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LostRunner: took citalopram for 7 days - feel terrible 7 weeks later

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Gridley
3 hours ago, LostRunner said:

@Gridley have you heard of adverse reactions causing permanent damage? 

 

I'm not aware of any instance of this.


Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, resumed a few months later. CT 2000.  1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept, 2016 increased to 0.5 X 3 in split dose. Sept. 2019 increased to 0.625 X 3 after crossover to new brand

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Artistic1

Hi, Lost Runner. I can't speak to the physical symptoms you're having, but the guilt and regret......oh, yeah....I can relate to that. Dealing with the mental situation is as important as dealing with the physical. CBT can go a long way toward helping you with that. Changing your thoughts to something more balanced and realistic can make you feel so much better, and can help you to deal with the physical problems. It can be a slow process, and you have to do the homework that a therapist will give you, but it has helped me immensely. I now do CBT every day without even thinking about it...it's just automatic. Finding a good therapist is critical. Just talking to someone who is knowledgeable can help, but it should be someone who will teach you tools to practice on your own. Good luck with your journey.


Celexa - 20 mg May 2015 - March 2016 (Felt quite good)..... Celexa taper from May 2016 - Nov 2016.....Depression and Anxiety returned June 2017

July, 2017: Zoloft = 25 mg;  Aug. 2017 = 37.5 mg; Nov. 2017 = 50 mg thru Jan. 23, 2018.

Jan. 2018 - May 6, 2019 = taper Zoloft from 50 mg to 12.5 mg.  Aug. 11, 2019 - felt so bad that I reinstated at 25mg. Hold at this dose until Feb. 3, 2020

Feb. 4, 2020 = reduce dose to 21.875 mg. Hold for 10 weeks. April 14, 2020 = 18.75 mg. Hold for 10 weeks.  

June10, 2020 - start cycle of 2 weeks to taper slowly from old dose to new dose, then hold at new dose for 6-7 weeks. June 23 = 16.666 mg.

August 26 = 14.75 mg

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Teppo125

@LostRunnerI take Escitalopram(Lexapro) two months last summer and stopped them mid september. First months was pure torture, but after 6 months I saw some healing. Now 8 months off and Do I feel normal? No, but much better. The healing is coming slowly. And I was never before suicidal, the drug did it. That lasted an evil six months, but then it began to disappear, slowly, but fading away.


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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LostRunner

@mstimc I have huge anxiety around this as I cant believe what I've done and the life I had and now the one ive got now. I didn't feel well on citalopram initially but took it for a full week for some reason even though I felt very ill. I think I took enough where I've damaged my body. My digestion doesn't work anymore and my body pulses 24/7 - this is over 3 months later! There is no let up. My body couldn't process the drug for whatever reason and now my stomach doesn't really work. I cant feel sensations in it or the need to go to the toilet, I'm just bloated all the time. I've tried simple foods, smoothies, herbal teas everything. I just dont see any other adverse reactions which have similar symptoms to me, I think I was extremely sensitive and now i'm physically damaged. I'm 30 and truly feel like my life is over now. technically I know that I'm still alive and breathing but I dont want this life! 

 

@keogh08 Thank you for your response! I'm so pleased you're feeling better and what a lot for you to deal with with a young child as well. Can't even imagine!

 

I think I too would have been okay eventually if I'd taken less of the drug. I had a chance to stop after 3 days but my dr said to continue. I think I'll regret that forever. It's been 3 months and I haven't seen my symptoms getting any better. My body continually pulses now and even when I stand I feel very unsteady with my back and stomach pulsing all the time. I cant run which is something I used to do 2/3 times a week.

 

I totally get what you mean about the mindset but my physical symptoms are so bad. it just doesn't sound or feel like other peoples symptoms which are related withdrawal/adverse reactions. I do truly believe im damaged and im not sure how I can work through that at the moment. 

 

@sunnysideup69 thank you for your reply. I'm not going to use any other anti depressants. I totally appreciate everyone saying I will recover but I do honestly think/believe/ know? that my body has encountered permanent damage. My symptoms are just not like anyone elses in terms of the constant pulsing/spasms in my back and lack of balance and stomach just not working. My head also bobs up and down all the time. I dont know what the damage is but possibly some kind of nerve damage. I'm so sad that this has happened.

