Fightinghard: overcoming

[Fightinghard]

Well I’ve hit a really tough wave i think.  My ‘tics’ or twitches have increased substantially so throughout the day I’m getting these sudden movements.  It seems like my cns is hypersensitive and I’m startled and then in twitch.  Is kind Of like when you get startled by a loud noise and you ‘jump’. That’s what’s this is like.    Could be just my arm or my body.  When I’m trying to fall asleep i get it as well where i may get a jolt or movement that wakes me.  Its like the hypnic jerks I’ve read about.  Ironically, my morning anxiety has been at a low. Almost non existent.   Friday night i slept probably 8 hours.  Tonight, I’m working on 2-3.  Every time i get closer to falling asleep i pop awake and feel a twinge of anxiety and of being awake.  I’m hoping this is a quick wave that passes.  This is rough.   What’s interesting is I’m 6 months out and this is the first time I’m dealing with this.  I’ve had the tics Throughout  the day but very minimal.  Out of the blue this got worse over the past few days.  Like i said Friday i had then as well and going to bed they were there but i was able to sleep. 
 

 

not sure if there is anything to do other than ride it out. I’m taking magnesium and fish oil.  Melatonin right before bed.  I’ll chalk this up to one bad night.  Overall, when i was looking back at the past few months, my sleep was trending better.  More and more decent and good nights sleep.  This is my first really bad one in months.  
 

 

 

[Fightinghard]

Hello @Altostrata-  I’ve had some minor ‘tics’ the past few months that have gotten worse over a few days. They actually had subsided greatly but they are back worse than ever. My last post kind of describes it.  I’m sensitive to noise and  it seems like I’m sensitive to movement or ‘touching’. For example i rubbed my back against a brush in the shower and i jerked.  It’s not overly noticeable to people i interact with. I think i feel it more that it actually jumps. Do you think this is from my CNS being hypersensitive?  
 

I’m 6 months out.  I was doing ok overall. Ups and Downs for sure but this one is tough.   I’ve thought about reinstatement but I’m really wondering if I’m dealing with an adverse reaction to Zoloft versus lexapro WD or maybe both. I took Zoloft 15 years ago or so and basically was CT to Wellbutrin.  This past April i was given 100mg to start on Zoloft.  While i was having sleep issues prior from Covid stress it did get worse with the Zoloft.  I couldn’t fall asleep.  Kind of reminds me of my night tonight.  I’d start to fall asleep and then pop awake.   I stopped that 4 days later and switched to Zoloft.   I later went into a sleep pattern of sleep with lexapro of 4-5 hours then wake up for a few and not really fall back to sleep.  My question is outside the risk of being 6 months out, would reinstating lexapro make sense if this new symptoms continues?  As i write this i almost wonder if my body is now healing the Zoloft impact from April.  My sleep had been trending better until last night.  Previous night was 8 hours.  
 

Thanks for thoughts you may have on this.  

[Fightinghard]

Sorry to do 3 posts in a row but i have to do this for my own benefit.  Truly, I’ve been trending better the past few weeks.  When i look at where i am objectively I’ve improved dramatically since July.  Obviously I’m still in WD but things were looking up.  These ‘tics’ or ‘jerks’ that seem to be a response from a movement or sound sure seem to be like a startling reflex.  Like I’m jumping when something triggers it.  When i try to sleep is similar like the hypnic jerks.  I’ve had this when i try to nap.  So this is just a wave and my body will heal.  I’m anxious about this symptom for some reason more than others.  They all said, i see myself as recovering and i will continue to get better.  In the 6 months I’ve been in WD, I’ve had some bad nights.  I have always rebounded with a windows in a fairly short time.  I’m looking forward to continued improvements.  As bad as i feel now, i will get through this.  

[mstimc]

You are getting through this! The fact you can maintain your perspective despite some setbacks means you're more resilient than you might think.  Anxiety and WD can manifest in a lot of ways, even as we recover.  One day its tics and the next sensitivity to noise or light.  The fact they come and go shows just how transient (albeit annoying) they are.  You have made great progress! 

