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Windsor77

Windsor77: Celexa - it's time for peace

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WiggleIt

Hi Windsor, how ya holding up?

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Windsor77

Doing great.  Symptoms not very noticeable.  Like a switch got flipped.   Fingers crossed. 

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WiggleIt
8 hours ago, Windsor77 said:

Doing great.  Symptoms not very noticeable.  Like a switch got flipped.   Fingers crossed. 


I love hearing this!!!!!

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Altostrata

Good to hear, Windsor. When did you start 5mg citalopram? Please put the date in your signature.

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Carmie
On 3/4/2019 at 10:00 PM, Windsor77 said:

Doing great.  Symptoms not very noticeable.  Like a switch got flipped.   Fingers crossed. 

 

Hi Windsor, 

 

So happy to hear you’re doing well💚

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Windsor77

Hello all. Long time since I’ve posted or been to the site.  I have had an interesting 6 months.  About a week after my last post, I had a sudden and strong neuro emotion and anxiety attack. It was horrendous.  The crazy emotions were out of control. My wife insisted I increase my dose, which, in my extreme distress, I did.  Back to 10 mg for about 5 days.  I share this as a cautionary tale.  I had read the stories of why not to do this, but I did it anyway.  Needless to say, I suffered greatly for a month or two getting sorted back out.   Don’t be foolish like me.  The level of anxiety and depression I felt during this time are the worst thing I have ever endured. 

Now on to the good. (Well, better anyway) 

I haven’t felt so clear headed in a long long time.  But, my muscle twitching, mild action tremor, and jerks when falling asleep are still here.  And random left leg and arm numbness. Though there was a period of over 6 weeks that they were nearly gone.  This seems to get worse  when I reduce my dose, even by 10%.   

I am currently at 4.2mg of liquid citalopram.  And I am scheduled to reduce again in about 2 weeks.  I am thinking or only reducing by .2mg from now on.  Just to test the severity of the reductions effects.  

I have to say that I still am fearful of some neurological disorder.  Even though I have had tests and MRI, and been told there are no abnormalities.  It can be troubling, but I am in a much better place that I was when I joined, and certainly better than where I was 6 months ago. 

 

I am almost at the 2 year mark since I CT lexapro and started this roller coaster.  I have learned a lot.  I am confident about moving forward to freedom from the meds, but I am fearful of what is to come, and whether these troubling, but tolerable neurological side effects will ever leave me. 

 

Hope all is well with everyone. 

W77

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manymoretodays

Hi Windsor,

Glad you are getting sorted out again.

6 hours ago, Windsor77 said:

 But, my muscle twitching, mild action tremor, and jerks when falling asleep are still here.  And random left leg and arm numbness. Though there was a period of over 6 weeks that they were nearly gone.  This seems to get worse  when I reduce my dose, even by 10%.   

6 hours ago, Windsor77 said:

I am confident about moving forward to freedom from the meds, but I am fearful of what is to come, and whether these troubling, but tolerable neurological side effects will ever leave me. 

 

And darn!! 

Where were you at, with dosage, and/or taper or updose, when you had that 6 week period?

 

6 hours ago, Windsor77 said:

This seems to get worse  when I reduce my dose, even by 10%.   

I am currently at 4.2mg of liquid citalopram.  And I am scheduled to reduce again in about 2 weeks.  I am thinking or only reducing by .2mg from now on.  Just to test the severity of the reductions effects.  

 And I think, that you could certainly do reductions less than 10%.  Good idea. 

Keep notes, on paper too.  That should be a good way to see, over time, the severity of your reductions effects.

I think you might already do this?  I do know that you have stated you are highly methodological.  Which is great, Windsor!!

 

Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases

this should help ^ with your planning going forward

 

For the neuroemotions and anxiety, should they occur again, here's a link, that will take you back to some non-drug coping you might brush up on too(from one of Ccat's posts to you here several pages back.

 

 

Thanks for the update.   Good to hear from you.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
notes comment added

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Windsor77

I had been holding at 5mg for 5 to 6 months during the reduced twitch symptom period.  But this is also the period when the neuro emotion/hyper anxiety started, so who knows?!?

  

Now I’m at 4.2mg, or 2.1ml.  I think I’ll do .1 ml drops from here on out for a while.  It sucks because it extends my time on the drug.   The side effects are not debilitating, just annoying.  Part of me just says to tough through, but my cautious side knows better.  

 

I appreciate the non-drug coping suggestions.  The extreme anxiety was HORRIBLE!!!!  I actually saw a therapist during this time. 

 

Regarding the symptom cycle, mine usually peak around the 3rd week following the reduction.  Then I seem to level out.   

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Windsor77

Updated.  I updated my signature. Took over a year to get to 4 mg. I feel pretty darned good now.  CNS side effects minimal.  Dropped .1 ml on the 14th.  I am interested to see if I get the same surge of CNS side effects in week three as was occurring when I was doing the 10% (or more) taper.  

 

Forcing myself to exercise minimally. But every little bit helps. 

 

Wondering if the recent throat allergy symptoms I’ve had could be a histamine reaction. I’ve never been very noticeably allergic to anything in my life. 