 

I feel like my life is over or at least the life I knew is done and I cant experience it the way I would want to again. sure I can take a few steps and go sit in the garden etc but I cant physically do much which is so hard. Im 30 and definitely did not imagine this for myself at this age! Breathing exercises are hard as my stomach is constantly pulsing really strongly (again haven't seen this symptom on the forums at all) I feel like im going mad and living in an alternate reality! I am living with my family at the moment and they have been amazing with me but obviously this does take their toll on them as well. I can appreciate that its very hard for them to live with me right now. Sorry I know im just being very depressing. I hope you're doing well on your journey.  

 

@Gridley really, there must be instances of this that you know of? Ive seen people on big Pharma Facebook groups etc who claim that anti d's have caused perm damage from an adverse reaction. As ive said above, I dont see my symptoms as similar to others who are going through adverse/ or even withdrawal. Mine point to damage. They are 24/7 and point to nerve damage in my back/neck/stomach. I think I would have been okay if I'd stopped the drug after a few doses but I think taking 7 has just taken the piss really out of a body that could not process it. That's my take on it anyway. It makes sense as if you take something that is toxic to your body too many times, SURELY the result of that is damage. I'm sorry to go on, just gutted really. 

 

@Artistic1 yeah the regret and guilt is all consuming, just cant let go of it. I've started CBT and have a counsellor so I have all the right things in place. for me they just serve as a reminder as to why I shouldn't have turned to an anti depressant in the first place and I should have looked in other directions first to combat my anxiety (I was on a very long waiting list for CBT in the U.K and felt like I couldn't wait) How I wish I'd waited!! would be nothing compared to whats happening now. 

 

@Teppo125 I'm glad you're making progress. I just dont see the same for myself, ive had 3 months of the same **** all the time and it's not getting better. I've never been suicidal before either, its a really scary way to be thinking and I seem to be thinking of it as a logical step now. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Teppo125

@LostRunner 3 months ain’t long time yet. I think that 3-6 months (or 2-4 months I don’t remember) was worst in my healing. Just do not give up hope, you’ll be better, just hang in there. I still got days (perhaps waves) when I think that I haven’t made any progress and I want to give up, but I won’t. 
And I was also very sporty guy before Escitalopram. I had to give up ice hockey, football and other tough sports, I just had to accept that. I hope that I could do those in future, but now I have to rest. Accept the situation and live day by day. It get better.🙂


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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Gridley
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, LostRunner said:

Mine point to damage.

Of course, we can't claim to know everything about adverse reactions or your specific situation.  Our experience with adverse reactions has been that the first few months--where you are now--are very bad and that after that things slowly start to improve.  So what I'm saying is I wouldn't give up hope.

Edited by Gridley

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, resumed a few months later. CT 2000.  1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept, 2016 increased to 0.5 X 3 in split dose. Sept. 2019 increased to 0.625 X 3 after crossover to new brand

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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LostRunner

@Gridley I know you cant, i'm sorry. its ridiculous that I'm expecting you to know. Thank you for your responses even if I'm sounding very unreasonable/mad. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Artistic1

Lost Runner - I see a lot of "should haves" and "ifs" in your posts. One of the first things I learned in CBT was to deal with those statements and thoughts. "Should have" looks at the past, which can't be changed, so those statements are not even in my vocabulary any more. "What if" points to the future, and none of us knows what that will bring, so I've dropped those statements, too.

 

That leaves the present. All you can do is look at what's happening today, REGARDLESS of the reason, and deal with it in the present. NOW that I have this condition, NOW that I feel this way, NOW that my life is different, what can I do? This doesn't mean one doesn't think about the past or the future, but one stops wishing they could manipulate it, because you can't - the past and future are not even there except in our minds. 

 

Here is an example of working with NOW in a more realistic and helpful way that worked for me:

 

This is the thought-  "I have this pain today, and it's because I took those meds, and I shouldn't have done that." I have no power here, and I'm only adding more pain with guilt and regret.

With CBT, the thought could be this: "I have this pain today, but just for today, I will not look at the whole slew of symptoms I have, but will deal with just one thing at a time." Here, I CHOOSE what to do, and my mind doesn't run roughshod over me. Of course, one has to practice the new thought - sometimes dozens of times a day - and It may sound unrealistic to do this, or you might not even believe it 100%, but with repetition, our brains build new pathways and learn better ways of dealing with things. After two years of doing this, I can attest that it works.

 

I do hope your CBT helps you. One day at a time.

