Jump to content

Frazzledbrain: Amitriptyline fried me


Frazzledbrain

Recommended Posts

Hello. I'm a 29 year old male. I took 12.5 mg of amitriptyline for six weeks last August for insomnia before having a serious bad reaction to it. I spent the next three months getting it out my system and felt seriously poisoned and generally comatose. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I was housebound with it but the amitriptyline has left me almost completely bedridden. I feel I've been through the acute stage of withdrawal but the post acute stage seems to be 100 times worse. I've been hit with crushing depression and feel like I cant bear to live another day and just a general feeling of going insane. I've never even expirienced any kind of depression before just insomnia and anxiety.

I've lost all my vitality and interest in everything and feel there is no point in being alive but its not me and doesn't feel like an emotion it feels like permanent brain damage. I've been getting slowly weaker since I took the drug and can't even get any kind of panic reaction anymore. It feels like the spark plug in my brain has died and it's absolute hell. My diet has been excellent, eating lots of avocados, walnuts and vegetables and I'm taking all kinds of supplements but nothing is working. I feel like my brain is dying and I'm losing the ability to read and process information and my motivation is completely gone. I can barely eat and lost alot of weight. I'm somehow managing to survive on complete instinct and fighting the urge to kill myself all day.

The psychological symptoms started about 2 months ago and started as anhedonia which then progressed into this feeling of complete doom which has got stronger and stronger and now feel completely suicidal. I can't believe what has happened to me. I can't take any other med as I have severe chemical sensitivity and and it will finish me off for sure. Any advice would be much appreciated. I don't want to die really I just want this feeling in my head to go away and just hanging in there praying it goes.

Edited by ChessieCat
added drug tags

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Hello Frazzled,

 

I'm sorry that you've had this experience with a drug prescribed for insomnia. You seem to have a high sensitivity and therefore should maybe avoid further psych medications.  It is a tricyclic antidepressant and I'm not sure why you were prescribed amitryptyline for insomnia.
 
Anhedonia is a fairly common withdrawal symptom, however having said that it's not such an easy one to live with . It does improve in time.

 

There is a discussion on the topic here : http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/
 
Suicidal ideation can also be a symptom of withdrawal. If you are really struggling - there are helplines that can assist.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/
 
- In the UK, Maytree is an organisation offering respite for people who are suicidal. It is not a hospital or medical facility so they would not be offering drugs. It is free of charge.  There are criteria to meet but I don't know what they are at present. 

http://www.maytree.org.uk/index.p
 
Often in withdrawal , it can just be a passing thought but if it goes beyond that then it would be helpful to get face to face help.  As you said, it can often be more a case of just wanting the symptoms to end. It is up to you to assess your thinking and look for assistance if you feel that you need it.
 
It would be helpful if you could add your drug history . It helps us to see your situation at a glance and appears below each of your posts.

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 
These links might also help you to understand what is perhaps happening to your body and brain :

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms
 
Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist
 
We often find magnesium and omega 3 fish oil to be helpful in withdrawal:

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

This is your thread to ask questions and journal your progress. This is a lot of information here. After you have read and sorted through it please come back with any queries you might have.

Welcome to S.A.

Ali 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Frazzled, welcome from me too. I am so sorry that you are going through this nightmare and can relate to how you are feeling. I have had serious reactions to psych drugs and it is torture. In my case doctors said it was my illness that returned and was deemed 'treatment resistent' after other drugs were experimented with. 

 

As Ali said it would help to have your drug history. Are you taking anything else, even supplements? It is common for doctors to quickly replece a dug with another in an attempt to 'stabilise' people and make things worse instead of better. 

