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thecowisback

thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac

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Dalalea
37 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

before i had a one day window each month, but looking at my diary i've had 2 in january and i had another one yesterday. this gives me hope that maybe i will get more windows and that is just the ***** of light i was looking for. 

We were windowing together yesterday! It was wonderful! Hoping you have more and more days like that!

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samanthaelizabeth
1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

thankyou so much for asking. 

i've had some horrendous days lately, days when i thought i really couldn't carry on, but then i've also had 3 days in the past month when the intrusive thoughts didn't seem so bad or prominent and i could actually think straight. 

before i had a one day window each month, but looking at my diary i've had 2 in january and i had another one yesterday. this gives me hope that maybe i will get more windows and that is just the ***** of light i was looking for. 

i had an appointment at the mental health signposting service in our town a couple of days ago. they asked how i was doing and told them i felt better now i had found other people on the internet struggling with antidepressant withdrawals. they practically told me i was stupid - withdrawals don't last more than a few weeks and i should be over all that by now. i guess that's par for the course when dealing with anyone in the medical profession. i don't trust any of them any more. 

 

They're so stupid! These doctors don't know anything about the meds they prescribe.  I don't even know why they are called "doctors'!

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thecowisback
6 hours ago, Dalalea said:

We were windowing together yesterday! It was wonderful! Hoping you have more and more days like that!

:D

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thecowisback
6 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

They're so stupid! These doctors don't know anything about the meds they prescribe.  I don't even know why they are called "doctors'!

:angry:

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nz11

thecowisback

This is your very own personal invite to make a submission to the Scottish govt.

see my drug sig for details.

Thanks

nz11

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thecowisback
16 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

They're so stupid! These doctors don't know anything about the meds they prescribe.  I don't even know why they are called "doctors'!

 

9 hours ago, nz11 said:

thecowisback

This is your very own personal invite to make a submission to the Scottish govt.

see my drug sig for details.

Thanks

nz11

hi, i've already sent my story in :)

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nz11

Thankyou so much.

You have made a vital impact towards protecting future generations from this horror story scripted by a doctor.

 

Just read your story from beginning of page one.

It has bought back many memories for me. 

I feel for you at this time wishing you strength tcisb. 

Tcisb have you made a yellow card submission? That i believe is the serious adverse events process in your country right? Wdl is a SAE for sure.

 

 

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RealMe
On 1/16/2018 at 4:06 AM, Petunia said:

 

You will get better over time, but it may take a while. There really are no short cuts to recovering from the changes these drugs make. Time, acceptance and taking care of myself have been what has helped me get better. I'm still not completely recovered, but life is ok now, I'm getting there and have hope for a full recovery.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this, you're not alone.

 

Petunia.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 - present: Symptoms returned with no significant recovery since - bad days and less bad days.

Hi Petunia,

I've been trying to distract myself from my symptoms by reading success stories and came upon this post of yours.  I'm wondering if the last line of your signature has changed or do you still only have bad days and less bad days?  I thought you said above that things were getting better, so I am confused about your signature.  Please tell me anything that will give me the guts to go on.

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thecowisback

i really should stay off facebook. i keep seeing posts on anxiety and depression groups where people are saying how wonderful they're feeling now they're taking antidepressants. it's usually sertraline, the one i tried one pill of and felt so ill. 

it all seems so easy - take a pill and the whirlwind of terrifying thoughts will stop. 

i must keep reminding myself that i cannot go down that road again, no matter what. 

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ChessieCat

Think of it this way, they might feel great now but who knows how they will be feeling in years to come.  They could end up worse than they were before they started the drug.  Not that I wish that on them, but we are aware of the possibilities.

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thecowisback

true, i must remind myself of that. there are people posting there that sertraline is so easy to come off, no withdrawal symptoms and i want to scream! i will get better, i will get better, i will get better. i can feel my anxiety changing at the moment but it's morphing into more depression. i don't know which is worse! i spend my days constantly wishing i could go back to being a little girl, when everything was simple, life decisions were made for me, my parents were young and with me all the time. i keep wishing i could live my life all over again and put right all the mistakes. i know this is a classic depression way of thinking but i'm spending half my days crying right now. i'm getting roughly one day every week to two weeks where the symptoms are lessened. i must hang in there. i have to believe all this will gradually fade over time. 

