LLiz: I don't think of myself as being in withdrawal anymore

[LLiz]

LLiz's introduction topic is here: ☼-lliz-still-not-able-to-jump-off-mirtazapine

 

 

An update:

 

Ok, it's hard to say whether I am completely symptom-free yet.  I have had several other major and long-lasting health problems this last year which have caused pain, disability, sleep disturbances, and fatigue.

 

One of the harder adjustments has been continuing again with technical learning and studying.  But this has been influenced by my trouble believing that I can actually think and remember again after some of the extreme difficulties I had during my withdrawal.  The fair amount of interrupted sleep and disability due to my other health issues hasn't helped.  And the withdrawal lasted so long that I have needed to do a lot of reviewing to get up to speed again, which seemed like cognitive dysfunction at first to my low-confidence feelings, but wasn't really.

 

One thing is definitely true: I don't think of myself as being in withdrawal anymore.

 

All the best to the many of you who are struggling so much yet!

 

 

Edited October 23, 2018 by ChessieCat
added link

[LLiz]

I have been thinking some more about whether I have recovered from my psych drug use and withdrawal symptoms.  I really think yes, aside from occasionally making adjustments to post-withdrawal life like the one I wrote about in my last post. 

 

Sometimes something still happens that's reminiscent of withdrawal.  Several months ago, I suddenly found myself lying on the concrete while walking and ended up with a painful injury.  During withdrawal, several times I also just suddenly ended up on the ground. It never happened to be on concrete, so I didn't get injured.  But falls certainly happen to people who have never taken psych drugs, too.

 

I still have tinnitus.  But I don't know that withdrawal caused it.  And it is stable and usually easy to ignore.

 

When I got pneumonia this year, I did start to notice a few weird visual things happening, something that was pretty common during withdrawal. Was this withdrawal-related? I don't know. But the visual stuff stopped after a few days.

 

I expect this will be my last update.  I am not up for writing a formal success story.  I don't remember most of what happened and I admit to not really wanting to think about the details again.  But I believe I am one more person who has succeeded, even after several decades of use, having to restart after a cold turkey in the past, having a sometimes too-fast tapering schedule, being older, having started and stopped several different drugs, and having been on a number of different drugs at the same time.

 

It was so worth it!!  

 

Thank you all,

 

LLiz

 

 

 

 

 

[marie123]

Hi Lliz. It's really great that you've come back for an update. It's good that you mostly do not think about withdrawal anymore. I can't wait for that to happen. I'm sorry to hear that you have had falls and had one recently. I remember reading on another board a woman who  had falls when she was polydrugged but has since recovered. I believe that the "visuals" that you've had while sick is still withdrawals. I know after the flu, bad viruses, etc. my symptoms flare alot from these illnesses. I think those leftovers will eventually peter out.

 

I want to congratulate you for getting out this mess of being polydrugged. I know how tough it is. You are a true warrior.

 

Best wishes,

Marie

[Rosetta]

Thank you for letting us know you made it through!  I'm very pleased for you!  Congrats.  Enjoy your life, Liz.

Your success story does not have to be detailed.  What you wrote above would be just fine.  This thread will be lost here eventually.  

[Hibari]

5 hours ago, LLiz said:

I have been thinking some more about whether I have recovered from my psych drug use and withdrawal symptoms.  I really think yes, aside from occasionally making adjustments to post-withdrawal life like the one I wrote about in my last post. 

 

Sometimes something still happens that's reminiscent of withdrawal.  Several months ago, I suddenly found myself lying on the concrete while walking and ended up with a painful injury.  During withdrawal, several times I also just suddenly ended up on the ground. It never happened to be on concrete, so I didn't get injured.  But falls certainly happen to people who have never taken psych drugs, too.

 

I still have tinnitus.  But I don't know that withdrawal caused it.  And it is stable and usually easy to ignore.

 

When I got pneumonia this year, I did start to notice a few weird visual things happening, something that was pretty common during withdrawal. Was this withdrawal-related? I don't know. But the visual stuff stopped after a few days.

 

I expect this will be my last update.  I am not up for writing a formal success story.  I don't remember most of what happened and I admit to not really wanting to think about the details again.  But I believe I am one more person who has succeeded, even after several decades of use, having to restart after a cold turkey in the past, having a sometimes too-fast tapering schedule, being older, having started and stopped several different drugs, and having been on a number of different drugs at the same time.

 

It was so worth it!!  

