Kimboslice: hey everyone - 9 months into CT sertraline

[DaBro]

On 3/16/2021 at 4:03 PM, Kimboslice said:

@arbor

I think the process of just having time away from the noises of the world is beneficial. Just to switch off and destress. I’m no Dali lama.. but I think I’m this process every little helps. Discipline breeds success, I believe. I’ve had a really good weekend. The last 4 days are the closest to functional I’ve felt in a long long time. How did your zoom call go? Learn anything new? 

 @Kimboslice Thanks for the update. I read your post with happiness. We’re almost identical in that we both CT’d Zoloft, I’m just 4 months ahead of you as I CT in Nov 18. I turned a corner around Xmas and started to feel more normal. Hopefully the 2 year mark is a turning point for us both and hope we’re both on the final chapter. 

[Kimboslice]

Hey guys.

 

I just wanted to report I‘ve just enjoyed a really nice 8 week long window. It was sooo lush. I’ve been back home to see my family and for the first time in a long time it was pleasant, been out a little and reacquainted with old friends, Spent days away from home on trips with the dog, Felt a lot more capable when trying to speak and articulate my thoughts and genuinely more in touch emotionally. In comparison to what I’ve been capable of in the 2.5 years prior, I’ve been very busy. Unfortunately I am now in what is hopefully only a mini wave as of a couple of days ago but I think this is probably the result of being overactive in during the window just gone (Still haven’t learnt to pace myself). Fingers crossed anyway. 
 

I’m not going to get too ahead of myself because the cruel nature of withdrawal can oh so quickly have you crashing back to earth but... I felt it Is important to make others aware of the good stuff as it happens. It can be all to easy when suffering intensely to only publicly reach out in search of a remedy for the pain  and not to give back to the community when positives do occur. I hope I haven’t just jinxed myself by putting this in writing but hopefully I’ll have plenty more good long windows on the way in the up and coming months and years. 
 

peace and love to all. 
 

Keep fighting. 

 

 

[Kimboslice]

@DaBro.. sorry... I missed your message bro. I try not spend too long getting lost on these message boards. The obsessing can become terribly unhealthy. 
 

I see you’ve posted a success story which is great news so the 2 year point obviously was your turning point. I hope all is still well and you keep making strides toward bettering yourself. Well done. 

[DaBro]

19 hours ago, Kimboslice said:

@DaBro.. sorry... I missed your message bro. I try not spend too long getting lost on these message boards. The obsessing can become terribly unhealthy. 
 

I see you’ve posted a success story which is great news so the 2 year point obviously was your turning point. I hope all is still well and you keep making strides toward bettering yourself. Well done. 

No problem. I’m coming up to 3 years now. Generally all is good. I just have head fuzz first thing for an hour or two and once or twice a month a mild head fog with head twinges, else I’m pretty normal these days. I’m also moving away from the forum more and more. Take care.  

[arbor]

I'm so happy to hear of your 8 week window!  That's a long time in the challenging realm of recovery.  Relief shines on your horizon 🌈🌟💜

Arbor

[Kimboslice]

Hey Guys.. and especially you @arbor I wasn’t notified when you reacted to my last update.. Very strange. How are you btw? 
 

I’ll probably suffer a nasty wave after posting this but lol… whatever.

 

 I just wanted to let you guys know i’m continuing to improve. Windows are much clearer and i’m becoming more and more present and I’m finding it so much easier to function most of the time (when not in a wave). This all keeps happening in the form of windows and waves.. but when windows do occur I can evidently see certain qualities that I’d associate with my former self are actually available to me when needed. My speed of thought has probably doubled. My vocabulary is improving.. and feelings of contentment and happiness are returning in stints. Today I’ve been out to the golf range hitting balls, socialising and bantering with old friends and then to another friends for a Chinese and full evening of conversation and debate. I’ve been agoraphobic and borderline recluse for the last 2.5 years so what a wonderful step forward this is. 
of course I’ve still got a long way to go and more waves of dread and despair will no doubt be due my way but the overall trajectory throughout my journey has clearly been forward.. it’s just taken a little while to become obvious. 

Keep fighting and consistently making the right choices… progress is there to be made. 
 

Much love to all you guys.

[arbor]

So glad to hear from you @Kimboslice!  I've been wondering how you're doing.  

18 hours ago, Kimboslice said:

Today I’ve been out to the golf range hitting balls, socialising and bantering with old friends and then to another friends for a Chinese and full evening of conversation and debate.