[Fightinghard]

Thanks for the encouragement.  For some reason this bout is getting to me more than usual.  Its like Overnight my CNS became more sensitive.  Overall i haven’t done much different.  No obvious triggers other than reading things on this site which has been a mistake.  The lack of sleep plus the symptoms make it tough.  I’ll make today the best i can.  Did you have any sensitivities to noise or light, etc?  

[mstimc]

Just now, Fightinghard said:

 Did you have any sensitivities to noise or light, etc?  

I didn't have any specific sensitivities but what I really carved was peace and quiet--to just lie in bed and read or watch mindless Youtube videos.

 

I think, paradoxically, the more progress we make the more harshly we judge ourselves when we perceive we've had a setback.  A few years ago I had a very anxious reaction to an occurance at a grocery store (details aren't important) and I felt myself falling back into anxious and obsessive thinking.   When I discussed it with my therapist, he reminded me that I would have had this reaction to just about anything when I was in WD.  And I was able to pull myself out of it after a few days.  That's progress.  

 

Not every day, or every series of days, will be great.  We all have setbacks.  But as you said, your long-term progress has been astounding, and this too shall pass.

[Fightinghard]

Thanks so much.  I’m logically saying this is waves and windows.  Ironically I was just telling my wife as we walked past a train blowing its whistle that my nose sensitivity had improved greatly.  Really what’s getting me is the sensitivity and reaction with tics and twitches.   Both had subsided a bunch.  On the positive side My morning anxiety has subsided.  Right now I’m anxious but nothing like in the past.  I was really hopeful i was heading down the homestretch.  The reality Is there is nothing to do other than treat myself well and wait this out.  As you know it is so hard to get through this. 

[Fightinghard]

Thanks so much.  I’m logically saying this is waves and windows.  Ironically I was just telling my wife as we walked past a train blowing its whistle that my nose sensitivity had improved greatly.  Really what’s getting me is the sensitivity and reaction with tics and twitches.   Both had subsided a bunch.  On the positive side My morning anxiety has subsided.  Right now I’m anxious but nothing like in the past.  I was really hopeful i was heading down the homestretch.  The reality Is there is nothing to do other than treat myself well and wait this out.  As you know it is so hard to get through this. 

[Fightinghard]

Thanks so much.  I’m logically saying this is waves and windows.  Ironically I was just telling my wife as we walked past a train blowing its whistle that my nose sensitivity had improved greatly.  Really what’s getting me is the sensitivity and reaction with tics and twitches.   Both had subsided a bunch.  On the positive side My morning anxiety has subsided.  Right now I’m anxious but nothing like in the past.  I was really hopeful i was heading down the homestretch.  The reality Is there is nothing to do other than treat myself well and wait this out.  As you know it is so hard to get through this. 

[mstimc]

9 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

As you know it is so hard to get through this.

It is hard, but its worth it.  Taking meds for the rest of our lives isn't really a solution.  At best it just masks the problem for a while.

[Fightinghard]

Thanks so much.  I’m logically saying this is waves and windows.  Ironically I was just telling my wife as we walked past a train blowing its whistle that my nose sensitivity had improved greatly.  Really what’s getting me is the sensitivity and reaction with tics and twitches.   Both had subsided a bunch.  On the positive side My morning anxiety has subsided.  Right now I’m anxious but nothing like in the past.  I was really hopeful i was heading down the homestretch.  The reality Is there is nothing to do other than treat myself well and wait this out.  As you know it is so hard to get through this. 

[Altostrata]

It sounds like you're improving, your sleep is getting deeper, and your fight or flight reflex is popping you out of sleep because it doesn't want you to go unconscious. You can soothe this by playing very soft music while you're sleeping. Deeper sleep will eventually get normalized.

