emerik: SSRIs error, withdrawal and back on it!

[emerik]

9 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

That doesn't sound good to me.  Citrate can have side effects.  Can you take it back and get plain magnesium, preferably glycinate?

yeah but it always give me stuff like that

180 capsules with 775 mg of magnesium bisglycinate per capsule (equivalent to 100 mg of elementary magnesium).

[Gridley]

1 minute ago, emerik said:

775 mg of magnesium bisglycinate

That's too large a dose.  If you continue to use this brand, you'll need to get some gelatin capsules and divide it.  It would be better if you could get a tablet that you could cut with a pill cutter.  My mag glycinate is 200mg and I cut it into quarters.

[emerik]

Just now, Gridley said:

That's too large a dose.  If you continue to use this brand, you'll need to get some gelatin capsules and divide it.  It would be better if you could get a tablet that you could cut with a pill cutter.  My mag glycinate is 200mg and I cut it into quarters.

stupid germany, seem like theres no option at all lol.

[emerik]

theres this i found

but taurine in it?
https://www.voedingssupplementennederland.nl/en/vitals-magnesiumbisglycinaat-100-mg-120tab.html

[emerik]

what you think @Gridley

[Gridley]

5 minutes ago, emerik said:

what you think @Gridley

 

Looks good.

[emerik]

just wanted to update everyone;

not 100% sure yet as its only been 7 days, but i have been feeling totally normal , back to where i was when i was on the medication.
no more shakiness, insomnia or racing thoughts, or any other symptom.
i think the reinstatement worked even after 3 months. it took me about 1 month and a half for the reinstatement to be back to normal.
knock on wood.
 

[emerik]

actually super weird, i had 10 days of feeling NORMAL, like how i was on celexa for 1 year, normal self. just came randomly. and it was like nothing ever happened.
and now since yesterday, after my therapy session. its slowly creeping back. a bit of racing thoughts and stressed about sleep again.
 no shaking or crazy anxiety though like the past month.
yesterday night went out with new friends and had bunch of beers and at the bar i felt fine got busy and didnt think about anything.
today hit me again around 4 pm, same thing as yesterday. could be that im just overthinking stuff.

would that be what you guys called windows and pattern? or maybe im just having some normal bad days.

it was not feeling a bit better for 10 days, it was literally just being 100% back to where i was before, feeling super good, going out every night, sleeping fine.

confused here

[Erell]

Hi emerik, 

 

"Windows and waves" is a metaphor To say that the process is all ups and downs. 

 

However, you said something very important  : 

10 minutes ago, emerik said:

went out with new friends and had bunch of beers and at the bar 

 

Alcohol can, and often does, increase symptoms and put us in bad waves.

I would strongly advise you To avoid alcohol.

 

Moreover, you seem To have great improvements! It would be a pity to mess that, don't you think ?

 

Take care ❤

[emerik]

@Erell when peoples talk about waves and pattern though i never notice anyone said they felt totally normal like a regular human being on a good wave no?
most of the time its mostly, just feeling a bit better, correct me if im wrong.

and for the drinking i didnt know, but im a regular consumer, not to get drunk or anything. just one beer or glass of wine most of the time, havent really notice a difference with it. as in my good week or bad week i was always drinking a bit.

[emerik]

for me it was literally, complete direction opposite change.

from 0 to 100 in one day. not like from 0 to 10.

[Erell]

Everybody's journey is different. Last year, after a bad wave,  I felt 100% normal for some time.

There is no universal rules with ups and downs

 

About alcohol : it is your choice, i'm just giving you an advice.

Even one glass can cause symptoms, all the more when it's regular.

Lot of people here have stopped alcohol To succeed their tapper.

[emerik]

8 minutes ago, Erell said:

Everybody's journey is different. Last year, after a bad wave,  I felt 100% normal for some time.

There is no universal rules with ups and downs

 

About alcohol : it is your choice, i'm just giving you an advice.

Even one glass can cause symptoms, all the more when it's regular.

Lot of people here have stopped alcohol To succeed their tapper.

your right, i guess the thing im worried about is.
for me its difficult to pinpoint because i stopped CT, then went back on my dose after 3 months out, and im still on it. till i stabilize.
so sometime i wonder if i actually have WD still, or if im just having bad side effects from reinstating celexa 20mg too fast. (only 1 month and so since im back on it.)
its so hard to tell and impossible to know it seem.