 

 


Celexa - 20 mg May 2015 - March 2016 (Felt quite good)..... Celexa taper from May 2016 - Nov 2016.....Depression and Anxiety returned June 2017

July, 2017: Zoloft = 25 mg;  Aug. 2017 = 37.5 mg; Nov. 2017 = 50 mg thru Jan. 23, 2018.

Jan. 2018 - May 6, 2019 = taper Zoloft from 50 mg to 12.5 mg.  Aug. 11, 2019 - felt so bad that I reinstated at 25mg. Hold at this dose until Feb. 3, 2020

Feb. 4, 2020 = reduce dose to 21.875 mg. Hold for 10 weeks. April 14, 2020 = 18.75 mg. Hold for 10 weeks.  

June10, 2020 - start cycle of 2 weeks to taper slowly from old dose to new dose, then hold at new dose for 6-7 weeks. June 23 = 16.666 mg.

August 26 = 14.75 mg

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LostRunner

Thank you @Artistic1 I know you're right that is a much healthier thought process to have. I have to work on forgiving myself or im not going to make it


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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LostRunner

I am a complete shell of a person at the moment. There is such lovely weather in the U.K and my friends are messaging me and wanting to interact etc and I just cant. I'm not the same person I was at the beginning of this year. I'm isolating myself from everyone as I just cant interact. I dont recognise myself. I cant have conversations without wanting to just cry and cry. I dont know how I'm going to get through it all. How can I possibly do days and days, weeks months, years of this. I just dont think I have the strength for it! I want a way out of it but then I think about ending it all and that all seems just a bit mental but then I'm struggling to understand how I can continue also. I'm in an alternate reality that doesn't make sense to me. everything makes me sad as I remember how I used to enjoy something or would be excited about something now its just sadness. such heavy sadness. 

 

I've looked up adverse reactions on here and recovery times are just so depressing or not at all/ very minimal in some cases. I think I have quite bad physical symptoms in particular and similar cases to mine there just hasn't been recovery or only improvement after many years. I'm just not strong like these people I dont know how they did/do it. I'm at 3 months and already cant deal with it. Whats the point if every day is just misery I dont get it. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Teppo125
44 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

I am a complete shell of a person at the moment. There is such lovely weather in the U.K and my friends are messaging me and wanting to interact etc and I just cant. I'm not the same person I was at the beginning of this year. I'm isolating myself from everyone as I just cant interact. I dont recognise myself. I cant have conversations without wanting to just cry and cry. I dont know how I'm going to get through it all. How can I possibly do days and days, weeks months, years of this. I just dont think I have the strength for it! I want a way out of it but then I think about ending it all and that all seems just a bit mental but then I'm struggling to understand how I can continue also. I'm in an alternate reality that doesn't make sense to me. everything makes me sad as I remember how I used to enjoy something or would be excited about something now its just sadness. such heavy sadness. 

 

I've looked up adverse reactions on here and recovery times are just so depressing or not at all/ very minimal in some cases. I think I have quite bad physical symptoms in particular and similar cases to mine there just hasn't been recovery or only improvement after many years. I'm just not strong like these people I dont know how they did/do it. I'm at 3 months and already cant deal with it. Whats the point if every day is just misery I dont get it. 

The point is that you will recover. I remember too when I was totally broken and I saw how much time it could be take when this misery is over, I was desperate. Just give yourself time and you will see that you are healing. 


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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treadingwater

Try and just take it one day at a time. If even that overwhelms, break it down to hours. You only need to survive the day. Don’t think about tomorrow. 
 

I became very fatalistic after my adverse reaction. I wasn’t exactly suicidal, but I thought a lot about death and how that wasn’t such a bad thing given the circumstances.  Kinda like, if it happens so be it. I’m not going to put up a fight. I definitely freaked my husband out when I shared how I felt.  Do you have someone you can talk to about how you’re feeling?  It helped me to talk about it. I also journaled. I could look back and see my progress, which was also helpful. 
 

You will improve with time. Practice acceptance of where you are at today. Try not to focus on what you’ve lost or what you can’t do. And if you’re going to be miserable anyway, still try and do little things each day.  Eventually you’ll find that you can still get things accomplished even when you feel crummy. Don’t crawl in bed and wait to feel back to normal before you start living life again.  

One last suggestion, I would avoid any FB groups or other message boards where the members say they are permanently damaged from big Pharma. It’s only going to add to your fear if you’re constantly thinking you’ll never recover. 


