Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Cheeky]

3 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  So, so. Feeling some low mood.  Some fatigue.  Trying not to get sucked down the neg tube.  I feel like I am fighting a constant fear for the last few days.  Panicky.  

Can we have a few days of peace😰.  It can  be very frustrating too feel like you are almost back to some small amount of  sanity, but can't quite get over the line.  I really need to look at it as a positive sign.  Right!

I wonder if I have some Xanax W/D along with the other drug W/D.  I guess at this point it really doesn't matter.

 

Here is a weird one for you,  Can half of you feel happy and then the other half of you feel down?

I was out for my walk this morning and felt some joy but also felt some low mood at the same time.  Crazy Crazy Crazy.

 

How about you?  

Are you still up at night? 

How is the patch working out?  I quit smoking about 30 years ago.  That was pretty hard.   I would  smoke in my dreams for many, many years. (that usually meant I was stressed  about something).

 

Hang in there.

Have a super day🤩

 

 

[Cheeky]

Just now, Cheeky said:

wonder if I have some Xanax W/D along with the other drug W/D.  I guess at this point it really doesn't matter.

100% you are, you’ve had so many changes, your nervous system just has to settle down.

[Cheeky]

4 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Here is a weird one for you,  Can half of you feel happy and then the other half of you feel down?

Not strange at all, I feel happy when I’m a window then when the wave hits I feel so safe, this has been happening daily, I just thought it was only me.

[Cheeky]

6 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

How about you?  

Are you still up at night? 

How is the patch working out?  I quit smoking about 30 years ago.  That was pretty hard.   I would  smoke in my dreams for many, many years. (that usually meant I was stressed  about something).

The patches are doing there job, I stopped smoking 15 years ago but the last 6 months I was vaping occasionally not thinking it was addictive and then realised I was. I have never vaped I. Front of my kids they would never know. I Only ever drink alcohol maybe once or twice a year. I take my parenting really serious and like to be a good role model. I just want my kids to be grounded and happy.

my sleep at night has been good and I can see improvements overall since 4 weeks ago, but I’m desperate for stability. I still get aniexty  in the mornings , so I go for an hour walk and listen to audiobooks. The latest one is called the “The Dare Respone”  it’s really good so far. It’s all about dealing with your aniexty thoughts. I know so much but so hard to do.  I think my problem is I read to many of the bad stories about drugs and it scares me. I just wish there was a lot more success stories. 

[Cheeky]

Thankyou @Greatfulfor listening to me and your support, it keeps me going.🌈

[Greatful]

@CheekyYou sound like me, read this book, listen to this or that, try this or that.  I can feel vary over whelmed by it all. I am still trying to get acceptance down.🤪  I think I am starting to see a little improvements in recognizing that thoughts are that just thoughts. Why in the world am I afraid of my thoughts  😬 But I do get caught up in the dialogue with them more than I would like.  But I guess it is a start when you can redirect yourself some of the time or at least not get into a big dialogue.  I guess that is part of the process, learning to just observe  your thoughts and not engage with them.  Sometimes I feel like I am trying to learn how to  do some alien trick.  I mean really, how do you just observe you thoughts? I am finding  I will try just about anything to get through this. Tapping, meditation, alternate nostril breathing,  They say these things work.  It may take me awhile to master, but one must not give up.

 

Vent anytime.  I do find that as I try and support or encourage someone else it can sometimes help me.  We are there for each other.♥️

[Cheeky]

4 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Sometimes I feel like I am trying to learn how to  do some alien trick. 

😂😂😂😂😂 that’s so funny, at least  we still have our sense of humour 

[Cheeky]

5 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@CheekyYou sound like me, read this book, listen to this or that, try this or that.  I can feel vary over whelmed by it all. I am still trying to get acceptance down.🤪  I think I am starting to see a little improvements in recognizing that thoughts are that just thoughts. Why in the world am I afraid of my thoughts  😬 But I do get caught up in the dialogue with them more than I would like.  But I guess it is a start when you can redirect yourself some of the time or at least not get into a big dialogue.  I guess that is part of the process, learning to just observe  your thoughts and not engage with them.  Sometimes I feel like I am trying to learn how to  do some alien trick.  I mean really, how do you just observe you thoughts? I am finding  I will try just about anything to get through this. Tapping, meditation, alternate nostril breathing,  They say these things work.  It may take me awhile to master, but one must not give up.

 

Vent anytime.  I do find that as I try and support or encourage someone else it can sometimes help me.  We are there for each other.♥️

I think Ive downloaded 5 books in desperation.  
Yes we just have to keep going 

[Erell]

Hello @Greatful

 

I have recently read some of your posts and wanted to share with you how much I appreciate your ability to help others and the ton of your posts.

You really an amazing contributor  in this community.

 

And helping others can sometimes be a great selfcare tip!

