Leila: can I see again the stars?

[DaBro]

@Leilastay strong. It is the only way on this unfortunate journey. We will make it, however long it takes 

[almuPA]

Hello @Leila,

 

One year off! You are so brave! 

I am so sorry to read your suffering. I feel every word you've written and I can feel your pain. But you have come so far... 

It is a good thing that your therapist believe in WD. I've talked to like 5 of them and they did not believe it. 

Wish you better days.

Hugs,

Almu.

[HardTimes]

Hi Leila! Looks like we have our SI anniversaries pretty close together. I haven't read your whole thread yet, but I did just read your 1 year post and it sounds very familiar!  I'm struck by how well you've educated yourself on all this and the sense of determination you have in spite of all the ongoing issues. This strongly suggests to me you're going to wrestle this thing to the ground and recover more and more soon! I like that you use red, yellow and green to describe your days! I do that too!

 

It is frustrating that, after a year, the symptoms can still be so strong. I find it extremely confusing, as it feels for me that the symptoms have actually changed a fair bit, and in some ways are worse. Is that your experience? For example, at first I had these intense, extremely uncomfortable hot flashes during the day, but they seemed mostly physical and didn't hurt me psychologically. Now I seem to have more constant heat issues, tingling blood (is that just too much adrenaline? that's what it feels like...), heart palpitations and a sense of constantly being nervous. In many ways I wish I could return to those earlier months! So I'm curious if you see the symptoms you're listing now as basically the same as over the past year (just to greater or lesser degree), or whether they have actually changed at all? 

 

Of course our situations are different as I made a couple attempts at reinstatement and I don't think you did (good job, BTW!). 

 

Finally, if it isn't too much trouble, if you have any good CBT strategies that have worked for you, or useful resources to check out, I'd love to hear about them. I cannot afford a therapist so I'm curious about what might have helped others. I'm so frustrated and confused at this point that I'm even taking my doctor's suggestion to get to a hospital more seriously, so any more tools I can get that might help me avoid that option would be a plus!

 

Wishing you ongoing courage and strength.

[Leila]

On 2/1/2021 at 10:41 PM, Amira said:

Hello @Leila Thank you for posting on my thread 💜

 

I am sorry you are suffering, you are now 1+ year off, you have come a long way. Hang in there. You will see more improvements soon.

 

I read you moved to a rural area at the beginning of the wd. I honestly have always wanted to do this. To move to a rural place in nature while healing and escape the craziness of the city. How does your area look like? More like a countryside?

 

 

Dear @Amira,

sorry for my late reply! I hope it and thank you for your encouragement! Yes, in the middle of the worst of WD on summer I decided to move to my grandparents's house in a rural place not far from the sea... The mild climate, the natural landscape, the peace of silence seemed help me to give me a few fleeting moments of equilibrium. But after one month an half I had to return to my home to decide how I could manage with my job: i live in a very big city. This change was very difficult and full of anxiety, I had to come back to my routine and face the reality. Agoraphobia was extreme and I was scared about social contacts. Now I'm content with walkings in a park near home... For many years I neglected the importance of staying tuned with nature and I know now could be an help for healing. And you? Do you live in a big city?

[Leila]

On 2/2/2021 at 1:41 PM, almuPA said:

Hello @Leila,

 

One year off! You are so brave! 

I am so sorry to read your suffering. I feel every word you've written and I can feel your pain. But you have come so far... 

It is a good thing that your therapist believe in WD. I've talked to like 5 of them and they did not believe it. 

Wish you better days.

Hugs,

Almu.

Dear @almuPA, it's always a pleasure to hear from you! Yes, maybe I found one of few therapists on Italy who believes in WD. I know how hard and disheartening is because it seems that you are visionary and this shatters your already weak certainties. I hope that one day I will have the strength to denounce this medical attitude. For now, we had to take care of our health and wellness and try to go on day by day. I hope we will see more and more better days!💗

[ten0275]

Quote

Your story led me to some questions; I ask you, then you can answer when you can or want without hurry!

About histamine intolerance... This a new world for me and I learnt many informations from you (and stole the suggestion of the book you post in another thread). For me the problem indicator is orticaria (that go worse in some moments like premestrual cycle or stress) and intestinal issues; it started when I took for the first time my drug (citalopram) and never left me. 

