rilexapro: Problems with APRN, led to problems with Lexapro.

[rilexapro]

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

You have every reason to be angry with this health professional, and I can understand your feeling, because I too have been there.  She was very cold and callous, and showed no compassion towards you.  Please keep us posted on what happens with this.   

 

I will. Even if a reprimand is on her record, I'll be happy. It can't be proven the Lexapro caused this, most likely, and it might not have, but her attitude was terrible. I feel stupid for not pushing to get off Lexapro sooner. I worry a lot about PSSD, I see people say how they go years and years without any improvement.

[rilexapro]

Not trying to jinx myself, but I feel pretty good today. Hopefully this continues. 

[Manati]

hey @rilexapro that's great to hear! My story is similar to yours, ct'd effexor after about 18 years of use (!!), then reinstated with terrible consequences. How did you feel good today? Could you feel any emotions? Sending you a hug!

[rilexapro]

17 minutes ago, Manati said:

hey @rilexapro that's great to hear! My story is similar to yours, ct'd effexor after about 18 years of use (!!), then reinstated with terrible consequences. How did you feel good today? Could you feel any emotions? Sending you a hug!

 

Memory felt better, and I wasn't very fatigued at all. If I can ask, what happened when you reinstated your drug? Is it similar to my experience at all?

[Manati]

I got the emotional anesthesia from reinstating, along with terrible akathisia, insomnia, heart palpitations and general symptoms of hyperarousal. But the worst and lasting one is the emotional numbness.

 

41 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

 

 

Memory felt better, and I wasn't very fatigued at all. If I can ask, what happened when you reinstated your drug? Is it similar to my experience at all?

 

[getofflex]

On 2/18/2022 at 6:40 PM, rilexapro said:

Not trying to jinx myself, but I feel pretty good today. Hopefully this continues. 

Yay! That is great!  I hope it continues too.  

[rilexapro]

The more I research, the more I am pretty convinced I caught COVID. The FLAIR hyperintensities I have, are seen in post-COVID patients, usually caused by brain inflammation.

 

Lexapro had never caused such severe problems for me before in my 6 years using it, save for maybe mild sexual dysfunction at the start. I am pretty sure that it would not cause such harsh, chronic problems. It probably didn't help that I went off it, back on it, and off it again the way I did, but I doubt it's the cause of most of my problems.

 

I am still glad I am no longer on Lexapro, as I feel it made me more prone to uncontrollable emotions.

[getofflex]

These drugs can affect us in different ways as we have been on them longer.   Do a site search on kindling.  Many of us tend to become hypersensitive to them especially as we go off on and then off again. 

[rilexapro]

23 minutes ago, getofflex said:

These drugs can affect us in different ways as we have been on them longer.   Do a site search on kindling.  Many of us tend to become hypersensitive to them especially as we go off on and then off again. 

 

This is true, but I'm pretty sure my problems are from COVID, with Lexapro causing some of the problems, but not all.

[rilexapro]

Back to thinking the Lexapro is the cause. The more I read about how harmful this medication is to the brain in the long term, it really feels like it must have been the cause. I was kept on an overdosage for 4 years straight, way too long to be on a medication like that. Why is that allowed? I thought anti-depressant usage is meant to be temporary. 

 

Sick of a meaningless sick existence. Sick of always having to be reminded I let somebody poison my brain. I lost my health, it'll never get back to what it was. I don't know why 2 months off Lexapro was enough to ruin my life, but it was. The medication wasn't even helping me, but I was too depressed to care about switching to another one. Wonderful stuff.

[rilexapro]

Are there any topics on here about long-term Lexapro usage and it causing real harm to the body/brain? I'm not sure how well studied it is.

 

I feel like after 6 years, it must have done something to my brain. The low sex drive seems more related to Lexapro than COVID, but I've heard of low libido in COVID.

 

I've thought I had long COVID, but my symptoms are so severe at times, that it would make me in a very small category of long COVID patients, which seems unrealistic. Who knows.

 

I don't know why the cold turkey and then reinstatement would trigger the awfulness that's happened to my health, but if I had COVID, my parents would have probably tested positive and they didn't.

[rilexapro]

Got results back from my qEEG analysis. Said there was a lot of hypoactivity around my cerebellum. Not sure how much I should share due to privacy reasons.

