Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Greatful]

 @Mia1 I am hanging in there. How are you doing?  This WD is crazy, today the depression is letting up a little but man did I go though some anger this morning.  UGH🥵

I ordered some plant based protein powder.  Garden of Eden. It should come tomorrow.   I was looking at Orgain, but they have a lot of stuff in it and I wasn't sure about to much different things.  I picked up some almond milk today and some fresh red kale(organic).  I know that Kale is high in pesticides They didn't have organic spinach so bought a bag of reg spinach.  I'll get organic spinach next time form Trader joes.  That is where I have been getting it.  They have organic kale in the bag too.  

Do you know it means when someone reacts to a post you made?  I keep getting notices that someone reacted to a post I did on someone's thread and then I think a number shows up  in the bottom on the right hand corner.

 

Did you get a chance to look at Michael Priebe on you tube?

 

Have a good day

[Mia1]

Hi Greatful,

I found a meditation today on healing the inner child, it was really intense emotionally but I actually feel so much lighter. I had no idea how much pain I was continuing to hold onto. Since we appear to be on a similar path in terms of healing our trauma I think it will really help you. If you’re comfortable sharing I would love to hear your experience with it.

Let me know how you like the protein powder, I’m not crazy about the one I have been using. Would love a recommendation!!

When someone reacts to a post they’re letting you know they loved what you wrote. That’s awesome you’re getting so many, it means you’re touching people!!

 I did check out Michael Priebe today. So the message I got was find meaning in the suffering. It reminds me of Victor Frankl who wrote my favorite book Man’s Search for Meaning. If you haven’t read it I can’t recommend it enough. It’s a little dark as it’s an autobiography about his experiences in Auschwitz but what he was able to overcome and learn is breathtakingly beautiful. One quote attributed to him is “ One who has a ‘why’ to live for can endure almost any how.” 

So my ‘why’ is my fearlessness to look at, feel and release my trauma so I can live my best possible life full of feeling. How about you?

 

 

[Cheeky]

Hey Greatful,

I’ve been reading your thread and think the way you analyse everything is amazing. Your comments on other threads is helpful and encouraging. I’m trying to stay positive in the wave I’m currently in and find reading other advise helpful. I just wanted to let you know . Thankyou x

[Greatful]

@Cheeky Thank you for stopping by.  There are so many people on this forum. I would never be able to meet everyone.  I wish everyone success♥️

 

I read your into.  It almost brought tears to my eyes.  I could feel your panic and pain.  That's how I got to were I am today.  I am so angry with my doctor. They just start throwing drugs at the wall to see what sticks. And we are so desperate that we take anything to stop the pain. And  we trust that they know what they are doing.  Mine  just gave up after the mess he created.🥵  If he would have know what withdrawal was when I crashed last fall. Maybe this all could have been avoided.   I could have reinstated Prozac and stabilized.  I am still trying to stabilize.  It has been 8 months off of Prozac and 3 1/2 months off of a ct of Seroquel. Plus the start stop and rapid decrease of Lamictal.  I was only on 6 weeks of Seroquel but it hit me.  I can't believe how much pain that this causes.  My brain will not stop buzzing and I can't think logically.  I really want to start tapering Lex to see if that will help my brain.  But I am so afraid of getting worse.  I can't believe the ocd phobia this has caused me.  It is very overwhelming at times how much a person wants to feel better and get back into the human race.  Sometimes I wonder if there is something that will help me, but I think of last winter and all the drug changes and how they didn't help me than why would anything be any different now.  So I have to wait and try not go insane with the pain anxiety, depression and crazy the mind.

 

I know now that that's what happened the summer of 2014.  I went off Lexapro and a did the drug hopping and ended up in the hospital.  If they knew what they were doing it would save us from so much pain.  It took me so long to stabilize after that .  Even then the doctor had no idea why I wasn't stabilizing faster.  So we add the Lamictal.  I am now thinking it was all the drug hopping before I ended up on Prozac.

 

I am so glad that you are still persevering and finding every bit of strength to keep going forward.  I feel a little panicky when I read post from people years ago that just drop off and wonder what happened.  Was the fight to hard for them?  What about me, can I hold on and keep fighting?  Some of the members  that were posting with you 2014 or so are not posting anymore.  Do you know what happened to them?