Please do take good care of yourself, you deserve it too ❤

 

I do hope you'll feel better soon and send you all my support ☀️

[Yersinia]

Good Morning @Greatful What’s your mantra for today? Hope you’re feeling good.

[Greatful]

@Erell  Thank You for your kind words.  Like you and everyone else trying to make it through this very trying time in our lives really need to be heard and feel like they are not alone.  

 

Your so right,  when we can help others it can give us the encouragement to make it through another day.  Man some days are hard!

 

Have a great day☺️

[Greatful]

@Yersinia  Good morning

 

I think I will use the one "I am okay at this moment"   Mornings are tough for me, so I am in a little slump.  Feeling that whiny part coming out.

 

How about you, starting out good?

Have a great day☺️

[getofflex]

Great job on using coping skills greatful!  I’m also in a bit of a slump but I’m just going about my day and taking it easy. This too shall pass.  You do a lot of wonderful work on this forum.   

[Yersinia]

My morning is going along OK @Greatful - made it to work and sitting in my office without my heart pounding out of my chest like it has been recently.  It's a good day today.  Hope you're hanging in.

[Cheeky]

Hello my lovely lady, I’m just chiming in to see if you’re okay? I hope you get a window soon. Heart ❤️ 

[Greatful]

I thought I would do a quick update.   I am in a WINDOW.  I just want it on record so when my brain goes haywire again I can look back and see that I am in here somewhere.

 

  My description of my brain for the last 6- 8 months.  Look into one of those mirrors at fairs were you look all distorted and nothing lines up right.  Well that is how my brain feels and thinks 90% of the time, and don't forget to add in the buzzing, tingling, vice grips on my temples, burning, crushing feeling like sink holes in the brain and headaches.

Of course lets not forget the depression and anxiety.

 

But whos complaining.    I can say there has been some healing going on.  My left side of my face and left eyes do not get as numb or happen as often as before.

 

I also have to say that learning meditation has made a big difference.  I am far from an expert and somedays can't quite my thoughts but I will keep doing it and will get better at it.  Besides I am at least teaching my body to relax and get a little rest.  Love my weighted blanket, I do my afternoon meditation under it😊

[Yersinia]

Congratulations on the window!! So happy for you that healing is evident too! 

[Greatful]

@Yersinia

Thank you.  And YES it sure does help when for weeks you question your sanity and if you will ever feel better.  This feels like may be I can do this.  I should really go to bed but then who knows what morning will bring.  Do I stay up and savor or do I stay on my schedule and get my rest🙃

[Mia1]

10 hours ago, Greatful said:

I thought I would do a quick update.   I am in a WINDOW. 

This is the best news @Greatful🎉 you deserve this, enjoy every moment of it.  Let me know how you are feeling today.

[Yersinia]

I have my mantra for the day: “the future will take care of itself.” What do you think? 

[getofflex]

14 hours ago, Greatful said:

I thought I would do a quick update.   I am in a WINDOW.  I just want it on record so when my brain goes haywire again I can look back and see that I am in here somewhere.

How wonderful @Greatful!  I'm very happy for you.  😀

You do a lot of really positive compassionate work on this forum.  Thank you. 

[Greatful]

@getofflex  Thank you for the kind words.  I think my shades are closing half way on my window.  Short but sweet.  I just hope I don't have to wait weeks until the sweet site of me comes again😞

[getofflex]

I’m sorry. As time goes on the windows get better and the waves less severe. 

[Cheeky]

Hey Greatful,

How was your day today? Were you skipping or clumping 🙃 Or a bit of bipolar ?

You made my morning with your sense of humour, Im. going to use that terminology to explain my days. 

Your a wonderful soul😇

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Well I started out limping, than turned into clomping, late this evening I would say a a light skip.  I had a bit of rumination throw into the mix. Yeah, bi polar is another one that pops it's ugly head once and awhile.  I really hate it when my brain feels like it is in high alert and very intense.  Ugh. I dream of the day when I know any emotions , anxiety, low mood, etc are my own emotions not from drugs or drug w/d

 

Your just starting your day,  how is it going? 

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  Well I started out limping, than turned into clomping, late this evening I would say a a light skip.  I had a bit of rumination throw into the mix. Yeah, bi polar is another one that pops it's ugly head once and awhile.  I really hate it when my brain feels like it is in high alert and very intense.  Ugh. I dream of the day when I know any emotions , anxiety, low mood, etc are my own emotions not from drugs or drug w/d

 

Your just starting your day,  how is it going? 

Yeah I feel you , but that little skip is good even though it didn’t last long. 

Today I feel tired , I think all this aniexty is draining me. I’m in high alert 🚨 looking for danger  when there’s nothing there . This aniexty bring the terrible thoughts of me  never recovering and it just goes on an on worrying about my future . The good thing is I’m better then yesterdayI think 🤔 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Just getting up here.   How was your day

 

8 hours ago, Cheeky said:

I’m in high alert 🚨 looking for danger  when there’s nothing there .