This is big.  Eventually you're going to climb out of this awful w/d thing.  

 

18 hours ago, Kimboslice said:

My speed of thought has probably doubled. My vocabulary is improving.. and feelings of contentment and happiness are returning in stints.

Wonderful to hear this 💗

I'm a few months ahead of you--finding it so hard to be patient when a small window is followed by a wave.  Any kind of stress, and yikes--I go down.  For me, I'm finding that a lot of my symptoms seem to be mixed up with auto-immune issues.  I'm so hoping that'll all calm down.

Hang in there.  Won't it be great when this is mainly behind us?🙏

[StarShopping87]

On 10/27/2021 at 10:03 PM, Kimboslice said:

Hey Guys.. and especially you @arbor I wasn’t notified when you reacted to my last update.. Very strange. How are you btw? 
 

I’ll probably suffer a nasty wave after posting this but lol… whatever.

 

 I just wanted to let you guys know i’m continuing to improve. Windows are much clearer and i’m becoming more and more present and I’m finding it so much easier to function most of the time (when not in a wave). This all keeps happening in the form of windows and waves.. but when windows do occur I can evidently see certain qualities that I’d associate with my former self are actually available to me when needed. My speed of thought has probably doubled. My vocabulary is improving.. and feelings of contentment and happiness are returning in stints. Today I’ve been out to the golf range hitting balls, socialising and bantering with old friends and then to another friends for a Chinese and full evening of conversation and debate. I’ve been agoraphobic and borderline recluse for the last 2.5 years so what a wonderful step forward this is. 
of course I’ve still got a long way to go and more waves of dread and despair will no doubt be due my way but the overall trajectory throughout my journey has clearly been forward.. it’s just taken a little while to become obvious. 

Keep fighting and consistently making the right choices… progress is there to be made. 
 

Much love to all you guys.

How are you feeling @Kimboslice I hope everything has continued To improve for you! 

[Kimboslice]

Hey guys.. I hope everyone is battling on hard and working toward their brighter, more informed, happier life. 
 

I haven’t logged in for quite a while.. but I think it’s a good time to write an encouraging update for everyone else struggling through this most awful experience.

 

i think I’m at about 43 months..and boy.. I’ve got so much better in the last 6-9 months. I’m not cured by any means.. but I’m back to at least living the resemblance of a functional life and being able to enjoy certain wonders and activities that seemed like they’d be lost to the horrors of PWS and my damaged body/brain for so long. 

Here’s how my most pronounced symptoms are now fairing:

 

im no longer agoraphobic. I can pretty much go where I want, when I want. Not with complete ease or comfort just yet.. but it’ll come.. it’s getting easier all the time.

im able to communicate much more coherently and concisely now.. again it’s not perfect yet, but I’ll get it as good as I can.. I promise that

 

My personality and sense of humour are returning.

 

Emotionally I still feel dialled back.. but I can now smile again.. feel happiness in brief moments, be more compassionate and empathetic rather than like the stone dead mannequin I was before.

 

My anxiety levels are far lower.

 

The intense Fatigue is far less frequent or long lasting.. it’s only really ever an issue if I seriously over do it over a prolonged period of time.

 

Muscle twitching, intense pulsing and most bodily sensation have pretty much abated.

 

My Libido’s improved a lot.. functionality wise I’ve seen improvement too.. although i haven’t yet un-weaved the psychological mess that this all creates. Hopefully I’ll just build more self belief over time.

 

My co-ordination is a lot better.. I can drive, play golf comfortably once again.

 

My exercise intolerance is better… (Now this is a funny one, because despite being so horrifically ill.. I trained like a mad man for the first 3 years. Lifting heavy 3x a week.. running 10-20 miles twice a week.. stretching daily. I probably shouldn’t have lived like this.. But it was my way of maintaining my fight. Only god knows if this attitude hindered or helped me.  Anyway.. it used to wreck us.. but now I’ve learnt to lighten my schedule and manage it more sensibly toward my withdrawal needs and doesn’t cause me any prolonged discomfort at all.

My anger levels and rage have decreased.. and my tolerance to general stress is becoming stronger all the time.

 

My tinnitus is present.. it’s a little improved but probably the least progressed of my symptoms.

 

Sleep is still hit and miss.. I don’t have insomnia.. but it’s far from being consistent. That being said.. it’s a lot more frequent and comfortable than the initial years after the drugs.

