☼ Nevertoolate: Lexapro

[Nevertoolate]

I'm so glad I found this page. I've already read so much my brain feels overloaded but in a good way so I can only share a little bit here at the moment. 

 

I'm 62 years old have been on antidepressants for I'd say 25 odd years with very few breaks at all. 

 

Where I am at the moment is coming to the realization I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling "comfortably numb" but being also afraid of who I may become without Lexapro.

 

I've taken the plunge about 4 months ago tapering off my 10mg dose by half over a period of 2 months approximately. I then went on an overseas holiday so stopped talking them totally from there.

 

I've been through the brain zaps which was pretty much the only physical symptom I've had. 

 

All in all I feel reasonably good apart from an occasional angry outburst and like I've read from others elsewhere questioning who the real me is. Will I like who I am when my emotions are not being controlled by the medication. 

 

This is all I can write for now. 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2018 by ChessieCat
added space

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Nevertoolate.

 

So you're taking 5mg Lexapro now? Are you feeling any differently from when you were taking 10mg? When did the brain zaps stop? How are you sleeping?

 

Since you had brain zaps, if I were you, I wouldn't take any chances and taper more slowly from here. See

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Why taper? SERT transporter occupancy studies show importance of gradual change in plasma concentration

 

Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

[Nevertoolate]

No I'm off them completely now for about two months 

I've been through brain zaps, restless sleep,  anxiety and a bit of feeling down then just recently about a week of headaches. All these symptoms have either subsided or disappeared. If any negative thoughts appear I'm able to shut them down with positive ones. I feel strong. 

It's only after coming here and reading the horror stories I realize I tapered off too quickly but it was my gp who told me to just take a half or even one every second day. 

I'm hoping I've already been through the worst of it already. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi nevertoolate and welcome from me too

 

As Alto requested please create a drug signature.  Make it simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

This is your own Introductions topic where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 

Edited December 28, 2018 by ChessieCat

[Nevertoolate]

On 12/28/2018 at 9:13 AM, ChessieCat said:

Hi nevertoolate and welcome from me too

 

As Alto requested please create a drug signature.  Make it simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

This is your own Introductions topic where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 

No I'm off them completely now for about two months 

I've been through brain zaps, restless sleep,  anxiety and a bit of feeling down then just recently about a week of headaches. All these symptoms have either subsided or disappeared. If any negative thoughts appear I'm able to shut them down with positive ones. I feel strong. 

It's only after coming here and reading the horror stories I realize I tapered off too quickly but it was my gp who told me to just take a half or even one every second day. 

I'm hoping I've already been through the worst of it already. 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Nevertoolate said:

No I'm off them completely now for about two months 

 

Please add the information to your drug signature about doses and dates after August 2018.

 

Please note that I am providing this information so that you can make an informed decision.  The only known way to reduce withdrawal symptoms is to take a small amount of the drug you were last taking.  This is because the brain has adapted to getting the drug.  When we get withdrawal symptoms it is because the brain is working hard to regain homeostasis.

 

You may also be experiencing some symptoms which you haven't connected to be caused by withdrawal.  Please check out this list:  Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

There is some urgency regarding your situation.  The sooner reinstatement is done, the more chance there is of it being successful.  You say your last dose was about 2 months ago, so you are still within the time frame for reinstatement being a good option.   Unfortunately, even though you have noticed some improvement, things could worsen, or new symptoms may arise, because healing isn't linear, it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern.  Please read this topic:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

Please also read Post #1 of this topic About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms and let us know if you would like to reinstate.  We can suggest a dose.  Please do not go back on the last dose you took because the brain will have already made some adjustments and that dose will be too much and could make things worse.

[Nevertoolate]

Update 

I'm still relatively free of symptoms apart from an occasional brain zap or mild headache. I'm thinking this may also in part be sure to a bit of seasonal overindulgence 😋😋

I'm sleeping well as I always have,  waking earlier and not groggy and as the nausea is gone I'm eating well, possibly too well lol 

Yesterday we took a walk along the beach and it was so lovely to feel the water 💦 on my feet. My energy levels are quite good but not fantastic. 

I'm mostly concentrating on ways to improve our social life this year. Get out more try new things and go to different places. Luckily hubby is on board with me this time. I'm refusing to be treated as the one with an illness. He also needs to change some of his ways. It isn't and has never been all my fault. 

I'm so looking forward to riding this year out and praying 🙏 I can stay on top of things.

It's just such a damn shame I didn't know what I know now about SSRIs years ago. 

Do we all  feel we've been mercilessly robbed of a real existence in all its light and dark moments? I DO!!!

