tryingtosurvive330: extreme hunger but no appetite - coupled with high cortisol levels upon waking, dark thoughts and hopelessness, upset stomach

June 22, 2021

Hi @tryingtosurvive330 I am doing the same as you. I look briefly on this site every now and then and read a few new intros or success stories to motivate me. But in general I like to stay off because it does get me crazy sometimes, and also all my social media platforms as well. I do the whole compare and despair. See everyone doing ok and living life while I am suffering.

I got a new psychiatrist that is holistic and knows about tapering. The ones at Kaiser are no good, they tried to make me return to work while I was still debilitated, they told me that this is not withdrawal, my original condition is coming back, we should add more meds, blah, blah, blah. It was really disappointing but also I was not surprised by it. I even tried to explain to them that this is the 3rd time that Kaiser has put me on Lexapro, and that every time I get on it, it "works," then it stops working. So I started having withdrawal symptoms even when I have not made a decrease.

So the new doctor I pay out of pocket is helping me now. I just go through Kaiser for med refills and thats that.

So just like you, I have been off work since the end of May till now. My new doctor put me on medical disability so we can attempt the prozac bridge. The prozac bridge is tough right now, although I am down to a 1/4 tablet of Lexapro while doing small increases of the prozac in liquid form. We would add like 1mg of Prozac then decrease Lexapro. Our goal is to get completely off the Lexapro, and then the Paxil next. Then I would only be on Prozac, hold there for a while, then slow taper off the Prozac. Its just a long and scary process. When I decrease I get symptoms, so we had Prozac, but sometimes I get start up effects from the Prozac. Every little unwanted chemical feeling is just scaring me at this point.

Its tough right now. There are days I feel ok, stable, then some days I feel awful, debilitated. I just know that this is how its going to be while switching out meds. I am just trusting my doctor and going with the flow. I am hoping that I will be ok and sane after all this, and that it is successful. Im very anxious of the future as well, I have a family road trip to take in August, I am hoping I do not feel this way by then.

So just wanted to reach out and vent. I am sipping on some chamomile tea to help calm me down and hopefully will fall asleep and sleep ok. That is even hard to do these days.

Take it easy and sending you healing vibes, Ill keep you updated.

August 6, 2021

Hey @tryingtosurvive330, just stopping by to say hi and hope all is well. I am in a tough spot right now. Thought I reach out and see how you are doing.

The Prozac bridge was a bust, I am currently holding on my Paxil dose, but I am going through Lexapro cold turkey wds or possibly Prozac start up effects. If you read my thread, its a mess, sheesh!

I might add a little bit of Prozac if symptoms become too much. Mods said just to add 2mg Prozac after 6 hours of taking my Paxil dose and see if it helps. I might do that today or tomorrow. I am really just trying to hold on till my new dr, new dr that was recommended from this site to meet me, but that is not till the 17th of this month.

August 12, 2021

hi @DiscJockey thanks for reaching out! I'm really sorry to hear that the bridge wasn't too successful. I'll read through your thread to see how everything went.

I am doing much better than a few months ago. Depression is still there, but more of a subconscious feeling if that makes sense. I laugh and am able to socialize and feel love for family and friends and feel happiness, but don't feel "happy". The anxiety is almost all gone...BUT...

I really think it's because I went back on the Lexapro and added the prozac, at half the "normal minimum" doses. Not advocating it in any way because I'm still so angry and really do believe the meds created this dependency. But I went back on and feel almost to where I was a couple years ago, acting like everything was ok and believing it, when really I was sleeping way too much and wasn't moving forward in life. I am actively trying to taper and doing the 10% each month, and now I'm so terrified of going back to how I felt before that I'm prepared (sort of) for this to take years. I'm at 3.6mg Lexapro right now but I know that around this time is when I started to feel WD effects pretty bad last year, I just didn't know that's what it was or brushed it off. So if I feel anything bad, I'm gonna hold or make minuscule adjustments. Still on 10mg prozac and won't begin to taper off that until I'm done with Lexapro, which could be a very long time. Pretty bummed about that but...I realize now it's better than feeling suicidal.

