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Sheera: Should have listened to my husband

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Sheera

@Peachy

 

hey Peachy—I just saw your message. I am saying me too to the anger and irritation. It is so irrational...weirdly mine has cycled through with my TOM. It lingers for a week with the intensity fluctuating and then disappears. I’ve read numerous posts on here that say if it comes and goes to just chalk it up to withdrawal so that’s what I’m doing. But it is alarming and scary to me as well. One day I just screamed at my husband in the car. This is so foreign to me and luckily he knows it’s not me either. I hung up on him and a few minutes later called him back and apologized profusely. I try to not dwell on it because it’s not me. Luckily I now know (more than I used to) that the real me will return 100% eventually. A lot of times I just need reassurance and I am thankful when the other people on here provide that. It is much easier to say these things to you though than actually believe it myself. Hope that helps. 

 

Hugs—- Sheera

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Peachy

Hi @Sheera

 

Thank you for responding! It's very re-assuring. It is very connected to my TOM as well. 

 

Mine is very scary for me right now bc it feels distorted. It's hard to explain. Someone can say something totally normal, even a joke, and I will experience the wrong emotion, which is normally anger and irritation. The emotion doesn't fit the situation. Sometimes even the sound of the voice stays in my head and repeats. Its so bizarre I don't even know how to explain it...

 

Ever have anything like this? It's so so scary and disorienting. 

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Sheera

@Peachy I cannot say I’ve had that exactly but I’ve had a lot of weird stuff. Try to not analyze it too much. “Try” to chalk it up to another day toward getting better. With all of the other weird physical symptoms and emotional ones, it makes sense that this is just another attempt for your brain to try and rewire. Weirdly I’ve noticed that my TOM symptoms last about 3 cycles and disappear. I’ve had this anger/irritation one the last few cycles so I’m hoping it’s getting near the end. 

 

Hugs—Sheera 

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Peachy
16 hours ago, Sheera said:

 I cannot say I’ve had that exactly but I’ve had a lot of weird stuff. Try to not analyze it too much. “Try” to chalk it up to another day toward getting better. With all of the other weird physical symptoms and emotional ones, it makes sense that this is just another attempt for your brain to try and rewire.

 

Thanks for saying that! It's more re-assuring than you know :)

16 hours ago, Sheera said:

 Weirdly I’ve noticed that my TOM symptoms last about 3 cycles and disappear. I’ve had this anger/irritation one the last few cycles so I’m hoping it’s getting near the end. 

 

That's fascinating! I have different TOM symptoms now than I had a year ago... I wonder if this is the same for me as well...

I use to get migranes, and for the last 2 I haven't had any... Hopefully this anger/irritation will fade for us both :)

xx

Peachy

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Sheera

@Peachy some added humor because I need to find some in the craziness. For a few cycles my boobs were so sore I thought I was pregnant again. 😳 I’m super glad that wasn’t the case but I think I’d take that physical symptom over these weird emotional ones where I feel like I’m crazy. 

 

Hugs—Sheera 

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Rosetta

HI, Sheera,. Thanks for your not on my thread.  Sorry you are struggling with TOM.  Mine are horrible, too. -R

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Sheera

Journal—I am trying to be calm and accepting of the fact that my TOM is coming soon. It’s usually a really hard week and comes with weird symptoms. The last few months I was super angry. This “withdrawal normal” has me in an Anhedonia stage which is maybe better than full out anxiety but still really hard. I’ve found that I’m pressuring myself to care and think positive. I see inspirational quotes and people setting goals and I just can’t. I’m usually so goal oriented and right now 🤷🏻‍♀️  I’m sitting in the gym parking lot doing this instead of working out.  Decisions are hard because I’m not sure what I want.  Who am I?  

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Gridley

Sheera,

 

Apathy, lack of motivation, and anhedonia are common withdrawal symptoms.  I have them for sure.  Be kind to yourself.

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Rosetta

Oh, Sheera, I've been through that feeling so many times.  Who we "are" seems to depend on whether our neurotransmitters are available and being used properly.  It's amazing to me.  Due to this experience I realize just how difficult it is to be who I want to be.  I simply have to remember who I was and remind myself that I will get back to being that person eventually.  Meanwhile, Gridley's advice is perfect - be kind to yourself.  A person with a broken leg can't walk without help.  We can't do what we want to sometimes either.  You are no more responsible for that than if you had a broken leg.  Fortunately, sometimes we can walk and go outdoors and get a little bit of a boost for  the neurotransmitters via sunlight.  Just driving to the gym is an accomplishment!!!  Good job.

