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Femme47

Femme47: Lexapro - depression, withdrawal or something else?

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Femme47
3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

hi Femme47

Only you can make this decision but as ChessieCat says, 0.5mgs is a lot, this is a super strong drug.

personally, if your symptoms are manageable and esp since they don't appear to be constant, I think you'd get more mileage out of doing self care and using other coping methods to deal with them.

 

speaking as someone who went and up down in doses, as I  see you've already done,  you can end up going from occasional symptoms that are manageable, to constant symptoms that are extremely difficult to manage.

that's what happened to me.

 

of course only you can decide but if you can find other ways to cope, I'd strongly suggest that you do, it just doesn't seem worth the risk to me.

everyone is different, of course, but it *seems* from all the stories I've read here, that those who go slow and steady- and don't updose etc- do the best overall.

 

does exercise help at all for the anger?

have you read Brassmonkey's posts on emotional spirals? that might help

Hi Happy2Heal,

Thank you very much for your input.

It has helped me to make my mind up as I was really at the loss which way to go. So, having read your comments, I've decided that I won't be reinstating after all.

The resitance training, helps me but have to be very consistent. A difficult thing, since I've been struggling with lack of motivation and severe mood swings. So, need to make a conscious effort. 

I am sure I had read Brassmonkeys post at one point or other..

Will read it again..

I've read your history of the meds.

It's amazing that you've managed to stop them all and feeling well.

So glad for you.

F47

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JackieDecides
7 hours ago, Femme47 said:

The resitance training, helps me but have to be very consistent. A difficult thing, since I've been struggling with lack of motivation and severe mood swings. So, need to make a conscious effort. 

 

Hi Femme47, I feel that exercise helps me and yet I keep stopping. when I'm doing it regularly I feel better for sure. ☹️

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Femme47
On 1/18/2019 at 2:00 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

Hi Femme47, I feel that exercise helps me and yet I keep stopping. when I'm doing it regularly I feel better for sure. ☹️

Hi JackieDecides,

I completely understand you. Though it seems, if you "keep stopping" it means that you keep restarting as well? 😊 Perhaps, reducing the time between stopping and restarting?

I've only recently read a book that cited some medical studies that the exercise helps with the anxiety and depression. I definitely feel better after some training session at the gym. So, I have re-committed again to my exercise programme 2-3 times at the gym and 2-3 times of 30 mins jogging outside.....

 

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JackieDecides
6 hours ago, Femme47 said:

Perhaps, reducing the time between stopping and restarting?

 

it's a good idea. so far, I haven't been able to do it. but I do keep re-starting, yes. 

 

good luck with your workouts and don't forget to stretch. a cyber friend of mine just hurt his back pretty badly doing his "regular" workout he's been doing for years and it's because he never stretches. 

 

💪  < I assume this is you

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Femme47
On 1/23/2019 at 3:39 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

it's a good idea. so far, I haven't been able to do it. but I do keep re-starting, yes

We can do only what we can 😊

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Femme47
On 1/23/2019 at 3:39 AM, JackieDecides said:

good luck with your workouts and don't forget to stretch. a cyber friend of mine just hurt his back pretty badly doing his "regular" workout he's been doing for years and it's because he never stretches. 

Thank you for reminding me, that's something I haven't been doing but am aware of the importance.

Take care 😊

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Femme47

2nd day staying in bed watching TV /sleeping 

 

I have just started the 5th month the antideoressants free. I am getting used being without the uplifting the effects of Lexapro. But it has been tough in terms of the mood swings and handling anger...

However, today is the 2nd day of what one would describe as a depression: spending second day on the sofa sleeping/watching the Netflix unable to get myself into the gear of getting on with things I need to do...cancelled my engagement in a few days, fearing if I would be able to attend my appointment tomorrow...

My emotional state was also quite off: guilt, despair, occasional brief suicidal ideation. 

I was thinking that the rest could help me (sometimes it did in the past) so didn't push myself much (though not sure if it would have helped anyway), however, now am really fearing if this state of apathy/inertia will go on and turn into the clinical depression..

 

Would appreciate people's encouragement and reassurance, suggestions..

 

F47 

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Femme47

Hello, 

 

Just a quick update. Had a window in April that lasted about a month. Unfortunately, it was replaced by anxiety that was worsening for the past month. However, for the past 5 days - 7 month Lexapro free- have been rather unstable: very irritable, anxious, different pains and aches and some serious loss of motivation from time to time, the emotional outbursts, self-deprecation..At times even wonder, if it's ever going to get better..