 

I also want to tell you if you can go through all that you have, you will make it through. You are very strong.💪 I hope we will be reading our success stories and staying here to help others achieve the same goal💥

 

Some how we will get to the other side.  What choice do we have🙄

[Rusty1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky Thank you for stopping by.  There are so many people on this forum. I would never be able to meet everyone.  I wish everyone success♥️

 

I read your into.  It almost brought tears to my eyes.  I could feel your panic and pain.  That's how I got to were I am today.  I am so angry with my doctor. They just start throwing drugs at the wall to see what sticks. And we are so desperate that we take anything to stop the pain. And  we trust that they know what they are doing.  Mine  just gave up after the mess he created.🥵  If he would have know what withdrawal was when I crashed last fall. Maybe this all could have been avoided.   I could have reinstated Prozac and stabilized.  I am still trying to stabilize.  It has been 8 months off of Prozac and 3 1/2 months off of a ct of Seroquel. Plus the start stop and rapid decrease of Lamictal.  I was only on 6 weeks of Seroquel but it hit me.  I can't believe how much pain that this causes.  My brain will not stop buzzing and I can't think logically.  I really want to start tapering Lex to see if that will help my brain.  But I am so afraid of getting worse.  I can't believe the ocd phobia this has caused me.  It is very overwhelming at times how much a person wants to feel better and get back into the human race.  Sometimes I wonder if there is something that will help me, but I think of last winter and all the drug changes and how they didn't help me than why would anything be any different now.  So I have to wait and try not go insane with the pain anxiety, depression and crazy the mind.

 

I know now that that's what happened the summer of 2014.  I went off Lexapro and a did the drug hopping and ended up in the hospital.  If they knew what they were doing it would save us from so much pain.  It took me so long to stabilize after that .  Even then the doctor had no idea why I wasn't stabilizing faster.  So we add the Lamictal.  I am now thinking it was all the drug hopping before I ended up on Prozac.

 

I am so glad that you are still persevering and finding every bit of strength to keep going forward.  I feel a little panicky when I read post from people years ago that just drop off and wonder what happened.  Was the fight to hard for them?  What about me, can I hold on and keep fighting?  Some of the members  that were posting with you 2014 or so are not posting anymore.  Do you know what happened to them?

 

I also want to tell you if you can go through all that you have, you will make it through. You are very strong.💪 I hope we will be reading our success stories and staying here to help others achieve the same goal💥

 

Some how we will get to the other side.  What choice do we have🙄

I saw you post in @Cheekythread about your OCD.  I would remain hopeful that it will resolve.  If it was not a symptom before it should resolve itself - although never fast enough!

In my withdrawal there was a period, forgetting how long, where I developed OCD regarding hygiene and everything had to be in a perfect way for my brain to call it clean and if I did it wrong I had to start all over.  I am a bit of a germaphobe, but this was far different than I had been prior to withdrawal.  It eventually went away over time and I would say I am back to my normal response as a germaphobe.  A regular germaphobe, not the super obsessive withdrawal germaphobe.  😜

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

am so glad that you are still persevering and finding every bit of strength to keep going forward.  I feel a little panicky when I read post from people years ago that just drop off and wonder what happened.  Was the fight to hard for them?  What about me, can I hold on and keep fighting?  Some of the members  that were posting with you 2014 or so are not posting anymore.  Do you know what happened to them?

I could've written those words myself, I often think the same and that sends panic over me. I do believe though that I myself when feeling good try to avoid going on the sites like this because it makes me anxious reading here, so I think a lot of people stabilise and don't come back until something bad happens. 

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

read your into.  It almost brought tears to my eyes.  I could feel your panic and pain.  That's how I got to were I am today.  I am so angry with my doctor. They just start throwing drugs at the wall to see what sticks. And we are so desperate that we take anything to stop the pain. And  we trust that they know what they are doing.  Mine  just gave up after the mess he created.🥵  I

I given up on doctors and its been so hard not having anybody to go to who understands what we're going through. Unfortunately have to rely on forums like this and wait out til somebody answers us. I have lost faith in the medical world and everything is about money, Big Pharma wants us on these drugs so they can pocket the money

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

ome how we will get to the other side.  What choice do we have🙄

We have too and we will with support. Im here for you x

[Greatful]

@Rusty1Thank You so much for you kind words.  I took a quick peak at your thread. 