 

Thank you all,

 

LLiz

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your post Liz.  I will miss hearing about you but insomnia understand you wanting to move on.  

 

As I sit mired in my withdrawal, I appreciate hearing how you made it despite your years on meds, going cold turkey, going to fast and being older.  I'm sorry you had to go through all that but it gives me hope that I can make it too.  

 

I wish you continued healing and a life filled with contentment.  

 

Hibari

[LLiz]

Hi, Marie:

 

I was so happy to read your reply!  How interesting what you had to say about falls and visual-stuff-while-being-sick still being withdrawal related. It's helpful to know an explanation as to why those things happen.

 

Looking at your signature, it looks like you're at that challenging tail end of your trazodone withdrawal.  I remember thinking that it was so unbelievable that such tiny doses and drops could still make a difference.  I see that I jumped off mirtazapine at only 0.08 mg. And I still felt that last jump.  But not anymore. 

 

One day, you too will mostly not think about withdrawal anymore!  You have already made huge progress in your tapers!!

 

Thank you so much for writing!

 

LLiz

 

[LLiz]

Hi, Rosetta:

 

Thank you for writing!  

 

Since you think that final post is good enough for a success story, can someone just transfer it to the right spot for me?

 

Congratulations on being drug free yourself!!

 

LLiz

[LLiz]

Hibari, it was great to hear from you again.  I am glad my story with its particular characteristics encouraged you.  I was excited to read that you beat Remeron!  And thank you for your wishes!

 

It sounds like your current situation is very rough.  I, too, was unable to make much tapering progress during some very difficult periods and Was at the point at many times in which it was so hard to know whether to go up, down, or hold.  Somehow, the job eventually got done.

 

I hope you manage well enough during this time and contine healing.

 

Thank you for writing!

 

LLiz

[Hopefull]

On 10/22/2018 at 12:13 AM, LLiz said:

I have been thinking some more about whether I have recovered from my psych drug use and withdrawal symptoms.  I really think yes, aside from occasionally making adjustments to post-withdrawal life like the one I wrote about in my last post. 

 

Sometimes something still happens that's reminiscent of withdrawal.  Several months ago, I suddenly found myself lying on the concrete while walking and ended up with a painful injury.  During withdrawal, several times I also just suddenly ended up on the ground. It never happened to be on concrete, so I didn't get injured.  But falls certainly happen to people who have never taken psych drugs, too.

 

I still have tinnitus.  But I don't know that withdrawal caused it.  And it is stable and usually easy to ignore.

 

When I got pneumonia this year, I did start to notice a few weird visual things happening, something that was pretty common during withdrawal. Was this withdrawal-related? I don't know. But the visual stuff stopped after a few days.

 

I expect this will be my last update.  I am not up for writing a formal success story.  I don't remember most of what happened and I admit to not really wanting to think about the details again.  But I believe I am one more person who has succeeded, even after several decades of use, having to restart after a cold turkey in the past, having a sometimes too-fast tapering schedule, being older, having started and stopped several different drugs, and having been on a number of different drugs at the same time.

 

It was so worth it!!  

 

Thank you all,

 

LLiz

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you LLiz for coming to update. 

Congratulations on getting your life back on track.

I really hope that this will not be your last post and update. 

Take care,  wishing you the very best in the future. 

Hopefull.  

 

[MRothbard]

Thank you, Liz.

[TreeElf]

Good for you LLiz. Thank you for sharing, this is helpful to know. Enjoy recovery, you deserve it x

[Madeleine]

Thank you for coming back and sharing. It is very much appreciated.

[Peachy]

@LLiz

Thank you for coming back here! Your story means a lot to me bc I have gone off and on meds in the past, been on higher doses, plus other added meds, and for 15 years. I am REALLY struggling getting off. I have been tapering for 2.5 years, have at least a year or more to go, and I'm struggling immensely. 

 

It seems most people don't have a hard time during the taper, but after they actually go off, which has been very scary for me and is making me question the entire process. It seems that you also had a hard time throughout the entire process? Did you feel worse once off, or did things start to heal after you were finally off? How long did you have WD in total?

 

Can I ask what your WD symptoms were? 

 

Thank you and Congrats!

XX

 

[thecowisback]

so good to hear of another success story 💝

[LLiz]

Thank you, all of you, for your kind feedback!

 

Hopefull,  although I don't want to write any more updates, my plan is to hang around for a little bit in case anyone has any questions or wants to compare notes. It was so nice to hear from you again. Although my plane didn't land exactly smoothly, in the end, the bumps were manageable!  (Do  do you remember the plane metaphor you wrote on my intro thread?)