For healing it, I started with a low histamine diet (expecially avoid yeast helped me) and took vitamin C with low dose of quercetin. Had you got experience with this supplement? I read that you used also tart cherry syrup...Was it helpful? I'm considering also a dao supplement.

I'm also confused about the difference of histamine intolerance and mast cell hyperactivation... I think it's difficult understand the difference...

 

A last question about work. I read that you took a not paid leave from work (like me)... Did you come back when you felt better? And in that case, how you understand it was the right moment to come back? I'm scared that a come back to work can put more stress or destabilize again my SNC...

Sorry for this verbose post!

Again my congratulations to the person you are!

Leila

 

@Leila

 

I'm sorry you are suffering some of the symptoms of histamine intolerance. Quercetin is a highly recommended supplement for histamine issues. I have taken straight quercetin before and had good luck with it. The tart cherry that I use now offers a natural source of quercetin, melatonin, and is also rich in polyphenols which is helpful for healthy intestinal bacteria. I take my tart cherry in capsule form, but have also taken the syrup as well. A good probiotic can be useful. Many probiotics can actually make histamine symptoms worse, so it's good to pick out a probiotic that is recommended for those who are histamine intolerant. I use a probiotic with Bifidobacterium infantis as the sole strain. Vitamin C is really important, it's best to choose a non-fermented and non-citrus derived version. I use powdered camu camu - it is a berry from the Amazon that is rich in vitamin C. It is very tart, but I've grown accustomed to it. It is relatively inexpensive.

 

I've never used DAO supplementation, so I can't comment on that one.

 

Being confused about the difference between histamine intolerance and mast cell hyperactivation is very normal. Even the books I have read are hazy on the difference. But the best description is really this: Histamine intolerance is a problem with histamine only - either overabundance of histamine, or difficulty in processing histamine, or both. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome is when many other "mediators" (histamine is a mediator) besides histamine are released from the mast cell. As far as I know, only some very expensive diagnostic tests can differentiate between the two.

 

In terms of your last question about work, yes, when I began to feel better, I returned to work. I was not feeling perfect, but I was feeling better. At first I started going back to work one day or two days per week. If your workplace is flexible about that, then I would definitely suggest just trying a day or two per week when you feel that getting through a work day is possible. This way, you can see the effect the work stress has on your CNS and have some time to recover. You might be surprised. I know I was very nervous to go back to work. When I did go back, though some days were difficult, I found that I could get through better than I thought I could.

 

I hope some of this helps.

 

Hang in there my friend,

Dave

 

[AlanC]

Hello Leila,

 

You mentioned on my thread that you've just had a bout of what I called "kaleidoscope vision" which, as Gridley said, is a visual migraine?

 

I'd had migraine headaches in the past, but had never had a visual migraine before, so the first one was rather frightening. I had several more around the time of that post, but they gradually faded away and I haven't had one for months now. Hopefully it'll go the same way for you.

[Leila]

Dear @ten0275, I don't know how I can express my gratitude for your kind and precious advices! Your contribution is priceless for this community! Thanks again and all the best for you! 😘

[marius76mc]

Hi Leila!

I just wanted to add a comment to the above discussion concerning returning to work after withdrawal.

 

Forcedly I took a year and a half break from work in order to wean myself of the drug cocktail that made me not functional. Mirtazapine lead me to the situation to not be able to concentrate enough to do a internet card payment at my worst moment. Just a simple transaction became impossible for my stuck mind.

 

Now I am clear of any drug and this week just returned to work, in the same company but on a total different position. This is a challenge to me as I am not clear yet if I can manage as I am supposed to do total different things from what I used to. But I rely on my old colleagues to support me and I am committed to continue with the changes I made in my life in the last year.

 

I am not completely recovered as I also have this histamine issue due to receptors destroyed by mirtazapine, I still have a broken sleep pattern feeling bad during each night and well during the day but this time I am determined to keep looking for something to overcome the burnout I have been through. I practically cannot say if I am  totally prepared for the return but I just let the destiny roll its pathway as I did during withdrawal. Easily some of my previous skills just naturally returned back just as I used them and the most important is that even that I feel I am not productive yet for the business I somehow start to let back the not worthy feeling that was stuck on my mind as a man in the middle of the productive age. We just have to put our body needs first and listen more carefully to its hints.

[arbor]

Dear @Leila--I saw the picture of your kitty and had to respond😚  It brightened my day!  Arbor 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Leila, how are you doing?