You have this too!!!!!  Does it feel like underline panic?  Then I start getting afraid of my thoughts, Searching for why I am so full of fear, start to obsess over things.  Then the vicious cycle starts.   It is a struggle to regain any sort of reasoning. I try and remind myself that they are only thoughts and they can't hurt you. Just acknowledge the thought and don't engage or try reason with it, just let it be there, then distract yourself.

 Besides they are so morphed and very little truth to them.   I think I have read somewhere that your anxiety starts looking for something to pin it on.  Constant state of alertness.  UGH.....

 

[Greatful]

@Go2zero  Hi,  I wanted to ask you some more about L Theanine.  I  feel a decrease in anxiety when I take it. 

 I am in W/D from several meds.  I decreased my Lamictal from 200mg to 37.5mg last spring rather fast within about 2 months, and ct'd Seroquel after 6 weeks, Zoloft for 1 month 

 Up and down on Trazodone, and Xanax. 

 And Prozac, this is the one that started to whole nightmare last fall. I thought I was doing a slow taper last summer into last fall. Crashed 

 

Should I be worried that I am messing up my recovery by taking L Theanine.  Like I said I general feel better after I take it.

What  happens when you take it long term?

 

I know that it crosses the blood brain barrier, but so does Omega's  

I just want to feel better, You get paranoid about everything you put in your body, what could be hindering your healing, ie   Dairy, processed foods, wheat,  you name it, stay away from this, stay away from that.  It is enough to drive you more crazy then you already feel.

 

Thanks for any help 

[Go2zero]

Hi Greatful, 

 

This is what I answered to you in the post of @fairygirl:

See the rest of y comment below this copied post!

 

I do not think you should be worried. But I do think one should be careful with supplements like L-Theanine. It has effect on dopamine, serotonin and GABA levels. When we are tapering psychiatric drugs, we want to create a natural balance in our systems again. The body, brain and CNS have to work very hard to find this balance again after all disturbances and changes caused by the meds.

 

Our bodies are so intelligent that we can find this balance again after a period of healing. But the more supplements we use, the more unnatural unbalances we create again. This may hinder our natural healing process.

 

Our CNS and all natural chemical processes in our system are so delicate. So using supplements that have direct effect on these processes are not recommended.

 

There are people who do have positive effect from L-Theanine. I am not saying no one should take it. But lots of people find that these effects disappear after a while (same as with ashagandha for example). And after that often adverse reactions start.... 

 

My personal experience with L-Theanine is that it may help if I just take it now and then (during a few days maximum), when having extreme WD symptoms from bupropion WD. Bupropion does NOT have effect on serotonin  (SSRI's do), but mainly om dopamine. Since L-Theanine has more effect on dopamine than on serotonin, this can give some relief because of dropping dopamine levels when tapering bupropion. But again, I just took it now and then a few days. My experience is that if I took it longer than a few days the positive effects disappeared very soon.

 

Here is a link on SA about L-Theanine. As you can see, the opinions differ a lot...

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1032-l-theanine-for-anxiety-insomnia/

 

I hope this makes my ideas clear. What I do question is what you are taking on meds. It is not clear to me from your last post if you are still taking lexapro and prozac as well next to all meds you mentioned in your post. 

 

One thing is quite clear to me. The more meds we take, the more complex our healing will be. So adding supplements to that that have direct influence on brain chemistry is not the best idea in my opinion.

 

I have good results with taking essential Lavender oil. I put 2-4 drops in a glass of water and drink it. It most often gives relief in 15-30 minutes. If you want to try, only take 100% pure organic lavender oil. It does not give any side effects. I just take it when needed.

[Mia1]

@Greatfuljust checking in to see how you are feeling today 💖

[Greatful]

@Mia1 Hi, there 

 Hanging in there.  Some low mood. Heaviness feeling in my body and mind.  I had  a huge wave of obsessing thoughts yesterday afternoon thru this morning.  They really took me in and wouldn't let go. They are still there but I am trying not to engage in them  UGH!  I am guessing that has had something to do with the low mood.   I wonder if it cycles.   I was really fearful and had that underline panic, then the I locked in to the obsessing thoughts and low mood.

 

Went for my walk and took a shower.

 

I am really trying to make eye contact with people when they drive by and wave.  It is really helping me feel connected to people, I am fully engaged in the experience, not shying away like I am a nobody.   I am somebody  Yeah!

 

I have been emotional disconnected since I was young, protecting myself I guess.  My therapist thinks this is good, learning to let people in and to really see me.

