Tom37: Lexapro taper

[Carmie]

Hi Tom, 

 

Glad to  hear that your wave seems to be coming to an end. 💚

[Tom37]

Still in this transitional period after a wave back to baseline/window. Not sure about others but I always seem to notice an improvement of some sort after a wave although it’s very very small improvement and sometimes it’s hard to know what has improved as you just feel a bit ‘better’ in different ways. Always seems to be minor symptoms instead of the most bothersome ones that improve! So frustrating but I guess healing still needs to be done.

 

Weather has finally started to cool down a bit so nights are better for sleeping but still stuck at my 5 to 6 hours of broken sleep. Usually get three to four hours min before waking then back to sleep then that’s it. It’s easily enough to get by on but do get concerned sometimes of it getting worse but so far it hasn’t unless a wave hits and feel too bad to sleep.

[Dejavu]

Hey, buddy - glad you're coming out of the thick of it.

 

Regarding the sleep issue, I don't know if this is a good idea or even if it will work for you, but I've done it a couple of times and it's worked like a charm: I keep a bottle of 1mg meltable melatonin tablets by my bed. When I have one of those 4am wakeups, I will pop one of those meltables. No water or chewing necessary. Don't even have to get out of bed. I fall back to sleep for another 3-4 hours.  It competes with that early cortisol spike, and the melatonin usually wins. I don't know what it might do long-term to the natural circadian rhythm, so I never do it 2 nights in a row, but it does work.

[Tom37]

Zero sleep last night. Going through this redundancy with work and have interview today for my position, but then late yesterday everything changed and they want to now change it back to how it was so no redundancy. I’m sure this situation was one of the causes behind last night plus just wasn’t feeling too well. Was going cold then hot then cold then hot it was just a horrible night. So either this wave is still sticking around or stress has brought on another one.

 

Try to remind myself that going through this even when not in wd could cause sleepless nights for a lot of people. But still get those stupid thoughts that won’t sleep again due to wd causing it

 

Will battle on through the day.

[India]

On 3/18/2019 at 3:05 AM, Tom37 said:

 

Feel like I’m running a marathon but doing an inch at a time. 

That is it. Like climbing Everest in inappropriate footwear. 

 

I find emotional factors are like tornados in terms of their ability to derail me and induce a severe stress response. 

 

Hopefully the resolve  on the work situ will bring some respite.

[Tom37]

Hot a good 6 hours sleep so feel lot better today. Symptoms there but a lot lesser so either at baseline or a window.

 

Job situation finally resolved with now staying on although the nearly 4 weeks of stress regarding it haven’t been great and I feel has probably set me back a bit. Mixed emotions about staying as a break could have been good but need the routine of work plus hopefully it’s not too much for me. One day at a time I guess and see how it goes.

[Carmie]

YAY for good days Tom!💚

[Tom37]

Another good day today. Symptoms low in intensity and mentally felt pretty much normal. Days like this make you feel stabilising can’t be far away but we all know how it can turn on us so quick.

 

Hopefully a good weekend coming up for a change.

[Carmie]

Hi Tom, 

 

How have you been doing? I’m glad last time you posted you were having good days. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Tom37]

Hi all,

 

So tomorrow is 5 months since I crashed and entered into the wd unknown. Haven’t posted for a few weeks so here goes.

 

So since I last posted have pretty much been in a two week window and it’s been the best two weeks since this began. While still have symptoms they have been reduced and far more tolerable. Would say been at 80 percent pretty consistently these last two weeks. Fully functional and work has been significant easier. Only thing I probably can’t do is exercise although I have now extending walking to 1 hour and I don’t stay out late as sleep still not back to normal. Definitely have noticed a change in how I feel so feeling the best I have so far.

 

Unfortunatly looks like I may have entered a wave over night as weird nausea has started, was going cold and hot and generally not feel very well. Also couldn’t sleep last night but did have other stresses that would have contributed to that but just made worse by the wave. So far it seems quite a mild wave as no feeling of fear or flu like symptoms and no horrible restlessness either which have always been part of my waves....maybe they will come but hopefully the don’t which should mean my windows/baseline ate getting better and the waves less intense which should mean I’m on the right track to stability.

 

Probably the the first time in my window that I didn’t feel any need to post on here as was focused more on normal life than withdrawal. Still looked and checked in but probably more out of habit.

 

At times I thought that I’m almost out of the woods but these waves have a great way of reminding you your still in wd. Hopefully things continue to improve as hate the thought of getting stuck.

 

Even though wave is so far milder they still scare you and still question if you will get better.

[Gridley]

1 minute ago, Tom37 said:

 

Even though wave is so far milder they still scare you and still question if you will get better.