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Rabe

Hi Sheera, I want you to know that you are not alone.  Most everyday I look in the mirror and see someone I dont recognize and look into my heart and feel someone I dont recognize...there is so little there....i have beautiful new grandchildren and I feel so little joy for them, for my children, for the desire to be with thenm or family, to stay in contact with friends, for the upcoming holidays and on and on.  I am not the person I was for my whole life and it is so difficult.  The only thing that helps are those moments when I do feel a minute of what I used to feel...and then it is gone except for my journal.  

Wanted you to know that I am thinking about you!!!  I have ti believe that it will get better...it has for others here.  Take care!!!💜

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LilBit

Sheera I can tell you from experience that you are absolutely not alone!  If you read my intro topic you will see what a tough time I am continuing to have.  I am still struggling with acceptance and how much this has transformed me as a person.   However, reading your experience and seeing your positive attitude has shown me that acceptance is the most important thing in recovery, and that dwelling on what i used to be able to do and how I got here will do me absolutely no good at all.  Thanks for the inspiration 😊

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Sheera

@Gridley @Rabe @Rosetta @LilBit

 

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.  It is true—I need to be kind to myself. I know how I would normally feel so I just need to be okay with right now not feeling those feelings. Instead of getting annoyed/angry that I don’t. I have been lax on my meditation lately and I think I need to get back into it. It keeps me more focused outside of my head/self instead of dwelling on my symptoms. 

 

Hugs—Sheera 

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WiggleIt
On 10/28/2018 at 5:42 PM, Sheera said:

Sunday evenings are just terrible for me. And I don’t know how to make them better. I’m not sure why I get so crabby irritable and anxious on Sunday nights. I’ve never had that before WD so I’m assuming that it will go away eventually. I have tried a million different strategies to get myself in the right mindset and I can’t prevent the doom cloud from taking over. Does anyone have any words of assurance that this will eventually leave?  I know in my heart that I love my job even though I don’t “feel” it lately. Maybe I have felt some sadness in the past that the weekend was over but now it’s magnified by my neuroemotions and feels devastating instead of the normal level of sadness?  

 

On a side note, what I am discussing seems trivial to the other WD symptoms I have experienced and I know others are experiencing right now. So that is a bonus for me and shows the progress I am making. Praying for patience and acceptance right now. 


Hi Sheera, 

I've been on this site for years and am trying to reach out to newbies the way people reached out to me when I was in acute.  I think I'm caught up on your thread, and I'm incredibly encouraged by your progress!  I know that you are still struggling, but I don't think your progress has stymied.  The first two years off meds are the roughest, and you're still inside that timeframe, which means you do still have healing in your future.  I'm completely certain that your love for your job will eventually return, but your brain is still in recovery from meds.  The meds really do a number on our head and heart.  This experience will certainly change you, but it will not leave you permanently out of love with your job.

My hypothesis is that Sundays now feel terrible because your body and brain subconsciously know you're still healing and would probably prefer to rest for 100 years before going back to work the next day—even though it "seems" like you "shouldn't" still be feeling this way at two years off.  Your identification of neuro-emotions sounds right on the money to me.  It's stunning how deeply and for how long these meds effects reverberate.  It's too bad you can't take a year-long sabbatical from work, because I bet it would allow you to come back re-energized.  You've never really gotten to rest full-time is what it sounds like, and rest is a key part of recovery; regardless, I do think that loving your job again will come back with time.  It's just that everything in WD takes waaaaaay longer than we think it will.  

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Sheera

Journal—I had a great weekend with some old friends. I laughed so much and was able to be fully present. This is a positive. I see them every year about this time and this is the first in quite a few that it has felt so good. My dread on Sunday was pretty minimal—I did most of my work on Friday night so I wasn’t feeling the pressure I usually feel to get stuff done on Sundays. Fast forward today—I had some VERY rude and disrespectful students and I could NOT manage them. Usually I can focus on the positives and can get them back on track. Today it was despair. I had to have someone cover my class so I could take a moment to myself. Thank goodness for that.  I’m pretty sure this is a TOM combined with WD reaction to my job but I’m just not sure. It’s just really hard. I feel out of control and not suited to teach when I have these overwhelming emotions.  Now I’m home and ALL I can think about is my terrible day at school. I want to let it go—there’s nothing I can do about it now but I’m just under this cloud. I’m hoping it will pass soon. Maybe my students will be better tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better tomrrow. I am dreading tomorrow. 