[Fightinghard]

@Altostrata  Thanks for the advice.  I did sleep much better last night.  In bed about 9.  Awake at 2 for about 30-40 minutes and then awake at 6:30.   I did get a few ‘jerks’ but i obviously fell asleep.  I used more white noise than music only because the monotone sound was better for my sound sensitivity.  I’m starting to have more and more of these nights.  The tics and ‘jerks’ are still happening during the day.  And the overall sound sensitivity is high but generally I’m improving.  I still don’t feel great and these sensitivities are not enjoyable but I’m chalking them up to another wave that i have to ride out.  The fact that the anxiety is much less and depression is very much minimal or gone is great.  The inner restlessness is gone.  So a few good signs.  I’m pushing through this. Not sure when it will all end but i can say i think it will.  Thanks!

[Fightinghard]

I must still be in a wave although i did sleep better.  My sensitivity to sound is at its peak.  It’s  pretty uncomfortable.  It’s weird I start to feel almost sad when in get stimulated.  The tics/twitches are also on the high side but maybe slightly less than yesterday.  I was just looking at a symptoms list i had from 11/10 and some have disappeared. Cortisol spikes are less or gone, morning doom and gloom is less or gone, brain fog/cognition/memory is better, intense panic and fear is better, hunger has fluctuated up and down.  Depression I think is gone.  Anxiety has really dropped off.  No more tight chest or heart palpitations.  My inner restlessness is all gone right now.  Sleep is up and down but trending better.  Although i feel pretty bad when i look at this list I’m doing better.   I have to stay focused on recovery and realize that I’ll have times that i feel worse than others. 
 

I remember is early September i felt so incredibly depressed and down it scared me horribly.  The worst I’ve ever felt with depression.  I was so concerned i ordered a ‘light’ lamp to help.  I also remember i slept really well the night before it started for the first time in a while.  Well I think i used the light lamp 1-2 times at most.  The depression reduced in a few days and has hardly been back.  I’m really hoping this sound sensitivity and overall sensitivity takes a similar path.  I slept well last night and anxiety is gone but now I’m dealing with this.   Regardless, I’ll take it one day at a time.  I have no choice.  Healing happens over time. 

[Calmseeker]

Hi @Fightinghard, I've read through some of your story and it sounds very similar to myself. I just wanted to reach out and say hi. I was on Citalopram for five weeks before I started tapering and I jumped off at 2.5mg. I quickly reinstated after two days as I got some bad symptoms. I've been holding at 2.5mg for nearly 3 months and i'm about to make a 10% reduction. I have had beautiful windows where I was averaging 7.5 hours sleep and I thought I was healed. I'm now back in a wave. Last night I got those horrible jerks you speak of. As I was drifting off to sleep my leg or my arm would jolt. They are frightening. I convinced my husband to give me a massage and I listened to some background music which helped and they went away. But gee it scared me a lot. Because i'm in a wave, i'm on here. 

 

I have exercised fairly consistently for the past three months and took a week break over Christmas. I wonder i I have overdone it when I went back and did a 5km run. I see you have taken a break from exercise. Its very hard to know what is best as I absolutely love exercise and I feel it helps me. 

 

Anyway, I hope you are doing well. I am also taking one day at a time, it is all we can do. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

@Fightinghard white noise is fine, if it works, it works. You might want to wear noise-cancelling headphones during the day or earplugs to cut down the sound stimulation. In a bit, your tolerance will improve.

[Fightinghard]

@Altostrata  Thanks for the suggestions!  Last night was a lighter night sleep.  I did go with the music over white noise and it seemed to help.  I probably ended up with 5-6 hours of sleep or so. I’m sure my sleep will be up and down but if i can pull off 5-9 hours during this phase I’m doing ok. 
 

It seems like out  the blue my CNS has become even more stimulated.  No triggers jumping out at me.  I’ve had the sound sensitivity but not this bad. It did fluctuate from annoying to hardly noticeable so I’m attributing this to a wave.  Same with the tics/twitches/movements.  I get them throughout the day and it seems to be in response to a stimulus of some type.  Could be touch, sound or sudden movement.    At times I also think if i focus on it it’s worse.  Who knows though.   Up until the past few weeks it was typically in the mornings that they would happen and i really seem to remember when i was cooking or making breakfast.  But there were other times.  It was happening at its worst maybe 5-10 a day.  Now it’s fairly frequent.  Probably hourly but it does wax and wane throughout the day.  They are very similar to the hypnic jerks in the feeling although the hypnic jerks can be much more intense.  When i get them, there sometimes seems to be a physiological response like a small surge. I feel more uneasy which makes me believe it’s my alerting system overreacting.  I’m also wondering since my anxiety is lower as a whole (very little morning anxiety/doom and gloom feelings) are these symptoms more pronounced in my conscious mind.   But who knows and truly its all the same.  Ride it out and be smart.   
 

