SertralineAnxiety: can't cope with sertraline withdrawal, should I increase dose?

[SertralineAnxiety]

On 3/12/2021 at 2:42 PM, almuPA said:

Hello @SertralineAnxiety,

I've just discovered your thread. I am so sorry for what you've been through. I would like to thank you for being brave and share and everything, because at least for me it is important to find that I am not alone. 

I was on a different AD and for less time than you, but I also feel that I have a hypersensitized nervous system. It is like walking on ice, you never know what it's going to trigger more symptoms or when is going to happen.

I hope that you have seen some improvements this last couple of months.

Hugs,

Almu.

Hi, thank you for your message. Yes a hypersensitized nervous system is the worst, and I have PTSD from the onset of the whole episode. Right now I am surviving, and slightly stabilised at this point. Hope you are doing okay. 

[SertralineAnxiety]

So, it's approximately a year since the start of my complete loss of mental and physical health. Current situation is as follows:

Undiagnosed issues: MCAS(all sorts of severe sensitivities), MCS, intrusive thoughts, sleep issues

The diagnosed conditions that have all appeared in 2020 and 2021: Allergic asthma, allergic rhinitis, chronic pharyngitis, erosive oral lichen planus, depression, PTSD. 

This last week I added hypothyroidism to the whole thing. According to blood tests, my T3 is normal, TSH normal, but T4 is very low. I believe this is a result of stress and malnutrition. 

In the past month or so my nervous system has stabilised a bit. I introduced a couple of foods. So now I am able to eat: Boiled oats, boiled rice, boiled cauliflower, boiled broccoli, boiled lamb. New additions: Raw carrots, apples, iceberg. Since I started eating these 3 foods 2 weeks ago, I've been feeling very happy because I was so desperately craving raw fruit and veg of many months. 

 

Now I am supposed to take thyroid meds, but I am petrified of destabilising my nervous system again. I've been trying to learn more about different meds for it, but there is no way to predict how my system will react to any treatment. I cannot even take the simplest of supplements, so the idea of taking a whole new drug is massive. 
 

 

[Wania]

Hello sweedie, how are You now?

 

I have so many simmilarities with You, mcs, mcas, rhinitis, chronic sore throat, I dont tolerate any singe supplement or med, currently in acute sinusitis so I took manuka honey and colostrum and am in massive panic depression akathisia wave. It all seems so crazy, I have chronically ill daughter and cant take care of her properly. Its truly a nightmare, I feel for You.

[DaBro]

Hi @SertralineAnxiety  Everything you write brings back memories for me but I persevered and came out the other side. Read my success story for details. For sure it’s hard for close friends and family (and doctors) to understand the symptoms but we do on this forum. I found just having somewhere to ‘vent’ helped and this forum and we are here to listen. Be kind to yourself, be patient and know the symptoms are your brain healing. I always thought it like a defrag of a hard drive. It’s crap and painfully slow but it is what it is and will get better. 

[SertralineAnxiety]

TRIGGERING CONTENT

 

So. I made a summary of my whole story. 

I was prescribed Zoloft(Sertraline) at the age of 17. Before that, I was given benzos at age 15. The diagnosis was general anxiety disorder. The psychiatrist said that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain, and that some people were just like this. There didn't need to be a reason. Apparently I needed to take SSRIs forever.

But over the years, I tried to quit many times. I even stayed at a clinic, with the intention of getting help with coming off Zoloft. Instead they gave me benzos and antipsychotics, which nearly made me lose my mind completely.

My family, since the start, went along with the doctors. They thought I was an ungrateful teenager who was just too sensitive and worried too much. Clearly, there was something wrong with me and I needed fixing. I just needed to get a grip and stop stressing. I had nothing to worry about, my life was great! I too believed this story, and I kept trying to change and fix myself for years.

I saw many psychiatrists, many therapists. But for some reason I wasn't able to feel any emotions, or remember anything major to cause my issues. Everything remained unresolved, but there was a faint voice inside of me that wanted me to come off the medication.