 

 

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ChessieCat

You managed it the right way, you got assistance.  Dreading returning to a bad situation is normal.  I had that happen last week.  I had to return to work after being a crying mess in front of colleagues in the office the week before.  I was embarrassed out it.  I was concerned that going back would trigger me and I'd end up crying again.  However, I told myself that I only had do it once and I just put one foot in front of the other.

 

Knowing what the symptoms of anxiety are helped.  As soon as I drove in the driveway I started feeling sick in the stomach.  But I knew what it was, so it didn't scare and add second fear (fear of the fear) and I took a few deep breaths and it lessened and I kept telling myself that I would be okay.

 

And what happened to you has probably happened to thousands of teachers around the world.  And it has probably happened to your own colleagues.  It's just hard when it happens to you and it's you that has to get through it.  But you can.  It may be uncomfortable but you will survive it.

 

Are you able to have a back up plan in place in case you need it?  Just having a Plan B can help you feel more in control.  If you need support for the specific situation at school (ie not WD!), ask for help at school.  They should provide the support you need for situations like this.

 

I hope it goes okay for you.

 

These might help:

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

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Sheera

@ChessieCat thanks for the reminder on the AAF. I was doing that a lot with other anxiety and it helped a lot. Sometimes I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is “true” or not since it is stuff that is work related. Should I be freaking out about this?  My other anxieties are really far out in left field so that’s usually easy to determine. I think though that if I do the AAF I will at least have time to calm down and I won’t go down the rabbit hole of neuroemotions. Once I’m calm then I can reflect on 1) that it was rational or 2) blown way out of proportion. Nothing is life or death right now that I need to make a decision ASAP.  Even though yesterday felt like it. 

 

This helps me a lot. 

Thank you—

Sheera

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ChessieCat

Yes, it can give you a bit of reprieve.  It might be helpful to write down a list of concerns and prioritise them, even noting what action needs to be taken.  It can be helpful getting things out your head so they aren't swirling around and around.

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Sheera

Journal:  Today was hard. I did not sleep well. I have been in this sleep wave where I dream all night long and I don’t wake up rested at all. The dreams are very vivid and I don’t “feel” like I’ve made it to the deep sleep state. I woke up depressed this morning and had to drag myself to work. I have two students who are being terrible and it is hard to focus on anything good in my classroom even though it’s happening. I try to be positive but my body language is tired and sad. Teaching is a hard job in withdrawal. I want to be my old self who loved my job and enjoyed my students. I have felt it before. I have also had amazing sleep in my last window. That was in September. I keep trying to remind myself that if I liked my job at one point that it will come back. At the same time, I am fearful that maybe I’m just not right to be a teacher anymore???  Maybe I’ve become someone who can’t handle life?  I used to believe that though. Now I know I just have to wait. But waiting is hard. 

 

The same with the sleep. It will come back eventually. That is why I am writing it here. To convince myself of that. I am tired. 

 

I am thankful for only two days of school next week. I am hopeful it will be good for me. 

 

 

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LilBit

Sheera,

 

Hang in there.... I don’t even know how you are managing a job like teaching with how you are feeling and going through withdrawal.  It must be extremely tough.  I can completely relate to the sleep issue, I have not gotten more than 4-5 hours of broken sleep in one night for the past 4 months.  My eyes are sunken and pink.  I too also get in my own head WAY too much because of all of the withdrawal symptoms and how they constantly change.  I have been told by many people that I need to look forward, not backward, which I know is true, but is easier said than done.

 

My heart goes out to you and I hope you see another window soon.  I am still in the process of withdrawing from my meds so I have a very long journey ahead of me.  Right now I am trying to get off of Depakote and have a liver scare with many GI and CNS symptoms, so that is the first goal.  Sometimes I feel confident I can get through it, sometimes I am a crying hysterical mess and thank God I have my partner to support me through those times.  All we can do is take it a day at a time and put one foot in front of the other, and support each other as best as we can.