 

You are definitely getting better.  There will be setbacks (that is totally normal) , but you are doing great. Thanks for checking in.

[nick1990]

Nice one Tom ! Your doing great bro , definitely on the road to stability. 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

I am so happy to hear about the window.  The waves are to be expected.  Think of a stock market graph. Your improvement will look like that. Just keep going the way you are.

Rachel

[Tom37]

Thanks guys.

 

Your right about that stock market graph which is why it’s soooo frustrating. Definitely in a wave and definitely milder but still has a way of knocking the confidence right out of you. The best part of the previous window was that I was way more confident that every day I was going to be fine at work etc.....wasn’t really  worried about it at all.....a bit of a glimpse into the future when wd is a thing of the past.....if I felt so much better at about 80 percent then being stable is going to be amazing!

[mdwstrx]

Glad to hear things are looking up even though in another wave.  💜

[Gracee]

Great news on your recovery Tom.   Stay positive; you will enjoy the windows even more and the waves won't seem so bad.

G.

 

[Carmie]

Great to hear about your long windows Tom💚

[Tom37]

So came out of previous wave after about 4 days and have been in a good window/baseline for the last week or so. The last four days have been the best so far and work as been a breeze compared to how it was when was so sick. 

 

Probably been at 80 percent min with at times feeling sooo close to being normal. Sleep has also been better and been averaging around 6 hours a night...cooler nights definitely helping.

 

So seem to be still going well but now back into a wave which feels exactly like the previous one which while not pleasant definitely more tolerable than the earlier ones and can still work through them. Was hoping for this window to last longer like the previous one but not to be....It’s just the night of no sleep when it hits that makes it tough.

 

Hopefully this wave will die out like the last one and an even better baseline will come. Hopefully soon the waves will be more like ripples.

 

Thanks

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom37,

 

I was glad to read your good news and then sad to read your not so good news. I think it will be like a stock market graph for you, for a while, but in your case going downward is better, as in eventually getting to zero symptoms. You will get there.

 

Warm wishes.

[Dejavu]

Its all good @Tom37. You are getting stable. Definitely an improvement over 5 months ago, yes? Hopefully this wave will be very short lived. Hang in - you know you've got this.

[Tom37]

Thanks guys....I think I still have a way to go but it’s getting far more tolerable. Windows/baseline seem to be getting better and waves not as bad. Still so frustrating that it’s still like this but have to look ar the positives of where I have been compared to now.

[SkyBlue]

20 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Thanks guys....I think I still have a way to go but it’s getting far more tolerable. Windows/baseline seem to be getting better and waves not as bad. Still so frustrating that it’s still like this but have to look ar the positives of where I have been compared to now.

 

Really great to hear... and good for you for such a positive attitude. 

[Gracee]

Way to go, Tom. 🌟  I can see improvements with your every post.   Being positive is soooooo much easier on the mind and body than fretting.   Trust me, I am an old lady and I know these things.

G.

[Carmie]

Hi Tom, 

 

It was so lovely to read your last post. Yes, we will all eventually heal, slow and steady does it. We can’t seem to escape those nasty waves, but we can also see the sun shining through those windows. ☀️☀️ One day at a time does it, one hour at a time  sometimes. Each day is a day closer to healing though. 

 

We can do this! Sending hugs🤗

[RandyJames]

Hi Tom.  I saw that you were are in WD from Lexapro and I was reading some of your posts.  May I ask if you are still at 4 mgs or are you completely off now?  Are you still feeling pretty good?  Your case gives me a lot of hope as you were on Lex for 11 years and seem to be doing pretty good now.  

 

Thanks so much

[Tom37]

Hi all,

 

Time for an update I guess.

 

So since last wave ended have been at baseline for last approx three weeks which is I think the longest without a proper wave. Have still had symptoms during this time but have maintained around the 80 percent mark, give or take. Still yet to be symptom free but have times during days where feel almost ‘normal’. 

 

Sleep was getting better too with 5 to 7 hours every night which was nice. Even got to the point where thought wd was almost an after thought and that it would soon be a distant memory. For the first time since I got sick I went out for a business dinner the other night and had to ‘entertain’ for the evening and got through it relatively fine and even slept that night. Never could have done that just a few months ago.

 

Do think I may have entered into a wave yesterday/today as feeling not too great but it’s so far not as bad as previous waves.....just a bit different. More annoying than anything and it’s more the fear that this will never end that makes it worse than what it probably is. Also makes you think ‘is this me’ with the weird thoughts.

 

So I guess things are getting better and periods without waves getting longer and baseline gradually getting better. Hopefully soon baseline will be almost consistently symptom free.

 

As always it’s the weird unusual symptoms/physical feelings that I find the most annoying.

 

Will be 6 months since I crashed in a couple of weeks.