 

Congratulations on getting off of Paxil.  I also want to thank you for staying in touch.

 Did you taper while you were have symptoms of WD.  I really want to try drop a tiny bit to see if it affects me positively.  I know I had a bad reaction starting Lex and I am hoping  that my horrible brain zapping, numbing, electrocution going on will go down.  I seem to get a lot of the  WD  physical symptoms in my brain. Right now the top of my brain is tingling and tight, my  thought feel disconnected. My head feels like a bowling ball.  If you read my thread this has been a on going symptom.  I would have some zaps and brain symptoms when I was tapering prozac but this has put it in another category.  I struggle with anxiety and depression with this also.  I am waiting for a long enough window where I feel no brain sensations or depression.

 

 Thank You for the encouragement about ocd.  I can get obsessives and worry normally but this is out of control. When your brain can not think right it  is very hard to rationalize.  It has made it hard for me to be around people. 

 

I will be looking for your success story. 

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

I know now that that's what happened the summer of 2014.  I went off Lexapro and a did the drug hopping and ended up in the hospital.  If they knew what they were doing it would save us from so much pain.  It took me so long to stabilize after that .  Even then the doctor had no idea why I wasn't stabilizing faster.  So we add the Lamictal.  I am now thinking it was all the drug hopping before I ended up on Prozac.

 

I ended up in hospital when my last psychiatrist look me of my Paxil within weeks and then trying tree other drugs and nothing worked I went back on the Paxil with the added Seraquel and finally got stable after 6 months. 

[Rusty1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Rusty1Thank You so much for you kind words.  I took a quick peak at your thread. 

 

Congratulations on getting off of Paxil.  I also want to thank you for staying in touch.

 Did you taper while you were have symptoms of WD.  I really want to try drop a tiny bit to see if it affects me positively.  I know I had a bad reaction starting Lex and I am hoping  that my horrible brain zapping, numbing, electrocution going on will go down.  I seem to get a lot of the  WD  physical symptoms in my brain. Right now the top of my brain is tingling and tight, my  thought feel disconnected. My head feels like a bowling ball.  If you read my thread this has been a on going symptom.  I would have some zaps and brain symptoms when I was tapering prozac but this has put it in another category.  I struggle with anxiety and depression with this also.  I am waiting for a long enough window where I feel no brain sensations or depression.

 

 Thank You for the encouragement about ocd.  I can get obsessives and worry normally but this is out of control. When your brain can not think right it  is very hard to rationalize.  It has made it hard for me to be around people. 

 

I will be looking for your success story. 

It is amazing how different our brains act when going through this.  I remember times when I was completely irrational with my emotional responses and knew it, but I couldn't control it.  Then there were times I thought I was completely rational and had a grip of what was going on, but still couldn't control my emotions, anxiety, OCD.  It is a helpless feeling isn't it?!

I would say that I got towards the end of my taper I was going very slow and this really evened out and since making the jump to 0 it has gotten even better.  Unfortunately while in the upthrows of withdrawal I think we all have to tolerate a certain amount of this.  I certainly never had a hold bring it back to 0, just allow it to be more manageable.

 

I did taper while having WD symptoms.  I tried to do a taper following a pattern of symptoms increasing after a drop and slowly get better.  If they didn't disappear as quickly I would hold a bit longer until I felt like it was a tolerable level before decreasing again.  To me this was what I considered "a normal" taper for me.  In retrospect I would have gone more slowly than the 10% per month and tried the Brassmonkey slide method or something that wasn't 10% at a time.  I don't think it ever gave me major issues, just that thinking back knowing how hard it can be I would do additional things like that to help "cushion" the effects of withdrawal.

 

I certainly see your concern of tapering while still experiencing symptoms.  I am sorry in that it is really tough to give advice because I experienced the gamut as well, sometimes a drop did help, sometimes it made it worse, and sometimes a hold would help and other times it didn't.  It really is so unpredictable.