I’ll try the headphones and see how it goes.  I guess I really need to be as kind to my CNS as possible.  I’m really hoping this is just s bad wave and I’ll come out in window soon.  It’s funny because about a week ago i was thinking if only my anxiety would calm down I’d be so much better.  Well it’s better in a lot of ways but these new symptoms are definitely hard.  About a month or so ago i was in an inner restlessness phase.  I’d get periods of extreme discomfort in my limbs like they had to move.   It was so uncomfortable.  After about a month it seemed calmed down but it happened in a windows and waves pattern. Up and down where it seemed to get pretty tough and then it just dropped off (for now at least).  I’m hoping this is similar.  
 

My conscious mind tells me ‘you’re really doing well and things are improving’ even though frankly I’m feeling as bad as in have in so many ways.  Just down, defeated, scared.  But that’s to be expected in this process.   I sometimes think I’m truly on the home stretch; whatever that means in terms of time but i feel like I’m past the worst of it.  Then this hits and my WD mind goes to ‘will i ever get better?’  Or ‘is this permanent?’   I know logically the answer to these questions but its hard.  That’s when i think about reinstatement of lexapro but i know really that’sa big risk that could go the other way.  And really is the lexapro the only culprit in this CNS disruption?  Could be adverse reaction to Zoloft that kicked it off. 
 

6 months yesterday since i stopped lexapro.  7.5 months since I stopped buspirone.  I was on lexapro 11 weeks and buspirone 5 weeks.  Throw in the few times i took  trazadone and ambien and I’ve had a lot my cns has had to work on.  And don’t forget the 100mg of Zoloft i started on for 4 days.  
 

sorry for the really long reply.  As you understand it’s been a tough battle so far.  I so appreciate this community and all that it does.  I’m not sure how i would have made it this far without it.  Thank you for your insight and advice.  

[Fightinghard]

@Calmseeker  thanks for saying hello!  Yes our stories are similar.  I’m glad you reinstated.  In 20/20 hindsight in probably should have although back when this started itv was manageable but really hard.  I think currently I’m just in a tough wave with this sensitivity to sound and the jerks/tics.   I get them throughout the day to a lesser degree and then at night.  It’s great that you have already had nice windows.  The cruel part of this process is when you feel good you think you’re almost done and then bam!  A wave where you feel like you’ll never heal.   It’s the nature of this process.  
 

oh how i miss exercise!  I walk daily anywhere from 3-5 miles.  But intense jogging or lifting has been out for awhile. Early on i tried some stairmaster and i think it triggered some bad symptoms especially with sleep so i stopped.  Since then I’ve logged a few times for short distances but nothing more.  I don’t think it negatively impacted me those days but I’m in the mindset of don’t take chances and go backwards.  I may give it a whirl here when this current wave decides to calm down.  We’ll see. For you, if it’s working, go with it.  One thing i struggle with is associating  my WD with activities.   Like exercise, I assume the bad night, etc was from the stairmaster but truly I’ve had plenty of bad nights without the stairmaster.  Could have been a coincidence.  Now i constantly question’ will this something?’   Is s fine line of balancing fears with life.  
 

one thing i highly recommend is managing your anxiety. Dr Claire Weeks is a great resource on YouTube and with her books.  I also use the podcast ‘the anxious truth’.  I bought the book, etc.  there’s also a FB group for it.  I believe learning to manage anxiety and accepting this process helps tremendously especially in the hard times. 
 
we’ll get through this one day at a time. 
 