 

and finally 

 

Frequent urination is a thing of the past. (He says while desperate for a wee lol)

 

Guys all of the above sounds great, and it is.. but it hasn’t just come to me.. I’ve worked my ass off doggedly and for the most part consistently in my sheer desperation to retrieve (and better) traits of the person I was before. So while time is probably the most valuable component to the process, I believe taking care of all the elements that are in your control is integral to the rate of your recovery. Factors like diet, exercise and activities like mental and cognitive stimulation (I’ve spent hours reading aloud, finding ways to practice word recall, learning Italian etc), meditation, drinking plenty of water. These should all be your domain. Withdrawal is about trajectories and determination so, if your ill just make sure you do what you can, when you can to improve your health and in theory, over time compounding your good habits consistently should start improving your condition. 
 

Lastly and most importantly.. i’d like to to make a point that while this forum is fantastic and and vitally important to the withdrawal community. I saw my biggest strives after I decided to to distance myself and focus on my personal circumstances rather than projecting the likelihood of my outcome on that of the outcome of others. Spending too much time on here, obsessing over the doom posts and the horrors/outcomes of other peoples experiences can be so detrimental to the progress you want to see. It only feeds into the already uncontrollable and unnatural anxiety your likely to be feeling.. worsening your mind state and creating a negative loop that will only lead you to your worse fears. Remember your an individual and even it doesn’t feel like it, some elements of the withdrawal process are still under your control.

 

I hope this helps a few and I offer you all my love and support in the fight.

 

Much Love.. Kimbo
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SandCastle]

Thanks @Kimboslice for coming back to post this update. It’s very encouraging for me since I’m about 27 months into withdrawal now and still experiencing a lot of symptoms but also noticing more evidence of recovery. It’s always good to hear that people really do get through it even if it takes a while!

[Kimboslice]

No problem @SandCastle. I was Donald ducked at 27 months. Keep doing your thing.. and never give up. With each little good moment, no matter how tiny is.. remember to celebrate it because the reality is it’s genuine evidence your body is doing it’s best and wants to heal. Keep going 💪

[arbor]

Thank you @Kimboslice for taking the time to share this.  Every word--

I'm close to where you're at both in months and symptoms.  Your suggested and exemplified path through this nightmare resonates with my experience as well, hard as it often (make that usually) has been to follow it.  For me, I made a commitment mainly because I didn't trust alternatives.  Now I am more and more relieved that I did.  Thank you, again!

All kinds of best wishes to all of us,

Arbor

[Kimboslice]

Omg @arbor I am so so pleased your getting reprieve also. Please may I thank for all the encouragement and supporting messages you sent me.. all in spite of your own. I am so appreciative. 
 

The path to follow is logical.. it’s just one steep.. rugged mother f***er… But so worth it in the long run. X 

[Kimboslice]

@StarShopping87 I’m so sorry. I’ve not been active on the forum for a while and noticed I missed your post asking after my well being.. I’ve posted an update above which I hope will be encouraging for you. 

[Kara2302]

Hi, how are you After Your Setback? 🙏

[Kimboslice]

I’m improving. But currently having to contend with my loving dog suffering cancer and most likely heading into her final weeks. It’s all a bit of an emotional rollercoaster so it is difficult to tell. Because of this I’m really trying to take my foot off the pedal and limit the amount of further stress my cns has to cope. So ye.. I’ve been much better in the last couple months but my workload currently is minimal. 

[Kara2302]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am very sorry for your dog. That has to be terrible! 😔 

 

Is your anxiety still there? I am 3,5 years out now… I am in a wave. 😞 But I think I am too much in my Head … 

 

wish you all the best for you and your dog 🙏🙏

[Kimboslice]

Thank you love. It’s not great but it could be worse. At least I can still spend time with her and walk her a bit before the time comes to say goodbye. The vet reccomended for her to be put down unnecessarily so about 4 weeks ago completely out of the blue (They’re as bad as f-ing doctors.. it’s all about money rather than high quality animal care or what’s right for the customer ) so I’m just massively appreciative she’s still here.

 

My anxiety has improved markedly. In windows I can be quite calm and clear in ways that just didn’t feel would ever be possible during the first 3-4 years. In waves it’s more prominent but very unlikely to be super severe or long lasting all that often anymore. It can still ramp up if I’m not managing my levels of exertion and I over exhaust myself and when it does know it’ll calm down again relatively quickly. I think I’ve found relief recently from trying to accept my circumstances and the limitations they impose and just living life day by day. 
 

@Kara2302