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TryingToHoldOn

TryingToHoldOn: Sertraline - protracted WD 6 months after last dose?

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TryingToHoldOn
On 6/11/2017 at 10:42 PM, jenthorz said:

When I was in my early 30's I went through this with Paxil. It was ripped away from me due to losing insurance and terrible loss of finances. My stomach cramped viciously every night for months. I lost 40 pounds. Leaving me at 98 pounds! That being said I want you to know it DID end. Slowly I had more good days than bad. Bit by bit the brain zaps we're less until there were none. I began to hold food down way more. It will get better. Hold on.

How long did this last?  Did you have any other symptoms?

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TryingToHoldOn

Update: 3 months med free

 

The saga continues.  Waves and windows.  The never ending hell.

 

Questions I repeatedly ask myself:

Am I insane?

Will I ever stop crying?

Will this torture end?

Will I heal?

How long will this last?

Why do I keep having suicidal thoughts?

When will the insomnia end?

Is it productive to visit this site?

Will it help my healing to 'push' myself?

Am I permanently brain damaged? 

How do I survive this?

 

The answer to my last question is quite simple...you just do.  Whether you want to or not.  I guess that's good and bad.  No effort on your part needed, yet paradoxically,  all the effort in the world required.

 

 

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jenthorz
47 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

How long did this last?  Did you have any other symptoms?

6 months. 3 first ones sucked the most. I did have days that weren't too bad. The stomach cramps were the worst part. 

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Survivor1

Trying,

 

You are off all meds.  Take heart in that.  Healing will come, but I know it's hard to see that when you are in the thick of it.

 

Am curious, when you rapid tapered setraline in the past (2014 per your signature), how long did it take you to recover?  Maybe look to that to give you some confidence that you will recover.

 

All the best.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 6/15/2017 at 10:02 AM, Survivor1 said:

Trying,

 

You are off all meds.  Take heart in that.  Healing will come, but I know it's hard to see that when you are in the thick of it.

 

Am curious, when you rapid tapered setraline in the past (2014 per your signature), how long did it take you to recover?  Maybe look to that to give you some confidence that you will recover.

 

All the best.

Survivor,

 

I am actually in protracted WD from my sertraline that I took from mid 2014 - July 2016.  My WD symptoms didn't start until 5-6 months after my one month taper in June.  I'm pretty sure that I'm also experiencing WD from the latuda as well since I was instructed to taper over 6 weeks, so I really don't have a baseline for recovery time yet. ?

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TryingToHoldOn

Oops...meant my taper in July 2016

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Survivor1

Sorry to hear that.  I can only imagine what you are going through.  It has to get better, that is what I tell myself when it gets tough.

 

All the best.

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TryingToHoldOn

Hi.  I just need some support and reassurance.  i've read about windows & waves, meditation, mindfulness, take magnesium and fish oil, postitive thinking, etc.  in fact, I devour all the information I've read on this site, put them into practice and yet I still struggle so so much.  

 

It it blows my mind how parents can take care of their kids, how those without children can work a full time job, or go about their lives (errands,  family functions, 'living').  I can do that SOME of the time, but some days I am just rendered non-functional and I'm scared.

 

There are so many strong people on here and I feel like I'm missing something.  I know time is the ultimate healer and answer, but in the meantime how do I get to a place where I can be like the strong individuals who trudge through each day like a warrior?  Certain individuals that come to mind are: shakeyjerr, coldturkmama, pepita, waiting, and many many more.  I envy those who were able to reinstate and can now slowly taper.

 

Would love advice on how to make it through the really tough moments that leave me riddled with fear, panic and sobbing in bed.  I hate those days.

 

I pray for everyone's recovery and your strength to endure.  

 

Thanks for listening.

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RachelSusan

Hello TryingToHoldOn,

I know what you mean, some people go through major trauma and still seem to have it all under control.  My first suggestion though would be don't compare your recovery to others' recovery. We all have different reactions to medications and different physical and emotional makeups. You are doing the very best you can do.  The fact that you are suffering and still posting on this site, and trying to get through each day makes you special in your own way.  I feel you pain. Know that you are appreciated for just being you and you will get through this.

Many kind thoughts and warm wishes,

RachelSusan

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RachelSusan

I wanted to add something else.  For someone to experience Serotonin Syndrome is a huge deal.  You also have two young children you are caring for.  You have a lot going on in your life. Please recognize what you have been through and appreciate the enormity of it. It will take time for you to heal, but you will.

RS

Edited by RachelSusan
Forgot to add something

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TryingToHoldOn

I also wanted to thank all the moderators for their time and dedication to this site.  It takes a special person to help others especially when dealing with your own personal WD.

