Jump to content

Tao of the Brassmonkey


Recommended Posts

  • Moderator

I haven't posted here in a while, but recently I've been running into a lot of talk about rebuilding one's life after ADWD. I just posted this on another thread and want to share it here for others to find.

 

For many ADWD can be used as a time for personal assessment and growth. The WD process makes us question almost every aspect of our lives and belief system. It is hard to go through, a trial by fire at times, but so worth it. Many of us started these drugs because something was wrong in our lives that was causing us problems. Those things are now in the past and they should remain there.  Our thought processes and beliefs that lead to those situations are in the process of being burn away by the changes the drugs have made and the ADWD process. It is the perfect time to rebuild in the image that we want, not the image we are told we want.

 

I found making the break from society dictated measures of achievement to my personal definition of contentment to be very important. What my friends and neighbors have and do is interesting to watch, but it is what makes me content in my life that  really matters. My wife and I have a nice house, not the biggest or best, but we are quite happy with it and do little things to make it more our own. Living in Los Angeles there is no way to win at that game. Snoop Dog has a place about a mile from here worth five or six times what ours is.  Bill Gates is just across town, no way we could compete there. But it doesn't matter, we love where we are and it makes us happy.

 

I have a friend who is a Doctors receptionist (low pay, part time) who will spend $500 for a designer handbag with out a thought, only to have to buy a different one next month because this one is out of style. We see it all the time here with cloths, cars, cell phones, you name it. It never makes the people happy, only more and more frustrated. Identifying the things that make one content and building on them is what is important. I have a nice house, a good car, I can travel when conditions allow and food on the table. I don't care that my neighbor just bought a ????, I'm happy for them but it really doesn't matter to me.

 

Contentment is part of the concept of "Living Without a Goal". From birth we are programmed to achieve. "The one who dies with the most toys wins". "You're nobody, unless you're the best". "Why are you sitting around when you could be out achieving/earning"? Those are false, unobtainable goals that can never be reached and lead to a life of frustration, anxiety and depression. It is much better to discover what makes one content and strive for a and maintain that level on a physical and spiritual level.

 

All this is very much a art of ADWD.  The healing process involves relegating the past to the past, and making reasonable plans for the future but not worrying about it. More importantly it is about learning to be content with who we are and where we are and making the changes required to get us to that point.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 366
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • brassmonkey

    137

  • Rabe

    24

  • Longroadhome

    22

  • nick1990

    12

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

It all ended three years ago today.   After tapering for five and a half years I finally made the jump to "0", and haven't looked back. All those years are finally starting to fade in the di

I am beginning to hear some panic talk around the site brought on by current biopolitical events and think it is time to add a bit of perspective to the situation. According to the Washington Post as

Several times in a persons life they will experience events that are so important they change the lives of everyone on the planet and move the future of the human race in an unplanned direction. That

  • Moderator Emeritus
6 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Contentment is part of the concept of "Living Without a Goal". From birth we are programmed to achieve. "The one who dies with the most toys wins". "You're nobody, unless you're the best". "Why are you sitting around when you could be out achieving/earning"? Those are false, unobtainable goals that can never be reached and lead to a life of frustration, anxiety and depression. It is much better to discover what makes one content and strive for a and maintain that level on a physical and spiritual level.

 

All this is very much a art of ADWD.  The healing process involves relegating the past to the past, and making reasonable plans for the future but not worrying about it. More importantly it is about learning to be content with who we are and where we are and making the changes required to get us to that point

 

Thanks for the update, Brass . . . I really enjoyed these sections (above) about contentment in particular. So true! I'm learning to release a lot of what I used to think was most important. I've moving away from living a life of intense attachment and addiction . . . there is always better, there is always more, never enough. Whew, that's exhausting! I appreciate you talking about life after anti-depressant drug withdrawal. When in the thick of tapering, it's even hard to imagine that a "life after" exists. What I've found for myself is that the taper became the training for the "life after." I wish I had known that sooner 😉

 

Keep living in your truth my friend . . .