[LLiz]

Hi, Peachy:

 

Healing seemed to be an interrupted but continual thing. I mean, I would begin to heal during holds while tapering, and then more consistently after I was finished.  My memory, for whatever it's worth, thinks that the time after the tapering was easier in that I didn't have to keep calculating dosages or wondering whether to go up or down or wondering how long to wait or asking myself whether I would ever be able to get off or would just have to keep mixing up these tiny doses forever. But it was harder after the taper was over in that when I was having bad days there wasn't really anything I could do about it, like raise my dose again. I just had to wait. Overall, I now think afterwards was easier. And over the long term things somehow resolved, but in a bumpy way.  It may have helped that my final cut was really small.

 

Checking my signature in my intro topic, it looks like the tapering process took about 3 1/2 years, including all three drugs I was on. Then it looks like it took another 2 or 2 1/2 years for things to gradually settle down after the taper.

 

Symptoms I listed in my intro topic:

"Increased tinnitus, sleep problems, vivid dreams, nausea, itching, nerve pain, anxiety, much worse muscle spasms and memory / cognitive problems, not all of them with every drop."

 

"The withdrawal problems have changed somewhat, with paresthesias, headaches, insomnia, allergic reactions, tinnitus, fatigue, and hallucinations being prominent now."

 

There is hope, Peachy!

 

LLiz

 

[JanCarol]

Hey LLiz - thanks for posting your successful escape!

Or release (I like that word better).

 

Me too, me too.  It's not 100%, and I don't know what to blame on the drugs, or aging, or rough living, or trauma - i, too, still have tinnitus, and brain zap things - more like loud "clicks", and sleep issues.  But on the whole - 

 

On the whole, I'm glad I escaped too.

Congratulations on your patience, self-kindness (it had to be there) and hard work.

[gigi63]

Hello Lliz. Congratulations to you. Truly a success.  Can I ask you your age?  You said you were on meds for a couple of decades?  I am 55 and curious as to ??? Variables in healing. Age vs time.  I am still HOLDING at a small reinstatement dose and waiting for further healing before I resume my taper.  Again, congratulations on your wonderful success!!!!  Well done!!!

[LLiz]

Thank you, JanCarol for writing!    I appreciated hearing that you feel that you are done, have been released, and / or have escaped even though you, too, experience some blips.   I wasn't sure what to expect in that area, I mean how perfect I had to be. Good enough, I say.  And congratulations to you, too!!

 

LLiz

 

 

[LLiz]

Hi, gigi63:

 

Thank you for your well-wishes!

 

 I wonder if it is fully knowable what influences how long it takes to complete a withdrawal.  Stuff I have heard are how many different drugs you went off and on, and how long you took them.  Maybe your age, too.   Probably there is information on that in this site somewhere.   But it seems like it's pretty variable in any case.

 

And I can't help thinking that many other things may influence it too. For example, I had two kids leave the nest while I was in withdrawal, events my brain no doubt used some of its energy to process.  

 

All the best as you continue!

 

LLiz

 

 

 

 

 

 

[GirlfromD]

Congratulations LLiz, well done! 😊

[Happy2Heal]

congratulations Liz

 

thanks so much for writing, it means a lot, esp to those  just starting out on this journey

 

I remember how I read and re read each success story in those early days, praying that I'd be one of them (and now I am too )

 

its wonderful that you made it thru. I can so relate to not wanting to think about it.

 

all the best in your new post-medicated life!!

[LLiz]

Thank you for writing, GirlfromD and Happy2Heal!  I hope any remaining symptoms you have diminish and that your lives continue to improve.

[Alanmane]

I only think about whether I can get out of these 64mg of effexor, although I will continue to be afraid, I have been three years under this drug, for me it is a long time although other people have been much more than me. The little mental clarity and low spirits are present a few days ago and I think a lot about whether I will achieve it, I know I can not know more than the present moment but the anxiety for the future haunts me.

 

You are an example and I am encouraged by your stories to continue.

[LLiz]

Hello, Alanmane!

 

I am very glad that you posted to my topic and that my story helped you.

 

I was so afraid and so anxious many times while I was withdrawing.  It also did not seem possible to me that I could recover. I could not think properly, the symptoms were so hard to bear, and it lasted so long. I could not do much of my usual work during that time or remember things.  

 

I kept asking some people who knew me if they thought I could really get through this, and I am glad to say that they said yes.  They and the people on this forum really helped me to keep believing, which made it easier to keep going.