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TryingToHoldOn
32 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

Hello TryingToHoldOn,

I know what you mean, some people go through major trauma and still seem to have it all under control.  My first suggestion though would be don't compare your recovery to others' recovery. We all have different reactions to medications and different physical and emotional makeups. You are doing the very best you can do.  The fact that you are suffering and still posting on this site, and trying to get through each day makes you special in your own way.  I feel you pain. Know that you are appreciated for just being you and you will get through this.

Many kind thoughts and warm wishes,

RachelSusan

Just posted on your thread.  You are a lovely person.  Thank you for your support.  

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Flowers

Hi Trying

 

I know exactly how you feel as am going through the same right now.

 

Each day is a huge battle to get through and I look forward to late evenings when the symptoms subside a little.

 

But you are off the drugs and will gradually heal I am sure. Just take one day at a time. We mustn't lose sight that there is always hope for recovery no matter how long it takes.

 

In my thoughts.

 

Flowers xxx

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TryingToHoldOn
On 6/18/2017 at 1:53 PM, Survivor1 said:

Sorry to hear that.  I can only imagine what you are going through.  It has to get better, that is what I tell myself when it gets tough.

 

All the best.

Thank you.  One day at a time...:)

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TryingToHoldOn
On 7/3/2017 at 2:51 AM, Flowers said:

Hi Trying

 

I know exactly how you feel as am going through the same right now.

 

Each day is a huge battle to get through and I look forward to late evenings when the symptoms subside a little.

 

But you are off the drugs and will gradually heal I am sure. Just take one day at a time. We mustn't lose sight that there is always hope for recovery no matter how long it takes.

 

In my thoughts.

 

Flowers xxx

Thanks for you words of wisdom, Flowers.  I know that we're all in this together.  My pain is your pain and I've versa.  I hope that you're having better days and can't wait to celebrate with you when we've recovered. ?  IT WILL HAPPEN!

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TryingToHoldOn

IMG_4670.JPG

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TryingToHoldOn

After I had a c-section with my second child my doctor was called to an emergency situtuation.  Due to these unforeseen circumstances, she neglected to put an order in for pain meds.  I was taken to the recovery room and had to move myself onto a hospital bed. My epidural had worn off and I had not been administered any medication for pain.  It was an experience that I will never forget, but it was brief agony; and I survived.

 

 I would gladly subject myself to the above over and over again than endure this UNENDING WD torture.  It is too much.  I can't cope.  I just pray for the day to end and hope that I don't wake.  

 

I keep telling myself that this eventually ends and we all heal, but what if we don't?  Am I the only one who is scared beyond belief that this will never end?

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RachelSusan

TryingToHoldOn, So many others here are frighted beyond belief. You are not alone.  I know I can't compare my situation with yours because I was able to reinstate, however I can share my experience.  Even after reinstating I went through the worst thing I ever went through in my life for another 5 months. It was indeed torture and I was frightened out of my mind.  I told someone close to me that it was a pain so bad that I couldn't even explain it.  For me the pain was on some deep molecular level that I couldn't even put into words.   I did recover however.  I am still on the Zoloft but down to 5.75mg.  However every single time I reduce I quake in fear that the symptoms will return.  I know it doesn't help you with the torture you are going through now, but know you are not alone.  Again my situation is a little different that yours but it did involve Sertraline (Zoloft), and I did go from the worst place possible to having a lot of healing. Hang in there, I really believe you will heal.

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miT

Stay in the moment Trying. Nobody can cope with the future because it's imagination that can take you anywhere. Luckily you'll never have to deal with it. You only have to accept the current moment. If you live in synchronicity with life this way, you will heal faster. But again, get out of your mind to the now!

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lookingforrainbows

Trying, I've just been reading your story, you were so kind to me a week ago when I needed to talk out loud, that's the hardest part, when you want to scream out loud about what you're going through, that this isn't you, that your brain is damaged and that you're scared, but you can't do any of those things because.. you're doing an amazing job, do you recognise the difference in space between th waves and windows? I have days when I can't even remember my wave a day prior, and then the wave returns.. I've had 3 waves this week, they always begin with anger and then a feeling like my brain is exploding, then tears, so much tears and the pain of the wave as it envelopes my body, it's nothing anyone could understand, I bite my lip until it bleeds and I imagine stabbing my leg to change the pain, then the calm comes and I forget.. I hope your windows are longer for you.. and by the way, your babies are just fine, they have their mummy xxx

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TryingToHoldOn
On 7/12/2017 at 0:58 PM, RachelSusan said:

TryingToHoldOn, So many others here are frighted beyond belief. You are not alone.  I know I can't compare my situation with yours because I was able to reinstate, however I can share my experience.  Even after reinstating I went through the worst thing I ever went through in my life for another 5 months. It was indeed torture and I was frightened out of my mind.  I told someone close to me that it was a pain so bad that I couldn't even explain it.  For me the pain was on some deep molecular level that I couldn't even put into words.   I did recover however.  I am still on the Zoloft but down to 5.75mg.  However every single time I reduce I quake in fear that the symptoms will return.  I know it doesn't help you with the torture you are going through now, but know you are not alone.  Again my situation is a little different that yours but it did involve Sertraline (Zoloft), and I did go from the worst place possible to having a lot of healing. Hang in there, I really believe you will heal.