I also gave notice to my very stressful job and felt immediate relief after doing that. I'm secure enough that I can take a little time to really try to heal without the thought of that workplace in the back of my head. Sleep is still pretty terrible, but lack of it is not sending me down a spiral like it was previously. Now it's just frustrating.

I hope your new doctor is good. I spoke with one recommended from this site too, he was kind enough to talk to me for 30 minutes but he wasn't taking practicing any longer and not taking patients. He gave me some advice (that to be honest went against some of what this site said. He plainly said he disagreed with stuff on here but that it is still a wonderful resource) but also understood very much how difficult it is. And honestly I think if it hadn't been for listening to him I wouldn't have made it through those next few days while I struggled to find another doctor. Wishing you the best, I really hope the days get a little better for you.

December 21, 2021

Hi everyone, it has been awhile since my last post. I have been doing okay, really just "okay." I feel stable. Decreasing my dose by 10% each month but as it gets smaller I round and so it's been about 12% the last couple months. I'm at 2.2mg liquid escitalopram and 10mg fluoxetine (prozac).

I noticed that my anxiety is coming back, not the terror kind of anxiety I experienced during WD but the more "regular" kind where I had waves of nausea and felt like the earth was closing in on me, especially if I'm in a social situation. I also have air hunger, feeling like I need to take lots of deep breaths but it doesn't quench my thirst for air. But, I feel it could also be because I've started seeing people a bit more socially and thinking about my next steps for a new job. So, I think I may hold at this dose for an additional month in case the anxiety worsens. holidays also stress me out and make me sad, and I'm getting a little triggered remembering how deeply dead and awful I felt at this time last year. I am reminding myself over and over that I don't need to rush the taper. Every time I think I can do a little more, I remind myself that nothing is worse than how bad I felt when I rushed and went into WD, and to just take it slow.

I feel much more capable now and have been seeing my therapist every single week for 1.5 hours. I was always grateful for her but because I have stuck with it long term this time, I am really understanding how much I needed that consistency and to really buy into it and go all in and accept that this is not a quick fix. To be honest, thinking about how much I have to work through and how long it will take makes me feel bad, but I also feel like now I've uncovered real life, and before I was just in denial of facing all my issues. At least now I can pinpoint why I feel terrible (most times) where before in WD it was just that everything in life was evil and I wanted to disappear into myself or rip my skin off.

I have good days and bad days, and many days I worry that I'm wasting so much time. My self confidence is better than it was before but because of these drugs I truly feel like my cognitive abilities have taken a major hit and that is making me scared to go back and look for work. My field is hiring abundantly but I feel like if I take a job I will look like a fraud because I feel stupid now and scared I will not understand things anymore. Towards the end of my job it was so difficult to concentrate and I couldn't remember how to do things I taught interns to do. I truly believe it is the antidepressants that did this to me. I feel like a thin layer of fog is clouding my brain, just trying to prevent me from doing what I have done well in the past.

This has turned into a long blathering entry but it's been a long time since I've spoken to you guys and I had been staying away so I didn't freak myself out. But had it not been for this space and the support from everyone on here I don't know what state I'd be in right now. Even though I know I'm still depressed, I feel grateful for a lot.

December 21, 2021

6 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

Decreasing my dose by 10% each month but as it gets smaller I round and so it's been about 12% the last couple months. I'm at 2.2mg liquid escitalopram and 10mg fluoxetine (prozac).

I noticed that my anxiety is coming back, not the terror kind of anxiety I experienced during WD but the more "regular" kind where I had waves of nausea and felt like the earth was closing in on me, especially if I'm in a social situation. I also have air hunger, feeling like I need to take lots of deep breaths but it doesn't quench my thirst for air. But, I feel it could also be because I've started seeing people a bit more socially and thinking about my next steps for a new job. So, I think I may hold at this dose for an additional month in case the anxiety worsens. holidays also stress me out and make me sad, and I'm getting a little triggered remembering how deeply dead and awful I felt at this time last year.

This could be a mix of all of the things you mentioned - increased social interactions, the holiday season, and searching for a new job. But it also could be those 12% reductions catching up to you.