 

When you feel afraid, please remember that it really is possible in spite of the difficult symptoms, how anxious you feel, and how long it takes sometimes!

 

Hang in there, Alanmane!

 

LLiz

[Alanmane]

Thank you for your words of truth, you are right and although it is difficult to achieve, although anxiety and fear make me think that it is not possible, it is and I will get it just like many other people here. I am strong for having endured bad treatment from psychiatry, I am a survivor and I will tell my story when I have finished with this hell.

 

I love you!

[LLiz]

Hello, Alanmane:

 

It meant so much to me to read your post.  Not only did you sound encouraged again, but you encouraged me.  I have just gone through a few weeks of some difficult problems.  Although none of them are withdrawal, some of them will be with me a long time.  

 

I thought several times of what you had written. It is so true. We can get through hard things. Other people have. We are strong and survivors.  We can put aside fear and anxiety and keep going.

 

 I hope I get to read your success story someday.

 

Thank you so much, Alanmane!

[Erell]

@LLiz Hello 🙂

How are you doing ?

 

☀️

[Musa]

Dear LLiz,

 

Thank you for posting your success story. I congratulate you on your recovery. Your path wasn't easy and you made it on the other side. I'm happy for you and wish you that the distance from your taper brings you more and more peace and joy. I hope your memory and cognitive issues will heal in time.   

I am a bit confused with your taper, with your cuts. Would you please help me understand because I'm tapering Remeron myself for more then 3 years. I hope by the end of this year I could be done with it. I have to go slow because my symptoms are debilitating and worry about memory and cognitive impairment a lot. I never thought Remeron will be so hard and so long to get off. After Remeron I still have to taper Effexor which was my main concern in the first place. Any ways, I'm down to 1.9 mg or 0,018 mg weight on my scale.

I don't understand how did you go so low in doses ? When you mention 0.14, 0.12, 0,08 mg what exactly do you mean by that? Is it the actual Remeron active chemical or just the weight of the crushed tablet? As well I saw from you thread that you made solution. How did you do it? 

 

Hope to get your reply as it could be helpful. Thanks  

[LLiz]

Dear Erell and Musa,

 

Thank you both for your notes!  I am unable to answer them at the moment, but hope to do it in the next week or two.

 

All the best,

 

LLiz

[LLiz]

Hello Musa,

 

Thank you for your good wishes! My life, even though not perfect, does have a great deal of peace and joy now!  And I can think and remember so much better! 

 

I regret that I could not answer this sooner. In case you still are interested, here is what I remember about getting the very low doses.

 

First I made a water suspension. I copied just below what I wrote elsewhere in the forum.

 

—————

“I have been tapering for some time making my own mirtazapine suspensions. This water suspension is the best method I have found after some experimentation.

 

I use a graduated cylinder to measure the correct amount of water into a brown medicine bottle and then drop one pill into the bottle (in my case a coated non-dissolvable Aurobindo tablet), insert the syringe cork and close the bottle. It seems to take less than half an hour for the pill to soften into a sort of sludge on the bottom of the bottle. When I am ready for a dose, I shake the bottle really well and draw up my tiny dose in a syringe as fast as I can. I have noticed degradation problems after 6 - 7 days if the suspension is stored in the refrigerator, so at that point I throw the remaining suspension away and make another one. I also find it is crucial to stick to the same brand of tablet--the brands differ considerably in my experience.”

—————

 

So, after the suspension described above was ready, I calculated how much mirtazapine would be in each milliliter or fraction of milliliter of liquid and drew up the amount I wanted into a syringe and that was my dose.  (Those milligram numbers actually do refer to the amount of mirtazapine itself, not the weight of the tablet.)

 

 I would calculate the dose in this way: If I was using a 30 mg tablet, meaning 30 mg of mirtazapine, and I suspended that in 100 mL of water, that meant that every milliliter of the suspension would contain 0.3 mg of mirtazapine.

 

I don’t remember the exact details such as what size of graduated cylinder or syringes I used or if I ever made further dilutions.
 

The hardest part was being so dull in my thinking and keeping track of everything, but the job did get done.  I can’t emphasize how important it was to use the exact same brand of tablet. Making these doses was surprisingly accurate that way, judging by my symptoms, but very inaccurate if I used a different brand.

 

I hope you do well enough finishing tapering mirtazapine and Effexor! Hang in there!  It is really worth doing!

 

All the best,

 

LLiz