Fast forward to me at age 30, discovering the slow taper method for quitting psychotropic medications. I started the taper in 2018. I hit a wall after 5 months. I got help from here, and continued the taper even more slowly. In 2019 I moved to my home country after many years abroad. Things slowly got worse when I was there. In 2020 I had a complete mental and physical breakdown. My family turned around and accused me of causing this. I was blamed for trying too hard to heal, for seeking help from doctors. I was told I was making myself ill. I went into a downward spiral which left me dreaming of suicide for months. The only thing that stopped me from giving up on life, were my young children.

During this time, somehow the medications stopped working the way they used to, and I started getting flooded with emotions and memories. It took me a long time to decipher a lifetime of memories and relevant feelings. I have been working with a good therapist for a while. Not being completely numbed by the meds made this a completely different experience. At last I have been able to face some of the things I tried so hard to repress all my life, and realise that the chemical imbalance in my brain had nothing to do with my emotional distress. Without going into too much detail, here is the true story of my "mental disorder" and the things that I have been trying to come to terms with for the past year:

I had parents who hated each other.

I have been unintentionally gaslit by my whole family. This resulted in me not being able to open up to anyone when I was being sexually abused by a family friend's son at age 6. Parents were too busy divorcing.

I was bullied ruthlessly at primary school.

The boy who sat next to me in class committed suicide when I was 11.

I developed digestive issues, severe stomachaches, insomnia.

I was threatened with a knife by an older "boyfriend" and was raped, when I was 14. This turned into an 8 month long ordeal. He isolated me from friends and abused me. I begged and cried every time, but never managed to stop him. During this period, I developed anxiety and went to a psychiatrist. I was given benzos, because "chemical imbalance".

After the "boyfriend" went away, my anxiety got better. But I was still disgusted with myself. I was unable to feel my skin and I kept cutting myself and putting cigarettes out on my skin to get some relief from the numbness and emotional pain.

Then when I was 17, the anxiety returned with a vengeance. I was a successful student and the pressure from the family was getting too much. It turned into agoraphobia and I was given Zoloft(Sertraline).

This turned me into a different person. I was careless, sleeping excessively, losing weight. I stopped studying.

I met an older boy, and entered into an emotionally, physically, sexually abusive relationship. He cheated on me, and was often high on drugs. Soon after turning 18, I had to have an abortion as a result of this relationship. I used my saved pocket money to pay for it. My boyfriend was shaken by my pregnancy and abortion, and I had to comfort him during this period.

After he dumped me, I went abroad, hoping for a clean start. I started going to university. Yet my brain was not working the way it did before Zoloft, and I was sleeping 12+ hours everyday.

I tried my best to eat healthy and exercise, but physical health and energy never returned.

At age 22, I got married, hoping to cut financial ties with my family, so that I would never need to go back to my home country... Yet at the age of 32, I moved back...

Then my abusive drug addict ex-boyfriend committed suicide. He had been on antipsychotics and had stopped cold turkey. This made another crack in the container that kept the secrets of my repressed memories.

To keep going with life, I had to accept that I had been a victim. My biggest fear, which was of my life being a sad story, was already reality. And it wasn't my fault.

So here I am now. Still tapering from Zoloft, extremely slowly. I have developed debilitating chronic illnesses and sensitivities in the past couple of years. I am working my way through all the horrible memories of my past. It is a slow process. But it doesn't matter now. Because now I know that I am not broken.

This is what happened to me. This is what they did to me. And I can finally work on healing the wounds, now that I know the truth. 

 

Edited July 18, 2022 by ChessieCat
added trigger warning

[Wania]

I can tell You that coming out from victim perspective its the first step that prevent things like that happen again in our life. We stop feeling comfortable in abusive relationships anymore and can choose nore wisely people that we wanna have around, and dont choose pathological people cause we dont feel worthy for something more. So proud of You, even tho I dont know You!