It's good you're going to hold for awhile. Perhaps when you resume your taper, you may want to round in the opposite direction - instead of going up to 12%, perhaps go for 8 or 9% and see if you feel better, especially as your quest for a new job and more social interactions continues.

Try not to go into an emotional spiral with your thoughts by thinking about years past.

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

When you feel your thoughts are moving in that direction, try the "change the channel" technique. The more you practice, the better you get. By the time you're off the drugs, you'll be a pro and nothing will phase you. You'll be light years ahead of your peers in social situations and when you land that new job. Lots to look forward to.

April 19, 2022

On 12/21/2021 at 6:14 AM, Shep said:

When you feel your thoughts are moving in that direction, try the "change the channel" technique. The more you practice, the better you get. By the time you're off the drugs, you'll be a pro and nothing will phase you. You'll be light years ahead of your peers in social situations and when you land that new job. Lots to look forward to.

Thank you, Shep - I went back and reread some of my posts and it was nice and surprising to see how far I've come. I'll admit that when you wrote the above, I think I was still feeling cynical and not wanting to think positive. But reading it now, I am able to see that it is possible and it feels good to know that you believed I could practice changing the channel and that I would improve. I have started to feel real bits of brightness/happiness in the last few days. When I feel bad, lately I really have noticed that I'm able to just say "yes, I feel sad/anxious right now...it won't be like that forever" and I was never able to do that before.

I haven't really been able to tell if the drops I've been taking lately (only 1mg at a time) have been having any effect on me. Do you think that's a good thing?

April 19, 2022

Just now, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I haven't really been able to tell if the drops I've been taking lately (only 1mg at a time) have been having any effect on me. Do you think that's a good thing?

oops, I meant only 0.1mg at a time.

April 20, 2022

16 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

Thank you, Shep - I went back and reread some of my posts and it was nice and surprising to see how far I've come. I'll admit that when you wrote the above, I think I was still feeling cynical and not wanting to think positive. But reading it now, I am able to see that it is possible and it feels good to know that you believed I could practice changing the channel and that I would improve. I have started to feel real bits of brightness/happiness in the last few days. When I feel bad, lately I really have noticed that I'm able to just say "yes, I feel sad/anxious right now...it won't be like that forever" and I was never able to do that before.

Very nice. Glad to see you working those non-drug coping skills. You'll be a pro at this by the time you get off this drug and heal.

16 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I haven't really been able to tell if the drops I've been taking lately (only 1mg at a time) have been having any effect on me. Do you think that's a good thing?

16 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

oops, I meant only 0.1mg at a time.

If you don't feel any effects of the drug, you're not getting any side effects, so that's good. Are you feeling better overall? Has this week been better than say, last month or the month before?

What is you taper rate, Trying? You haven't updated your signature since December 2021. Here is a direct link to update it:

Account Settings - Create or Update Your Signature.

April 22, 2022

On 4/20/2022 at 3:17 AM, Shep said:

If you don't feel any effects of the drug, you're not getting any side effects, so that's good. Are you feeling better overall? Has this week been better than say, last month or the month before?

What is you taper rate, Trying? You haven't updated your signature since December 2021. Here is a direct link to update it:

I do feel better overall, now I'm focusing on addressing past traumas and my self confidence. The "depression" that I feel is very different from what I felt was WD. It really feels like two different illnesses. But, I also feel like my cognition is really bad, and I'm not sure if that's from WD or from isolation over covid, or maybe it was just a perfect storm.

Just updated my signature - my rate was going about 10% or 12% a month, but in the past couple months I'm going between 5-6% every 2-3 weeks.

April 22, 2022

I also have been practicing yoga or pilates every day for 30 minutes, and I feel like it's a new part of my ritual (kind of replaced coffee, which I stopped last year at the first sight of wd). I was previously doing a few minutes of HIIT workouts and once I started pilates, I realized that HIIT was too activating and I really just didn't like it, and I was only doing it thinking "exercise makes you feel better." I found with yoga and pilates I feel like it's more for my mental health and it's an added bonus that it's good for your body too, and that makes me more likely to keep it going.

