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xyz: Lexapro, my intro

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JackieDecides
3 hours ago, xyz said:

I am so tired of this withdrawal BS

 

I don't blame you! 

at least you recognize the guilt is due to withdrawal and can, I don't know, argue with it. rebuttal! 

3 hours ago, xyz said:

no cortisol surge for the last few days

 

that's good - from the description, those can be awful.  I think I had a minor version of them last summer - just a spike in anxiety that showed up early AM - but not nearly as bad as some people have it. 

 

one of the good things about posting here is when you do get that "back to square one" feeling you can look back and say, no, I really have made a lot of progress and here is written proof! 

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xyz
4 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I don't blame you! 

at least you recognize the guilt is due to withdrawal and can, I don't know, argue with it. rebuttal! 

 

that's good - from the description, those can be awful.  I think I had a minor version of them last summer - just a spike in anxiety that showed up early AM - but not nearly as bad as some people have it. 

 

one of the good things about posting here is when you do get that "back to square one" feeling you can look back and say, no, I really have made a lot of progress and here is written proof! 

 

OW, you are so lucky. cortisol surge was/is my worst symptoms.

although DP/DR can win the contest...

wait maybe brutal insomnia...

 

LOL, do you ever read yourself? i don't.

it is too painful. one day, i accidentally clicked on the first page of my thread and i even didn't recognized my writing.

 

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xyz

Update

4 weeks off valium and more than 4 months off lexapro.

I had a new symptom that I didn't have most through my taper : a migraine that lasted 3 days, head pressure around the eyes. Sides down to the back of my head. 

Again I had a thought that it could get worse, then it slowly got better. Still not out of the wood yet. 

Before withdrawal, I would just shrug my shoulders and wouldn't give it a second thought.  Now I am thinking "what if it gets worse ?" For symptoms that show up. I am also in peri and it night just be hormones. The migraine appeared when my periods were ending.

 

Good news is sleep is okay. I had 9 hours the night before and 6 last night. I forgot to take my melatonin last night. Maybe I should try to taper that as well . Otherwise things are okay.

Busy as always.

 

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JackieDecides

sorry to hear about the migraine but thank goodness you are sleeping. 

 

🤗

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xyz

Update:

5 weeks off valium. 4.5 months of lexapro. 

I think I can call myself at being healed at 80%. My main symptoms are unpredictable sleep. But my sleep pattern has been steadily improving. I haven't had a cortisol surge in the last couple of weeks. And I now wake up at 5 ish instead of 3am.

I had a day of flue like symptoms. Vision issue, cog fog, chills etc. The symptoms were so mild that I even didn't recognize them. But had a nice window in which I am still in.

My mood has been really good besides stress at work. I count my blessing. 

 

 

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JackieDecides

I'm so glad for you! 😍

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Frogie
3 hours ago, xyz said:

Update:

5 weeks off valium. 4.5 months of lexapro. 

I think I can call myself at being healed at 80%. My main symptoms are unpredictable sleep. But my sleep pattern has been steadily improving. I haven't had a cortisol surge in the last couple of weeks. And I now wake up at 5 ish instead of 3am.

I had a day of flue like symptoms. Vision issue, cog fog, chills etc. The symptoms were so mild that I even didn't recognize them. But had a nice window in which I am still in.

My mood has been really good besides stress at work. I count my blessing. 

 

 

 I’m so glad you are doing so well!

 

It’s nice to know I can get off this benzo.

 

Keep up the posts. They are inspiring 💜

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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xyz
On 9/22/2019 at 10:23 AM, Frogie said:

 I’m so glad you are doing so well!

 

It’s nice to know I can get off this benzo.

 

Keep up the posts. They are inspiring 💜

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

hi frogie,

yes it is totally possible to get off the benzo. it is not an easy ride but once you are of it, things gets easier and you would have learned some coping skills on how to deal with chemical anxiety and normal life anxiety will feel like a cake walk.

