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Adili13

Adili13: Paxil withdrawal - questions and concerns

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Cocopuffz17

I had headaches for a long time... 8 months straight varying in strength. I now get them very seldom. They will get better! 
 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed. 

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Adili13

Good points, guys. I’ve been having waves of intense aka followed by total exhaustion. Gotta let the body rest of that’s what it needs! 

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Adili13

Seriously considering returning to my previous job after a year of being unemployed. It’s got me nervous and doubtful, but I think I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I’m not totally stable at all yet, but I feel like it might be now or never if I want this job back. It’s pretty low-stress, though, it is full-time. Anyone out there return to work while still being destabilized? How did you manage?

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sunnysideup69
10 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Seriously considering returning to my previous job after a year of being unemployed. It’s got me nervous and doubtful, but I think I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I’m not totally stable at all yet, but I feel like it might be now or never if I want this job back. It’s pretty low-stress, though, it is full-time. Anyone out there return to work while still being destabilized? How did you manage?

 

I think it's a good idea to return to some work, if you can. For me, I have worked all through the destabilisation period from May 2019 until now. I had to take some time out last May when I went through a bad wave and updosed and again in September/October after switching meds. This latter period of October through until now, January, has been most difficult in terms of destabilisation, but I've done it and am coming out the other side now.

 

Work can actually really help to take your mind off your symptoms, I have found. Plus, it enables contact with other human beings who are NOT going through the same hell as you, which is good!

 

I'm part time, 3 days a week teaching, which is manageable. I enjoy my work and have some good colleagues in whom I can confide, which has really helped. My boss is also really great and supportive and so I felt comfortable confiding in him a little about what was going on and that I sometimes have very high anxiety. I was scared of having a panic freak out at work so we kind of made a plan as to what to do if that happened. All of this has really helped and I haven't freaked out badly, just some palpitations and feeling a bit panicky last year.

 

Honestly, a bit of routine can go a long way to helping you heal, I think ❤️ 

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Longroadhome
56 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Seriously considering returning to my previous job after a year of being unemployed. It’s got me nervous and doubtful, but I think I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I’m not totally stable at all yet, but I feel like it might be now or never if I want this job back. It’s pretty low-stress, though, it is full-time. Anyone out there return to work while still being destabilized? How did you manage?

What are your symptoms now Adili ? 

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Adili13

Sunnyside,

 

That’s great advice, sunnyside. It sounds like your work situation is pretty ideal! I’m happy you have a team around you that is so understanding and receptive to your needs. 
 

I think, after a long time of being out of work, you start to question everything. A big part of my stress comes from the obsessive looping thought, “am I well enough to return/when will I be well enough to return?”. I think, among other things, going back to work will put this obsession to rest. 
 

Yes, being around others that aren’t in WD is sooo important! It’s a constant reminder that life exists outside of this mess. I’m a weird mix of excited/happy and terrified hahaha. 
 

Thanks for reaching out, good friend 

 

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Adili13

LRH,

 

The most disabling symptoms are the neuro-waves that make me incredibly anxious and depressed. I’ve also had akathisia come and go for a few weeks now.

 

Then there’s the whole gamut of other symptoms that don’t affect functionality that aren’t really worth mentioning.

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sunnysideup69
14 hours ago, Adili13 said:

LRH,

 

The most disabling symptoms are the neuro-waves that make me incredibly anxious and depressed. I’ve also had akathisia come and go for a few weeks no

 

I've found work to be usefully distracting from the anxiety, although must admit, have had some moments before Xmas of feeling really anxious at work. BUT, I got through it and I think you will, too. You don't have to tell everybody what's going on with you, but if you have a trusted colleague, might be good to confide. How is your boss? Someone who would be supportive?

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Longroadhome
14 hours ago, Adili13 said:

LRH,

 

The most disabling symptoms are the neuro-waves that make me incredibly anxious and depressed. I’ve also had akathisia come and go for a few weeks now.

 

Then there’s the whole gamut of other symptoms that don’t affect functionality that aren’t really worth mentioning.