April 23, 2022

On 4/22/2022 at 4:39 PM, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I do feel better overall, now I'm focusing on addressing past traumas and my self confidence. The "depression" that I feel is very different from what I felt was WD. It really feels like two different illnesses. But, I also feel like my cognition is really bad, and I'm not sure if that's from WD or from isolation over covid, or maybe it was just a perfect storm.

Just updated my signature - my rate was going about 10% or 12% a month, but in the past couple months I'm going between 5-6% every 2-3 weeks.

Trying, I really think you're going too fast. 5 - 6% every 2 - 3 weeks is at 5% every 2 weeks, a 10% monthly drop, but if you're dropping 6% everything 2 weeks, that's 12%. That's too fast.

Those cognition problems are your body's way of saying SLOW DOWN. Please listen. You may want to hold for awhile and give your nervous system time to recover.

April 24, 2022

3 hours ago, Shep said:

Trying, I really think you're going too fast. 5 - 6% every 2 - 3 weeks is at 5% every 2 weeks, a 10% monthly drop, but if you're dropping 6% everything 2 weeks, that's 12%. That's too fast.

Those cognition problems are your body's way of saying SLOW DOWN. Please listen. You may want to hold for awhile and give your nervous system time to recover.

I didn't think that the cognition issues had anything to do with the taper, since it started at the beginning of wd/severe depression and has gotten better. But, I will slower and see if that helps. Thanks for pointing that out.

April 24, 2022

15 minutes ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I didn't think that the cognition issues had anything to do with the taper

I will tell you about what happened to me which might help you to understand what effect reducing a psychiatric drug can have on the brain.

Two weeks after reducing my dose of Pristiq from 100mg to 50mg I was not able to type. Leading up to this I was experiencing very bad brain fog; even walking took my full concentration. Being a professional typist for many decades when I wasn't able to type I knew that something was very wrong. After I took more Pristiq, only 4 HOURS later I was able to type again and the brain fog lifted. There was no way that this was placebo. I had a benchmark so I knew for certain that it was because of the drug.

Stability

WDnormal

And Brassmonkey talks more about it here:

tao-of-the-brassmonkey

I agree with Shep. It is really good that you are learning and using non drug techniquies. I have found them very helpful for coping with life in general now that I am not longer on a psychiatric drug.

April 24, 2022

@ChessieCat Thank you for the post and having me reread those links. I feel like I have noticed the wdnormal - it will be every few months that I say hey, I definitely feel better than I did six months ago. I don't notice it, until I do...but I guess for the same reason, I wasn't thinking the cognition stuff was because of my taper? I don't know if that makes sense but it has kind of taken a backseat to my other issues, because it was so incredibly bad last year when I was in severe wd and it's better now. For instance, my cognition/brain fog seems to be about really dumb stuff, and I feel dumb, like a bimbo or really ditzy. Example...I parked at a meter a couple days ago and told my friend we didn't need to pay because it was after 6pm, but the sign actually said "3 hour limit 6pm-10pm." My brain totally misinterpreted that (to be fair though, I feel like a lot of parking signs have always been confusing). Then, when I went to pay, I looked at it and said "it only takes coins?" and my friend laughed and patted me on the back and told me to look on the other side, where there was a place for credit cards. Then, I got confused that it wasn't letting me put more than a couple hours on it, and she told me it's because the sign says until 10pm and I didn't need to - because it was already past 8pm.

Maybe I'm thinking backwards or in denial that it's the taper that's doing it, because when I read your dosage drop it was so extreme and a high dose. Maybe also the reason I think my brain fog is just on little things is because I have not been doing anything big/making big decisions/working. I will try to pay better attention now (I became a little lazy, because I feel so much better than at this time last year). I want to forget how bad I felt last year and don't want that to ever happen again, so maybe part of me is afraid to admit that I'm not in the clear and I still need to take each drop very carefully.

April 24, 2022

9 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

Maybe also the reason I think my brain fog is just on little things is because I have not been doing anything big/making big decisions/working.

This is a great analysis and a sign that you're brain is indeed working! This kind of cog fog may be anterograde amnesia. You may read a street sign, yet your short-term memory loss won't let you remember what you just read.

