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brassmonkey

Tao of the Brassmonkey

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brassmonkey

I haven't posted here in a while, but recently I've been running into a lot of talk about rebuilding one's life after ADWD. I just posted this on another thread and want to share it here for others to find.

 

For many ADWD can be used as a time for personal assessment and growth. The WD process makes us question almost every aspect of our lives and belief system. It is hard to go through, a trial by fire at times, but so worth it. Many of us started these drugs because something was wrong in our lives that was causing us problems. Those things are now in the past and they should remain there.  Our thought processes and beliefs that lead to those situations are in the process of being burn away by the changes the drugs have made and the ADWD process. It is the perfect time to rebuild in the image that we want, not the image we are told we want.

 

I found making the break from society dictated measures of achievement to my personal definition of contentment to be very important. What my friends and neighbors have and do is interesting to watch, but it is what makes me content in my life that  really matters. My wife and I have a nice house, not the biggest or best, but we are quite happy with it and do little things to make it more our own. Living in Los Angeles there is no way to win at that game. Snoop Dog has a place about a mile from here worth five or six times what ours is.  Bill Gates is just across town, no way we could compete there. But it doesn't matter, we love where we are and it makes us happy.

 

I have a friend who is a Doctors receptionist (low pay, part time) who will spend $500 for a designer handbag with out a thought, only to have to buy a different one next month because this one is out of style. We see it all the time here with cloths, cars, cell phones, you name it. It never makes the people happy, only more and more frustrated. Identifying the things that make one content and building on them is what is important. I have a nice house, a good car, I can travel when conditions allow and food on the table. I don't care that my neighbor just bought a ????, I'm happy for them but it really doesn't matter to me.

 

Contentment is part of the concept of "Living Without a Goal". From birth we are programmed to achieve. "The one who dies with the most toys wins". "You're nobody, unless you're the best". "Why are you sitting around when you could be out achieving/earning"? Those are false, unobtainable goals that can never be reached and lead to a life of frustration, anxiety and depression. It is much better to discover what makes one content and strive for a and maintain that level on a physical and spiritual level.

 

All this is very much a art of ADWD.  The healing process involves relegating the past to the past, and making reasonable plans for the future but not worrying about it. More importantly it is about learning to be content with who we are and where we are and making the changes required to get us to that point.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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elbee
6 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Contentment is part of the concept of "Living Without a Goal". From birth we are programmed to achieve. "The one who dies with the most toys wins". "You're nobody, unless you're the best". "Why are you sitting around when you could be out achieving/earning"? Those are false, unobtainable goals that can never be reached and lead to a life of frustration, anxiety and depression. It is much better to discover what makes one content and strive for a and maintain that level on a physical and spiritual level.

 

All this is very much a art of ADWD.  The healing process involves relegating the past to the past, and making reasonable plans for the future but not worrying about it. More importantly it is about learning to be content with who we are and where we are and making the changes required to get us to that point

 

Thanks for the update, Brass . . . I really enjoyed these sections (above) about contentment in particular. So true! I'm learning to release a lot of what I used to think was most important. I've moving away from living a life of intense attachment and addiction . . . there is always better, there is always more, never enough. Whew, that's exhausting! I appreciate you talking about life after anti-depressant drug withdrawal. When in the thick of tapering, it's even hard to imagine that a "life after" exists. What I've found for myself is that the taper became the training for the "life after." I wish I had known that sooner 😉

 

Keep living in your truth my friend . . .

 


My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

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Naczoz

@brassmonkey did u had pssd? what was your sexuall disfunction sympthoms?


01.12.2018 - 01.03.2019 - Took sertraline and than fluvosamine for major depression. 

 

Got SEVERE PSSD (no libido, no erections, pleasureless orgasma, total genital anesthesia, emotional numbness, lost of personality)

 

No wave and windows, no improvement so far. Just lije 1-2% in numbness in first two months post quitting. 

 

Im suicidal because of pssd. I dont believe in recovery since my state didnt improve in any significant way.

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getofflex

Brass monkey, I couldn't agree with you more.  So many think that happiness is in material success, but that is wrong. I am most content with my relationship with Jesus, and with the few friends and family that I have.  J 


Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- present 0.16 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 6 mg

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brassmonkey

@Naczoz no I didn't have many problems in that respect. I had more problems from the alcohol than the paxil, and that cleared up when I stopped drinking.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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