So, great that this site does exist as today it was the only thing that made me feel a little better and have given me some hope for the future..

Best of luck to you all!

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Gridley

 

14 minutes ago, Femme47 said:

anxiety

 

Here are some links to techniques that may help with anxiety.

 

 

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Femme47

Many thanks for all the info and the links!

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Femme47

Hello

Just checking in

I have been feeling what maybe be described as a depression: apathy, no motivation, feeling of guilt, viewing my life in a very negative way...

Have spoken to a psychologist who mentioned that with my history of recurrent depression I may need to have a medical treatment as well..

I have been 8-9 months off the escitalopram now...The journey has been rough...and now having been hit with this depression, which seems quite moderate to severe makes me want to have the relief from the suffering...

Left the psychologist confused and feeling down.

Any thoughts are welcome..

 

Thank you in advance 

 

PS. I have read the "Are we there yet" 

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Gridley
13 minutes ago, Femme47 said:

I have been 8-9 months off the escitalopram now...The journey has been rough...and now having been hit with this depression, which seems quite moderate to severe makes me want to have the relief from the suffering...

 

As you might recall from "Are we there yet?" it is very common to experience a wave around the 9-10 month point of withdrawal.  

  

Take a look at the non-drug coping links in the following link and see which you think might help you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

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Femme47

Thank you, Gridely, for the prompt responce.

 

Reading it now 😃

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ChessieCat

And "regular people", ie people who have never taken psychiatric drugs, sometimes go through periods of depression.

 

7 hours ago, Femme47 said:

Have spoken to a psychologist who mentioned that with my history of recurrent depression I may need to have a medical treatment as well..

 

again-chemical-imbalance-is-a-myth-stop-the-lies-please

 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

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Femme47
9 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

And "regular people", ie people who have never taken psychiatric drugs, sometimes go through periods of depression.

Thank you, ChessirCat, and for the links, information.

I completely agree with you.

 

The psychologist I saw yesterday wanted to know the history of my depression. I had been depressed on and off from the age of 16 but attempted to take an antidepressant med at the age of 32. However, it's only at the age of 43 I began taking them on a regular basis (the longest I stayed 2 years including 1.6 years of  tapering). So most of my life I lived through some very painful and difficult times without any meds. I remember 26 years ago unable to leave the house to buy some food but at that time didn't even know that it was the drpression..

Now the apathy is hitting me rather hard, the feeling that my life wasn't and isn't worth living crossing my mind, the hours of spending of Watching the Netflix and unable to fulfill my daily commitments fill me with guilt and frustration, I've put on weight from lack of exercise and chaotic eating behaviour and do not fit into the clothes I like to wear. And adds an additional distress as I, normally, take care in my appearance.

And you know what, tomorrow I am going for 2 weeks of holiday to one of the most beautiful priced place in the world..I can't even get my luggage ready..Everything is an ordeal. 

It may be a wave or maybe just another episode of the depression that I have had it for all my life..and that drove me to take the antidepressants..

I must admit my resolution to continue with my journey antidepressants free was really shaken yesterday. In addition, I've spoken/seen a few people who are doing really well on them that further undermines my resolve and creates an inner conflict between taking/ staying free of the antidepressants that I do not tolerate physically and have had some serious adverse reactions..

Just needed to put this out there. Need really some help and support and different viewpoints to get through this...

Many thanks and good day..

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed blank quote

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Femme47

Update

Short term memory loss 

 

Update

After 2.5 months after a seriously troublesome wave that I wrote in the previous post, I have had a few moments of feeling like my old non-depressed self. It was really so nice to have some  of the energy / motivation feel rather happy...I am approaching a year being Lexapro free..

My wave falls around 10 month mark that is mentioned in the essay below..It also coincides with being diagnosed with an pulmonary embolism after an operation and also a suspicion of having a breast cancer. Not something one can take it lightly, at best times. So, my wave has not come out of nowhere and it may be a coincidence / correlation with the 10 month mark..Who would know for sure?

Anyway, I'm just hoping that this window will last..

 

Short term memory loss 

I have noticed that my memory has deteriorated!! It really worries me! Wondering if it will improve??

Any ideas to facilitate the process? It can be really a handicap...Any input would be appreciated ! 