Sertraline (Adverse Reaction)

August 2019:  3 days @ 12.5mg, 3 days @ 25 mg, 4 days @ 37.5 mg, 1 day @ 50 mg

 

Current Meds:

Magnesium 200mg

Vitamin D3 1000 iu

Melatonin 1 mg

Acetaminophen 1000 mg at night for Frozen Shoulder Pain

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LostRunner

@Teppo125 thank you. I know, I think I could deal with the emotional things better if I didn't feel so physically damaged. I'm having trouble walking normally and standing steady which from what ive seen is just not 'normal' for withdrawal/adverse reaction, particularly 3 months on! I was a very active, fit person before this. Other symptoms I can put into perspective a bit more. But the 24/7 tingling/shaking of my legs and back I just cant put a logical reason to. I do think I have nerve damage and I'm awaiting tests for this. 

 

@treadingwater thank you. It really is just getting through each day. I find mornings and the realisation its all happening again particularly hard. I am struggling with the concept of navigating my life now.. friends jobs going out even really simple things that I didn't think twice about before. I'm not able to walk as well as I did before. My gait has been really affected. Previous to this I was very active and healthy and ran a lot. now I think about going for a walk and I just want to cry.

 

I do have people to talk to. I am very lucky (that makes me also feel guilty because of how amazingly patient they have been). I know I've been quite exhausting to be around. I think im in a permanent state of disbelief that I cant just go for a run. sounds simple but im gutted. I started journalling but I haven't seen seen any progress in 3 months so I've stopped recently as I was depressing myself. I'm sorry I cant be more positive. You're right about avoiding those groups, I have left them now. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Teppo125

@LostRunner We are all unique persons and I don’t know for sure, but I think that everyones symptoms aren’t exactly similar. They could be some of a kind, but not same. If you didn’t have those symptoms before drugs, it’s withdrawal and it goes by. I had to call my football coach that I can’t play this summer and she said that they need me. It hurts, it hurts very much, but I have to accept that I just can’t play. I  have to do those things what I could at the moment. 


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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LostRunner

@Teppo125 sorry you are hurting at the moment, it sounds tough and I hope you can play again soon. No doubt it will be amazing when you can finally do it. 

 

no I didn't have any of these symptoms before the drugs but I believe these drugs were toxic to me and I took enough that caused permanent damage even if it was just 7 days (cant believe it!).  I think it is damage just because my physical symptoms in terms of walking are quite severe and I don't see how my gait and balance will return to normal now. its like ive forgot how to stand straight. My back pulses 24/7 and has done for months now. I haven't seen over all the posts someone who has had something like this. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Erell
2 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

and I took enough that caused permanent damage even if it was just 7 days (cant believe it!).  

 

Hello, 

 

I know how hard it can be to remember it while going through the worse of it, but please remember all this is only temporary.

 

All the testimonies here show that symptoms aren't permanent and that healing is happening all the time. It is frustratingly slow, but all our CNS want to repair, and are trying to do so.

 

One day, all this will only be a memory ❤️


2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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LostRunner

 

Thank you for your kind words @Erell I'm a complete mess! 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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treadingwater

I do understand how troubling it is not to be able to workout or be physically active. Prior to my reaction, I worked out every day. The gym is my happy place. Not being able to do anything physical was very upsetting.  My balance was so bad that the only piece of equipment I could manage was the sitting cycle.  Even just getting from my car to the cycle, my heart rate would skyrocket. It was very, very frustrating and was a real trigger for my anxiety.  But I still went (the doctor said I was physically fine) because I thought getting myself back to a normal routine would help my recovery. It’s been 10 months and I can only work out 4 days a week for a max of 30 minutes, but I’m content with that. 
 

Have you asked your doctor if you are cleared for physical exercise?  You might want to try and do some gentle exercise like walking or Tai Chi.  If your balance is bad, maybe look at doing some seated yoga. Anything that shifts your focus for a few minutes will be helpful. 


Sertraline (Adverse Reaction)

August 2019:  3 days @ 12.5mg, 3 days @ 25 mg, 4 days @ 37.5 mg, 1 day @ 50 mg

 

Current Meds:

Magnesium 200mg

Vitamin D3 1000 iu

Melatonin 1 mg

Acetaminophen 1000 mg at night for Frozen Shoulder Pain

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LostRunner

hi @treadingwater What a relief it must be to be able to work out again. I too view exercise like that.