It gets better in time. And as @ChessieCatwisely noted, it can even get better while you're still taking these drugs. And it will get MUCH better once you're off the drugs and into the recovery phase.

April 24, 2022

20 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

because when I read your dosage drop it was so extreme and a high dose.

The reason I told you about my experience was to show how much these drugs can affect the brain etc. It was an extreme case but the fact that I had a benchmark shows that it was definitely the drug and not placebo. That is, it is positive proof.

20 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I wasn't thinking the cognition stuff was because of my taper

Your brain is trying to make a lot of adjustments. Remember that it isn't only in control of what you think but every other part of the body as well.

Many members have this issue. I also had it during my taper. Forgetting words - I can remember one of the members saying that she couldn't remember the word "broom" and ended up saying "the thing you sweep the floor with". I started listening to songs and learning the words to them which I think really helped train/retrain the brain. I also did puzzles. Sometimes I could do number puzzles (but not word puzzles) and at other times I could do word puzzles (not number puzzles). I was not able to do jigsaw puzzles which I have always loved doing. My brain just didn't seem to be able to see a puzzle piece on the table and flip it around in my head and visualise what it might be and where it might go. Over time my cognitive abilities have definitely improved. They are not perfect, but I have noticed that I am more able to recall words that I want to use; not every time but definitely much better than it was (I'm 64 so age and life activities probably have an effect on this too, eg being isolated for periods during covid, only working part time so not using the brain as much). I also found that for a long time I lost my creativeness. This gradually returned during my taper.

See:

Video: Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

AND

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building! You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves. The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.

May 7, 2022

What is the thought of tapering my second drug simultaneously, if I'm having minimal symptoms from my first taper? Asking because now I've been on 10mg fluoxetine for just over a year now. I don't want to rush anything, but mentally I'm getting worried about the length of time I'm on fluoxetine and that wd might be worse when the time comes, the longer I am on it. But if I do start tapering that and symptoms start, I don't want to be confused and wondering if it's from the escitalopram taper or fluoxetine taper. I realize every situation is different, but has anyone come across a success story of a situation similar to mine?

May 8, 2022

On 5/7/2022 at 1:41 AM, tryingtosurvive330 said:

What is the thought of tapering my second drug simultaneously, if I'm having minimal symptoms from my first taper? Asking because now I've been on 10mg fluoxetine for just over a year now. I don't want to rush anything, but mentally I'm getting worried about the length of time I'm on fluoxetine and that wd might be worse when the time comes, the longer I am on it. But if I do start tapering that and symptoms start, I don't want to be confused and wondering if it's from the escitalopram taper or fluoxetine taper. I realize every situation is different, but has anyone come across a success story of a situation similar to mine?

From what we see on the forum, it's less about the length of time you've been on a drug and more about the speed you come off that can cause the worse symptoms. If you've been on a drug for a year, that's definitely enough time for your brain / body to become dependent. It's also possible that being on a steady dose of fluoxetine may be why your symptoms aren't any worse than they are.

From what you've written, it sounds like you're getting some moderate cog fog. I would be very hesitant to start tapering both drugs at the same time. As you wisely noted, it will be hard to tell if it's escitalopram or fluoxetine causing the problems.

June 21, 2022

@tryingtosurvive330

Thinking of you <3

July 19, 2022

On 6/21/2022 at 7:48 AM, Ariel said:

@tryingtosurvive330

Thinking of you ❤️

Ariel, I did not see this until today. Thank you so much for thinking of me, it really warmed my heart and made me feel cared for. I hope you are doing well - I don't come here too much anymore so as not to be reminded of when I have felt bad, but some days I feel optimistic and like I am progressing and coming here to see that people care is very uplifting and reminds me of why support is necessary!