 

 

[Fightinghard]

I’ve been posting allot lately. It is indicative of how tough this wave has been for me.  I think my fear is at its highest with the unknown of these new sensitivity and discomfort.  In some ways its the worst I’ve dealt with.    I can logically step away and realize it is just another symptom that will fade away over time.  But it just feels bad in the moment.  It also limits my interaction with my kids and wife as all the noise and normal activities are just uncomfortable right now.  It’s still so strange to me how this happens 6 months in.  I guess I’ve had these symptoms just not this intense. The sound and movements have both increased together. Not sure if they play off of one another or it’s just coincidence.  
 

I’ll find a way to manage this and get through it.  I’ll focus on my kids and my wife and the time will pass. Right now I’m feeling some anxiety and discomfort that I’m attributing to sounds but could it also be just my morning anxiety presenting in a different way?   

 

I was doing decent there for a bit and here were are again.  This will pass like the other waves.  I have to be patient.  
 

 

[Calmseeker]

Hi @Fightinghard... Thanks for the tips.. I'll check out Claire Weeks. I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering. I am suffering too. I have a head cold/flu that would never have bothered me before this but my fragile nervous system has ramped up the symptoms. The jerks scare me. I'm getting daily headaches & foggy head. It's so hard to concentrate on work. This is a difficult process. Stay strong. You will come out of this a stronger person I'm sure. 

[Fightinghard]

@Calmseeker  this process will challenge you for sure!  One more tip is work on mindfulness.  It seems everything involving emotion is amplified in this process (like you implied with your flu symptoms- are the symptoms worse?  Probably but could it also be the intense fear and emotion you are feeling About it that makes it that much worse?).   If you’ve not done this yet it will help you not feed the anxiety loops of symptoms of WD.  While our symptoms are real and in most cases they are what they are, the anxiety we have because of them feed the fire and makes things that much harder.  Easier said than done i know but staying in the moment helps.   
 

I’ve had the brain fog, concentration  issues and memory problems sporadically.  I can tell you they all got better.  They do come and go but probably 2 weeks ago i was so worried i couldn’t remember anything.  Today I’m 90% better.  The jerks are scary, frustrating and annoying but like all symptoms they should fade as we heal.  We’ll get there.  
 

Feel better. 

[mstimc]

1 hour ago, Fightinghard said:

’ll find a way to manage this and get through it.  I’ll focus on my kids and my wife and the time will pass.

Hi Fighting

 

This is so important!  Anything that takes your focus and attention from your anxious thought cycle is really helpful.  And focusing on family reminds you what's really important in your life.  

 

1 hour ago, Fightinghard said:

Right now I’m feeling some anxiety and discomfort that I’m attributing to sounds but could it also be just my morning anxiety presenting in a different way?   

 

Another of my purely unscientific theories is that anxiety will find your weakest point and exploit it.  For some it could be an achy muscle, for others visual problems, and for others sensitivity to noise.  Your anxious mind wants to fixate on the symptom rather than the cause, but then it'll just move on to the next ***** in your armor.  IMO, the best way to deal with the symptoms is to accept the source as nothing more than thoughts, and then move on to other more important things (like family or work or a hobby).

 

You will get there!

[Fightinghard]

Thanks @mstimc!   I think you’re on to something with the anxiety finding the weak link.  I think I’ve mentioned him to you but if really appreciate dr john sarno’s thoughts on this.  Slightly different but the same concept. 
 

 You mentioned how as we get better we may perceive we are worse... well my anxiety has dropped off as have several other symptoms.  Now I’m left with these 2 sensitivities and they’ve come into full focus.  Maybe that’s just feeding my anxiety loop and this is making it worse ( really harder).  I’ll take your advice and focus on my family and life.  I’ve had a lot of downtime this past week with work slow down and the holidays.  Today I’ll stay focused on life and not WD. 
 

I’m look back at some point at this wave and say remember when... I’m hoping sooner than later.  
 

 

Thanks again!  I better get out at starting living and stop focusing on these symptoms!  

[mstimc]

9 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

Thanks again!  I better get out at starting living and stop focusing on these symptoms!  

👌👍!