 

I have been gong out for short walks, and ive done some stretching in the garden everyday. it is a massive chore and I feel the pressure building up in my lower spine after about 20 mins. I used to love walking, I would walk for miles. my back literally feels unstable,  I dont even think its me feeling off balance mentally I think physically by back isn't right. its hard for me to explain. Also my legs feel shaky and like they're not really my legs. My doctors dont think theres anything wrong with me really as to their eyes I can physically walk and I have previously been so active. I am waiting for a nerve test with a neurologist. I've been cleared by a physio who couldn't see anything 'mechanically' wrong with me and Ive had a spine MRI. It really baffles me. otherwise when I sit or stand my back is continually pulsing in small movements, hence why im inclined to think its nerve damage. It's so constant that its hard for me to focus on other things and even when I am watching something etc I can still feel my back pulsing away. its truly awful. 

 

 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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LostRunner

Can I ask the moderators if they think my pulsing back/walking situation is a bit odd as a symptom? or something they haven't heard of before? Just would be intrigued to know your opinions as you've heard of so many situations 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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brassmonkey

It's such a weird feeling, I understand  totally how it feels. One of the ways in which antidepressants work is to interfere with nerve impulses. They cause nerves not to work properly and misfire at random times.  This leads to nervous twitches in limbs and face muscles, tight muscles in the back and legs, lack of coordination and strength. As we change the dose of the drugs during a taper the nervous system has to adjust along with the changes.  This can involve "rewiring"  and "reprogramming" the entire system. While that is happening all sorts of sensations will be experienced.  If you are getting a clean bill of health from the doctors and tests, then it can be chalked up to ADWD and the body healing itself.  Over time the body will correct itself and return to normal function.

 

One thing that many people overlook is the fact that the body is a dynamic machine. It is never "sitting still".  Various twitches and movements are quite normal in everyone's body. They are more pronounced when going through ADWD and we notice them more because we tend to micro-focus on every sensation that happens, but it's all part of the process of healing.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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LostRunner

Thank you for your reply @brassmonkey. Do you think the same can apply for me even though I'm not technically in withdrawal as I was only on citalopram for 7 days and I suffered an adverse reaction? Three months on and the pulsing is still going strong 24/7 and doesn't change at all. So far I've been cleared doctor wise with brain and spine mri and full bloods but am awaiting to have nerve tests done. Does this sound unusual to you at all? I just haven't seen what I have described anywhere else.

 

 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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brassmonkey

I'm pretty sure that someone has pointed out this thread to you, but if not have a read through it  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17909-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/?tab=comments#comment-354113

 

 

One of the really unfortunate things about these drugs is just how powerful they are. It's rare, but as little as one dose can cause symptoms for many months. So being on it for a week actually can cause problems for quite a while.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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LostRunner

Thanks @brassmonkey ive definitely been directed to this before - probably by yourself thank you.  I just cant see it getting better for me physically as it feels like damage I guess. I was just standing just now and my whole body is moving back and forth and I feel very unsteady. my legs are vibrating continuously. I haven't noticed improvements in 3 months. Its so odd as for about 2 weeks or so after stopping citalopram I was walking around fine, think I walked for miles in London as usual, then bam here I am struggling to complete a daily walk. all of this makes no sense to me at all! 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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Teppo125

That’s when the withdrawal kicks in. My symptoms kicks in after two weeks. 


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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LostRunner

all of this just doesn't seem real. as you can tell im not coping well at all. every part of me doesn't work properly - my walking, digestion terrible, periods stopped, weight drop, stomach I cant even feel it anymore, my brain, my chest pulsates all the time, every part of me is pulsing. I cant relax. I try to switch off and distract myself and I just end up panicking and stressing about the the physical sensations. they are so hard to tune out of. I don't recognise myself. I just pine for my life before all this and berate myself for even trying the stupid drug. Im sorry I just moan on here, I dont know what else to do. I know a positive mind set is whats best and if I was my 'normal' self id be saying the exact same thing. but how on earth can I be positive right now? my life feels like its over. I dont really function im not living. im just sort of here, feeling all these weird sensations and just feeling utterly hopeless. I dont want that. I cant imagine any improvements I don't know what that would even look like. how can my balance or walking ability be restored. my hips hurt and pop (never did before) ive also got a hard lump now on the back of my knee (dr said its a bakers cyst) - never had any such issues before. im just falling apart. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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LostRunner

I promise I wasn't so miserable before all this. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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mstimc
11 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

I promise I wasn't so miserable before all this. 