RS,

 

I am so happy that so much healing has occurred for you.  It gives me great hope that I, too, will eventually get to where you're at in a much more convoluted way. :)  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and offering encouraging words.  Xoxo

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TryingToHoldOn
On 7/12/2017 at 2:16 PM, miT said:

Stay in the moment Trying. Nobody can cope with the future because it's imagination that can take you anywhere. Luckily you'll never have to deal with it. You only have to accept the current moment. If you live in synchronicity with life this way, you will heal faster. But again, get out of your mind to the now!

miT,

 

Thanks for your wise words.  I will try to hold onto them at the height of my waves.  Hope you are doing well and thank you so much for the support.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 7/15/2017 at 4:47 AM, lookingforrainbows said:

Trying, I've just been reading your story, you were so kind to me a week ago when I needed to talk out loud, that's the hardest part, when you want to scream out loud about what you're going through, that this isn't you, that your brain is damaged and that you're scared, but you can't do any of those things because.. you're doing an amazing job, do you recognise the difference in space between th waves and windows? I have days when I can't even remember my wave a day prior, and then the wave returns.. I've had 3 waves this week, they always begin with anger and then a feeling like my brain is exploding, then tears, so much tears and the pain of the wave as it envelopes my body, it's nothing anyone could understand, I bite my lip until it bleeds and I imagine stabbing my leg to change the pain, then the calm comes and I forget.. I hope your windows are longer for you.. and by the way, your babies are just fine, they have their mummy xxx

I hope you are doing well.  Did you reinstate?  I do get times when the symptoms lessen and I can 'live' a somewhat normal existence.  They are short and I am always terribly disappointed when they pass.  Hopefully, more windows to come with longer durations as well.  Wouldn't that be lovely. :)

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TryingToHoldOn

4 months med free now...

 

I never knew there could be so much physical and emotional torture.  My husband tells me to FIGHT and I do every single day.  I get up, get my kids ready for camp and take them.  Some days I'm having a panic attack the entire time, other days I'm sobbing uncontrollably but I still take them.  Truth be told, I shouldn't be driving, but it's just my husband and I. We have very limited support.  My husband is fatigued and my friends are giving up on me.  I don't blame them.  How could anyone understand unless you've experienced it?

 

There are so many SI/intrusive thoughts that are running through my head.  I feel like I'm at my breaking point and am close to giving into to those thoughts.  I'm just so tired of fighting.

 

For those of you who cold turkeyed or tapered way too fast, at what point did the symptoms become less intense?  

 

 

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Alice1

Ive heard 18-24 months is the turning point several times now .. Ive heard of a lot of people cold or fast see slight relief around 14-16months .. My friend Juan got relief at 10 months but everybody is different .. ive also heard that people who get slammed early (first 6 months ) get relief early and people who get slammed later (second 6 months) get relief later on but again so many variable ...  You getting slammed early like this makes me believe youll get relief around 10-12 months .. but again the real healing is supposed to be 18-24 months .. 

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TryingToHoldOn

Thanks, Alice.  I keep frantically searching for answers...hoping for a shortcut out of this hell.  That's the same kind of anecdotal information I've read, too.

 

Looks like we're in it for the long haul.  I just hope I can do it with more grace in the future. :)

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DaveB

Thank you for posting on my topic, I appreciate you taking the time and will not take your advice lightly. Quick question, why after 2.5 years on zoloft did they want to switch you to Latuda? Were you not doing well on the Zoloft?

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TryingToHoldOn

My new counselor lead me to believe that I had a 'soft' bipolar or bipolar 2 depression so she shipped me off to the NP in their office.  The NP went on and on about how great Latuda was and that it would help my irritability and depression.  I really didn't think twice about taking it since I didn't have any bad effects with the sertraline.  That was my descent into hell. Too many med changes, too fast taper and cold turkey.

 

I was misdiagnosed - this has been confirmed by two different evaluations.  I just had good old fashioned post partum depression.

 

Go cautiously, wisely and slowly.  You cannot appreciate the full magnitude of coming off a med CT until your in it.  Take your symptoms now and multiple it a thousandfold and even that cannot justly describe the horrors of a CT WD.