[rilexapro]

Would anybody here be able to answer if SSRI "kindling" is the same as the kindling seen in benzodiazepine situations? I've read that benzo kindling can create permanent problems, is there any proof SSRI kindling can do the same thing? 

[rilexapro]

It seems pretty obvious to me that since Lexapro/SSRIs take about 3 weeks to actually work, that my chronic problems were caused by it. Permanent damage for nothing.

[rilexapro]

Is there any evidence of Lexapro causing hypertension/blood pressure to spike? My diastolic blood pressure numbers were in the 90s when I first started feeling unwell. Those numbers were taken after I had gone back off Lexapro, though.

[rilexapro]

Finally received my Genesight testing. It seems to say I metabolized Lexapro almost too well, where the high dosage I was on was needed for it to cause some effect. 

 

After going through this with a friend knowledgeable in pharmacology, it seems that Lexapro might have not caused my chronic problems at all. I was basically flushing Lexapro out too quickly for it to build up in my system correctly.

[getofflex]

How to do a Site Search on Surviving Antidepressants

[rilexapro]

Searched the forum for GeneSight results, and I noticed my SLC6A4 gene was L/S. Does that mean Lexapro might have been harming me, or that it was just ineffective? Now I'm a bit worried. 

 

Posting links to my results in this post.

 

[rilexapro]

Guessing nobody has any insight on my GeneSight testing results.

 

It has now been almost 17 months of this. No proven cause of it, but I don't feel like the same person anymore. My body is constantly stiff or achey or weak or numb in parts. The left side of my face and neck are chronically messed up, I think the neck muscle is damaged. 

 

Personality wise, I feel worse. I feel like a worse person, I've lost so much and I don't even know how or why. I didn't think going back on a medication that had never caused serious problems for me would do this. It didn't really help me, but I thought maybe 10mg would help a little bit. Maybe 30mg was too high, but a lower dosage would make me less irritable. I don't know what to do. If I was gonna heal, I would have by now. I guess this is my life now. Pointless. Sick and unwell and a shell of what I was.

 

My brain's been so damaged by this I can't even really feel sadness. I want to cry and I can't. Everything's been taken from me, from a medication that I never thought would do this. Why? How could it do this? It never caused anything like this in me before. Why was this time so special? I went back on at a lower dosage, it doesn't make sense. What if I just chose to try it again, and wasn't sort of forced into it by my parents?

 

I can't even sue the person who did this to me. Everybody gets away with it.

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, rilexapro said:

Guessing nobody has any insight on my GeneSight testing results

We are laypeople here, we are not scientists or medical professionals.  I have no idea how to interpret this.  Have you discussed this report with your doctor? 

 

Please try and have hope that you will eventually recover.  Many of us take years to recover from these drugs.  It takes gargantuan amounts of time and patience, but eventually, you should recover.  

 

Try these to give you hope: 

 

Success Stories

 

Baylissa's Site

 

[rilexapro]

There's people who don't recover from psychiatric abuse. That's nice that some people recover, but I doubt I will. I know you're trying to help, but it's not normal to feel like this for so long.

 

And even if I do, I have to live with the traumatic memories of abusive parents making me destroy my brain for a few years, and an awful APRN who didn't care about the havoc she brought on me. Who wants that?

 

I should have never taken that pill again. I'm so stupid. I should have realized how weird it was she kept me on as a client while out of state. How is that even legal?

 

I have lesions in my brain. My qEEG showed evidence of neurotoxicity, 16 months later. I think I'm just like this forever now.

[rilexapro]

My brain was poisoned. I can't feel anything anymore. For the rest of my life, I have to leave with being treated so badly. Having my father scream at them to take me to the hospital for having a panic attack. Being forced back on a medication that didn't help, and now has ruined my life. All taken away. My parents are terrible. I hate them.

 

At least I used to be able to cry. Now blankness. Nothingness. Not my fault whatsoever. If my parents wanted me to be like this, they got it. Hope they're happy.

[rilexapro]

After about 3 weeks of less fatigue, I woke up today feeling horrible. Why did this happen to me. Why did it damage my brain and body so much. I don't get it. Lexapro stopped working, but going back on 10mg does all this. How. 

 

I have no hope. Why are people put on this poison? It doesn't help, it only hurts vulnerable people. I led a clean life, I might as well have been an addict, at least you can recover from that. 