We know you weren't.  These drugs can really mess you up.

 

Can you see the anxiety circle you're in?  Your symptoms make you feel anxious, which make you worry about recovering, and the worry makes the symptoms worse.  Try to accept the anxiety is being driven by constant ruminations rather than something being physically and permanently wrong with you.  


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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LostRunner

I feel messed up forever. I don't understand how I can get back. I'm in a very strange reality that doesn't make sense to me. 

 

I do see the circle I'm in. I do try every day to help it.. I manage to spend some hours playing a game or jigsaws etc but the feelings are overwhelming its been really hard to be calm and just be accepting as I'm just not. How can I be? I don't understand. I haven't seen anyone with my symptoms on this forum and there are hundreds of cases on here. I've been told to not think of myself as a one off or special case but I really think that I am. I don't want to be of course. I dont know what my body is made of but it did not like citalopram and I took more than it could manage. im a complete idiot and I dont see how im going to have a good life now. I'm only 30 and I honestly dont see myself doing anything normal again. How can I be apart of the world and just do day to day things again. Sorry I dont know why im posting such negativity and im sorry if this makes anyone feel down I dont know what to do with myself. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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mstimc

You will be normal again if you let yourself be.  As many other experienced members have told you, your symptoms are not unique.  We've all suffered from our own unique combination of symptoms at times, and they tend to come and go, but you're not alone.  We understand and sympathize, and we can offer you all the support you need, but in the end recovery is up to you.  Your mind has created an alternative reality that's telling you you'll never recover.  Your mind has the power to break that.  The motto of paxilprogress.org was "Recovery Is In You".   What your mind had created, it can undo.  Lots of others here were convinced they had permanent damage, and then a few weeks later they've posted they're feeling better.  It takes time and can seem like it never gets better, but it will.  Accept that you have the strength and ability to heal, then give yourself the space and time to do it.  It took me three years but I made it.


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Teppo125

I saw somewhere in here that someone said 99% of people who suffers ADWD, were sure that they were the one who never recover. And they all recovered. That gives some perspective. 


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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LostRunner

@Teppo125 I know, I do understand that. I cant help but compare my symptoms to some others (particularly the physical ones) - literally no one with a pulsing Lower back that interferes with walking. Thank you for your positivity though, I know I'm being draining. 

 

@mstimc no matter what anyone says I still think mine are a bit unique - and this is only because I literally haven't seen some of my big physical symptoms on other peoples stories. Threads that I have seen who have a lot of physical symptoms and are also adverse reactions either haven't got better or are at the same place years on. It seems from reading on here that sometimes adverse reactions are a different beast to withdrawal in terms of actually getting better. Actual withdrawal makes more sense as to how/why people get better and why it can take a little while with the brain rewiring and so on if someone has taken something for a long time. Also people who have been on a drug for a while, their body could tolerate the drug at some point and they lived fine for how ever long with the drug in their body. I never had that reaction, it was just toxic to begin with. does that make any sense? I don't know if it's me creating an alternate reality when I feel like the facts are here in the forum. I don't know. I really do want to be positive but there aren't many stories for me to relate to. 

 

I'm so pleased that you got better. 3 years sounds like a long time and its incredible that you made it through that. I really do appreciate your support thank you, I cant get over how kind people are on here to complete strangers. I do like what you wrote about the mind and I'm normally a big believer in all of that, its very powerful. I think the physical stuff I'm dealing with just cant be undone - I wish it could! I'd genuinely have more faith if I was experiencing more mental symptoms I think. 

 

 

 

 

 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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brassmonkey

When I was younger I was a very avid hiker and mountain climber, one of my favorite things was being out hiking in nature or working my way up a mountain slope. There were many times I found myself standing on top of a 14000 foot peak in Colorado. While tapering from paxil I found it practically impossible to walk around the block. I would park at the bottom of our driveway and have to balance against the cars to struggle up the short slope, about 30 feet, because the pain in my legs and back was so bad I could hardly stand let alone keep my balance and walk. It would come and go in waves, I'd struggle for a month or so and then have a window for a few weeks before the pain would change locations and it would all start again.  By the end of my taper it was all gone. My problem now is because I'm getting up there in age and have worn out my body over the years, but the pain that happened from the drugs is all in the past.  It didn't happen over night but was only present while I was under the influence of the drugs.