[mdwstrx]

Hi Tom.  I'm glad to hear your update and that its positive!  💜 I'm really thankful that you're almost symptom free and can see that possibility in the near future.  

 

 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

 

What a great post to read.  I know it's distressing to think you are symptom free and to have a wave, even a tiny bit of one, however from an outsider's point of view you are doing exceptionally well.  Thanks for keeping us posted.

[Tom37]

Thanks guys. 

 

You have been with with me since the beginning of this and both offered great support throughout. Pleased your both doing so well.

 

Totally understand why people disappear from this site as when I’m feeling really good I have no interest in posting at all and avoid the site as much as I can as it brings back too many memories and it’s hard reading about people being where I was or who are often worse.

 

Will always update to hopefully give some people a bit of hope that it does get better plus I’m not out of the woods yet myself.

 

Thanks

[Dejavu]

I'm so glad you are starting to level off a bit, Tom. You're doing great. Hopefully, I'm right behind you. 

[Tom37]

Noting.....either definitely in a wave or symptoms that have there but very very low have decided to come on strong, which I guess is a wave🤷🏻‍♂️.

 

Had 6 hours sleep but did wake after an hour and that hasn’t happened in weeks and weeks when it use to be most nights. Get horrible nausea type feeling but it starts in my chest which is weird, feel weird in the head, going a bit cold in different parts of body, weird sensations in my face that happen infrequently, annoying thoughts such as ‘will I ever sleep again’ When I just slept for 6 hours! normally never have these thoughts. Just feeling not well in general. Hopefully it’s reaching it’s peak and will soon start to ease.

 

Will still be up and about and try to enjoy the day as much as I can as doing nothing only makes it that much worse.

 

Just so frustrating after feeling so much better to go backwards. Not easy to get back into proper wd mode either. The ‘will I ever feel better’ thoughts also don’t  help.

 

Feel like I’m three quarters up the wd mountain and been sent back down to half way again.

[mdwstrx]

Oh no... just posted a thumbs up about your feeling better on my thread, then read this.  

The great thing is that we know these waves end.  Hope this one does soon for you and you'll jump right back into feeling your old self again.

Stay strong, think positive and breath...  💪

[Tom37]

Noting.....still feeling the same as yesterday with same symptoms. This ‘wave’ is definitely different than all previous ones and have a feeling this is going to last a while☹️. Did get a decent 6 or so hours sleep. 

 

Yesterday I did go out to the beach I use to always go out to when was really struggling the first three or so months and it was so good to be able to compare how I was then till now. Hadn’t been out there for a few months and overall baseline is significantly better so that was really good with all those early symptoms basically gone. It’s just a shame this wave or new symptoms have hit as would have felt close to normal.

 

Do get concerned at times that these current symptoms are not wd and some long lasting virus or something else because it’s different compare to previous waves, seems like they have been slowly building the last two or so weeks before getting bad. But it’s most likely wd so just have to deal with it the best I can. Never ever thought any other symptoms where anything other than wd until now so another challenge to face. 

 

Still trying to remain positive that this is just another bump in the road to stability and I know more waves were to be expected as I wasn’t feeling ‘normal’ but it is so demoralising. The non linear recovery has always been the hardest part of this nightmare experience. You not only start planning and thinking of the future but you start living life again then boom it’s all gone. It’s the worst type of teasing....it’s like wd is saying ‘hold on mate don’t get carried away I have unfinished business with you so I’m bringing you back down again!’

 

The fear of the wave never ending. The fear wd itself will never end. The fear you will never get back to your true self. 

[Gracee]

Tom.   Fear is nothing.   It is not real.   It is something we create.   We can create anything we want.   You can create something else.....really.

G.

 

[Tom37]

So wave ended on Monday and from Tuesday was feeling a lot better and back to my normal 80 to 85 percent baseline. Was sleeping better too. 

 

Then yesterday the same similar symptoms to the last wave started up again. The chest type nausea, the feeling in my head and body in general that I’m not well. And feel quite vulnerable emotionally. So quite frustrated as it was only 4 days before getting sick again.

 

This wave and the last one are quite a lot different from any in the past so was just wondering if others have experienced the same? I guess it feels like something else is being fixed hence the different symptoms and I guess once it’s fixed then onto another set of symptoms.

 

Been six months trying to stablise and just can’t get there yet. In certain ways have come a long way but this is just so so frustrating and you wonder if it’s ever going to end!

 

I know people are suffering a lot more but the downs after feeling a lot better are so hard.

[RachelSusan]

Yes, a changing list of symptoms and different types of waves are very common.  Sorry to hear about these ups and downs.  I know you doing a lot better than you were when this all started.  I hope you can get complete stability soon.

Warm wishes as always,

Rachel