I've had a somewhat stable few weeks. I have been exercising with the FitOn app which has surprisingly been very motivating for me. I like that I can take class within the privacy of my home and if I only do 5 minutes, well 5 minutes is better than none. I did get covid last week so I'm easing back in with gentle pilates on YouTube. Emotionally have felt stable, not happy but stable and many more windows, which I now see as part of everyday life. I realized that I needed to not taper when I was also dealing with PMS symptoms. I think that helped a lot and have not been feeling a drop in my mood with each taper, although I always questioned whether the drops in mood were coincidentally because I was dealing with stressful events each time and period symptoms. But I would like to believe it's because I'm noticing more details and patterns of when my mood drops. In general, I have still been having lots of "what's the point of being here" thoughts but it's more in response to world events, like the school shootings and such, which have made me incredibly sad. I don't understand how people can be expected to live happy lives when there is so much turmoil around us and feel helpless. But I still do understand, or realize, that maybe it's more about how to live a meaningful life in spite of all these things - whether that be offering help, or activism, and I guess just keeping hope alive (that one is very hard for me).

I've been concerned about my weight again, because the pounds are creeping back up. Of course I went down the research rabbit hole even though I've looked this up soooo many times before, but saw some studies saying the highest risk for weight gain is at about 2-3 years of being on an AD. So while I'm tapering off the lex, I'm again worrying about wanting to start the taper off prozac before that 2 years hits. I know it's not a good idea, but the weight gain makes me very depressed and so uncomfortable in my body. I've bee doing more strength training and I know that takes time, so hopefully it helps me feel better and I can wait for the taper.

July 21, 2022

On 5/8/2022 at 12:08 PM, Shep said:

From what you've written, it sounds like you're getting some moderate cog fog. I would be very hesitant to start tapering both drugs at the same time. As you wisely noted, it will be hard to tell if it's escitalopram or fluoxetine causing the problems.

I had let go of the idea of tapering both at the same time, but now I'm curious - what about alternating months to taper? So tapering lex one month, then the next month tapering prozac - so it would still be one month at a time, but on each med dose for two months? Have you seen any cases like that?

July 22, 2022

17 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I had let go of the idea of tapering both at the same time, but now I'm curious - what about alternating months to taper? So tapering lex one month, then the next month tapering prozac - so it would still be one month at a time, but on each med dose for two months? Have you seen any cases like that?

No, I haven't. It's not something we would recommend. The half-life of Prozac is a lot longer than Lexapro, so that would make it even more confusing for your nervous system. The delay in withdrawal symptoms from a long half-life drug may spill into the withdrawal symptoms in the next month during the shorter half-life drug reduction.

You won't get off these drugs any faster by alternating months.

July 26, 2022

Hi @tryingtosurvive330

Thinking of you <3

On 7/19/2022 at 7:17 PM, tryingtosurvive330 said:

I've been concerned about my weight again, because the pounds are creeping back up. Of course I went down the research rabbit hole even though I've looked this up soooo many times before, but saw some studies saying the highest risk for weight gain is at about 2-3 years of being on an AD. So while I'm tapering off the lex, I'm again worrying about wanting to start the taper off prozac before that 2 years hits. I know it's not a good idea, but the weight gain makes me very depressed and so uncomfortable in my body. I've bee doing more strength training and I know that takes time, so hopefully it helps me feel better and I can wait for the taper.

Just want to say I can really relate to this.

Thank you for your honesty.

I find it difficult to post about my difficulties with weight gain in WD because the subject matter is so storied.

At the same time I am really struggling with the various mysterious metabolic changes that have occurred in the past couple of years with weight gain as a consequence. I understand that weight gain makes you feel depressed and uncomfortable in your body, I feel the same way.

I am off all meds and I just have no idea whether my weight and metabolism and digestion will ever get back to normal. There's no way to know, just like with so much else about this iatrogenic illness. That uncertainty can be so hard.

I haven't found much info about people who have gained significant weight post-meds, but the good news for you is that many people report losing their drug weight gain when they come off the drugs. As far as I can tell most members shed the extra weight fairly easily once they're off meds, sometimes already during the taper.

It's great that you are doing strength training and gradually easing back into exercise. Steady does it.

My gut instinct is that it's important not to stress the body, as overdoing it can raise cortisol which can fuel cravings and also cause the body to store extra weight. In my case I believe that chronic elevated cortisol from protracted withdrawal plays a big part in the weight gain (but I'm just guessing, you know how it is, grasping at straws to try to understand anything).

