Roguette: sertraline free but in a bit of a mess

[Roguette]

Hello.  I am 55 and female.   Firstly forgive me for my approximate dates in this timeline, I always have trouble remembering.    I started taking Fluoxitine 40mg about 20 years ago when I became depressed after a bereavement and family hassle.  Depression, anxiety and OCD affect(ed) three close members of my family.   It helped but after a few years I felt numb and sleepy so with my GP’s blessing just stopped taking it.  A year later I was back on it again,  then off it after a few more years.  This happened one more time and I stayed on it till 2018 when I asked if I could try something else as I was fed up with feeling sleepy and lethargic.  I felt as though life was passing me by.   GP gave me 50mg Sertraline and although the sleepiness definitely was better I was still not alert.  I felt as though my brain was slow, I couldn’t seem to pursue a thought and my concentration became poor.  My libido also completely disappeared, but as I am also in the perimenopause I thought that some of these symptoms could be down to that.  In July 2020 I decided to taper off with GP’s advice and by the end of August was no longer taking Sertraline.  I had horrible brain zaps for a couple of months but to begin with it was amazing, my energy returned, I started getting up earlier and tackling all those projects I had been avoiding for years.  My husband commented frequently how good it was to see my old zest for life returning, despite the challenges the pandemic has brought.  However my feelings of  depression have returned and I am struggling most days.  I get irritable with my family where once I was easygoing and quick to compromise.  I have unhealthy thoughts about no longer being here, then am disgusted with myself for being so weak and selfish.  I hardly leave the house and when I do I feel so anxious.  I feel panicked if the phone rings or someone comes to the door.  I think about all the stupid things I have done or said in the past , even as a child, and I hate myself for it.  My OCD has returned.  I am ashamed that I have become this person.   I know that people outside my immediate family do not see me like this because I hide it.  It would be so easy just to jump back onto the SSRI bandwagon but I think I need to learn how to be just me again. Have I tapered too fast?  Are these symptoms withdrawal or are they just my life now?  Is my brain altered forever or will I get better?  I would welcome any advice, and thank you for reading this far!

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Roguette.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  Just do the best you can.  A list format, like mine below my post, is best.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

A two-month taper like yours is much faster than we recommend, and  you are now experiencing withdrawal.  Depression is a common withdrawal symptom, as are the other symptoms you describe--irritability, suicidal ideation, agoraphobia, anxiety, and ruminations about past mistakes.  Withdrawal is not permanent, your brain is not altered forever, and you will heal, though it can take some time.  We're a site for tapering off psychiatric drugs and helping people deal with withdrawal--and becoming themselves again.

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that are single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

We also recommend non-drug methods to cope with withdrawal and to deal with life without the numbing effects of drugs.  

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.