Adili

i know you have spoken about going back to work on and off on this site . 
my thoughts are this

people have different thresholds when dealing with anything that life throws at them including WD. as well as this there are different levels of CNS instability in WD. Both could be crippling to one person while levels could be manageable for another. Everybody is different and So don’t beat yourself up thinking you should be going back to work because you read that others do on this site. 
If you can’t manage work at the moment and you can afford not to then so be it . If you feel you could go back part time and see how you go then take this option if you can . 
Just as we all heal differently we all feel WD differently. 
if going to work is too much for you at the moment You can still spend time with family and friends go for coffee (de caf naturally !!) walk every day get some fresh air be among  Jo Public (people) in other ways as it’s important to socialise. 
 

thinking of you 

LRH
 

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Adili13

@sunnysideup69

 

my boss is a little tough, but my coworkers are awesome. It’s been a while since I’ve seen all of them, so there would be a huge adjustment period. I think, overall, it might be a really positive thing for me to go back. I think the more time that goes, the more I’ll stabilize and get used to working and overall it could really improve healing.

 

@Longroadhome
 

its hard bc I’m definitely somewhere in between those two extremes. I’m not crippled anymore, as I’m able to do things most days and make an effort to stay active, but I’m also symptomatic and very much in WD. I think the pros of going back probably outweigh the cons at this point. Also, I’m trying to be objective about wha the worst that could happen is. If I find it too much, I’ll have to leave and will definitely never have a chance back at that job again. This is ok though, as it just means I’ll have to find other places to work down the line. It’s a difficult decision, but is leaning more towards going back after my old coworker reached out to me and really inspired some confidence in me. 

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Longroadhome
9 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69

 

my boss is a little tough, but my coworkers are awesome. It’s been a while since I’ve seen all of them, so there would be a huge adjustment period. I think, overall, it might be a really positive thing for me to go back. I think the more time that goes, the more I’ll stabilize and get used to working and overall it could really improve healing.

 

@Longroadhome
 

its hard bc I’m definitely somewhere in between those two extremes. I’m not crippled anymore, as I’m able to do things most days and make an effort to stay active, but I’m also symptomatic and very much in WD. I think the pros of going back probably outweigh the cons at this point. Also, I’m trying to be objective about wha the worst that could happen is. If I find it too much, I’ll have to leave and will definitely never have a chance back at that job again. This is ok though, as it just means I’ll have to find other places to work down the line. It’s a difficult decision, but is leaning more towards going back after my old coworker reached out to me and really inspired some confidence in me. 

Go for it then but do it gradually 

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Longroadhome
7 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

@Longroadhome

 

do you work? 

I retired end of last year. 
I have my own business . I’ve been doing it for 19 years and am fortunate that I have been able to retire early . 
Not sure about being at home so much while being in WD though as work kept me focused and mind off myself. 
I do go in most days Just for short periods. 
However I had my first grandchild last July and I see her every day so that’s a bonus!! 

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Adili13

@Longroadhome

 

Oh wow, that’s amazing. An early retirement literally sounds like a dream for most ppl in WD! Also, so good about your grandchild. I’m sure that is something that really brightens your days!!

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Adili13

I’ve had this chemical anxiety feeling nearly constantly for the past three days or so. It started when I made the decision to go back to work. I don’t have a definitive start date yet, but I’m having trouble not obsessing about all the “what-ifs” it’s certainly thrown into a wave that is very challenging and scaring me. 

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Longroadhome

Hi Adili 

You are going to feel nervous because you have been off work for a while 

couple that with WD nervousness and it’s no wonder you feel awful and scared . 
what are you most afraid of ? 
going to work and not being able to cope ? 
perhaps you are worried you will do something and look silly ? this is all very normal in WD . I remember several times last year having the same thoughts While in work but guess what I managed the day and enjoyed parts of it too! 
I remember reading on Pugs thread about him letting co-workers know if he was struggling do you feel this is an option for you ? 
If you can truly accept the way you feel and go in regardless you may be surprised.
LRH 

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Adili13

That’s excellent advice, LRH. Expecting to feel off and being ok with that, or at least as ok with it as I can. I think that’s a great plan. Accepting the WD and nervousness and knowing I can have decent moments at work while still suffering from symptoms. I appreciate your wisdom and advice, good friend. 