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thecowisback

i'm doing the Dare program but it's making very very slow progress. i'll have a look at that link now - thankyou :)

 

 

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thecowisback

wow - that looks really good  - thankyou so much!!! 

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thecowisback

things are worsening as the day wears on. i've lost my temper and shouted at my severely disabled husband. the lure of the sertraline pills at the back of the cupboard is really strong right now. i keep thinking i owe it to my family to try the antidepressants again so they don't have to deal with me constantly screaming or crying.....

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Madeleine

Have you tried non-drug methods to keep calm?  e.g. cognitive behaviour therapy, meditation, prayer etc.  A combination of these are often very helpful...

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thecowisback

i'm following the Dare program and have printed off the info chessiecat gave me earlier. 

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ChessieCat
4 hours ago, thecowisback said:

the lure of the sertraline pills at the back of the cupboard is really strong right now.

 

Solution - toss them!

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NewMorning

Hi thecowisback.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I was poking around this site because I've been feeling like garbage lately and came across your story. Over the past few months I've been feeling so awful that I too have thought a lot about possibly getting back on the psychopharmaceutical  train, but it always comes back to me realizing that it's a terrible idea, and I'm glad I haven't.

 

I came across a couple things recently that I have found helpful in reaffirming my choice to continue med free, and I just thought I would toss them out there, in case you found them helpful or interesting. They might have been talked about a lot on this site, I'm not sure, and maybe you've already heard about them, but they seem to really shed rational light on using ssris to treat 'depression'. At least for me they did. This first is a 3 part series by the CBC called 'Rethinking Depression': http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/2341174297

That's the link to part 1. It was done in 2013, so maybe old news to you... The second is a book called 'Lost Connections' by Johann Hari. I think he maybe oversimplifies depression a little bit, but it's nice to start rethinking what we consider depression. At least in some cases, of course everyone is different, and there certainly are extreme cases where it very well could be a medical problem. I found the audio book on Audible, and it's read by him. He's from the UK so you might be all over this, but just thought I'd throw it out there, I definitely found it helpful, and interesting:)

 

Anyways, best of luck to you in your healing, sending positive vibes your way:)

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thecowisback

thankyou newmorning and chessiecat :)

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thecowisback

i have been following the Dare plan and have been doing really well for the last couple of weeks regarding my intrusive thoughts, but this week my ocd has really kicked my arse. i cannot stop the thoughts circling in my head no matter how much i try to defuse them. i feel like i've hit rock bottom all over again and just want to take a pill to make it all go away. i saw the doctor this morning to ask about taking hrt and she tried to get me back on antidepressants instead. i resisted but it was so bloody hard to say no. right now the thought of taking the prozac again seems so inviting, even with all the horrible side effects of memory loss, numbing of emotions, tiredness etc. it all sounds like bliss in comparison to the **** storm in my brain right now. 

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Dalalea
13 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

make it all go away

Why are these drugs the only thing they think will work? So frustrating! Wouldn't it be nice to take a pill and be back to before antidepressants! I'd like that, too, but I know any SSRI is going to give me the same side effects that you just listed. :( I really don't want that!

Good for you for resisting. It's hard sometimes but, we will heal!

Dalalea

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thecowisback

i'm still having a hard time resisting the lure of meds - it's only the thought of going through weeks of side effects only to find it's not the right drug for me that's keeping me away from the doctors surgery. 

when oh when oh when will my brain heal? it's been over a year now and no sign of any improvement. i was getting a good day every month or so but even those seem to have deserted me - it's now non-stop anxiety, intrusive thoughts and depression and i don't know where to turn. i just need a switch to turn it all off....

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ChessieCat

Some members find Magnesium helpful for reducing anxiety.  Several times I have stopped taking mine and after a few days the anxiety increases.  When I have resumed taking it the anxiety lessens.

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thecowisback

i'm already using magnesium spray. i've no idea if it helps tbh but i'll try anything. also cbd paste and omega 3. 