 

You will get better from this, your brain and nervous system have taken a battering and are trying to heal, it takes time and patience. The suicidal thoughts are a part of it and are not you.  Some mornings I feel like I just want out and how nice it would be to just go to sleep and not wake up. I am nowhere near as bad as you and doing well but the thoughts still come sometimes. I let them come and let them go, not dwelling on them or fighting them. Sometimes I imagine that I am sweeping them away like fallen leaves. At the worst we have to get through each day the best way we can, day by day, hour by hour or even just the next 5 minutes, then the next and so on. Take good care of yourself, love yourself like you would a loved one and allow yourself to heal. Take a look at our symptoms and self care forums where you will find what has helped people.  Beware of supplements, many of us do well with fish oil and magnesium but many other supplements can have adverse effects on a sensitive nervous system.  I am glad you found us, we are in this together, some at the start of this journey, some near the end and many along the way. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for your reply Ali. I'll look through the information. I think I'm maybe taking too many supplements and I'm going to stop most of them today. I've been taking 5 htp, tyrosine, b12 methylcobalamin, ashwaghanda, omega 3,rhodiola, acetyl l carnetine, inositol and ubiquinol. Think I'm going to stop them apart from the omega 3 and I'll get some magnesium. I know my gut function is poor, I get no feelings of hunger at all and these supplements are maybe making my gut worse. I just can't see how this feeling will ever end, I feel like a completely different person and have lost every part of my old self. Anhedonia is putting it lightly, I feel like my whole soul has been erased. I'm not even attracted to girls anymore. I think I need to talk to someone in person and get it off my chest will maybe help and some general support on here would be great. Thanks again.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Thanks mamaP, I didn't see your message until after I posted my last message. I think I should definitely cut down on the supplements. I'm also worried it's going to turn me into a vegetable as I'm just getting weaker and weaker by the day and I'm already bedridden struggling to find the energy to survive. Feels like my nervous system is literally dying. Wish I could somehow get stabalised but getting worse by the day, just feel completely shut down. Thanks again.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Also I can't figure out how to enter my drug history. I've entered when I signed up but says it's confidential on my profile and can't figure out how to alter it.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Hi Frazzled

 

To fill in your signature click on your name on the top right hand corner of the screen by the sign out option.

 

Then click on 'my settings' and you will find 'signature' to click on on the the left hand menu.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

Best Wishes Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Thanks Flowers.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Does anyone know exactly what amitriptyline does to the brain, what receptors it effects and what chemicals I'll be lacking in?

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Feeling like im really shutting down now. Feelijg like I'm really withdrawing into myself. Is this normal in post acute withdrawal.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Hello Frazzled

 

You mentioned you were going to stop your supplements. Did you stop any of them? Maybe if so it has made you feel worse?

 

xxxx Flowers

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Don't know. Stopped them yesterday and and just took them again. Just feel like im generally going batshit crazy, don't know how much longer I can hang in for. It's been unbareable mentally for the last 10 days, don't know how I'm acting normal in front of my family. Can't believe what this drug has done to me. It seems to get a little better in the evening and going mental all day.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

I ordered some Choline the other day after reading about it helping the neurotransmitter acetylcholine and helping with nerve transmission. It arrived today and just took a dose. Anyone have any knowledge about it and know if it would be helpful. I had a nap I seemed to be feeling a bit better this evening. Sorry for my negativity earlier. Thanks.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Can't help you with that I am afraid but glad you got some rest.

 

On some days I feel better as the day goes on too.

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Thanks Flowers, hope you're well.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Hi again!

 

I am suffering too at the moment so know how bad it gets sometimes!

 

But it is good that we have this site to post on where there are people who understand and support each other.

 

Hope you find your answers.

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Does anyone know exactly what amitriptyline does to the brain, what receptors it effects and what chemicals I'll be lacking in?

 

It works by reducing the reuptake of serotonin and noradrenalin in the synapse. Its a tricyclic antidepressant. Chronic fatigue and antidepressants drugs often dont get along well. Im in the same boat as you after a severe reaction to an SSRI. I also had symptoms of chronic fatigue and a sensitive nervous system. Many of us are trapped between symptoms of withdrawal and bad reaction to the drug itself.