 

 

[ChessieCat]

11 minutes ago, Nevertoolate said:

It's just such a damn shame I didn't know what I know now about SSRIs years ago. 

Do we all  feel we've been mercilessly robbed of a real existence in all its light and dark moments?

 

Most if not all of us do.  However, holding on to anger about it is no good for us.

 

12 minutes ago, Nevertoolate said:

apart from an occasional brain zap

 

Withdrawal symptom.

[Carmie]

Hi Nevertoolate, 

 

As ChessieCat said, yes I definitely think most of us have been robbed of our existence. I’m so glad you’re mostly symptom free now though. Woohoo!🎉🎉

 

So glad you got to go to the beach. It’s my happy place. There’s nothing better than listening to crashing waves and lying in the sand. What a magnificent experience!!

 

Hope you get to spend many more days at the beach🌊🌊🌊💚

 

[Nevertoolate]

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Most if not all of us do.  However, holding on to anger about it is no good for us.

 

 

Withdrawal symptom.

No anger here. I learnt that lesson many years ago. 

 

Yep its not nice but they're few and far between now. I can live with that 😃

[Nevertoolate]

7 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Nevertoolate, 

 

As ChessieCat said, yes I definitely think most of us have been robbed of our existence. I’m so glad you’re mostly symptom free now though. Woohoo!🎉🎉

 

So glad you got to go to the beach. It’s my happy place. There’s nothing better than listening to crashing waves and lying in the sand. What a magnificent experience!!

 

Hope you get to spend many more days at the beach🌊🌊🌊💚

 

Thanks for your reply Carmie. I hope your doing well. 

No excuses for me to not spend more time at the beach. It's only a couple of kms away. It really was luvly. We've spent many holidays at the beach at this time of the year so it was good to feel some sense of reminiscence going on. 

Do you swim in the ocean too?

Me not so much unless it's flat and super clear 🐟🐟  << these but the much bigger ones 😱😱 😅😅

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Nevertoolate.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful for those brain zaps, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Please let us know when the zaps go away completely.

 

[Nevertoolate]

OK thank you and yes I'll update when I can. 

[Nevertoolate]

No zaps as such lately just a slight sensation of something going on in the head. 

I do have a couple of questions though are the physical and emotional symptoms linked as in is it common to have one without the other? 

And once the physical symptoms disappear is it likely they will return?

 

I guess I'm gauging my recovery via the physical symptoms?

 

[ChessieCat]

Withdrawal symptoms can change and come and go:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

and an analogy:

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

[Nevertoolate]

Thank you ChessieCat 

I guess it's that nasty little **** called fear raising it's ugly head lol 

I'm actually going really well but it occasionally likes to play it's little game with me I guess. 

 

[ChessieCat]

During any taper, there will be times of discomfort.  We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

 

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

[Nevertoolate]

Update 

 

Been doing really well. Have started meditating every day. 

But yesterday tired and a bit headachy 

Today still tired and a bit emotional, teary 😢 

But I know it will pass and that's a good thing. 

[Carmie]

Hi nevertoolate, 

 

Glad you’re doing really well. Yes, we all have our moments of bawling. I had one last night. Sending hugs🤗

[Nevertoolate]

Hi Carmie, 

It really helps to know we're not alone in all this. 

I felt like I needed to talk to someone but sometimes even that's a challenge. 

Hope you're feeling better today 🌸🏵🌻🌷🐝🐞🌞🌈

[Carmie]

Just now, Nevertoolate said:

Hi Carmie, 

It really helps to know we're not alone in all this. 

I felt like I needed to talk to someone but sometimes even that's a challenge. 

Hope you're feeling better today 🌸🏵🌻🌷🐝🐞🌞🌈

 

Hi nevertolate, 

 

We are definitely not alone in this. I’m feeling a little better today, thank you for asking. I’m having to crosstaper back to my original tablets as they are more accurate. I was feeling very overwhelmed yesterday as I have to do two different water titrations and I’m very sick with CFS and struggle to think at the best of times. 

 

Feel free to tag me in your thread if you ever need to talk to someone. 

 

We can do this though. Loooooove all your emojis, I’m a nature girl through n through 💚

[Nevertoolate]

Oh that sounds very frustrating 😤 but gosh here you are thinking of others. 

That's very kind of you. 

Meeeee too 😘

[Carmie]

Yes nevertolate, 

 

We are all in the same boat here. 🛶🛶🛶 I’m a big emojis fan like you too. I got excited recently when I discovered new emojis 🤣🤣

 

It will take me three weeks to do the crosstaper as I have to do it really slowly. Fortunately I have plenty of compounding capsules still to do that. I made the mistake of going to compounded capsules before I knew how inaccurate they could be. Brassmonkey brought it to my attention. 