[emerik]

any other opinions out there also? @Gridley what doyou think.

[Gridley]

51 minutes ago, emerik said:

(only 1 month and so since im back on it.)

It can and often does take more than a month to stabilize after a reinstatement.

[emerik]

@Gridley yes i know that, im more talking about the facts that i had 0 side effects for the last 10 days and i felt 100% normal.
cameback creeping yesterday in the middle of the day, just anxiety and racing thoughts.

[Gridley]

16 minutes ago, emerik said:

@Gridley yes i know that, im more talking about the facts that i had 0 side effects for the last 10 days and i felt 100% normal.
cameback creeping yesterday in the middle of the day, just anxiety and racing thoughts.

 

It's always going to be windows/waves, ups and downs.

[emerik]

5 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

It's always going to be windows/waves, ups and downs.

 

and the ups can sometime make you feel normal 100%?

 

i literally wasnt thinking about any of this for 10 days its like it dissapear. i thought the up or down were way less intense then that? it was like from feeling  0 to 100 to 15 now

[Gridley]

11 minutes ago, emerik said:

 

and the ups can sometime make you feel normal 100%?

 

i literally wasnt thinking about any of this for 10 days its like it dissapear. i thought the up or down were way less intense then that? it was like from feeling  0 to 100 to 15 now

 

Yes, the waves and windows can vary in their intensity, just as you describe.  It's a good sign that you had 10 days of 100%, a sign of healing.  There's just no way to predict how far up or down we'll go, because we don't know what's going on in the central nervous system.  Just enjoy the windows when they happen.  When you're in a window, it's natural to think, oh, I'm healed, this is permanent, especially when your window is long and very good, and it's also natural when the window ends to feel very discouraged and disappointed.  When the waves hit do self-care and be kind and gentle to yourself and know this is a natural part of the process of healing.

[emerik]

@Gridley make sense,

sometime i do wonder if im actually going trough withdrawals or if its just me doing this to myself by thinking too much and worrying about my health. 

my only symptoms are extreme anxiety, racing thoughts and trouble sleeping , nothing else really. would that be something possible you think?

[mstimc]

2 minutes ago, emerik said:

@Gridley make sense,

sometime i do wonder if im actually going trough withdrawals or if its just me doing this to myself by thinking too much and worrying about my health. 

my only symptoms are extreme anxiety, racing thoughts and trouble sleeping , nothing else really. would that be something possible you think?

Hi Emerik

Yes, overthinking can be dangerous, especially as you go farther into recovery; you can start thinking every setback is a sign of something serious.  I went through many months of this relatively late in my recovery.  I'd get past one symptom only to latch onto another.  Given time and the self-care Gridely mentioned, it will pass.

[pinciukas]

3 minutes ago, emerik said:

@Gridley make sense,

sometime i do wonder if im actually going trough withdrawals or if its just me doing this to myself by thinking too much and worrying about my health. 

my only symptoms are extreme anxiety, racing thoughts and trouble sleeping , nothing else really. would that be something possible you think?

I am thinking too much. Now not just enjoying that I feel good and if not I know it will pass. Before I was on 24/7 Google checking Paxil damage brain damage anxiety and so on all the bullsh*t and makes myself anxious. Now only checking once forum that's it. Reading news and books. Trying to socialize more and spend time with girlfriend 

[emerik]

1 minute ago, pinciukas said:

I am thinking too much. Now not just enjoying that I feel good and if not I know it will pass. Before I was on 24/7 Google checking Paxil damage brain damage anxiety and so on all the bullsh*t and makes myself anxious. Now only checking once forum that's it. Reading news and books. Trying to socialize more and spend time with girlfriend 

 

make sense, i live

with my girlfriend and we have a nice cat hehe so im always surrounded by things i love. and i never let myself stay inside for whatever reason even if i feel sh*tty but damn sometime its hard to focus on the present moment.

 

i did enjoy the windows 100% and didnt think about anything at all. but now it feel like im doing this to myself again. so weird. itll pass.