 

You will find a lot of good support here.

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

If you are going to stop taking supplements you'd be wise to stop them one at a time. That way if you have a problem you'll know that the supplement was helping and you could restart it.  Stopping all at once could be a shock similar to going cold-turkey of medication.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thanks for your replies Cipramillion and Scallywag . I will have to just try to hang in there.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

I can feel my brain and body shutting down this morning.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Sorry again for that negative post, just seem to be getting worse by the day at the moment. I seem to scare myself first thing in the morning as it seems to be at its worst then. Does anyone know how long it takes for the post acute period to peak? I've been feeling completely suicidal for about 2 weeks now and severely depressed for two months.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Hi Frazzlebrain try to hold in there i know its tuff vary tuff and at times will seem like its never going to end.

 

I have been tapering for over 2 years now the same drug you was on.

 

The symptons of both the drug and the withdrawal have been horrific.

 

At first i was pacing the street and wanting to trhough myself of motor way bridges it was just so bad.

 

I had to reinstae as i was only 2 weeks off meds but that was enough.

 

I have had many horrible symptoms withthte withdrawal and at times feel like i am totally lost

 

Your body takes time to heal and its not a quick process.

 

Trying to stay positive and active has really helped me and i ended up going a drugs and alchol drop in just to be around people in end.

 

I realy hope you get some carm soon

Amitriptyline 20mg for 11 months for migraines. 24.11.14 CT from amitriptyline by doctor to swop to Citrolpam as doctor felt side effects of drugs were mental health issues. 12.14 Reinstated back to amitriptyline 2 weeks later after cronic withdrawl. 19.02.2015 Droped from 25mg to 20mg as drugs causing adverse effects of heavy sedation and anestetic propertys.03.03.15 Reduced 18.5mg to try and deal with sedation again. 08.03.15 Reduced to 17.5mg  28.03.15 15.7mg 12.04.15 14.9mg 19.04.15 14.2mg 26.04.15 13.5mg  2.05.15 12.8mg 9.5.15 12.1mg 15.05.15 11.5mg 21.05.15 11.0mg 24.05.15 10.0mg 2.6.15 9.0mg 4.6.15 8.6mg 13.06.15 8.1mg 20.06.15 7.7mg 27.06.15 7.3mg 4.07.15 7.0mg 9.07.15 6.6mg 13.7.15 6.3mg 19.07.15 6.0mg 24.07.15 5.7mg 31.07.15 5.4 8.08.15 4.9mg 15.08.15 4.4mg 22.08.15 4.0mg 29.08.15 3.6mg 06.09.15 3.2mg 13.09.15 2.9mg 21.09.15 2.6mg 28.09.15 2.4mg 05.10.15 2.2mg 12.10.15 2.0mg 22.10.15 1.8mg 26.10.15 1.7mg 2.11.15 1.5mg 9.11.15 1.4mg 16.11.15 1.2mg 23.11.15 1.1mg 10.12.15 1mg 1.1.2016 0.9mg 17.1.2016 0.8mg 01.02.2016 0.7mg 08.02.2016 0.6mg 14.02.2016 0.5mg 21.02.2016 0.4mg 01.03.2016 changed to liquid 1:1 ratio 0.4mg 8.03.2016 0.38mg 15.03.2016 0.36mg 20.03.2016 0.35mg 27.03.2016 0.32mg 08.04.2016 0.29mg 14.04.2016 0.27mg 23.04.2016 0.25mg  30.04.2016 0.23mg 07.05.2016 0.21mg 14.05.2016 0.19mg 28.05.2016 0.17mg 06.06.2016 0.16ml 13.06.2016 0.15ml 20.06.2016 0.14ml 27.06.2016 0.13ml 04.07.2016 0.12ml 11.07.2016 0.11ml 18.07.2016 0.10ml 25.07.2016 0.09ml 01.08.2016 0.08ml 08.08.2016 0.07ml 15.08.2016 0.06ml 22.08.2016 0.05ml 12.08.2016 0.04ml changed to 10:1 ratio 02.09.2016 0.036ml 24.10.2016 0.033ml  14.11.2016 0.030ml 01.01.2017 0.024ml 22.01.2017 0.022mg 12.02.2017 0.020mg 05.03.2017 0.018mg 26.03.2017 0.016mg 17.04.2017 0.014mg 07.05.2015 0.012mg missed few sig updates 09.09.2017 0.005mg missing few sig udates 29.07.2018 0.0001mg 17.02.2019 0.000006mg missed few updates 12.06.2020 0.0000000064mg 27.11.2021 0.0000000048mg 04.2021 0.0000000018mg 19.12.2021 0.00000000025641mg 27.03.2022 0.000000000128205mg 4.7.2022 0.000000000064mg