 

  Why does retraining your brain take so much work.  I mean really, where is the magic key that opens the lock and lets us out. Chiseling away at the lock takes to long.  I want to live free now 

 

What are your plans for the day? 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I had  a huge wave of obsessing thoughts yesterday afternoon thru this morning.  They really took me in and wouldn't let go. They are still there but I am trying not to engage in them  UGH!  I am guessing that has had something to do with the low mood.   I wonder if it cycles. 

This is a familiar symptom for me, I’ve never experienced anything like it before coming off the psych drugs, you? For me it cycles, gets worse when I have extra stress or in a wave. Overall though I think I manage it well and it’s not so much an issue anymore. Until it is 🤣🤪

 

I’ve been doing a lot of “work” on just letting myself be throughout the day. Just reminding myself my brain is in w/d, it can do what it wants and I refocus on what I’m doing. So basically mindfulness but also total acceptance of my over active brain. So I try to be present as much as possible but I’m okay if I can’t be. I used to judge myself A LOT, it created so much of the “what do I do with my symptoms” dialogue. Learning how to be is helping me go deeper into acceptance of them and when I’m in acceptance I don’t focus on them as much.

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 I was really fearful and had that underline panic,

What do you think is the cause of this fear?

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

not shying away like I am a nobody

You are somebody really super special, I’m happy you realize that!!🥰 I say this to you all the time but you really are doing such amazing work on yourself.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I have been emotional disconnected since I was young, protecting myself I guess.  My therapist thinks this is good, learning to let people in and to really see me.

I have these same issues from childhood, it’s definitely a protective mechanism. And it feels good not to have to hide anymore, even if the process can feel uncomfortable. 

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Why does retraining your brain take so much work.  I mean really, where is the magic key that opens the lock and lets us out. Chiseling away at the lock takes to long.  I want to live free now 

Those programs are embedded deep inside us from childhood. It’s like breaking a 50 year addiction. But repetition and consistency will get us there. I think this is one of those things that the progress is so gradual you can’t really see it as it’s happening. But it’s happening!

 

Never forget you ARE free right now. It’s your mind that’s  telling you you have to be or feel a certain way in order to live your life the way you want. But why? Why can’t you enjoy your day today with w/d symptoms? Why do these symptoms have to have dominion over your mind? They don’t. I know it can feel difficult when we don’t feel well but it’s always true, we’re always free.

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

What are your plans for the day? 

Basically the same as yesterday but I did some cooking and went to the gym. Going to do a guided meditation and read for a bit, maybe find a good movie to watch later. What are you up to?

[Greatful]

@Mia1I did another  E/R  I finally went to get my hair cut.  So yes I will have to agree that I am slooowly healing.  I have been trying to get up the nerve to go for a long time.  I decided today was the day. It felt like I can do this.  It is so hard when you feel so awful to do anything, one foot in front of the other clomp, clomp, clomp.   

 

1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

Why can’t you enjoy your day today with w/d symptoms?

How do you get yourself to move when you feel so awful?  The fatigue and feeling like you have the flu without the fever.  

 

1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

Why do these symptoms have to have dominion over your mind?

I know how they do..... I am fighting it.   It is so hard when you feel so sick emotionally and physically.  I forget to give myself compassion and remind myself I am in W/D.   There is a positive today my anxiety and panic are down. 

 

 So let me recap   You just accept what ever symptom you are having that day.(depression, anxiety, brain malfunction, panic, restlessness, feel just plain awful)( I am secretly worried I will be like this forever......)  I know, I know that's my dysfunctional brain talking.  See I knew there is a reason I talk to you, I get the thoughts and feelings out and then they don't seem as bad.   

 

Do you ever just hit the wall and break down and cry.😰

 

Thank you for reminding me that I am growing and healing.  I can see that I am able to stop myself from going down the whole spiral staircase  I may get down to the middle then grab the railing (yeah meditation and brain work).

It is amazing how quick your brain can go from positive (in a window) to hopelessness (in a wave)

 

 

I am going to go meditate, I will catch up to you later♥️

 

Edited August 3, 2021 by Greatful

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

am secretly worried I will be like this forever......)  I

Thats me at the moment ☺️

[Cheeky]

@Grateful you doing amazing with self help. Im learning a lot from you and @Mia1I trying to do the same but I get side tracked in my negative thoughts.  I think I've downloaded every self help book on the market hoping to get a quick fix. To the day we stablize..........

[rubywednesday]

On 7/30/2021 at 10:57 AM, Erell said:

Hello @Greatful

 

I have recently read some of your posts and wanted to share with you how much I appreciate your ability to help others and the ton of your posts.

You really an amazing contributor  in this community.

 

And helping others can sometimes be a great selfcare tip!

Please do take good care of yourself, you deserve it too ❤

 

I do hope you'll feel better soon and send you all my support ☀️

I'll second this @greatful you've been a great help to me too.  Hope you feel better soon