Good luck to everyone who has come accross my writings..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Femme47

Pulmonary embolism 

 

I have just recovered from a pulmonary embolism (a small one) , which was probably related to prolonged period of the inactivity. However, given that I'm relatively in good shape, doctors were a little bit surprised. I know that the SSRI have been linked to the decrease of the coagulation. I am wondering if by the stopping the Lexapro my coagulation was increased due to a "rebound " reaction...Or maybe it's just a totally a wacky idea, due to lack of ability to understand  the med publications, since I was on a small dose of Lexapro and the escitalopram has got a lesser action on the coagulation process than some other SSRIs..

Anyway, are there others out there with the pulmonary embolism??

🤔

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brassmonkey

Hi Femme--  I'm sorry to hear that you are getting hit with such a bad wave.  From your post I can see why it is happening, that's a lot of bad news to get all at one time. I hope it all works out for the best.  I do think that there is a 10 month wave included in it all.  Usually the waves are pretty short, only lasting a few weeks.  Many people have found that there is a "hang over" period after the wave where they are emotionally drained that lasts another week or so.  After the wave has resolved they tend to feel better then when the wave started.

 

I have found that playing concentration and matching style video games really helps the memory.  I am a big fan of Bejeweled Blitz, Gardens of Time and Clockmaker for this.

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Femme47
On 10/10/2019 at 9:27 PM, brassmonkey said:

Hi Femme--  I'm sorry to hear that you are getting hit with such a bad wave.  From your post I can see why it is happening, that's a lot of bad news to get all at one time. I hope it all works out for the best.  I do think that there is a 10 month wave included in it all.  Usually the waves are pretty short, only lasting a few weeks.  Many people have found that there is a "hang over" period after the wave where they are emotionally drained that lasts another week or so.  After the wave has resolved they tend to feel better then when the wave started.

 

I have found that playing concentration and matching style video games really helps the memory.  I am a big fan of Bejeweled Blitz, Gardens of Time and Clockmaker for this.

Just to thank you for answering to me and your input. I really appreciate it!

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Femme47

 Update 

Still continue feeling depressed and anxious..Feeling like a broken car takes a lot of time to start it, then get it into the second gear without stalling it and as it seems to be rolling forward with some jolts in the 3d gear it stalls again at the traffic light..I just don't know if I "start " , would be able to get myself into the gear and get to the destination needed. Quite often it takes a lot of effort to start the car so that it dies on me shortly after.

My inability to fulfill my daily commitments or even leisure pursuits (sport, cinema, eating out):feels me with the despair and the suicidal thinking...

The health anxiety (fear of having another pulmonary embolie) begins taking its toll on me and my partner. 

My doctor has prescribed me 2 different benzodiazepines and a new one from a different class of medications.which should be less addictive. I have not taken any..

I have been following the suggestion (when I could) for self care...and the relief from this relentless lack of desire, no motivation, and the constant anxiety is short lived and then I am back into this no-man land.

I see a psychologist twice a week as well..

It has been a year since I have tapered off..my partner is at a loss and wonders if I need to go back on some kind of psychotropics drugs..And I myself beginning to think as well what is the point of this torturous existence? I look back and see the frequent periods of this bleak even though I wasn't in the withdrawal..life was still a very painful affair to me...Isn't it just better to have the meds and able to get with the living rather then spending most  of your time struggling to get into the first gear only to realise again that you don't have any motivation to go anywhere/do anything while being painfully aware of wasting your life....

My last dose of escitalopram was taken 29 October last year..And I have been getting progressively worse..

 

I need some help, feedback..., perhaps, reassurance..😥😥

 

 

 

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Femme47

Amitriptyline

 

My emotional state continues to be very unstable: little motivation, dark thoughts, anxiety and the constant discomfort in the chest, which made me to spend a few hours at the A&E unit. Having undergone some tests nothing was found and I was told that the pain was due to the anxiety.

 

I've finally presented myself to an psychiatrist with the above symptoms who suggested to go back on a small dose of Lexapro 2mg. When I have told him that I did have some reaction to it, he has prescribed Amitriptyline in the liquid form (3 drops) saying it was a micro-dose..

 

I have been off the Lexapro for 13 months now and really do not want to go back on the meds but any other methods of dealing with the depression (that I read about here and elsewhere) do not really help..My quality of life is quite impaired and yet I think if I go on the meds now it will be for life as every time I stop them I seem to be not able to function properly.....

Don't know what to do...

Has anyone been on this medication? Is it very toxic?

Need advice, help...

F47 

 

 

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