themselves and a good way to deal with withdrawl is nature ,I had a funny situation last year were a water  stream I was  sitting  by was irritating me because of my noise sensitivity so that day I realised ok go home and into the bed . 

 

I grew up climbing the trees .i actually climbed one a few weeks ago ,the panic in my brain thanks to the anxiety .I was very careful.

this process must give you great inspiration for your art .

Take care .

[powerback]

this is another that gets me 

[powerback]

Hi folks I just want to record this while I remember after being reminded [ok I'm back I nearly forgot I had beans cooking on the cooker ] on someone else's thread  about headaches .

its reminded me that the ones I had a couple of months ago are mostly gone ,is it down to a mostly plant based diet I cant tell 100% ,one thing is for sure the rash I would always have on my right hand is nothing like it used to be ,this has to be down to less dairy also in my case anyhow.

.so that makes me think there would be less inflammation going on inside my body ,the proof I have is that I don't get that cotton wool feeling in my brain .but I still have confusion and brain dead at times .

I do have this flu doing its hardest to get me but I'm keeping it at bay with just a normal cold feeling .I am taking high doses of vitamin c ,cant tell if this is the reason I'm keeping the flu at bay .this year is the first in 8 years I didn't get the flu jab because as ive said already I'm finished going near DRs again.  

 

the same time a few months ago when I started the plant based whole foods diet I gave up taking a pain killer [Panadol , not a strong one  ] .I got into a bad habit of taking this every day so I'm delighted that's stopped ,a placebo no doubt at the time .

Christmas week I did eat meat and sweats but back on track now ,I do be in awe of my partner at how strict and disciplined she is with diet ,if she could put that in a pill shed be rich [tongue in cheek here of course ] 

[powerback]

I've been listening to this guy lately and I find him very good at explaining and helping with anxiety . 

[powerback]

I'm never amazed or surprised the longer withdrawl goes on anymore .who's up for the withdrawl olypmics .

 

I had a day mostly  of serious waves but got on with the day and got a small walk in and went supermarket for  supplies .

I was coming home and my inner critic/intrusive thoughts got the better of me and litterly made me feel sick with nausea [didn't last long ] .the power of the mind ,if I could only run my laptop off of my mind ,the power of it.a member once said on here "why cant the mind think good helpful things instead of all the nasty stuff "

 

I had a short bath around 4 and in the last hour ive had a huge rage attack; [ didn't last long] ,I waited for my partner to go on her walk and I slammed the door of the press so hard and my usual towel off the floor  [released ] .

Surely the bath didn't trigger this but who knows .

Breathe man breathe .

I'm ok ,I don't judge it harshly anymore and don't worry ide never harm myself or anyone because under all this withdrawl I know and believe there's a kind decent man .

The bonus today is I got a little winter sun and while I think of it  ile pop out soon and get some bananas and an evening walk .

Peace to everyone . 

[powerback]

just back from a walk ,had massive depression and intrusive thoughts ,come on YouTube distraction please .

 

[dj2010]

15 hours ago, powerback said:

I'm never amazed or surprised the longer withdrawl goes on anymore .who's up for the withdrawl olypmics .

 

I had a day mostly  of serious waves but got on with the day and got a small walk in and went supermarket for  supplies .

I was coming home and my inner critic/intrusive thoughts got the better of me and litterly made me feel sick with nausea [didn't last long ] .the power of the mind ,if I could only run my laptop off of my mind ,the power of it.a member once said on here "why cant the mind think good helpful things instead of all the nasty stuff "

 

I had a short bath around 4 and in the last hour ive had a huge rage attack; [ didn't last long] ,I waited for my partner to go on her walk and I slammed the door of the press so hard and my usual towel off the floor  [released ] .

Surely the bath didn't trigger this but who knows .

Breathe man breathe .

I'm ok ,I don't judge it harshly anymore and don't worry ide never harm myself or anyone because under all this withdrawl I know and believe there's a kind decent man .

The bonus today is I got a little winter sun and while I think of it  ile pop out soon and get some bananas and an evening walk .

Peace to everyone . 

sorry to hear this PB, maybe your bath was too hot?, I get very agitated if the bath is too hot, hope you are well today,

 

cheers

[powerback]

Thanks DJ ,this morning I'm doubting the bath had anything to do with it ,when I was out yesterday it was just filled with nasty intrusive thoughts .

The whole question of who I am prior to the drugged state is bringing up very uncomfortable feelings .

The suns out today so ile get a nice walk in .

I hope your well my friend . 

[dj2010]

8 minutes ago, powerback said:

Thanks DJ ,this morning I'm doubting the bath had anything to do with it ,when I was out yesterday it was just filled with nasty intrusive thoughts .

The whole question of who I am prior to the drugged state is bringing up very uncomfortable feelings .

The suns out today so ile get a nice walk in .

I hope your well my friend . 

doesn't matter who you was before, what matters is who you are now and how you plan to live you life when free from the meds, hope you have a nice walk, Im going for a long one today also, take care 

[powerback]

22 minutes ago, dj2010 said:

doesn't matter who you was before, what matters is who you are now and how you plan to live you life when free from the meds, hope you have a nice walk, Im going for a long one today also, take care 

True true ,loads of work to do ,so itl keep the boredom at bay anyway.im very impatient siting here waiting on someone before I can get out for walk,I have anxiety the sun will go behind the clouds before I get out .enjoy yours also and have a nice wknd.

[pinkfairy]

Enjoy your weekend Pb 

hope it’s a smooth sea  

take care pink xxx

[powerback]

3 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Enjoy your weekend Pb 

hope it’s a smooth sea  

take care pink xxx

Hi pink thanks ,nice of you to say ,just back from a good ramble ,feel refreshed .

 I hope you and your son have fun this weekend .

Be safe .

[pinkfairy]

Oh how fun I used to love walking,had walk for hours with my dogs in the woods....but I can’t get out to far now,I always want to run home...so have a stomp for me  PB next time your out  where do you go walking?your doing really well PB...keep up the good work  

 

Have got some art & craft stuff for me & my son this weekend!also going to be doing one of his Christmas presents,a chocolate fountain (yummy)!

ps no chocolate for me wahhh,I will just watch & smell the aroma of the chocolate....bring on the days I can have a chocolate feast...

 

xxx

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Oh how fun I used to love walking,had walk for hours with my dogs in the woods....but I can’t get out to far now,I always want to run home...so have a stomp for me  PB next time your out  where do you go walking?your doing really well PB...keep up the good work  

 

Have got some art & craft stuff for me & my son this weekend!also going to be doing one of his Christmas presents,a chocolate fountain (yummy)!

ps no chocolate for me wahhh,I will just watch & smell the aroma of the chocolate....bring on the days I can have a chocolate feast...

 

xxx

You'll get back to that Forrest some day keep at it and since you enjoyed it before  itl be something to aim for .theres nice trails near me and a few hills ,cold today but the sun was out ,I had a strong fear while out today but it didn't last long .

The  fountain sounds like fun for yous ,I'm supposed to be eating healthy so if that was in front of me it would be devoured .

Smelling it will be tough thatl set off the mouth watering ,have fun .

Keep strong and brave .