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Carmie
4 hours ago, Sheera said:

Journal:  Today was hard. I did not sleep well. I have been in this sleep wave where I dream all night long and I don’t wake up rested at all. The dreams are very vivid and I don’t “feel” like I’ve made it to the deep sleep state. I woke up depressed this morning and had to drag myself to work. I have two students who are being terrible and it is hard to focus on anything good in my classroom even though it’s happening. I try to be positive but my body language is tired and sad. Teaching is a hard job in withdrawal. I want to be my old self who loved my job and enjoyed my students. I have felt it before. I have also had amazing sleep in my last window. That was in September. I keep trying to remind myself that if I liked my job at one point that it will come back. At the same time, I am fearful that maybe I’m just not right to be a teacher anymore???  Maybe I’ve become someone who can’t handle life?  I used to believe that though. Now I know I just have to wait. But waiting is hard. 

 

The same with the sleep. It will come back eventually. That is why I am writing it here. To convince myself of that. I am tired. 

 

I am thankful for only two days of school next week. I am hopeful it will be good for me. 

 

 

 

Hi Sheera, 

 

Just wanted to say I am so sorry you are struggling so much, withdrawals certainly are the worst thing we will ever go through in our lives. Unless someone has gone through them they have no idea.

 

Not sleeping would be horrible. I’m sleeping because the Seroquel puts me to sleep but I know I will probably get rebound insomnia from it eventually. Just taking a day at a time though, can’t think too far ahead as it doesn’t serve a purpose. 

 

Wow, you are teaching despite withdrawals. That must be so hard but you have so much experience in being a teacher, I’m sure that your students appreciate all the hard work you put into helping them even if you feel sad. Those naughty two students of yours though!  It’s a horrible feeling when we don’t feel like ourselves, sometimes we feel like strangers in our own bodies. 

 

All we can can do is just take a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time. 

 

That’s good you have a bit more time for yourself next week, please do some things that you enjoy even if you’re feeling too anhedonic to enjoy them. I try n do things that I would normally enjoy even if I can’t feel the joy behind these activities.

 

I’m so sorry you are still suffering from withdrawals since coming off your meds in 2016. It’s a long journey, isn’t it? We get there in the end though. Wouldn’t it be great if we knew when?

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sheera

@Carmieand @LilBit thank you for your response. It means a lot to hear encouragement from people who know what WD feels like. There are two people in my life who know about the WD so it can be lonely at times. I don’t feel comfortable sharing with others knowing most of their response would be—go back on the drugs!  

 

I wouldn’t recommend teaching during WD although at times it does bring me joy and I know it used to in the past so I’m sure somewhere in there it is probably helping my recovery.  Like I said the biggest problem are a few students in my class who are acting out. The hardest part for me is deciding if this is just WD that is making me so upset with them or is it legitimate?  I guess I just have to trust my years of experience to know that I have tried everything and it’s okay to ask for help. No one is perfect. That is definitely a WD problem for me. I never used to feel the need to do everything exactly right. During windows I feel laid back again and it’s wonderful. During WD I question everything. I am going to work on giving myself grace today and being vulnerable. And like you both advised, one minute at a time. 

 

Thanks for your support. It means a lot. 

 

Sheera

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Sheera

Journal—today was a better day. I slept terribly but got up right away because my mind was racing. I felt more positive at school—it was easy to be nice. This is what’s so frustrating. Yesterday everything made me mad. Today—I found the goodness. I am thankful that today was better. 

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Carmie
9 hours ago, Sheera said:

Journal—today was a better day. I slept terribly but got up right away because my mind was racing. I felt more positive at school—it was easy to be nice. This is what’s so frustrating. Yesterday everything made me mad. Today—I found the goodness. I am thankful that today was better. 

 

Hi Sheera, 

 

I find the same thing, if I wake up feeling distressed I try not to lie there n just do nothing. I don’t work though because of my illness n some days I can’t get out of bed but I make sure I start listening to an audiobook or put on a DVD or watch something on YouTube or read or do some arts n crafts etc. I distract myself. I find just lying there n doing nothing makes me more anxious. 

 

Yes, our emotions are definitely all over the place, we don’t know how we will be from one second to the next n when those exaggerated neuro-emotions kick in, well that’s another story. I was feeling immensely sad all morning but I’m feeling a bit better now. 

 

Teaching must be hard when going through withdrawals. You said that you never felt the need to do everything right, but it’s true in withdrawals we can become a bit obsessive compulsive. It’s not the real us though.