[emerik]

been taking melatonin 0.3 mg since a cople of days, havent notice any difference. would that help with falling asleep anxiety?
should i experiment higher dose, my sleep schedule is ****, go to bed at 1am, wake up at 10-11.
average an hour of sleep last night. but did sleep totally fine on my good windows.
my problem is falling asleep which sometime doesnt happen at all lol.
also taking magnesium 200-400mg and experimenting my dose. no problem with it so far

[emerik]

also, would it have been more intense to not reinstate? curious in general.

[emerik]

finally updated my signature.

[emerik]

should i go to bed when im tired or create myself a schedule if my problem is getting to sleep, dont really have 9-5 work.
thats what im struggling with.

[emerik]

sleep good on my windows

sleep really bad on waves. like 0-3 hours

mostly 1hour, i  fall asleep at 5-6 am sometime laying in bed since 12-1am

taking some time off work 

any tips for sleep? im taking magnesium 

400mg spread trough the day and i like it. more calm and relaxed, feel intense soemtime first minute then good. but dont seem to help sleep? no weird symptoms

melatonin 33mcg once or 0.66 dont seem to help me sleep either. increase melatonin? 

[emerik]

slept really good last night
melatonin 0.33 x 3 and magnesium trough the day.

[OrangeCounty]

Hi. Just reading your story. Glad you slept well last night. Magnesium has been like a wonder for me. I take 400 at bedtime. My sleep has been amazing. 
 

Good luck!

[emerik]

44 minutes ago, OrangeCounty said:

Hi. Just reading your story. Glad you slept well last night. Magnesium has been like a wonder for me. I take 400 at bedtime. My sleep has been amazing. 
 

Good luck!

 

you too man always remember the good windows and good sleep

 

sometime i get the really bad days for a while but it always come down nice at one point.

[emerik]

Ok so i did my second big mistake.

as you know i live in berlin and the drug scene is huge here. 

 

i was feeling very 100% the past days /

weeks and i ended up doing amphetamine and a bit of mdma one full night because of drinking with friends of course

 ( no lecture please, i dont know why i did that it was stupid af but i did, adding crazy drugs on someone on withdrawals is probably the stupidest **** ever )

i normally never do drugs i dont know what came over me.

 

anyways i believe i got a rush of serotonin,

as ive been sweating a lot from the past days, got speedy heart rare and i havent been able to sleep mostly at all. i feel lucky that i dont have any other big symptom linked to serotonin syndrome its basically feel like i was in the beginning with more agitation. i feel pretty calm overall just tired.

 

Ive learned and im not taking any drugs or booze till all of this go away one day i know what i did is extremely dangerous.

 

my question is mostly, its only been 2 days, will this mostly go away after flushing out comedown of the illicit drugs i took or i might be stuck for a while here?

 

i really dont wanna take occasional benzos but i might have to for

the sleep?

[Erell]

6 hours ago, emerik said:

 

my question is mostly, its only been 2 days, will this mostly go away after flushing out comedown of the illicit drugs i took or i might be stuck for a while here?

 

Hello Emerik

 

Unfortunately, no one can tell you how your CNS will stabilise after this event, or how long it will take.

 

6 hours ago, emerik said:

 

i really dont wanna take occasional benzos but i might have to for

the sleep?

 

I think you've already answered To this :

 

6 hours ago, emerik said:

Ive learned and im not taking any drugs or booze till all of this go away one day 

 

Benzo is a drug too. Your Cns is destabilised : what you need now is a lot of rest and keep everything as stable as possible. Make sure To eat a bit and drink enough water.

 

 

I'm not judging you, you already know it was a mistake.  But I wanna highlight the fact that you felt "100%" for a few days.

This is really huge and you're Lucky : please love yourself by taking care of your health.

 

Stay strong ❤

[emerik]

finally feel back to normal i guess after a couple of days.
didnt sleep for 3 days after the incident. now its fine.

definitely never doing drugs again , this really teached me a lesson.

[emerik]

update here guys

ive been feeling super normal and good ever since march 4th

i think maybe the reinstatement worked. no symptoms at all, sleep fine, nothing wrong back to normal

[mstimc]

22 hours ago, emerik said:

update here guys

ive been feeling super normal and good ever since march 4th

i think maybe the reinstatement worked. no symptoms at all, sleep fine, nothing wrong back to normal

Wonderful news!