 

My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

Link to post
Share on other sites

@brassmonkey did u had pssd? what was your sexuall disfunction sympthoms?

01.12.2018 - 01.03.2019 - Took sertraline and than fluvosamine for major depression. 

 

Got SEVERE PSSD (no libido, no erections, pleasureless orgasma, total genital anesthesia, emotional numbness, lost of personality)

 

No wave and windows, no improvement so far. Just lije 1-2% in numbness in first two months post quitting. 

 

Im suicidal because of pssd. I dont believe in recovery since my state didnt improve in any significant way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Brass monkey, I couldn't agree with you more.  So many think that happiness is in material success, but that is wrong. I am most content with my relationship with Jesus, and with the few friends and family that I have.  J 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg; Jan 19 20  0.2 mg;  Apr 2  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator

@Naczoz no I didn't have many problems in that respect. I had more problems from the alcohol than the paxil, and that cleared up when I stopped drinking.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 weeks later...

Hi Brassmonkey just wanted to say I have read your story and find it truly inspiring. Congratulations on your recovery, and thank you so much for taking the time to help others by sharing your wisdom on here. Your impact will be felt far and wide, by many people you will never meet. What a wonderful thing to be able to look back on your life and know for certain that you made a difference in this world :)

2008 put on 75mg Effexor XR (Venlafaxine) after breakup with long term boyfriend

2009 Dose increased to 150mg

2010 Dose increased to 300mg plus 25mg Quetiapine added to aid sleep and control hypomania

2011 first attempt to withdraw. Taper much too fast on psychiatrist's advice (300-0mg in 1 month) suffer first and only psychotic episode. Put back on 75mg generic Venlafaxine (no more Quetiapine)

2014 reduce dose to 1/4 of a 37.5mg Venlafaxine tablet during pregnancy. Suffer extreme social anxiety/agoraphobia

2015 Daughter is born. Advised not to breastfeed due to Ven being present in breastmilk. Suffer PND and go back to taking 37.5mg tablet daily. Start to experience heavy fatigue each day after taking Venlafaxine tablet.

14th June 2017 - start 10% monthly taper reduction method. June 2018: 10mg June 2019: 4.5ml September 2019: Switch to 5% reduction, followed by 2 week hold; then 5% further reduction, followed by 4 week hold. June 2020: 2mg

14th September 2020 - 1.8mg (current dose) Supplements: Magnesium citrate; Olive leaf extract; Fish oil capsules

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Hello brass monkey,

 

Do you have any advice for me ?

 

Actually I'm on paxil 7,3 mg since 13 days and deppresing

I am at 7.3 mg and the discouragement and the state of absolute sadness and suicidal thoughts have returned.

I had started again a decrease since June 2020 to 5/100 then I gradually climbed to 10/100 but already the pass to 8.1 has been more delicate. I usually have more problem 2 to 3 weeks. but this b**** added an increase in anxiety and depression.

the problem is that i have been affected by two problems since january 2020.

a complete withdrawal of caffeine which increased my anxiety and taking antibiotics in March including fluoroquinolone cipro which is unfortunately known to interact very very negatively with anti depressants and increases anxiety. I remember 24 hours after taking the medication that my anxiety was soaring and I wanted to die.

it was a horrible year. but I was on the point of reducing paxil at the end of June despite the overwhelming anxiety.

I had better times around July August September.

I don't know what to do today. resume the old dosage from September? wait until the current dosage is better accepted and wait two months before reducing less strongly. or simply do nothing more.

I have the dosage done by the pharmacy because it is impossible for me to find the liquid here in Belgium and to reduce the dosage myself I would not know.
thank you and sorry for my english.

Paxil 20mg start novembre 2016

paxil 10mg since maybe September 2017

Take paxil 10mg one day and not the second day Augustus 2018 to November 2018

paxil 5mg and crash

return paxil 10 mg since December 2019 to October 2019

October 2019 to December 8 mg

december 2019 7 mg

january to June 2020 10 mg

July 2020 9,5mg

augustus 20 9mg

september  2020 8,1mg

october  2020 7,3 mg 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy