AmSi: New therapist and seeking peace from withdrawal

[AmSi]

Hello community! I'm glad to be here both to give and receive support. I'll keep my history short as there is so much to read here. I have almost always been on antidepressants from the age of 11, with one quick attempt to get off in 2013 without success (because I went off without supervision or information about withdrawal effects, and because providers advised I go back on and continue to be on for the rest of my life). At that time I experienced "brain zaps" nausea and a lot of anxiety and depression.

 

The prescription of the drugs were for symptoms of OCD, social anxiety and depression. I have enjoyed a life full of lovely experiences despite anxiety and depression, although those have followed me along the path. I recently finished a Masters in Social Work, and am working as an outpatient therapist myself. I decided last year that I was doing really well, even with all of the changes in my life, and decided to go off of meds. At that time I knew about the importance of tapering, but had not heard of the 10% rule, and so discontinued at a slow pace, but one which here would be described as a "fast taper."

 

I have been off of zoloft for almost 1 year (about 9 months) and continue to experience moderate depression. Of course, there have been many changes circumstantially that could contribute to this, however the physical symptoms - heart palpitations, panic attacks, insomnia, extreme fatigue, dry eyes, and occasional suicidal thoughts, would point to withdrawal as a factor at the very least.

 

These complicate the process involved with becoming a therapist. Being new to this field is difficult on its own, with constant question and self-doubt, and in some ways I kick myself for trying to get off of these meds at this time. Feeling chronically fatigued and anxious does not allow me to be with clients in a way that I would hope. On a weekly basis I consider going back on, or trying something new, because there are times I feel I cannot go on this way. I feel it is negatively affecting my relationships with others and with myself, and has taken away the vibrancy and color of the world around. Then I wonder, am I still adjusting to what life really is like off meds? Is the world simply less colorful? Or will the color seep back with time and continued patience?

 

Scarier thoughts include wondering whether damage has been done since I was on these drugs for so long (age 11-28)? And that I will always be a shell of a person with little energy or enthusiasm about life. Being a Narrative Therapist, I would say to myself, "I am not okay with this" and when answering the question of "why not?" I would say that it is extremely important to me to feel engaged and enlivened... because I know what that feels like... I am not okay with life being devoid of color and contentment. I hope here to meet those who have been through this and have come out the other side to find freedom, whether they have chosen to go back on medications, or whether they have persisted through and found that indeed there is an end to this, or whether they have found peace despite continued effects. I'm interested in all of it.

 

Amanda

Edited June 5, 2018 by Dan998
Added user name to title

[Dan998]

Hi AmSi.

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants(SA).You are absolutely correct in your assumptions. All of the symptoms you have described in your introduction are classic withdrawal symptoms.

What Is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Your taper was a tad fast, but not unduly so, and certainly a lot slower than that typically suggested by many GPs and psychiatrists. If you had been following our protocol you would have expected your taper to take approximately 3 years.

 

You said you were considering going back on (reinstating). This isn't something we would recommend as you have been off for so long there is no telling if it would work this far out. Quite often we become sensitised to SSRI's once we have been off them for anything longer than a couple of months.

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

You also mention about trying something new to cope with withdrawal symptoms. The only thing that has been shown to work is the passage of time, withdrawal and recovery is a very slow process, and unfortunately there are no shortcuts. Although, some people find magnesium and omega 3 supplements to be beneficial.

King of Supplements: Omega-3 Fatty Acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker

 

It's an absolute travesty that children are put on these mind altering chemicals at such a young age. In the future we will look back at this period in history and marvel at the barbarity that was inflicted against so many millions of people in the name of profit by the pharmaceutical companies.

 

Congratulations on passing your masters. You will be in a unique position to understand your patients point of view with regards to psychotropic medications. Perhaps you can be one of the good guys and steer patients towards non-drug therapies.

 

You ask about the colour seeping back into things. Yes, it most certainly does!! The colours will get brighter, your vision will get sharper and your perception of the world will take on a totally new dimension. You will notice more and more improvements as time goes on. It is a beautiful experience and hopefully you will get to experience it soon.

 

Have you had any windows yet? Any sign of improvement, no matter how brief?

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

If you are in need of further inspiration, we have a whole section devoted to people who have made it to the other side 

Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal.

 

Best wishes,

Dan.

 

 

[AmSi]

Dan, I cannot tell you how grateful I am for your detailed and attentive response. It is amazing to get this kind of immediate and tailored feedback from someone who is a volunteer. This kind of community is so needed in general, and in the mental health arena in particular.

 

In response to your question about whether I have had any windows into greater color and vibrancy to life, yes. There are moments when, even though the depression is there, I truly appreciate the world around me, in particular nature, stillness of resting leaves on the trees, a moment when I feel I made a difference in someone's more positive understanding of their self in therapy, or feeling energized after extended restfulness, or strength after a long bike ride.

 

Thank you for asking about that.

 

I'll look forward to reading through these links and to connecting and being with others on the path.

 

Best,

 

Amanda

[Dan998]

1 hour ago, AmSi said:

n response to your question about whether I have had any windows into greater color and vibrancy to life, yes. There are moments when, even though the depression is there, I truly appreciate the world around me, in particular nature, stillness of resting leaves on the trees, a moment when I feel I made a difference in someone's more positive understanding of their self in therapy, or feeling energized after extended restfulness, or strength after a long bike ride.

 

That's great that you are getting these little glimpses of how you might be once you have recovered. They're a little look through the window into your future. This is a really good sign that your brain has the capacity to make a full recovery.

 

As you were put on the meds at such a young age, and before your personality was fully developed, I think your going to have a profound experience discovering yourself. 

 

Please keep us updated on your progress.

[SkyBlue]

Hello Amanda and welcome to SA.  

 

I am excited for your journey as well as the fact that you are a therapist. Like Dan said, you will be in a unique and valuable position to help clients who are in withdrawal themselves. 

I look forward to hearing more about your story. 

[AmSi]

Hello, I have been here before for information only. Now I'd like to taper from my Fluvoxamine for good, and am unsure if I'll be able to. A couple of weeks ago, I dropped my dose from 150mg to 125mg. I am realizing this might be a little too quick according to the info I am finding here, and will take note of that. I have been crying a lot, feeling a little less myself. I am able to work, concentrate on reading and attending to what I need, but do not feel great. At times I feel nauseous and much lower appetite, but I do not know if this is related. A little bit of shakiness in my head (a strange feeling). Mostly, I am concerned about the increase in anxiety, sadness and even one panic attack over the past week which was mild, but not so common for me recently. Just wondering if there is any advice here about whether I should just stick it out at this point and try to taper more slowly ongoing? Or should I consider going back up and doing this more slowly. I feel in no rush.

 

Thank you.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @AmSi It appears you have withdrawal symptoms from making too much of a decrease. If I were you, I'd go back to 135mg -- probably no need to go all the way to 150mg -- stabilize, and taper more gradually when you're well free of withdrawal symptoms.

 

Using a liquid is the easiest way to taper gradually, see 

 

Tips for tapering off fluvoxamine (Luvox)