My best advice after having been through it is listen to your body, try to find a pattern in how you react to drops (I would usually know within a day or two if it would be an easy or difficult drop) and make cautious and slow decisions.  It seems like it takes longer, but in reality the more you upset your CNS the longer it will take.

 

Best of luck, you will get through this and come out the other side feeling much better!

[Mia1]

Wanted to stop by and say hi, how are you doing?

[Greatful]

@Mia1 You such a wonderful and kind person.  I am learning so much through you.  I have to admit sometimes I feel inferior to you, you are so gifted and strong.  But because of this,  you have reinforced myself to work on my self esteem.  So I use the phrase I read where you ask yourself,   Why do I feel this way, why.  So then I look to myself  and ask why why do I feel inferior to Mia1.  Look to myself to fix that neg. thought.  Does that make sense?☺️

 

I think I am out of that offal  wave.  That was miserable few weeks. Still having symptoms obsessive thoughts, brain sensations ect., but anxiety and depression way down.  But of course that nagging thought in the back of the head.  How long will this last.  I still don't have much of a appetite.  Sometimes  about 4-5hrs after I take the Lex at noon my stomach starts to feel different, hungry but not hungry (weird) but no appetite and nausea.  If I try to eat it doesn't help.

 

I am still working on thoughts and accepting.  But change sure doesn't happen over night..   Meditating has been a challenge, doesn't feel like I am all into it.  But it was a hard few weeks and my brain was all over the place, so I guess my thoughts would be harder to dismiss.  I think I missed one day, but other wise I feel like at least I tried to rest my body and mind a little.  Just taking the time out is helpful. 

 

I still struggle with not being busy and being hard on myself that I am being unproductive.

I came up with a thought today  God gifted me with another day today and I can use it how I want.  It is probably not right to use it in a self destructive way.

 

I ordered the book Transforming Your Dragons.  The one that KLP recommended. I think I will start it today.

 

Do you mind if I copy and paste some of your helpful advice and pass it on to other members.  I try to pass it on, but it is easier if I can copy and paste in your words and I don't have to go back and forth to write it out.

 

How was your weekend? 

[Mia1]

50 minutes ago, Greatful said:

You such a wonderful and kind person.  I am learning so much through you.  I have to admit sometimes I feel inferior to you, you are so gifted and strong.  But because of this,  you have reinforced myself to work on my self esteem.  So I use the phrase I read where you ask yourself,   Why do I feel this way, why.  So then I look to myself  and ask why why do I feel inferior to Mia1.  Look to myself to fix that neg. thought.  Does that make sense?☺️

Thank you so much for your kind words, they are so uplifting to me. And I was so happy for your reply. You and KLP are two people I feel very connected with, I really appreciate you!!

So believe it or not feeling inferior to me actually has nothing to do with me, it’s part of an old program, probably from childhood, where you simply didn’t feel loved. 

 When you feel this way, or feel any other “negative” emotion, you can just sit with it and relax your body. Do not focus on it or repress it. Just be there with it until it passes. Imagine the feelings are your six year old self and you’re simply holding her hand until she feels better. Just focus on your breathing if you find you’re getting caught up in the story. Keep doing this, it’s how you can heal it. 

You have incredible strength and wisdom and you have always been and always will be loved. Please believe this 💖

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I am still working on thoughts and accepting.  But change sure doesn't happen over night..   Meditating has been a challenge, doesn't feel like I am all into it.  But it was a hard few weeks and my brain was all over the place, so I guess my thoughts would be harder to dismiss.  I think I missed one day, but other wise I feel like at least I tried to rest my body and mind a little.  Just taking the time out is helpful. 

 

So remember the point of meditation is to increase your awareness of thoughts so that when you have thoughts outside of meditation you don’t immediately identify with them. You we’re aware that your brain was “all over the place” and that your thoughts were “hard to dismiss.” You are becoming more aware now, just remember to observe these thoughts objectively in the moment. It’s an experience you’re observing, nothing more or less. It’s not good or bad until you decide it is.

 Yes, it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. And it never has to be perfect. But change is happening and the work we do today has such an incredible effect on our tomorrow, keep it up!!