[getofflex]

7 hours ago, rilexapro said:

After about 3 weeks of less fatigue, I woke up today feeling horrible. Why did this happen to me. Why did it damage my brain and body so much. I don't get it. Lexapro stopped working, but going back on 10mg does all this. How.

Hey Ri, it's wonderful that you had 3 weeks of less fatigue.  It sounds like you had a bit of a window there.  But now you are back in a wave.  It sounds as though your nervous system is healing.  

 

However, it sounds like you may be looking at the glass as half empty, rather than half full.  Most everyone on this forum is in the same boat that you are in.  This situation takes months, and sometimes years to recover from. However, on the positive side, we do eventually recover.  You may be adding to your pain and suffering by being full of anger and resentment and bitterness about it.  

 

Have you ever heard of radical acceptance?  It is not saying that you like the situation, it just accepting that this is how it is, and trying to be at peace with it. Here is more information on that.  

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance

 

Let me know what you think of this concept. 

[rilexapro]

3 hours ago, getofflex said:

Hey Ri, it's wonderful that you had 3 weeks of less fatigue.  It sounds like you had a bit of a window there.  But now you are back in a wave.  It sounds as though your nervous system is healing.  

 

However, it sounds like you may be looking at the glass as half empty, rather than half full.  Most everyone on this forum is in the same boat that you are in.  This situation takes months, and sometimes years to recover from. However, on the positive side, we do eventually recover.  You may be adding to your pain and suffering by being full of anger and resentment and bitterness about it.  

 

Have you ever heard of radical acceptance?  It is not saying that you like the situation, it just accepting that this is how it is, and trying to be at peace with it. Here is more information on that.  

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance

 

Let me know what you think of this concept. 

 

Not everybody recovers from SSRI usage. People have sexual dysfunction that lasts years after stopping their SSRI, and sometimes it never heals. I've had people tell me their sexual urges never fully came back even years after quitting their SSRI.

 

As for the radical acceptance thing, what would I be accepting? That in the span of 3 months, I had stuff happen to me I'll never be able to reconcile? That my health means I'm living a lesser life than I could have been, and I'll never be the same again? It's essentially saying to accept my life sucks and live with it. What is that? Then what? I sit around accepting it sucks, living a lesser life, never being what I wanted? 

 

Life decided to just take a big crap on me and ruin everything. I used to be so proud of my mental ability. Now it's gone. All because I got too nervous, and neither of my parents ever cared about me. They get away with it. It's not my fault. I didn't choose to have OCD, they gave that to me through genetics but they never got their problems fixed, of course, they forced me to "fix" mine.

 

I got so scared about inhaling toxic fumes. That was one of my OCD triggers. Instead of getting compassion and love, I get forced back onto a medication that didn't even help me in the first place, and it actually ruined my brain. I was very vulnerable and my parents didn't give a single ****. Hope this is what they wanted! Good job!

 

One panic attack ruined my life. If I was some drug addict, I'd have probably been better off. They get a support system and compassion for being addicts. People like me get nothing.

[Heath]

1 hour ago, rilexapro said:

 

 

One panic attack ruined my life. If I was some drug addict, I'd have probably been better off. They get a support system and compassion for being addicts. People like me get nothing.

@rilexapro

 

I am stopping by to encourage you! 
your statement that “people like me get nothing “ is not true at all. It is a false statement. It is self pity talk and negative thinking. This will prolong suffering and delay healing. 

 

The truth is SA is here to support you. Several members send you support. Several mods send you advice. Positive advice. They do it from kindness and compassion. And you have seen some improvement from wd. 
 

I am sorry you have had these bad things happen to you. We all have bad things happen to us. Everyone does. What matters is how we respond to it. I have been caught in negative thinking myself. I totally understand really I do. That’s why I am speaking the truth to you. There is tons of free info on this, even on SA. There are therapists that help with this. Getofflex just sent you a very good one. I suggest you start working on this because it can hold you back in healing and in life. I’m no dr. I’m speaking from experience. You can do this! Hang on ! 

[Freeby60]

14 hours ago, rilexapro said:

If I was some drug addict, I'd have probably been better off. They get a support system and compassion for being addicts. People like me get nothing.

Hi rilexapro, I’m not sure it’s that black and white, but I get that you are angry! I really do. We can’t get back what was stolen, we can’t erase the trauma, and where is the justice for people whose lives are irrevocably changed?
 