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Adili13

 My biggest fear is not being able to cope, yes 

BUT I coped in acute for a year in a half after a cold turkey and fast taper. It was miserable, but I did cope for a time. This should be easier, so my fear isn’t totally valid 

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Longroadhome
9 hours ago, Adili13 said:

 My biggest fear is not being able to cope, yes 

BUT I coped in acute for a year in a half after a cold turkey and fast taper. It was miserable, but I did cope for a time. This should be easier, so my fear isn’t totally valid

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Longroadhome
Just now, Longroadhome said:
9 hours ago, Adili13 said:

 My biggest fear is not being able to cope, yes 

BUT I coped in acute for a year in a half after a cold turkey and fast taper. It was miserable, but I did cope for a time. This should be easier, so my fear isn’t totally valid

As you say you coped and you will again . 
we make WD anxiety so much worse ourselves by the “what ifs”

notice within an instant the chemical anxiety will react to these thoughts . 
therefore expect them don’t try and stop them and go about your day as best you can . 
what you will find is that symptoms will be there BUT because you’re  not reacting to them they will be much more manageable for you.
One day this will all be behind us and having been on this journey we will be better people . Something good always comes from something bad . Hold this faith it’s true. Though you are unaware and it doesn’t feel like it your body is healing and you are helping it by not adding and taking away the drugs and being patient and letting time pass. Continue on this path and recovery WILL happen . 
you have your friends on this site who are travelling the journey with you and are here to support you . 
LRH 

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pinciukas
44 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

As you say you coped and you will again . 
we make WD anxiety so much worse ourselves by the “what ifs”

notice within an instant the chemical anxiety will react to these thoughts . 
therefore expect them don’t try and stop them and go about your day as best you can . 
what you will find is that symptoms will be there BUT because you’re  not reacting to them they will be much more manageable for you.
One day this will all be behind us and having been on this journey we will be better people . Something good always comes from something bad . Hold this faith it’s true. Though you are unaware and it doesn’t feel like it your body is healing and you are helping it by not adding and taking away the drugs and being patient and letting time pass. Continue on this path and recovery WILL happen . 
you have your friends on this site who are travelling the journey with you and are here to support you . 
LRH 

What is chemical anxiety? 

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Longroadhome
26 minutes ago, pinciukas said:

What is chemical anxiety? 

Hello Pin 

It’s  the unnatural reaction our bodies have during WD to anxiety. 
the way I read it is as follows:

In a healthy body there is a cut off switch where anxiety will reach a certain level according to a situation  at the time and is not uncomfortable to us it’s a natural response . During WD there is no cut off switch and our body reacts to even a tiny amount of stress in an exadurated  way  that is way out  of proportion. So people on this site have labelled it chemical anxiety .

hope this makes sense 

LRH

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Adili13

Thanks LRH,

 

Such great advice. I love what you said  about the chemical anxiety reacting to the what ifs almost immediately. It’s so true! I think if i can stabilize while working that would be a mammoth accomplishment. You’re right, we are all healing every day and we have each other!!! Every day is one day close to stabilizing!!!! Thank you!!!

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Longroadhome
3 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Thanks LRH,

 

Such great advice. I love what you said  about the chemical anxiety reacting to the what ifs almost immediately. It’s so true! I think if i can stabilize while working that would be a mammoth accomplishment. You’re right, we are all healing every day and we have each other!!! Every day is one day close to stabilizing!!!! Thank you!!!

It’s true Adili 

everybody heals eventually 

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Adili13

Yes, I totally agree. It’s all just a matter of time, Patience is key. You and I are both stabilizing more and more, LRH.

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Longroadhome
9 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Yes, I totally agree. It’s all just a matter of time, Patience is key. You and I are both stabilizing more and more, LRH.

Just to let you know 

I have just discovered the true meaning of non linear. 
I, like you,  have lots of symptoms some stay for months others come and go and others like tinnitus never go away it goes up and down in severity . However I get new symptoms that seem worse than ones that I have had and makes me wonder if I am getting worse . This is what I think is referred to as 1 step forward 5 steps back . the non linear road to recovery . 
im letting  you know  this in case you have the same. 
LRH 
 

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Adili13

Oh, I absolutely do haha. Every day is a new set of symptoms with their own challenges. Some get worse, others get better. Then they switch, it’s a total mess. It is definitely non-linear. 

How long have you been holding LRH? 