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I came up with a thought today  God gifted me with another day today and I can use it how I want.  It is probably not right to use it in a self destructive way.

I LOVE this!! Keep challenging your brain to find the positive in everything. It’s there if we’re looking in the right place. It’s working for you already.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

o you mind if I copy and paste some of your helpful advice and pass it on to other members.  I try to pass it on, but it is easier if I can copy and paste in your words and I don't have to go back and forth to write it out.

Yes, feel free to do this. I’m honored you thought of me. 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I think I am out of that offal  wave

This is the BEST news, I’m so happy for you 🎉💥

[Mia1]

Oh, and I had a good weekend, how about you?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  I was wondering if you could help me out here?  I have my 2nd Psych visit with my new doc. tomorrow.  I am not sure how much I should talk to her about the advice I am getting from SA. Moving my Lex to noon and setting up a schedule for my xanax.  I take the same amount dose wise but split the night time one in half so I take the other half in the morning.  

[Mia1]

Hi Greatful, hope you’re having a great day. I would just give her the general idea, that you are working towards being off medication, doing a slow taper, etc. As well meaning as these doctors are the vast majority just don’t understand how to taper or what psychiatric drug withdrawal is. 

I have been seeing a NP for about 10 years now for “medication management.” She’s a lovely woman and being that we have a good relationship I told her exactly what I was doing and going through in the beginning. Although somewhat supportive she did tell me often that OCD is a medical condition that needed to be treated with medication. She also told me that I may need to take some amount of klonopin for the rest of my life because of how long I have been on it. 

Now you can imagine how confusing and scared I felt at the time because my brain was still balancing out and I didn’t feel fully confident in myself. So even though she meant well it scared me and I ended up going on Lexapro for a month before I fully realized that I was capable of healing myself and living a drug free life. I now tell her all the time how great I’m doing and feeling even if it’s not exactly truthful and she no longer tries to talk me into taking medication.

Let me know how it goes, thinking of you!!

[Greatful]

@Mia1

I did tell her a my first visit that I had started to do a lot of research on meds and what was happening to me.  I expressed my disappointment in my old doctor and that I had to take control of what was happening to me.  I told her I was in WD.  She was wondering if my brain sensations were from the Lexapro.  She appeared to be on board with me tapering off of Lexapro.  She did bring up liquid Lexapro and she mentioned a scale. She asked me if I want to start taper now, I told her I didn't think I was ready yet, needed to stabilize more.  She has patients that are trying to taper and are going really slow.  I am not sure how she would feel if I told her I was involved with SA.  I will be taking the advice of SA when I taper, should I let her think she is running the taper?  I was telling her how sensitive I am to drugs and how I just needed the dust of Xanax one time.  She referred about someone just needing to like their benzo.  I thought that was pretty funny.  I think I will make it clear that I am in PAWS.  

We had so much ground to cover the 1st visit, hoping to get a good feel for her tomorrow

 

Your doctor told you will probably have to stay on benzo for the rest of your life, WHAT!

There are plenty of people who get help for their OCD and don't take meds.  That book I was telling you about talks about treatment without meds

 

This will make you either laugh and shake your head or make you mad at the ignorance of Doctors. 

I was reading on some member's intro where the doc told him to take the  SSRI its just like a vitamin.  Then told him to take the benzo it's even better. WHAT!

I can't remember which one.  I will go look back and see it I can find it  

 

Thanks again, I knew you would have my back😊

I will let you know how it goes doc.

 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

  I am not sure how she would feel if I told her I was involved with SA.  I will be taking the advice of SA when I taper, should I let her think she is running the taper? 

I would tell her you’re involved with SA for support, maybe she would be interested in going on the site and seeing what people like her patients go through. I don’t think you need to tell her anything beyond that unless you feel it would benefit you. Definitely let her know you’re in PAWS, your nervous system needs to be left alone for a while. 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

Your doctor told you will probably have to stay on benzo for the rest of your life, WHAT!