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Windsor77

So, I still experienced the bit of CNS symptoms st right around the 3rd week during this drop.  I am amazed as it was only .1ml!!  But I am ok.  Only physical symptoms.  

 

I have been experiencing what I’d call subcutaneous pain in random areas under my skin.  Not muscle pain.  Like the adipose tissue between skin and muscle is getting inflamed in certain random areas.   Is this fibromyalgia?  

Anyone else experience anything like this?

 

otherwise, I plan to drop by another .1ml on the 14th. Slow and steady.   Certainly not symptom free, but much better than I was and enjoying life. 

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Windsor77

Getting ready to drop another .1 ml, or .2mg.   This will put me at 1.8ml or 3.6mg of liquid citalopram.  Still dealing with the minor weakness and random twitching.   Nearly alcohol free.  Incidentally, I drank a few beers this weekend and woke with a resurgence of the more noticeable muscle and nerve twitches.   It’s intetesting that this presented after drinking some beers.  The 2 weeks prior the symptoms were nearly non-existent.  This also corresponded with the beginning of my  my 3rd week since reducing.  Who knows what caused what.   But I know that the lack of alcohol has me sleeping like a baby and definitely feeling less anxiety.  

Still feeling optimistic and good.  The heaviness of the depressive feeling from spring feel miles away.   I am worried though, that I will have to endure all of these horrendous side effects and symptoms for the years after I am finally off the drug, which, at this point, is looking like it will be 2025 at this rate.  Kinda discouraging when you think about it. 

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Windsor77

So I’m really looking back at the time since I unwittingly started this journey and I am seriously wondering what I’ve gained.  I just finished through a month after dropping from 1.8ml to 1.7ml of liquid citalopram. (3.4 mg) This drop coincided with me getting a chest infection of some sort during the 2nd week and I had a severe anxiety attack, which is now finishing after about a month.   Health anxiety is my main problem and has been.  I am just realizing that I haven’t had many days since I first ct’d in Sept 2017 that weren’t filled with incessant worry about either the withdrawal or fear of underlying disease due to what May or may not be effects of withdrawal.     

One thing is for sure, ssri’s took away my health anxiety effectively.   Right now, I’m wishing I could go back on.   If I thought that they would work for another 10 years like before, I’d probably start them.   The daily battle of battling ruminating thoughts is exhausting.   So maybe this is my normal?   CBT can’t cure this.   Feeling discouraged and down. 

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Windsor77

I know some will assume this to be a wave, and maybe it is.   My health anxiety definitely triggers the panic and adrenaline overload.  Or, it could be that my health anxiety is back and as bad as ever now that I’ve significantly changed then reduced my meds. It’s been few and far between feeling  like myself.    After a month of adrenaline, I’m exhausted.  Wishing for the good ole days, feeling sorry for myself.  This current episode is beginning to very much weigh on my marriage.   My spouse is tired of hearing about my health anxiety, as I’ve cried wolf so many times over the years.  My inability to escape the intrusive thought cycle and rumination is making me distant and secluded.   

Ive explained what’s going on, but those without anxiety can never understand what it is to live with.   

I’m not sure whether to just stay course of taper, which is to drop .1ml (.2mg) when I am feeling stable.  Each time I get a wave even with a drop of 5.5%.  Perhaps I need a different syringe so that I can taper an even lower amount each time. Perhaps I shouldn’t taper anymore?   I feel like I’m at another fork in the road.  Should I go left (back to drugs after 2.25 years) or right (continue to drop slowly).  But for what gain? To get my full-on health anxiety back?   I know I’m complaining now, but I’m really frustrated currently.  Thanks in advance for listening. 

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pinciukas
19 minutes ago, Windsor77 said:

I know some will assume this to be a wave, and maybe it is.   My health anxiety definitely triggers the panic and adrenaline overload.  Or, it could be that my health anxiety is back and as bad as ever now that I’ve significantly changed then reduced my meds. It’s been few and far between feeling  like myself.    After a month of adrenaline, I’m exhausted.  Wishing for the good ole days, feeling sorry for myself.  This current episode is beginning to very much weigh on my marriage.   My spouse is tired of hearing about my health anxiety, as I’ve cried wolf so many times over the years.  My inability to escape the intrusive thought cycle and rumination is making me distant and secluded.   

Ive explained what’s going on, but those without anxiety can never understand what it is to live with.   

I’m not sure whether to just stay course of taper, which is to drop .1ml (.2mg) when I am feeling stable.  Each time I get a wave even with a drop of 5.5%.  Perhaps I need a different syringe so that I can taper an even lower amount each time. Perhaps I shouldn’t taper anymore?   I feel like I’m at another fork in the road.  Should I go left (back to drugs after 2.25 years) or right (continue to drop slowly).  But for what gain? To get my full-on health anxiety back?   I know I’m complaining now, but I’m really frustrated currently.  Thanks in advance for listening. 

same here. I just hate my health anxiety now i am ok but when i am tappering under 10 mg i just can’t hold al **** comes out. 3rd time and fail. Probably i can’t life anymore without SSRI. This time i just reached 5.5 mg and crashed so bad... So annoying 

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