 

Sending big, big hugs and lots of nature emojis🤣🤣🛶🦉🐯🕷🐞🦋🐈🦜🌳🌲🍀🍂🍁🌼🌻☀️🌧❄️

[Nevertoolate]

See how colorful it looks 😁😁

 

[Carmie]

11 minutes ago, Nevertoolate said:

See how colorful it looks 😁😁

 

 

It certainly is Nevertoolate, 

 

Keep me updated on your progress. Tag me though so I won’t miss your post. Lately there seems to have been quite an influx of newcomers. So sad, but it’s good that they get the advice to taper REALLY SLOWLY 💚

[Nevertoolate]

Very teary today. Feel very lonely. I know I'm the only one who can get me through this 

Don't want to leave the house 

Feeling overwhelmed by outings due this week 

@Carmie

[Nevertoolate]

Oh hubby said I think you should go back on your medication 

Big help that is

[ChessieCat]

On 12/29/2018 at 2:28 PM, Nevertoolate said:

No I'm off them completely now for about two months 

 

Have you considered reinstating a very small amount?  We can suggest a dose for you to try.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

[Nevertoolate]

Sorry i can't 

I just can't 

All in all the withdrawals symptoms have not been that bad. 

I know it's just a wave. 

[ChessieCat]

Okay, then think of it this way.  Don't compare how you feel now with how you felt at your best.  Compare how you feel now with how you felt at or worst.

[Nevertoolate]

Thank you ChessieCat 

Ps I love your pic 🐈

[ChessieCat]

You might find these topics helpful:

 

• withdrawal-dialogues-encouragement

• helping-family-understand

• communicating-with-family

• can-you-help-me-explain-my-situation-to-my-family

• support-for-those-in-withdrawal-who-struggle-with-family-friends-not-understanding

• do-you-hide-your-problem-from-your-family

 

[Carmie]

4 hours ago, Nevertoolate said:

Very teary today. Feel very lonely. I know I'm the only one who can get me through this 

Don't want to leave the house 

Feeling overwhelmed by outings due this week 

@Carmie

 

Hi Nevertoolate, 

 

I’m so sorry that you are feeling so stressed at the moment. I had a cry the other night myself. I have a lot of friends though, so they keep me going, plus I have a million distractions to helps me get through waves. If you’re feeling really lonely because of the withdrawals why not interact with others on their threads so you can get a bit more support. 

 

A lot of people get anticipatory anxiety when going through withdrawals, everything feels so overwhelming. I hope the upcoming outings run smoothly. Sending hugs🤗

[Nevertoolate]

Hi Carmie. Thank you 🌹🌹🌹

It's passing already and I've found some great reads from @ChessieCat (thank you 💐💐💐) comment. 

 

 

 

[Nevertoolate]

So another update 

Physical symptoms are non existent. Praying I mightve been lucky here. Not to say I didn't get them but they weren't severe neither did they last terribly long. 

But mentally is not great. The apathy, lack of enthusiasm and drive and the fact I'm still "living in my head"  is frustrating to say the least. 

My daughter is training to become a Life Coach so I've been trying her 7 day challenge to "become my authentic self". All well and good but the hardest part is getting my thoughts and ideas down onto paper. So my journal is nothing more than a few headings and lots of blank pages. 

I'm trying to find my passion in life something to get excited about and look forward to. At age 62 I still haven't found my calling? Is it possible some of us are just meant to "be" not "be something". 

Even when I think back to my childhood I had no plans no dreams no passions. Was I just born that way?

I've always seen myself as being a compassionate gentle loving person. 

Sorry I'm just letting the thoughts flow. 

It's more for my own benefit to track my journey but if it resonates with you on any level I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. 

 

 

[Nevertoolate]

So another update 

Physical symptoms are non existent. Praying I mightve been lucky here. Not to say I didn't get them but they weren't severe neither did they last terribly long. 

But mentally is not great. The apathy, lack of enthusiasm and drive and the fact I'm still "living in my head"  is frustrating to say the least. 

My daughter is training to become a Life Coach so I've been trying her 7 day challenge to "become my authentic self". All well and good but the hardest part is getting my thoughts and ideas down onto paper. So my journal is nothing more than a few headings and lots of blank pages. 

I'm trying to find my passion in life something to get excited about and look forward to. At age 62 I still haven't found my calling? Is it possible some of us are just meant to "be" not "be something". 

Even when I think back to my childhood I had no plans no dreams no passions. Was I just born that way?

I've always seen myself as being a compassionate gentle loving person. 

Sorry I'm just letting the thoughts flow. 

It's more for my own benefit to track my journey but if it resonates with you on any level I'd be happy to hear your thoughts.