[Jennings]

I feel the same way you do fighting.  Think I’m getting better then boom, huge wave.  
 

Now I have thr this will never end thoughts.

[mstimc]

21 minutes ago, Jennings said:

Now I have thr this will never end thoughts.

Hi Jennings

 

Like I told Fighting, sometimes when you've made progress, even small setbacks can be devastating.  But you will recover.

[Calmseeker]

@Fightinghard.. I'm curious to know.. how has your sleep been during withdrawal? I have been in a wave since Saturday. Minimal sleep each night and last night zero. When I get insomnia I find it hard to function. 

[Fightinghard]

@Calmseeker  overall, sleep has been my hardest symptom. I’ve been fortunate in that the six months I’ve been off meds I’ve slowly improved with the typical waves and windows pattern.  Early on in WD is was getting 4ish hours a night. I usually fell asleep ok but would wake up around 1-2 most nights.  Occasionally I’d get a few more hours but not often.  Overtime it shifted to 5 hours before i wake up.  Then i started falling back to sleep for longer. I recently was getting 5-7 hours most nights with an occasional worse night but also an occasional great night.  My sleep up to this point has been determined by cortisol spikes at night.  Early on id wake up in a complete panic.  The morning doom and gloom feelings were pretty regular.  This past week things seem to be changing.  Friday i slept 9 hours (1 wake up for 30 minutes) and had very little of any anxiety in the morning.  Saturday i slept 2-3 hours.  The hypnic jerks really started.  Sunday night was 8 hours and last night 5ish hours?  But I’ve not had any morning anxiety like in the past.  Now I’m in the hypnic jerk phase.  I’m hoping it doesn’t last long.  
 

I’ve tried a bunch of supplements to help. I’ve stuck with magnesium glycinate, fish oil, melatonin and vitamin c in the morning.  Epsom salt baths Seem to help me but be careful if you try it since it’s magnesium (if you take magnesium orally). 
 

Unfortunately many of us battle with sleep.  It will get better over time.  It just is up and down like everything else.  It sounds like your in a wave and this should subside soon. My friend @mstimc taught me early to focus on the windows when you’re in a wave.  It’s hard but it helps.  You’ll get there.  

[Fightinghard]

@Jennings  we got this.  Its hard but we’ll get there. 

[Altostrata]

Fighting, one thing we know about withdrawal -- the symptoms tend to transmute. It appears you're improving. Do what you can to manage this new symptom pattern, treat your CNS gently, it wants to go back to normal.

[Fightinghard]

@Altostrata  Thank you!  What I’m learning  is like you said this transmutes.   I realized this morning as I awoke with some ‘twitches’/jerks accompanied with melancholy that this really is just my morning’ anxiety’ but in a different form.  The twitches aren’t making me feel bad.  Just annoying.  Really it’s I’m feeling bad (melancholy) which in associated with the twitches which creates anxiety.  As the day goes this will improve.  I can’t focus on this.  Just move forward and be gentle and kind.  Stay busy and do things i enjoy if i can. 
 

thanks for the encouragement.  It’s nice to hear that others see you as improving.  Sometimes it’s hard to see

[Fightinghard]

So my wave continues.  These twitches and noise sensitivity have fluctuated the past few days.  Mornings are generally worse.  My sleep has been like a roller coaster this past week. Especially since this new wave kicked in with the hypnic jerks/surges.   Basically I’ve had one night of good duration and decent quality of sleep followed by a rough night with very little sleep.  Good nights have been 7-9 hours of sleep.  Bad 2-5 of very broken sleep.  Last night was a bad one.  I played soft music to help with the hypnic jerks and surges.  I do  believe it helped get me the sleep in had. I’m guessing 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep?  Hopefully tonite is better based on my trends.  
 