On 7/19/2022 at 7:17 PM, tryingtosurvive330 said:

Emotionally have felt stable, not happy but stable and many more windows, which I now see as part of everyday life.

This is really awesome. I'm happy for you!

It sounds like you're doing a really good job of managing and getting through.

Give yourself lots of credit for your hard work!

I'm rooting for you and I look forward to reading your next update when you feel ready to come back and post.

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A.

October 23, 2022

I just began a 10-day course of prednisone, 40mg tapering down to 10 on the last day. I had covid in early July and the cough has persisted, and I've developed some mild asthma. Yesterday I took a single puff of the inhaler for the first time ever and it helped so much; however, several hours later I had an anxiety attack that felt much like the ones I had before I ever touched antidepressants or anxiety meds. I've read this is common with inhalers and it subsided pretty quickly. I'm hopeful that I won't need the inhaler much and hopefully if the prednisone gets rid of this cough, the asthma will subside too - the cough is what makes it difficult to breathe. I also have a history of bad allergies so the cough could also be from that, but this cough is different from my past "allergy coughs."

I'm just worried about being on prednisone. It's short, but we all know that short can still be damaging. I really need to get rid of this cough because it's taking a toll on my body. But I'm concerned about how I'll feel during and after since it can be mood altering. And, being vain, I'm already really upset about my AD weight gain and worried this will mess up my metabolism even more. I've been on it once several years ago also for a cough, and the only side effect I can remember was my insane appetite. I'll be more conscious of my choices now of course, but I'm also wondering what side effects I may have had at the time and didn't notice or pay attention to because I was younger and didn't connect the dots.

Any reassurance of those who have been on a short course of prednisone would be great!

October 23, 2022

4 hours ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

Any reassurance of those who have been on a short course of prednisone would be great!

Since there's no thread for this specific drug, I did a quick forum search. You can read about members' experiences here:

Forum search - Prednisone

December 31, 2022

Hi everyone! I wanted to share that today I am completely off the liquid lexapro! It feels surreal and I do have a little overactive brain that's worried I will withdraw again, but the newly trained positive thoughts side is reassuring me that I did a good job and everything will be fine.

I came off at a quicker rate towards the very end as you can see in my signature. I spoke for a long time with my psychiatrist, whom I trust, and she understands that a lot of my anxiety stems from fear of my own judgement being wrong and years of medical trauma at the hands of other doctors. After hearing how my drops had been going, she gave me permission to test some bigger drops since I seemed stable and I was below 1mg. Yesterday I took my last dose at 0.02mg, which was just the tiniest dot of liquid.

I'm still on 10mg prozac. I won't attempt changing that for awhile, even though I really want to.

This year has been stressful. Lots of things happened and I received devastating news. But unlike last year, I had been taking care of myself and been so focused on healing and creating and maintaining a routine that I know my mental state is just so much better. I was telling my therapist yesterday that I'm now able to watch sentimental things, cry at them, and I feel touched that little by little I'm able to appreciate and smile about some things. Last year at my worst, I felt horrible that I couldn't feel love for my family members. Over Christmas this year, I was overwhelmed with the feelings of love I had for them and noticed how much they loved me back. As much trauma I have from younger experiences, abusive relationships, and a narcissistic father, I feel like now I have more confidence to know that doesn't define my life. I still fight my depressive mindset every day, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been doing light therapy, taking vitamin d supplements, and started short cold showers in the morning after the time change. Like others, holidays are are much harder for me and I tend to get more depressed. So this year, since I had the time and mental energy, I tried these things to ward off the normal SAD feelings. I do feel like they helped.

I hope everyone is doing better. I don't want to jinx myself by celebrating too much, but I feel like I finally deserve to feel good.

January 1, 2023

Thanks for the update, @tryingtosurvive330 Glad things are going well.

January 3, 2023

It sounds like you're dong well coping with what life throws at you, @tryingtosurvive330! Its especially heartening to hear you were able to feel such positive emotions this holiday season. You're well on your way to full recovery!