 

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xyz

update:

7 weeks off valium. 5 months off lexapro. i had some up and down. a 4 days wave, then things was really good, then another bad day and then i slept 10.5 hours last night.

today is good. i tend to write when i feel good and don;t want to write when i feel bad and prefer to distract.

i don't expect for things to get better at this point. i feel pretty well. my T is in the background most of the time and my sleep is 7 hours average, 5 on bad days.

my mood is good when my sleep is good. no secret there.

i feel old though, like i have aged 10 years in the last couple of years.

work is stressful too much to do, so i make mistakes, but overall my work has been fun. can't complain.

i wish i could cut down coffee, but i love it so much. with cream.

sometimes i even google some coffee image to feel good, lol. that is serious addiction here.

 

god, may i sleep very well on most days

may i feel strong, capable in my life and feel good in my body

may all beings feel this way

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Frogie
30 minutes ago, xyz said:

hi frogie,

yes it is totally possible to get off the benzo. it is not an easy ride but once you are of it, things gets easier and you would have learned some coping skills on how to deal with chemical anxiety and normal life anxiety will feel like a cake walk.

 

I’m glad to hear you are doing well.

 

I’m discouraged right now. I’ve tapered almost 1/4 and I feel like a truck has hit me. I feel so wobbly and shaky. But have to just push through it. Life doesn’t stop.

 

Good luck with your recovery and please keep us posted! It is wonderful news!

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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JackieDecides
On 10/5/2019 at 5:59 AM, xyz said:

i don't expect for things to get better at this point

 

I think that they will: I don't think you have been off long enough to be as healthy as it's possible to be, honestly I don't. I think you should expect to get better!! 

 

 

On 10/5/2019 at 5:59 AM, xyz said:

god, may i sleep very well on most days

may i feel strong, capable in my life and feel good in my body

may all beings feel this way

 amen! ❤️

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xyz
On 10/6/2019 at 6:41 PM, JackieDecides said:

 

I think that they will: I don't think you have been off long enough to be as healthy as it's possible to be, honestly I don't. I think you should expect to get better!! 

 

 

 amen! ❤️

i hope so Jackie!

 thank you for posting on my thread, i appreciate it!

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xyz

update:

8 weeks off Valium and 5 months off Lexapro.

i had a few days of feeling normal, hard to say what that means after 3 years of withdrawal.

but i would say that withdrawal wasn't in my mind anymore for these days. then a couple of days with few hours of vibrating, anxiety.

my sleep followed the same pattern. on average i sleep 7.5 hours most night. these 2 nights was a deeper sleep, no waking up in the middle of the night.

i went to the gym this week-end, I ran 2 miles and I lifted weight for an hour. and I felt really good after.

i need to motivate myself to work out daily. 

i had a moment of catastrophic thinking when i suddenly realized that i had 2 children who depended on me and my husband. then I calmed myself down.

i need to clean and organize my house more in depth, it usually helps me to have a sense of control.

my anxiety stems from my childhood for sure.

 

i need to cut down on my caffeine consumption.

this is how much i drink in a day:

  • 2 kcup at 4 am
  • 1 kcup at 9.30 am
  • 3 to 4 black teas throughout the day

despite this, I usually fall asleep at 8.30/9pm.

 

work was stressful last week, nothing hard, just really busy.

we went to see a movie last night with my husband and hired a babysitter. it is good to enjoy these simple pleasure.

we haven't been in a movie theater in the last 8 years.

 

we saw Ad Astra. it was a beautiful movie that addresses existential and personal questions.

i was surprised that i wasn't too emotional about it. it is good to feel level-headed.

 

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JackieDecides

I think caffeine is a Big Deal. I had coffee Friday, Saturday and Sunday then went back to green tea yesterday (some caffeine but less) and by afternoon I was very depressed. of course, I'm always looking for the magic answer of WHY I feel bad, when maybe it's random.

 

anyway, I feel your pain - cutting back is hard. but it's worthwhile in my opinion. I mean, it is for me for sure. 

 

I'm glad and proud of us that we can both do our jobs even though they can be stressful! ❤️

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xyz
On 10/15/2019 at 8:43 AM, JackieDecides said:

I think caffeine is a Big Deal. I had coffee Friday, Saturday and Sunday then went back to green tea yesterday (some caffeine but less) and by afternoon I was very depressed. of course, I'm always looking for the magic answer of WHY I feel bad, when maybe it's random.

 

anyway, I feel your pain - cutting back is hard. but it's worthwhile in my opinion. I mean, it is for me for sure. 