There are plenty of people who get help for their OCD and don't take meds.  That book I was telling you about talks about treatment without meds

Crazy, right? I don’t believe in “mental illness” or labels, it’s how my brain reacted to trauma. And the work I share with you and KLP is how I’m healing it. The really funny thing is that I never experienced OCD like this until tapering off meds.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I was reading on some member's intro where the doc told him to take the  SSRI its just like a vitamin.  Then told him to take the benzo it's even better. WHAT!

I actually laughed at this, I mean really?? 

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

Thanks again, I knew you would have my back😊

I will let you know how it goes doc.

Always!! And I look forward to hearing how it goes.

[Mia1]

I just read your reply to KLP and wanted you to know I love the advice you give people. It’s smart, practical and you can feel the love behind it. You are a gift to this site 💗

[Greatful]

@Mia1 Thanks for the nice thoughts of me.  I am sorry to hear you were not feeling well last weekend.  How are you now?

 

Have you ever had DP/DR?  I think I have experienced a form of it.  Feeling not real or not connected to people around me.  I had a very strange experience with my husband a week or so ago.  Like I was with him but not really connected to him.  Like I was not in the same space as him.  I don't know it is hard to explain.  Just felt weird.

 

Touching back.  My pdoc cancelled the appt for today.  Now I will have to wait until Aug. 24th.

I really wasn't sure what we would have accomplished anyway.  It will be close with the med Lex refill.  When do you plan on starting your taper?  I am thinking about cutting a hair off and see what happens.  When do you know when you are stable enough?  It's funny, you feel a little bit of a window and you think I should start to cut.  

 

I read intro's on here.  It astounds me how many there are.   Old ones and new ones starting almost daily.  It brakes my heart, the pain and desperation of the new ones.  I guess because I can feel the their pain.  It amazes me that the society in whole have no idea the pain and suffering these people are in.  I was in the dark too.

 

  I have 4 daughters and they all are nurses, one is a NP with Psyc credentials.  I was excited she chose to go that direction.  I was on meds and thought we need more mental health providers.  She is practicing as a Psyc NP.  I  talk very little  to her about what all is going on with me.  She is all about meds ect. I really don't know how much she knows about WD.  2 of her children are on ssri's.  which I was all for before I went through last winter and than learning so much about the effects of these drugs. And how in the dark the profession is about WD and the long term effect.  How do I not tell her to get her kids off them?  Both are on for anxiety. Right now I will have to concentrate on healing myself.  

 

❣️   

 

 

 

I am so thankful that I have you and MLK to bounce things off of.  

[Greatful]

@Mia1

I am trying to help this member Shellbell and she is a mess.  Is it wrong for me to ask you to look at her Intro.  I am at lose on what more I can tell her and she is in so much pain. 

[KittenLePurr]

On 7/12/2021 at 12:50 PM, Greatful said:

God gifted me with another day today and I can use it how I want. 

I love this as a mantra. I've been using mantras lately, super simple ones, after or during meditation when I get lost. "I am OK." or "I'm healing at the perfect pace." You can use this day however you want. I know it's hard to let go of feeling the need to be productive; I've struggled with it for years. But maybe it's a good thing you're not being forced to think quick and hard, do a bunch of things you don't want to do. You can literally fill your day with whatever you want. Reading great books, watching supportive videos on YouTube about meditation or spirituality...those are just my things that I like to do haha but you get the drift.  Takes practice to relax, I know.

Quote

 

I ordered the book Transforming Your Dragons.  The one that KLP recommended. I think I will start it today.

Yay!! I still need to start LOL. You've inspired me. I'm going to dig in tonight.

 

Keep on keepin' on ❤️ 

 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

How are you now?

Hi Greatful, thanks for asking. I got hit this past weekend with a lot of physical symptoms, one being restless leg syndrome. It was so painful I wanted to chop my legs off. But then I thought I know there’s a way I can lessen these symptoms. I found a healing meditation on how to self heal and the basic gist is that you view your symptoms objectively and you accept them. So you accept the symptoms and you don’t focus on them which over time takes the power away. Sound like anyone you know? 🤔😂

The woman explains that when you are focused on your symptoms you are practicing pain which only increases it. The meditation really helps put some distance between your body and who you really are (spirit.) After the very first session my restless leg went away completely!! I have been doing this every day, morning and night and feel this is really the last piece I needed. I’m going to share with you in case you’re interested.