 

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RachelSusan

Hi Trying,

 

I am sorry to read that you are still having a hard time. I keep my fingers crossed and think of you.  I hope relief is right around the corner for you.

 

I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I only went through 5-6 months of torture. Still tapering and hope when I finally jump off I don't get hit with the hell again.

 

Your suggestions for Utah49er were good and so well put.  What I like about this site is that no matter how much each of us is suffering we make the time to reach out to someone else and always with such kindness. It's truly a group effort.  And the moderators, oh my gosh, where would we be without them?

 

Again, fingers crossed for you as well as anybody else who is suffering from withdrawal.

 

RS

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FarmGirlWorks

Hang in there, TryingToHoldOn. This site is a lifesaver for those of us in WD. I was/am shocked that the WD hell may last several months, years. I want it over with right this second. And, I find that when people in my life who have not gone thru this suggest that I just go back on meds again if it is so bad, then coming to this site and reaching out really helps. We are all in this together.

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Terry4949

Tryingtoholdon , I feel your suffering really I do , I have been on and of 5 to6 meds in the last 18 months , then at the beginning of March I was c/t by the hospital of all meds even though I was allready in withdrawel I have been suffering for 3 years now , but this last month has been the worst I think the c/t has really caught up with me , I am so damaged , I didn't get the chance to reinstate and I wouldn't know which one to take , it is the absolute worse horror ever , it is barbaric that another human being can inflict so much suffering on another person , who they were supposed to be helping , I don't get a rest bite at all now not even in the night 24/7 , and I haven't had a window , I hope we are strong enough to get through this and can look back in time and wonder how we survived it , I have lost so much of my life to this and god knows when it is going to end , I wish I could take away your pain , stay stronge

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nz11

Hi TTHO

Sorry you are having to go through this.

I dont know what country you are in but have you considered making a complaint to the appropriate powers regarding your wdl plight.

No one can tell you how long this will go on for it could be many months or years. It took basically 2 yrs in my case for the suffering to go from uncontrollable to manageable and from then on its been a slow receding taking 6 yrs to be able to return to being employable again.

You are going to have to be patient as its simply a survival game.

You can do it. Dont give up hope. It will get better in time.

Its a dangerous thing to trust doctors eh

nz11

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Terry4949

Tryingtoholdon , I think we have to be realistic and face facts that we are not going to heal for a very long time and this is how it is going to be , if you are doing well on anti depressants and feel good and come on here and follow their protocol slowly reducing I think you have a very good chance of a pain free recovery , but for those of us that are in protracted withdrawel be it to fast a taper or c/t by no fault of our own , all bets are of , I have been coming on here for a few years now and I am worse now than ever , I have seen very little success stories from those who are in our plight , more from people who were fortunate enough to go slow wilst feeling well , even alto said it has taken 9 years to be well I have seen people 6 to 7 years and still suffering hoping for this day when they heal , I believe that I will not heal as I have had over30 different meds in over 25 years , and after the last 12 months of all the meds of c/t that I have had it has put the nail in my coffin , we have a choice to stand a fight or roll in a ball , but to feel like this for years to come is going to be very hard each and everyday in hope that we get better , but what alternative do we have , I say to myself now my life is over wether I recover or not , the toll of all the mental and physical symptoms I have are ingrained in me and I will not be able to forget them , myself I am now really considering trying another med to try and stabilise, I know it's a big gamble , but when you feel as bad as this and no it could go on for years which I know in my case will , I think we need to look at other options , I think if I wait much longer I will not be here to see the end results , please think carefully about what other options there may be to help you through this , waiting can be a very dangerous game if you see no sign of healing , I am not trying to persuade you into going on medication far from it , I just think that unless we get to some sort of base line we are going to suffer for a long time , 

 

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BAT

This scares me so much..  

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BAT

Terry4949

 

I'm sorry you are still going through a hard time. What symptoms are you still experiencing after years off? Do you get any Windows? Did you feel good at any time? 

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BAT

I also have been on and off so many different medicines but in a shorter time frame. They switched my medicines 19 times in like a total of 13 months in the last 3 years.  In the last 3 years I was on medicine for a total of 13 months with breaks in between. I would be on a medicine like a few weeks get side effects then switch and that's pretty much how it has gone. Or I would try to stop and end up going back on like 3 months later.  I'm scared because in was on and off so many so many different times. I have been off antidepressants for almost 11 months now but it hasn't been that long for xanax. It's been 5 weeks for xanax. I still feel horrible.. I stopped xanax Aug 2016'was on it for 2 months but have taken it 8 other times in 7 months.  I get so confused on what to do..

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