 

I'm glad and proud of us that we can both do our jobs even though they can be stressful! ❤️

You are right about caffein. It is really hard to cut back. I feel depressed when the effect wears down.

I hope that you are doing jackie!

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xyz

Update, more than 6 months off lexapro and 3 months off valium.

I was doing well most of the time until my period hit. I forgot how hormones can affect your nervous system.

I feel low and tired today. 

My sleep has gotten better . Deeper and more predictable. Until my period hit as well...

I saw my doc who would like prescribe an IUD or a procedure call endometrial ablation to reduce the intensityof my periods.  Because i can get dizzy and experience severe cramps.

I still haven't made up my mind but again I am worried of making the wrong decision. An UID is a reversible procedure but contains Progesterone which also acts on Gaba like valium.

 

 

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JackieDecides

I don't know what the answer is, but I hope whatever you & the doctor decide to do works for you.

 

I still struggle with caffeine because I love it and consider both coffee and tea a treat I deserve sometimes...for example, I had real coffee yesterday so today it's back to decaf and it's just hard. but I have to work today and caffeine goes best with days OFF work. 

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Frogie
On 11/28/2019 at 12:30 PM, xyz said:

Update, more than 6 months off lexapro and 3 months off valium.

I was doing well most of the time until my period hit. I forgot how hormones can affect your nervous system.

I feel low and tired today. 

My sleep has gotten better . Deeper and more predictable. Until my period hit as well...

I saw my doc who would like prescribe an IUD or a procedure call endometrial ablation to reduce the intensityof my periods.  Because i can get dizzy and experience severe cramps.

I still haven't made up my mind but again I am worried of making the wrong decision. An UID is a reversible procedure but contains Progesterone which also acts on Gaba like valium.

 

 

Hi:

 

It sounds like you are doing well other than the hormones.

 

 I hope you can make a decision that will benefit you.

 

 I’m so happy for you though, you did/are doing wonderful 😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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xyz

Update:

I have not been on here in a while.

I have been off valium for 6 months and lexapro for 9 months.

I am currently traveling in France, flew from the usa, to visit my dad whom I haven't seen in 7 years due to the kids and withdrawal. He is 86 and he is doing well.

A couple of weeks before my travel, my sleep got a lot better, I was able to sleep 4 nights in a row for 9 hours which I thought wasn't possible, and the cortisol surge didn't showed up.

I am currently sick with a cold and I am dealing with the jetlag now. But it is okay. 

My health is definitely not what it was before. But I am also older,  and sick this time for my travel.

I am only here for few more days and will fly back soon.

It has been a journey.

 

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JackieDecides

good news about the sleep, that has to feel better. sorry you are sick and have jet lag. I haven't flown in awhile but it seemed like every time I took a trip by plane I got sick afterwards. I don't know if it's all the germs/bad air on a plane or all the stress of travel. maybe it's the combination? 

 

feel better! 

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xyz

Thanks jackie for posting on my thread!

At least, my updates are not going into the vacuum.

 

Update:

Back from my trip.

Still recovering from the cold

But sleep came back.

Slept 10 hours last night and I had a nap yesterday,  the first time in 5 years. The last time I had a nap was in 2015. To give you an idea.

It feels so good to wake up without anxiety and cortisol surge which I had for 5 years.

Thank you god. May the healing continues. I am at 7 months off valium. 

 

The Next step is to taper the caffeine and the melatonin. Will tackle that in a couple of months.

 

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JackieDecides
3 hours ago, xyz said:

Slept 10 hours last night and I had a nap yesterday,  the first time in 5 years. The last time I had a nap was in 2015. To give you an idea.

that's wonderful!!! I want that!  

 

gives me a goal to shoot for!

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xyz

i haven't posted here in a while.

i was doing well, until i overdid the coffee and and eat ramen noodles. a terrible mistakes on my part.

i also switched my melatonin brand to a liquid brand to start to taper.

i am now in a horrific wave,  i haven't slept in 3 days and have akatisia non stop. each time i try to lie down, my body jerks and i have adrenaline surge all throughout my body.

i have a constant need to pace and move my body

i also have thought of ending my life. my husband and I are talking about re-instatement.

i couldn't imagine that i would be in this place at almost a year off lexapro and 8 months off valium with a slow taper.