I still do have symptoms, my main ones are nausea, dizziness, brain fog and funny enough DP/DR. I can certainly relate. I had a REALLY bad case of this when I CT’ed the MMJ, I seriously could not distinguish what was real, couldn’t even drive a car. This is nothing like that though!

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

My pdoc cancelled the appt for today. 

Thanks for keeping me posted, if you don’t mind me asking how often do you meet with her?

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

It's funny, you feel a little bit of a window and you think I should start to cut.  

This is totally me too!! I have a lot of activity in my brain and as  I said before pretty intense neuro emotions so I think for me when these two things settle down I’ll start to taper again. So I’m not waiting until I’m perfect, just w/d normal. I’m hoping by early fall. 

When do you think you’ll start to taper? What are your biggest symptoms/concerns at this time? What is your w/d normal?

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

I guess because I can feel the their pain.

I think you’re an empath, has anyone told you that before? You may want to look into it. It’s an incredible gift!!

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

 

  I have 4 daughters and they all are nurses

WOW, that’s incredible!! Adolescence must have been fun😂 That’s great they all went into the healing field. I used to be a Social Worker.

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

How do I not tell her to get her kids off them?  Both are on for anxiety. Right now I will have to concentrate on healing myself.  

I think you said it perfectly, just by concentrating and healing yourself. It’s like Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. And you really are making such a positive change!!

[Mia1]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

I am trying to help this member Shellbell and she is a mess.  Is it wrong for me to ask you to look at her Intro.  I am at lose on what more I can tell her and she is in so much pain. 

I’m happy to stop by and offer support to her 😊

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr

1 hour ago, KittenLePurr said:

I know it's hard to let go of feeling the need to be productive; I've struggled with it for years. But maybe it's a good thing you're not being forced to think quick and hard

Like you said this is time for me to find myself.  Being forced to be stationary is a huge learning curve for me.  I think it is going to be a hard.  I wake up and say what am I going to do all day.  Sit and be unproductive.  I have this false thought that everyone else is busy and is productive, be it work, housework, meeting with friends, ect. I have been telling myself, I bet my thinking is wrong.  Yes some people with full time jobs and a family to raise are busy, but that is not the whole population.  There are plenty of people that have no schedule and probably don't do much all day.  Retirement!

Anyway I have tried to just sit in my restlessness, meditation has helped slow things down.  I still have a ways to go.  Maybe as I heal emotionally I will be able to accept the day and be alright with nothing to do.  I have to say it probably is a good thing that I have a hard time watching TV.  That was always my go to for distraction.

 

 Thanks for stopping by I would offer you coffee but well we are in WD and we don't want to get to stimulated🤸‍♀️☕

[Greatful]

@Mia1 

37 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

But then I thought I know there’s a way I can lessen these symptoms. I found a healing meditation on how to self heal and the basic gist is that you view your symptoms objectively and you accept them. So you accept the symptoms and you don’t focus on them which over time takes the power away. Sound like anyone you know?

You are truly amazing  You have SISU  That mean fortitude, strength of will and determination in the Finnish language.  I am as about as close as you can get to a 100% Finnish

37 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

What are your biggest symptoms/concerns at this time? What is your w/d normal?

Right now I have no idea what my wd normal is.  My biggest worry about tapering is the depression.  When you feel so hopeless and si starts to creep in.  And if my brain becomes so scrambled again(it is finally clearing a little) when you can't think straight then I can't work on my ocd.  I think those are my 2 big ones.  Of course I hate the anxiety.

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

I have 4 daughters and they all are nurses,

And if I could proudly say we have 2 engineers   #2 son will be graduating Dec 2021😊

 

 

[Mia1]

25 minutes ago, Greatful said:

You are truly amazing  You have SISU  That mean fortitude, strength of will and determination in the Finnish language.  I am as about as close as you can get to a 100% Finnish

I LOVE this, thank you 🥰

 

26 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Right now I have no idea what my wd normal is.  My biggest worry about tapering is the depression.  When you feel so hopeless and si starts to creep in.  And if my brain becomes so scrambled again(it is finally clearing a little) when you can't think straight then I can't work on my ocd.  I think those are my 2 big ones.  Of course I hate the anxiety.