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Longroadhome
17 hours ago, Adili13 said:

Oh, I absolutely do haha. Every day is a new set of symptoms with their own challenges. Some get worse, others get better. Then they switch, it’s a total mess. It is definitely non-linear. 

How long have you been holding LRH? 

Haven’t changed anything since August 2019. Im into my 6th month.  

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Adili13

@Longroadhome have you seen marked improvements? How long do you anticipate holding? 

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Longroadhome

No I have not seen marked improvement. 
My symptoms are with me every day . For nearly 5 months I have had hives triggered by two lots of antibiotics but associated with mast cell activation brought on  by WD. These are very slowly getting more Manageable on some days. At the start of them I needed to use antihistamines and anti itch cream daily  it was so uncomfortable . I don’t use either now . However last month I had weird dizzy spells start with painful muscle spasms in my neck. I now have this every day and it makes going to the gym very difficult but I still go. The tinnitus has ramped up and the anxiety . I feel I am in protracted WD from tapering down too fast from both drugs I am on and then doing a CT  for 2.5 days in August 2019. 
how about you ? 

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Longroadhome
5 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

No I have not seen marked improvement. 
My symptoms are with me every day . For nearly 5 months I have had hives triggered by two lots of antibiotics but associated with mast cell activation brought on  by WD. These are very slowly getting more Manageable on some days. At the start of them I needed to use antihistamines and anti itch cream daily  it was so uncomfortable . I don’t use either now . However last month I had weird dizzy spells start with painful muscle spasms in my neck. I now have this every day and it makes going to the gym very difficult but I still go. The tinnitus has ramped up and the anxiety . I feel I am in protracted WD from tapering down too fast from both drugs I am on and then doing a CT  for 2.5 days in August 2019. 
how about you ? 

I’m not going to start taper just yet. And you? 

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sunnysideup69

Hello @Adili13, dropping by to see how you're faring and to wish you a good week :) 

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Adili13

@Longroadhome

 

wow, those hives sound terrible. It’s pretty amazing what withdrawing from these drugs can do to our bodies. I’m happy you’ve seen some improvement with this symptom. It sounds crazy uncomfortable. You will continue to see improvement in all your symptoms. I don’t plan on tapering either, LRH. Especially since I’m going back to work and want to see how I fare. Maybe down the line at the six month or 9 or 12 month marks I will reassess. Sometimes it feels like holding doesnt do anything, but I think you really have to give it time after a bad crash.

 

@sunnysideup69

 

ehh, rough morning sunnyside. Lotta anhedonia and just general malaise. How about yourself??? Hope all is well :)))

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Longroadhome
20 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

@Longroadhome

 

wow, those hives sound terrible. It’s pretty amazing what withdrawing from these drugs can do to our bodies. I’m happy you’ve seen some improvement with this symptom. It sounds crazy uncomfortable. You will continue to see improvement in all your symptoms. I don’t plan on tapering either, LRH. Especially since I’m going back to work and want to see how I fare. Maybe down the line at the six month or 9 or 12 month marks I will reassess. Sometimes it feels like holding doesnt do anything, but I think you really have to give it time after a bad crash.

 

@sunnysideup69

 

ehh, rough morning sunnyside. Lotta anhedonia and just general malaise. How about yourself??? Hope all is well :)))

It’s complicated for us in poop out Adili don’t you think because we were having symptoms before commencing a taper. So you always think should I just carry on tapering because I’m not going to be symptom free anyway .  

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Adili13

@Longroadhome

exactly! I was suicidal ON the drugs. To make matters more confusing, tolerance symptoms and WD symptoms are very similar. I haven’t tried a really long hold yet though, so I’m willing to give it a good college try before resorting to tapering again. 

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sunnysideup69
9 hours ago, Adili13 said:

 

 

@sunnysideup69

 

ehh, rough morning sunnyside. Lotta anhedonia and just general malaise. How about yourself??? Hope all is well :)))

 

I'm sorry your morning's tough. Keep plodding on, my friend.It will pass.

 

I'm okay, have reached some kinda stability over the last month. Now just dealing with post WD eczema and acne ....lovely .. The gift that keeps on giving, eh? And sleep has been a bit weird this weekend but, overall, I'm okay. If I look back six months, am 80 percent better. Mood much more stable. Less easily stressed. 

 

Sending good vibes for your week :) 

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