 

 

please help!

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Shep

It sounds like you're having a severe reaction to something you ate, which may be the TBHQ and MSG found in Ramen Noodles. You can google these for more information, but I suspect you're dealing with food sensitivities and reactions. 

 

This can't be fixed by a reinstatement of your drugs.  Unfortunately, it's something that you'll need to ride out as best as you can. But knowing that it's coming from what you ate will help. 

 

You've shown remarkable resiliency during and after your taper, so hopefully in a few days you'll see some improvements. 

 

If you reach a crisis state where you feel like you need to go to the emergency room, you could take a rescue dose of Valium and see if that helps. 

 

Please let us know how you're doing over the coming days. 

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PH1

XYZ,

I'm sorry you are not doing well.   As you said this is a wave and this wave will subside.    It was just last month that you were feeling really good and sleeping well.   You will again feel better.

 

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JackieDecides
18 hours ago, xyz said:

i was doing well, until i overdid the coffee and and eat ramen noodles.

 

I am so sorry and hope you are recovering. I'm worried about you now. I find that coffee can be a BIG deal despite how everyone around us seems to be able to enjoy it. the noodles I don't know about, but the MSG thing sounds like the culprit. 

 

please update us and let us know how you are doing! ❤️

 

@xyz

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xyz
12 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I am so sorry and hope you are recovering. I'm worried about you now. I find that coffee can be a BIG deal despite how everyone around us seems to be able to enjoy it. the noodles I don't know about, but the MSG thing sounds like the culprit. 

 

please update us and let us know how you are doing! ❤️

 

@xyz

 

Hi jacky and everyone else please help me.

the akisisa and insomnia was so terrible that i was suicidal. we called my psych and she prescribed xanax and lexapro.

i took a dose of 0.5mg of xanax yesterday and was able to sleep a bit, it made a big difference. i also took 5mg of lexapro.

i don't want to come back to the meds.

 

do you think i have kindled? and that i will have to relive my widthrawal all over again?

i am really hoping that the ramen is the culprit. i ate maybe 8 packs over the course of 2 weeks.

please help me.

 

i am praying that the adrenaline surge and akitesia will lessen today but i am worried about the anxiety rebound from xanax and about my brain healing with those rescue dose

 

please help

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Shep
1 minute ago, xyz said:

i took a dose of 0.5mg of xanax yesterday and was able to sleep a bit, it made a big difference. i also took 5mg of lexapro.

i don't want to come back to the meds.

 

I wouldn't continue the Lexapro, xyz. You may find that several days of Xanax alone will be enough and you can simply stop before developing dependency. 

 

The only reason to reinstate Lexapro would be to mitigate withdrawal symptoms from Lexapro. But that's not what you're dealing with. And 5 mg of Lexapro is a relatively high dose. Please remember how potent Lexapro is. 

 

Xanax would be the safest option to help tone down the adverse food reaction, but I wouldn't take it for more than a few days.

 

Please post your thoughts on this. 

 

4 minutes ago, xyz said:

do you think i have kindled? and that i will have to relive my widthrawal all over again?

i am really hoping that the ramen is the culprit. i ate maybe 8 packs over the course of 2 weeks.

 

I don't think you've kindled, but if you go back on these drugs, then you do risk kindling. A few nights of using Xanax likely won't hurt, but I wouldn't take it for very long. And again, I would stop the Lexapro. 

 

Eight packs of Ramen noodles in the course of 2 weeks is a lot. It may take a few days for it to get completely out of your system, but as your sleep improves with a few nights of using Xanax, you'll likely start to feel better quite quickly. 

 

Try the non-drug coping skills such as breathing, positive self-talk, and perhaps re-read parts of your intro topic where you post about your windows. 

 

Please don't turn a temporary crisis state into something worse. You've shown remarkable resiliency up until this point. You just need to give your brain/body time to process the chemicals in this food and for the TBHQ and MSG to work their way out. 

 

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xyz

Hi Shep, god bless your heart!

no i am not going back on the lexapro, i hope that taking that single dose won't have side effect. what do you think?

if the akitesia subside, as well as the adrenaline surge, i will not take another xanax.