Sounds like you should also do a nice long hold and find out what w/d normal is. There’s no rush. 

 

27 minutes ago, Greatful said:

And if I could proudly say we have 2 engineers   #2 son will be graduating Dec 2021😊

That’s amazing, you must be so proud!! Thanks for sharing that with me.😊

[Mia1]

Hi Greatful, stopping by to say hello, how are you feeling today?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Well I guess I should hold for a little longer.  My brain is acting up again, it was very intense this morning, I suppose you might say racing.  I call in more intense anxiety in the brain and a little disconnected thinking.  My body started tensing up then dizziness came on. Anxiety up. I had a anger spell this morning. My head feels like a bobble head, and a sink hole on the top. Feeling kind of blah.  It is nice to get a peak out the window though.  Just wish it was here to stay.

 

I did run out with hubby did some errands, I had some ocd discomfort at the store, I tried to redirect myself and kept shopping but that little "what if" creeps in any crack it can UGH....

The day went by fast.

 

I'm going to  printed out your quote  But change the wording a little and  universe to God.  

 You can trust in God or trust in your thoughts.  God only wants what is best for you.  It is our belief in our thoughts that causes our anxiety and uncertainty . Maybe I will laminate a few to put on my mirror in the bathroom and in my purse so I can pull it out when I am not at home.  And some other ones

 

Everything is just an experience.  An experience is neutral, we put the labels of good or bad.

 

The mind will never be able to cure the anxiety because it is causing it. You must shift your focus (attention) outside the mind.

 

 Your brain has convinced you that you must think about it. But it’s your brain that created the problem so it will never fix it.

 

I talked to my therapist today. I told her I was thinking of FMLA this fall.  We are going to wait and see how my w/d goes.  If we feel like I need more time she will fill out the paper work.  

I sent her a copy of what is Happening in you Brain and she is going to give it to another patient that is going through Benzo W/D.  

 

How are you doing?

 

Have a nice evening😊

 

 

 

 

 

[Cheeky]

Your thought Process is amazing, your one strong lady . I would just hold at your dose and give your CNS a break. 
sometimes it good to distract yourself otherwise we sit there feeling everything. Your a great support and I hope I can do the same back to you . 
Im sending you virtual hugs 🫂 

[Mia1]

I know what you mean, it’s like the brain is so speeded up it’s literally going one way while I go the other. Does that make sense? Lol...

Those “what if’s” certainly are sneaky. When they come around don’t forget to tell them SO WHAT!!

I’m really happy some of my advice has helped you, I feel we are kindred spirits 😊

I’m really happy your therapist is open minded and working with you, if you need the time off then take it, nothing is as important as what you are doing. 

I’m doing well and I appreciate you asking. Have a wonderful evening, chat soon!!

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Those inspiriting quotes are from a very intuitive  and inspiring woman @Mia1.

Thank you for your support and I will be leaning on you from time to time.  I may have to spread it out between members.   I can be pretty needy HA HA 😁

It is really neat to have a community of people who are so supportive and giving form all parts of the world. 

I'm there for you❤️

 

[Cheeky]

30 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  Those inspiriting quotes are from a very intuitive  and inspiring woman @Mia1.

Thank you for your support and I will be leaning on you from time to time.  I may have to spread it out between members.   I can be pretty needy HA HA 😁

It is really neat to have a community of people who are so supportive and giving form all parts of the world. 

I'm there for you❤️

 

We sure need all the support we can get and when Im in a bad place, I become extremely needy. This community saved my life  .

[Cheeky]

okay update

10pm seraqul taken

10.30am sleep

12.30am wake vape

2.30 am wake vape

5.30 am wake vape

6am woke with aniexty and slight burning on arms

6.30 coffee vape

7am drove husband to work

8.30 aniexty and burning in arms and stiff neck

9am has a sleep for 49minutes

9.40 woke same feeling made myself get dressed to for for a walkj

10am 1 hour walk and felt better

11am feeling normal with relief 

this has been happening the last two days so hopefully I getting better but who knows???

[Cheeky]

OMG sorry  I put that on your thread instead of mine lol My brains not all there.🙃