 

Take care💚

 

 

 

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Sheera

@Carmie thanks for the encouragement Carmie. It sure is nice when people drop by to offer support. I’m not sure what I would do without this site. I often get on just to read success stories and other people’s problems so I don’t feel alone. I’m very thankful for SA. 

 

Journal: I slept better last night so that is good. I’m hoping tonight will be even better with it being Friday. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to be excited for this weekend but I’m not feeling much of anything. I’m just going through the motions. There is such a fine line for me between acceptance and giving up. I work to accept but then I am wondering “if I just worked harder” maybe I wouldn’t feel like this. It’s a vicious cycle. I am continually working on giving myself grace.  I keep trying to remind myself that someone with a broken leg would take the time they need to heal. I need to do the same.  Well—this is where I am right now. Maybe by tomorrow I will be feeling a little more rested.

 

 

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Rosetta

HI, Sheera, I hope you can enjoy Thanksgiving break from school.  Take care, Rosetta

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Rabe
On 11/16/2018 at 5:51 PM, Sheera said:

I’m not feeling much of anything. I’m just going through the motions. There is such a fine line for me between acceptance and giving up. I work to accept but then I am wondering “if I just worked harder” maybe I wouldn’t feel like this. It’s a vicious cycle. I am continually working on giving myself grace.  I keep trying to remind myself that someone with a broken leg would take the time they need to heal. I need to do the same.

 

Thank you for all that Sheera!  I am sorry for what you are feeling but grateful you shared it because it makes me know I do not have a case of terminal uniqueness.  You are moving forward!  Bless you!  💜

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Carmie
On 11/17/2018 at 9:51 AM, Sheera said:

@Carmie thanks for the encouragement Carmie. It sure is nice when people drop by to offer support. I’m not sure what I would do without this site. I often get on just to read success stories and other people’s problems so I don’t feel alone. I’m very thankful for SA. 

 

Journal: I slept better last night so that is good. I’m hoping tonight will be even better with it being Friday. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to be excited for this weekend but I’m not feeling much of anything. I’m just going through the motions. There is such a fine line for me between acceptance and giving up. I work to accept but then I am wondering “if I just worked harder” maybe I wouldn’t feel like this. It’s a vicious cycle. I am continually working on giving myself grace.  I keep trying to remind myself that someone with a broken leg would take the time they need to heal. I need to do the same.  Well—this is where I am right now. Maybe by tomorrow I will be feeling a little more rested.

 

 

 

Hi Sheera, 

 

I know, what would people do without this site, especially when doctors keep tapering people off so quickly n cold-turkeying them n then saying it has nothing to do with withdrawals, it’s your old symptoms coming back. Some of us didn’t even have old symptoms, we were put on meds for pain or insomnia n then ended up with a million symptoms because of the meds n withdrawals.

 

Yes, we really need to be gentle with ourselves in this process. No amount of “working hard” will rescue us from withdrawals. It’s chemical, all we can do is ride the waves and enjoy the windows when they come. In the meantime we need to distract ourselves when going through waves n make some happy memories when in windows. 

 

Hope you’re getting some sleep, Sending hugs🤗

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Sheera

Question---I have been having pain in my left side around my heart area as a symptom for quite awhile now.  Sometimes it's racing heart but mostly it feels like someone is squeezing it.  I have attributed it to WD and just want to confirm that the feeling I'm getting is a WD symptom.  It's not there all the time.  It is there mostly when I am feeling anxious about something.  Sometimes it just happens on its own and I've tried not to add second fear to it.  I've had panic before and had my heart checked out and it was nothing.  I don't even know what I would say if I went to the doctor because it's so random and I believe it's withdrawal.  I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts about this?

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ChessieCat

There are many existing topics on this site.  I like to use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to my search term.  I found the following by searching survivingantidepressants.org heart:

 

chest-pain-and-stabbing-pain-in-the-heart

 

has-anyone-felt-heart-zaps

 

irregular-heartbeats-palpitations-tachycardia-bradycardia

 

eating-as-an-activating-factor-increasing-anxiety-or-symptoms

 

withdrawal-symptoms-mimic-heart-attack

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Sheera

@ChessieCat thanks for the info. I gave info second fear today and followed the what if’s. Thankfully we have this site and other people who have experienced all of this to get us through. I’m sure I’d be back on the AD if it wasn’t for SA. As I was talking to my husband about getting checked out at the dr he was concerned they would try to give me more medication. He’s right—I’m trying to avoid the drs as much as I can. 