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thecowisback

could a low dose of 5 htp help me or make things worse? i tried a couple of 400mg pills over the last couple of nights and my anxiety went up this morning, but this afternoon i had a lovely calm fuzzy feeling like i'd taken codeine. this evening depression and crying set back in again but this afternoon felt like blessed relief after the hell of the past year. 

everywhere i look on the net i find conflicting stories about these pills - i'd love it if they helped but i don't want to set back my recovery even more :(

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Snowyowl16
On 3/3/2018 at 8:25 PM, ChessieCat said:

Have you learned CBT techniques?  I have found it helpful.

 

 

An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

 

Thanks Chessiecat! Great link

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added quote for link

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thecowisback

wow - lots of conflicting advice on the threads. it's all so confusing. it looks like 400mg was way to high to start with. i'm wondering whether to try 50mg and see how that goes. 

i really need something to take the edge of the anxiety and i don't want to resort to ssri's again.

trouble is - i'm reluctant to try 5 htp if it's going to hinder my brain's recovery :(

 

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dj2010
1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

wow - lots of conflicting advice on the threads. it's all so confusing. it looks like 400mg was way to high to start with. i'm wondering whether to try 50mg and see how that goes. 

i really need something to take the edge of the anxiety and i don't want to resort to ssri's again.

trouble is - i'm reluctant to try 5 htp if it's going to hinder my brain's recovery :(

 

 

I tried 5 htp in the early months of withdrawal hoping it would help with insomnia but it did not agree with me, I found it activating and it worsened my sleep and made me very agitated and anxious during the day, i cant remember what dose I tried but i stopped using it after 2 days, 5 htp works similar to antidepressants I believe, if going to try then best start at a very small dose but still its risky using supplements that mess with serotonin levels, if you type "5 htp" in the search box at the top of this website it will come up with all the posts that have been made about 5 hpt, you are best reading them all and then make a decision whether to try or not,

 

hope you see some improvements soon, take care

 

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thecowisback

thankyou :)

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ChessieCat
On 4/6/2018 at 7:44 AM, thecowisback said:

i'm already using magnesium spray.

 

Have you tried taking magnesium tablets?  Some members find dissolving magnesium in water and sipping throughout the day helps.

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thecowisback

i've tried a few different tablets and powders but they all upset my stomach :(

 

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thecowisback

i'm at my lowest ebb right now. my family are begging me to try antidepressants again. i don't have energy for anything. my mood swings from anxiety, obsessing about things, to depression to huge rages. i've upset the kids today telling them i'm going to drown their ferrets because they don't clean them out. that is not like me at all - i love animals yet i was really cruel to them earlier because they were trying to nip me. i don't know what's happening to me. my husband wants me to see a psychiatrist and i don't want to because they've never helped my husband in the past - just put him on more and more pills. i don't know where to go from here. i feel suicidal most of the time (i won't do anything as there would be no-one here to look after my family). 

what the hell should i do? 

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powerback
12 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

i'm at my lowest ebb right now. my family are begging me to try antidepressants again. i don't have energy for anything. my mood swings from anxiety, obsessing about things, to depression to huge rages. i've upset the kids today telling them i'm going to drown their ferrets because they don't clean them out. that is not like me at all - i love animals yet i was really cruel to them earlier because they were trying to nip me. i don't know what's happening to me. my husband wants me to see a psychiatrist and i don't want to because they've never helped my husband in the past - just put him on more and more pills. i don't know where to go from here. i feel suicidal most of the time (i won't do anything as there would be no-one here to look after my family). 

what the hell should i do? 

Hi TCIB sending empathy vibes your way ,ive spent evert minute today being mindful of my horrible symptoms and not loosing it .

Your family should try and do some research at the least to try and understand your situation  ,this is what gets my goat,do they think we are enjoying our misery .

Take care .

 

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thecowisback

they've been fairly understanding so far but my mood lately has been so low they don't know what else to do for me, and me being threatening the animals was the last straw as that is so unlike me. all the ferrets were rescued and came from horrible homes and i've spent years being kind and patient to them but today i just screamed at them because they were misbehaving. 

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