My symptoms otherwise are changing.  I’ve had more mild depression again.  It’s more sadness and fear probably. Melancholy.  Intrusive thoughts are back.  Anxiety has really improved a lot.  I have some here and there but it’s not been overwhelming.   Even as i write this this morning i have very little anxiety.  Really none.  I am feeling down a little and frustrated with this new sleep issue.  I have fear about it (IT).   But anxiety is not that intense doom and gloom feelings.  So that’s good. My appetite almost flipped.  I was hungry all the time.  Now, i sometimes don’t feel like eating when i should.  Not terrible but definitely noticeable.  I’ve had low energy and mood.  I think maybe it’s a low level of anehedonia.  
 

Last night i think in had a small window.  I was feeling ok.  My sensitivities were low and i had moments in didn’t notice them at all.  I think my body is just trying to reach it’s normal state and is overshooting things.  Trying to repair the CNS.  I’m wondering if my regiment of magnesium glycinate is flaring this up. It’s been great for anxiety but I’m not sure about these movements and hypnic jerks. I’ve also been taking Epsom salt baths most nights to try to calm this down.  That might be just reaching for a simple solution. Considering I’ve been pretty consistent each day and I’ve had some good nights Its probably not the case.  
 

I’ve read over many peoples success stories and i guess the one thing that is pretty much 100% is they all recover in a non linear fashion.   Many different symptoms, intensity and duration of WD but they all made it through.   This wave is getting me pretty good with questioning can i make it?  Should i reinstate?  All the typical thought patterns when things get rough.  Really though, there’s no choice but to stay in the moment and focus on each hour and move forward.  I’ve had bad waves and each one has been ‘the worst’.  Reality is this will eventually calm down.  Stay the course and stay as positive as i can.  I’ve thought about trying a different supplement for sleep.  Taurine or theanine or CBD or glycine;  I’ve tried them before.  But really i think the less i introduce to my CNS the better at this point.  So much to consider!  
 

 

 

[Calmseeker]

Hey @Fightinghard 👋

I'm so sorry you are suffering. When I read your posts, I really relate to them. I am seeing a psychologist now regularly, every 2 weeks. I accessed it through my work employee assistance program. If you don't have a therapist of some sort, it might help. I'm sure you have plenty of methods of distraction but I'm also focussing on this (I'm taking up golf). It's a long journey but you seem to be making improvements from what I can read. It's probably hard to feel like that when you are in the moment. 

 

[mstimc]

16 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

I’ve read over many peoples success stories and i guess the one thing that is pretty much 100% is they all recover in a non linear fashion.   Many different symptoms, intensity and duration of WD but they all made it through.   This wave is getting me pretty good with questioning can i make it?  Should i reinstate?  All the typical thought patterns when things get rough.  Really though, there’s no choice but to stay in the moment and focus on each hour and move forward.  I’ve had bad waves and each one has been ‘the worst’.  Reality is this will eventually calm down.  Stay the course and stay as positive as i can.  I’ve thought about trying a different supplement for sleep.  Taurine or theanine or CBD or glycine;  I’ve tried them before.  But really i think the less i introduce to my CNS the better at this point.  So much to consider!  
 

Hi Fighting

 

Just an observation; I think you're doing a tremendous service to other SA members by sharing your progress and experiences.  A lot of people get discouraged because recovery really is a series of windows and waves, and improvement comes gradually.  Its not an uphill climb--its a roller coaster.  But the ride is totally worth it!

[Fightinghard]

Hi @Calmseeker-  thanks you So much for your kind words and support.  Great suggestion on the therapist.  I actually have been seeing one regularly since this started.  Ironically when i spoke to him before Christmas we decided i was doing so well that we should back off. So I’m down to 1 time per month.  You are so spot on about recognizing your improvements when your front bad in the moment.  On really bad days ib literally focus on each hour.  I remember the windows.  I also reflect on improvements (low anxiety, no more heart palpitations, no more panic attacks).  
 
I’ll keep pushing through. Hope you are doing better!

 

[Fightinghard]

Hey @mstimc-  you know i almost write it for myself at times.  To see what I’m going through.  To help look back during the bad times and say ‘look you made it through that wave’.  Right now I’m worried these symptoms won’t get better.  As i write that, i realize that’s irrational from the outside view.  This is not permanent.  People heal. But my WD mind takes over and thinks the worst.  I wish none of us had to go through this.