January 4, 2023

@mstimc Thank you! I want you to know that your comfort and advice really went such a long way for me. I held on to a lot of what you said and I'm so grateful to you. I can't really put into words how I feel about yours and everyone's support on here. But the stories you told gave me a way to make sense of what I felt.

January 4, 2023

5 minutes ago, tryingtosurvive330 said:

@mstimc Thank you! I want you to know that your comfort and advice really went such a long way for me. I held on to a lot of what you said and I'm so grateful to you. I can't really put into words how I feel about yours and everyone's support on here. But the stories you told gave me a way to make sense of what I felt.

Its the least I can do to help another person on the road to recovery, Trying. I think those of us who have been through it are in a unique position to help those still on the journey. Its hard for others, no matter how good their intentions are, to understand all the emotions, thoughts, and physical symptoms we experience during WD and recovery. I think one of the positive things about this journey is the connections with others we make--and how we discover strengths we never knew we had. You are doing great my friend!

September 10, 2023

It's been awhile since I've updated, and for me I feel like that's a good thing because it means I have not been overcome with WD or anxiety/depression. But I know how much I want to see success stories while I'm in that low place. Today I'm feeling sluggish so I'm taking it easy and thought I'd provide some updates.

It's crazy how difficult it is to notice improvement in the moment. It's really every few months or weeks that I will stop and look back and think, I have felt marginally better. It really is so, so gradual. I went through a couple traumatic deaths this year and while I've been grieving heavily, I do notice that I'm so much more functional than what I used to be when something awful happened. In April I was feeling frustrated that I hit the 2-year mark on fluoxetine, and historically that's when I really notice the weight gain and the extreme frustration that comes with not being able to get any of the weight off. I started tapering then and am now down from 10mg to 1.44mg. I did some pretty drastic cuts in the beginning but going much more slowly at the end. I have experienced some WD symptoms, but I'm now used to tracking everything carefully so I'm happy to say that the worst it's gotten has been brain zaps, some head pressure and headaches. I began taking fish oil when things did not alleviate after a few days and I have to say, it really, really helped. I was shocked. It is also much tamer than my experience with lexapro.

Earlier this summer, once I realized AGAIN that I was just continuing to gain weight no matter what and while coming off the fluoxetine, feeling heavy and out of breath and hating how I looked, I decided to speak with a friend about her keto diet and read a bunch about what it entailed. I'll admit I had looked down on it in the past because I didn't really know about it, and I have never been one to advocate diets - just eating healthy, whole foods and enjoying everything in moderation. But I was so desperate and weighed my heaviest again, so I thought I may as well try it especially after all the positive benefits I had read about (and trying to understand the science/history behind it), one of which was improved mental health! I thought perhaps it might be a shock to my metabolism which was thoroughly destroyed by ADs. Well, it's been working. I've lost 14 pounds since starting and that's definitely made me feel better about myself. I also have more energy than I ever have and have paired it with exercise that I like doing. Again, I'm actually shocked. Also, the fact that it seems to be working is causing me to be more ok with not trying to get off the fluoxetine asap, which I know is a bad idea.

I still have the fear that I'll be back in that lowest place one day, but that fear is really fading. I also don't want to lose the fear completely because I think it reminds me that I have to work to take care of my well-being and life is much better on this side. I do so many things to strengthen my mind and body now. I'm still in EMDR therapy regularly, meditate, exercise, garden, and I'm gaining back confidence.

Thanks for reading if you're here...if anyone is still here who has commented in the past, I really hope you're doing well and I'd love to hear from you either way if you're doing well or if you need support. I worry about others and it meant so much to me that I received support here.

September 10, 2023

Great news all around, Trying. And congrats on the weight loss! I tried keto several years ago and it worked for me as well. I don't follow as strictly as I used to, but I (well, my wife, really) am careful about what and how much I eat.

It sounds like you've accepted that anxiety can be managed but not necessarily "cured." I compare it to any other chronic condition, like diabetes. If you manage properly, you can live the life you want. It doesn't have to control your life.

Thanks for checking in and letting us know how well you're doing!

tryingtosurvive330: extreme hunger but no appetite - coupled with high cortisol levels upon waking, dark thoughts and hopelessness, upset stomach

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