 

It's very hard for someone who has been strong and active to accept that they are now physically limited and it is very easy to not trust your body and accept that it is a temporary situation. The easy way out is to start to believe that it is a permanent condition and let the secondary fear take over. Yes, the physical problems of ADWD can take us out of action, but it is only for a little while and we do recover. 


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Artistic1

Lost Runner - I know your symptoms started after you took Citalopram, and only for 7 days. You have attributed your current condition to the medication. No doubt, it's had an effect, because when we put drugs in our bodies, they will react. However, it's totally possible that you have some other conditions going on that are not due to the medication. Your brain tells you its the meds, but the meds might be just one small factor. Our minds create stories for us to explain our experiences. I learned in CBT to look for real facts to support or not support my thoughts. That way, I can some up with something more balanced that is probably closer to the truth. It takes a lot of practice, but our brains do learn to not always go to the catastrophic thinking.

 

CBT is NOT about positive thinking. It's about balanced thinking. Positive thinking can get you into trouble, because when our experiences don't match the positive affirmation we're trying to tell ourselves, we get more disappointed. But if it's balanced with real facts, that is more practical for our minds and emotions to work with.

 

I am not minimizing your symptoms or experiences. You may very well be a one-of-a-kind case. But that doesn't mean there is no solution. The solution may be something completely different than what you have in mind right now. Your brain has set you up to expect to be like you were before. If that doesn't happen, you will be continually disappointed and frustrated.  But if you can get your brain to simply accept the symptoms you have and work with them or around them, that is better than constantly telling yourself it's the Citalopram and there's no fixing it. Someone in this thread recommended one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. That's what I do. Some days it's just getting from bed to breakfast, from breakfast to lunch, etc. Once you start doing that, you can build on it. 

I wish you the best. 


Celexa - 20 mg May 2015 - March 2016 (Felt quite good)..... Celexa taper from May 2016 - Nov 2016.....Depression and Anxiety returned June 2017

July, 2017: Zoloft = 25 mg;  Aug. 2017 = 37.5 mg; Nov. 2017 = 50 mg thru Jan. 23, 2018.

Jan. 2018 - May 6, 2019 = taper Zoloft from 50 mg to 12.5 mg.  Aug. 11, 2019 - felt so bad that I reinstated at 25mg. Hold at this dose until Feb. 3, 2020

Feb. 4, 2020 = reduce dose to 21.875 mg. Hold for 10 weeks. April 14, 2020 = 18.75 mg. Hold for 10 weeks.  

June10, 2020 - start cycle of 2 weeks to taper slowly from old dose to new dose, then hold at new dose for 6-7 weeks. June 23 = 16.666 mg.

August 26 = 14.75 mg

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mstimc
7 minutes ago, Artistic1 said:

I learned in CBT to look for real facts to support or not support my thoughts. That way, I can some up with something more balanced that is probably closer to the truth. It takes a lot of practice, but our brains do learn to not always go to the catastrophic thinking.

 

CBT is NOT about positive thinking. It's about balanced thinking. Positive thinking can get you into trouble, because when our experiences don't match the positive affirmation we're trying to tell ourselves, we get more disappointed. But if it's balanced with real facts, that is more practical for our minds and emotions to work with.

This is a great definition of CBT, Artistic!  I learned CBT from my therapist and it really is about grounding yourself in reality instead of the stories your anxiety is telling you.  And yes, it does take practice to internalize the practices, but its far more effective than medication. 


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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LostRunner

@brassmonkey thank you for your response. you're right its the hardest thing when you're so used to being so active! its a huge part of my life. I haven't experienced any windows with my back issue yet and its not so much painful, just the weirdest moving sensation in my lower back - feels unstable! im glad you were able to get back to moving without pain. it must've been awful when it was bad. 

 

@Artistic1 I was very healthy before citalopram and had no prior issues so whatever has happened is due to taking the drug. My bloods and mri's have been normal so far and I was seen at a rapid diagnostic centre two weeks ago, everything there was normal. I do understand the concept of CBT, only wish id practiced it before starting on the medication. 


11th - 17th February 2020 - Citalopram (3 days 10 mg & 4 days 20mg) - ADVERSE REACTION

June 2020 - Started taking 1/2 teaspoon of ReMag magnesium chloride daily

 

 

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