Link to comment

Thanks Freedom 15. I'm still hanging in somehow

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

If you need immediate help, please call your local hot-line:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/

 

I'm glad you are hanging in there, because things do improve.  I'm trying to think back to when my w/d was at it's worst, and I was in an extremely depressed state (with thoughts of 'wanting to be nothing').  Obviously time is a major factor. 

 

Other things I did that I think were helpful:

*  Ringing a close friend so I wouldn't be alone.  That would help me get out of any 'stuck' thoughts about things not getting better. 

*  Eating well

*  Writing down all my feelings/thoughts

*  Having hot baths with epsom salts

*  Trying to put at least one nice thing into each day - maybe a movie, or a short walk.

*  Restorative yoga poses (legs up the wall, child's pose).

* Looking at the moon at night (I found this so calming).

*  Posting on other people's threads here on SA (before i was a mod; it just pulled me out of my own head-space a bit). 

 

Are you taking fish oil and magnesium?  They seem to provide a solid grounding for people in w/d. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

Link to comment

Thanks for your message Karenb, still hanging in but seem to be getting worse. Feeling like im losing my survival instinct and it's horrific, just fighting through it with guts pushing myself to do things.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Frazzled,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I just read through your thread.

 

I've been where you are and doubt anyone could imagine how difficult some of these drug withdrawal states can be unless they had experienced them personally. When I read that you are losing your survival instinct, I remembered the moment when I realized that was happening to me. I had dragged myself out of bed, into the kitchen, knowing that I needed to eat something, but every fiber of my being was rejecting the whole idea of being alive. I didn't want to die, but there seemed to be nothing left inside that wanted to live either. My entire existence had become nothing but one excruciating day rolling into the next with a couple of hours of slight relief in the evening before I fell into an exhausted, broken disturbed few hours of sleep. 

 

Life itself had turned from something valuable and good into  the complete opposite and now felt like a cruel, disgusting trick being played on all of us. I realized that if I was going to make it, I would have to consciously decide, from moment to moment what I needed to do to stay alive because I no longer trusted my perceptions or natural instincts.

 

It took a while, but I eventually started to improve, and you will too, but you have to stay alive. That's all you have to do really, whatever it takes to keep yourself alive and you will recover. Maybe right now you think you don't want to be alive and can't imagine ever feeling better. That's what withdrawal can do to some people, it locks us firmly into the present awful moment and there's no good memories or hope of anything being any different in the future. I don't know why the withdrawal brain acts like this, but its not the truth. The future is better, the suffering ends, peace, happiness, contentment and all the good things come back and for many people, life is even better than it was before.

 

I wish there was something I could tell you to make you better faster, but its going to take as long as it takes. Do the best you can to take care of yourself as you recover. Each day you get through is a victory and brings you one day closer to having your life back. Sometimes each minute you get through is a victory, and they all add up and become your path of healing.

 

You are not alone, even though you may feel more isolated than you have ever felt in your life, there are many of us who have gone through what you are going through and others who are going through the worst of it right now, unable to even turn on a computer or look at a screen or write on a site like this. For months, all I could do was read threads about what others were going through, their symptoms and what they did to survive.