 

 

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Sheera

@Carmie you are so right—making the memories when we feel good is important. I have made good memories even while going through this and that is an accomplishment. I did not sleep better last night—all night dreaming again—but I woke up less depressed and less anxious than I have in awhile. I’m really trying to be in the moment and not in my head—a definite work in progress. 

 

Hugs—Sheera

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ChessieCat
13 minutes ago, Sheera said:

As I was talking to my husband about getting checked out at the dr he was concerned they would try to give me more medication.

 

But you also have the right to refuse medication.  It's about how you talk to the medical professionals.  If something continues to concern you it can be a good idea to get it checked out.

 

When talking to the medical professionals, you need to be calm and assertive without coming across as a know it all.  It's a good idea to write a script and practice what you want to say and how you are going to say it.  It might also be helpful to take your husband along with you.  If they suggest a drug ask what the drug would do, or is for (is it to cure or cover symptoms) and say that you would like to think about it.  Make sure you get the details of the drug, better written down so you don't forget or get it wrong.  You can then do your research.  These topics might provide some helpful ideas.

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?


What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms? 

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Rabe

Hi Sheera...my heart feels not right a lot...not sure if that is reassuring..but I do think I have read many people say the same.  Please get it checked if you continue to get symptoms.  I dont think a heart doctor would give you medication...perhaps a test or two...at least I dont think he would.  Take care! Thinking about you!💜

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Rabe

@ChessieCat I just wanted to thank you for what you shared here to SHeera...I copied and pasted it to have to read.  Grateful!💜

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Carmie
11 hours ago, Sheera said:

@Carmie you are so right—making the memories when we feel good is important. I have made good memories even while going through this and that is an accomplishment. I did not sleep better last night—all night dreaming again—but I woke up less depressed and less anxious than I have in awhile. I’m really trying to be in the moment and not in my head—a definite work in progress. 

 

Hugs—Sheera

 

Hi Sheera, 

 

I’m sorry you had trouble sleeping again, but that’s great that you woke up less depressed. Yes, I think we’re all a work in progress,  this is definitely not an easy journey.

 

I still make happy memories in waves as well, even though I can’t feel the joy in them or I’m anxious, a weird chemical anxiousness.  I do take lots of photos though n it’s always fun to edit them and it’s been a great distraction. If I can’t get out n about I’ll take photos of my cat or the millions of birds that come to our balcony to feed every day, or projects I’m doing etc. There’s always something one can photograph even when housebound.

 

 I’m glad you are still able see the positives in waves, that’s a good attitude. All we can do is take each moment as it comes, some moments are harder than others. 

 

Did you get a chance to look at some of those links ChessieCat gave you. In one of them Alto said:

 

“ Irregular heartbeats and palpitations are very common withdrawal symptoms. If your symptoms started during or after withdrawals, it is likely a withdrawal symptom and an indication you tapered too fast. 

 

Like other withdrawal symptoms, this goes away over time. Also, walking helps regularize autonomic functions and heart rate. Make sure you get at least half an hour of walking a day, if you can tolerate it. “ 

 

That being said though, if you feel it is something else see your doctor. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sheera

I am struggling today. I did not sleep well last night and it has carried over to today. I am depressed. My heart is feeling better.  I went to the chiropractor and I think that helped. There was initial pain that evening and then it subsided. I am thankful for that.  I am in my head and not present. In the past I have tried to figure out what is depressing me and labeled it and tried to fix it. I am far enough into this to know that all I can do is wait it out. None of my issues are really “depressing.”  My life is generally good. But I don’t feel good. That is hard. Very very hard right now. I am trying to keep myself busy but I am not interested in doing anything. I keep thinking something I do will make me happy but I am disappointed when *most* of the time I don’t feel it.  A small part of me is also scared—not as much as I used to be—but I’d be lying if I said I fully believe I will be completely better ever again. I would dwell on that thought before. Now I just let it come into my thoughts and let it float away. That is a positive. There are a lot of positives. Right now I’m just stuck. 

 

Thinking about the rest of you that are fighting like me and praying that you can find some peace today.  We have to believe that we will be healed just like so many others have been. 

 

 

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