-Freeby60 

[rilexapro]

44 minutes ago, Freeby60 said:

Hi rilexapro, I’m not sure it’s that black and white, but I get that you are angry! I really do. We can’t get back what was stolen, we can’t erase the trauma, and where is the justice for people whose lives are irrevocably changed?
 

-Freeby60 

 

There isn't any justice. I was on one pill, that's all. I might as well have been polydrugging and boozing. One stupid pill ruined my life, I don't get it. Many people on here have been on tons of different psych meds, I was only on one. 

 

I cold turkey'd it, sure, but trying to go back on it at a lower dosage shouldn't have done this. It makes no sense. I get "kindling" happens, but for it to continue like this? 

[rilexapro]

Is there any evidence that shows Lexapro can cause a partially empty sella turcica? My MRI results showed I have that. How serious is that? Can it be reversed? 

[ChessieCat]

Q:  Do you have any prior tests for the same area to make a comparison?

[ChessieCat]

I suggest you do your own research but I found these:

 

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/empty-sella-syndrome

 

Quote

 

Health experts don’t know what causes primary ESS. Secondary ESS may be caused by injury, radiation therapy, or surgery.

 

 

And:

 

According to https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/6331/empty-sella-syndrome

 

I have bolded the sentence.

 

Quote

 

Prognosis

---

 

Empty sella syndrome (ESS) is not a life-threatening illness.^[1] In most cases, especially in people with primary ESS, there are no symptoms and it does not affect life expectancy.^[4][2]ESS is often found incidentally on an X-ray when people are being evaluated for other reasons. Therefore, many people with ESS are probably never diagnosed. Some researchers have estimated that less than 1% of affected people ever develop symptoms of the condition.^[4]

People with normal pituitary function usually do not need any treatment. Some people (particularly those with secondary ESS) may need hormone replacement therapy. In a few cases, surgery may be needed to repair the sella turcica.^[2]

If a person has ESS that is associated with an underlying condition, the long-term outlook (prognosis) may depend on that of the specific condition present.

 

 

 

Edited April 15, 2022 by ChessieCat

[rilexapro]

10 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Q:  Do you have any prior tests for the same area to make a comparison?

 

No, sorry. Only had the MRIs last year, after getting chronically sick.

[ChessieCat]

Then that means that there is no way to know if this was pre-existing.  It also does NOT mean that it was not the drugs. 

 

I've done an internet search using the following search string and didn't find anything specific to:  "sella turcica" ssri lexapro escitalopram antidepressant snri research paper.

 

I understand that it is natural to want to know why and what caused it, but I think you might need to resign yourself to the fact that you probably will never know the answer to these questions.  Trying to answer/find answers to unanswerable questions is very stressful.

 

As I posted above:

 

ESS is often found incidentally on an X-ray when people are being evaluated for other reasons.

[rilexapro]

25 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Then that means that there is no way to know if this was pre-existing.  It also does NOT mean that it was not the drugs. 

 

I've done an internet search using the following search string and didn't find anything specific to:  "sella turcica" ssri lexapro escitalopram antidepressant snri research paper.

 

I understand that it is natural to want to know why and what caused it, but I think you might need to resign yourself to the fact that you probably will never know the answer to these questions.  Trying to answer/find answers to unanswerable questions is very stressful.

 

As I posted above:

 

ESS is often found incidentally on an X-ray when people are being evaluated for other reasons.

 

It's possible there's other causes. I am overweight, I've read that can cause it too. It doesn't seem to have much of an effect on people's health. Just wondering if there's been any studies linking it to SSRI usage.

[ChessieCat]

Just now, rilexapro said:

Just wondering if there's been any studies linking it to SSRI usage.

 

That's what I was looking for, posted before, and couldn't find anything.

[rilexapro]

Just now, ChessieCat said:

 

That's what I was looking for, posted before, and couldn't find anything.

 

Thank you for looking. For the most part, my sex drive was completely normal until 2020, even on 30mg Lexapro. Unless this partially empty sella turcica happened within the past 17 months, it was having no effect on my health before 2020, if it was there. I've read that one of the symptoms is impotency in men. I wouldn't say I'm impotent. I have sensitivity issues in my genitals still, but I think I sustained nerve damage from something, it doesn't feel like PSSD. The condition varies, and PSSD seems to stay the same where you don't feel anything.