 

how many days do you think it should take to get the MSG out of my system? my last ramen soup was on sunday night but i ate 4 ramen soup in that same week-end. right after it i woke up with a jolt in my stomach and kept pacing the house non stop for 3 days, i was so exhausted that i wanted to end my life. i read all about akitesia and about that woman who killed herself because she couldn't live with it with for 21 months (she was CT;d a benzo)- then that send me into a spiral of panic

are you sure that taking that 0.5mg of xanax didn't kindle me? 

 

right now, i feel better, still jittery but i hope it won;t turn into a adrenaline surge.

i am not sure if this is because of the xanax that i took last night at 11pm - right now it is 7.30am. how long does it last, and will I have withdrawal from it?

 

 

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xyz

what is the the TBHQ?

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Shep
21 hours ago, xyz said:

how many days do you think it should take to get the MSG out of my system? my last ramen soup was on sunday night but i ate 4 ramen soup in that same week-end.

 

It's likely out of your system by now, but the trauma it created in your nervous system may take awhile to calm down. 

 

21 hours ago, xyz said:

right after it i woke up with a jolt in my stomach and kept pacing the house non stop for 3 days, i was so exhausted that i wanted to end my life. i read all about akitesia and about that woman who killed herself because she couldn't live with it with for 21 months (she was CT;d a benzo)- then that send me into a spiral of panic

are you sure that taking that 0.5mg of xanax didn't kindle me? 

 

I don't know. Kindling can also occur from other types of stressors, such as repeatedly eating foods that contain these types of chemicals. 

 

But since you've shown remarkable resiliency up until now, I doubt this has caused any long-term damage. 

 

The spiraling thoughts are problematic, but they are just thoughts. I would stop looking for examples of people with long-term akathisia and instead, focus on ways of nurturing your nervous system. 

 

21 hours ago, xyz said:

right now, i feel better, still jittery but i hope it won;t turn into a adrenaline surge.

i am not sure if this is because of the xanax that i took last night at 11pm - right now it is 7.30am. how long does it last, and will I have withdrawal from it?

 

If you take Xanax for less than 10 days, it's unlikely you'll become dependent on it. 

 

21 hours ago, xyz said:

what is the the TBHQ?

 

It's a preservative. Please see:

 

Are Ramen Noodles Bad for You, or Good?

 

The Potential Dangers of TBHQ

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xyz

i took another dose of lexapro, i was suicidal yesterday and my husabnd called the 911. teh akitasia and anxiety is unbereable.

i also took xanax and diazepam.

i haven't slept in a week. i so want to die. i am shaking all the time. why sop much suffering?

i should end it all.

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Shep

I'm sorry you're still suffering from this, xyz. How much Xanax and diazepam are you taking?

 

Please note that taking too many sedating drugs can cause a paradoxical reaction, which will make the akathisia worse.

 

How much of each did you take and at what time(s) of the day?

 

Please note as an online withdrawal forum, we are not equipped to handle acute emergencies. Please see: 

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

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xyz

Shep, I took 3x0.25mg xanax and 2x2mg of valium to calm myself down.

i won't take the lexapro anymore.

i was able to sleep 3 hours.

please advise Shep on what I should do, the sensation of chest burning has calmed down

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JackieDecides
17 hours ago, xyz said:

i took another dose of lexapro, i was suicidal yesterday and my husabnd called the 911. teh akitasia and anxiety is unbereable.

i also took xanax and diazepam.

i haven't slept in a week. i so want to die. i am shaking all the time. why sop much suffering?

i should end it all.

 

I'm sorry things have gotten worse. 

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Shep
21 hours ago, xyz said:

Shep, I took 3x0.25mg xanax and 2x2mg of valium to calm myself down.

i won't take the lexapro anymore.

i was able to sleep 3 hours.

please advise Shep on what I should do, the sensation of chest burning has calmed down

 

Sleeping 3 hours after going so long without sleep is wonderful, xyz. Sounds like you're seeing some improvements.

 

I'm glad you're not going to take any more Lexapro.

 

I would start rapid tapering off the benzos over the next couple of days and then stop before dependency sets in. 

 

Please let us know how you're doing. 

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