 

Supplements can often make symptoms worse, I tried all kinds of things, hoping to get some relief. But more often than not, I ended up feeling worse. The only supplements which helped me were magnesium and taurine. I also took a lot of vitamin C, I'm not sure if it helped but it didn't hurt.

 

I hope you start to feel better soon, keep posting here if it helps.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks Petunia. You give me hope.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Very well spoken, Petunia. Spot on! You will get there Frazzledbrain. Like Petunia says, the job is to stay alive right now. The fog will lift with time.

 

Wish you good luck!

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

Link to comment

Thanks for your kind words. I'm starting to believe now though that this is not withdrawal and it is indeed neurotoxicity. I had felt deathly poisoned for 4 months and now the poisoned feeling has lifted I feel like a completely different person with suicidal depression and now feel like im losing my survival instinct. Feel as if my body has moved the amitriptyline I couldn't metabolise into my nervous system as a last resort to save my other organs. I have all the symptoms of withdrawal and neurotoxicity. I seem to be more active physically but worse in my head but it's guts that's making me move. I don't know what to think. I pray it is withdrawal but my instinct is telling me it's neurotoxicity. Still hanging in but feel as if I'm starting to lose control of the situation. I keep saying to myself as long as I can eat and sleep I might have half a chance.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I replied to your PM frazzledbrain, but just want to say here, even if it is an adverse reaction that you've had, rather than withdrawal, the symptoms, recovery process and length of recovery are similar.

 

Getting through this acute stage of recovery will most likely be the hardest thing you ever do. But you have more than half a chance, you will get better if you stay alive.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Hi guys,

 

drawing strength and hope from this thread.

 

Frazzled brain- I'm going through a very similar situation I feel.

 

Mis diagnosed and given a heavy duty mix. Gone from vibrant, athletic, ambitious soul to nothing.

 

No emotions, thoughts, memories, hopes....

 

but there is hope...this was me on medication.....since withdrwal.....I've had maybe 5 days in the past 60 where I felt like a human.

 

But is the rarest and cruelest form of hell. I'm two and a half weeks with no spark. in zombie mode. But I guess there is hope.

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

Link to comment

I don't know what's going to happen to me. I feel like a completely different person and got this constant urge to kill myself and feeling like hanging on to reality by the skin of my teeth with barely enough energy to survive and only getting worse. Just looking to hear something positive, barely hanging on to sanity

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

You went through 2 dramatic discontinuations in the last six months - mirtazapine and amitriptyline. Those symptoms "SI" and DP/DR are very common in withdrawal. Other people have had them and got through them. You will too.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

What is "SI"?

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Oh I see, suicidal ideation. Feels far worse than just suicidal thoughts, feels as though the actual survival instinct is dying. Anybody else ever felt as though their survival instinct was literally dying and more than just suicidal ideation and pulled through, feels so terminal when the survival instinct is going.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Keep feeling like im going into a coma too.

Citalopram - January-June 2013 stopped taking it as it did nothing but made me tired. No withdrawal problems.

Mirtazipine July-August 2016 was knocking me out in such an unnatural way I seemed to lose the ability to sleep. Stopped it with no problems.

Amitriptyline 15 August - 1st October 2016 completely destroyed me on every level. Put me in a coma so discontinued it but felt comatose and kept waking up paralysed for 5-10 minutes upon awaking, even my eyes which continued for 2 months after stopping it. Also felt like I'd been poisoned by something radioactive. Lost all vitality and appetite because of this drug and made all my muscles feel dead and move around very slowly. Can barely read or process information anymore. Now protracted withdrawal, crushing depression, suicidal and loss of identity. Feel like no point in living, doesn't feel like a real emotion, feels like brain damage, like my soul has been erased and the spark plug in my brain has blown. Never even felt depressed before, just anxiety and insomnia. Living in hell.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy