Iggy131313 validation is imminent

[Iggy131313]

if anyone is interested in the nitric oxide connection I wrote this 2 part blog in november

 

http://iggy131313.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/toxic-encephalopathy-caused-by-taking.html

 

theres another post i did on the right

 

another connection is that someone i knew who wasnt TOO bad in withdrawal she was never very severe, started on walnut oil, WOW it blew her life apart and she became as desperatly ill as me, there is NOTHING that will produce more nitric oxide than walnut oil as its so packed with arginine

 

yes I could be barking up the wrong tree completely, but i feel it plays a part, how much of a part, no idea, but i think its relevant and I KNOW its the casue of pgad, the people i have found who have it all have NO things, like the fact that they have it, lower histamine and it goes away, also cassidy smile had hers go away duting pregnancy, she blamed the high levels of prolaction duting pregnancy for taking it away, but that made no sense to me as she continued to produce high levels of prolactin during breast feeding but her pgad returned immediatly after birth...

 

this could be becasue the dao increases by 800% duing pregnancy so NO is not produced from histamine, also even though dra may point at dopamine being responsible for pgad, that makes no sense as its not associated with TD or any other issues with pgad, there are cases of hypersexuality casued by dopamine increase but its not pgad, this is speculation and i know its not liked when I talk about what could be causing things but it helps me to talk about my theories

 

in my opinion, some of the less mysterious issues that could be at play in psyc med withdrawal are

 

1) NO.ONNO cycle, and NO itself causing damage

 

2) other free radical damage

 

3) mitachondrial damage

 

4) epigenetics, its my feeling that w/d or psych drug use can cause our genetic mutations to express, can the drugs cause genetic mutations im not convinced of that, but i certainly fee that mutated geens that were not expressing before have been activated

 

5) then there is the question of receptor up/downregulation and/or out of whack brain chemistry...its long been my opinion that my withdrawal kicked in at 5 months when my serotonin receptors upregulated, sending my brain chemistry into chaos..this is what i belive

 

and from there comes the mass adaptation of my brain chemistry trying to ajust to the extreme levels of serotonin with the newly upregulated receptors....and that causes all of the issues i have outlined above

 

I am goig to be treated with a rife machine in the nest few weeks, energy medicine, in january i came across a man who healed tardive akathisia for 2 years in 5 days using rife

 

i contacted him, he is a capaingner for morgelllons disease, has no vested interest in rife and was just using the fact that rife cured his akathisia as an example of the many things it has helped him with...here is what he said to me when I suggested his akathisia must have been mild or perhaps not akathisia at all to have been cured in 5 days using nothing but frequency...

 

Akathisia is the absolute inability to remain still. No matter how exhausted you are, you have to keep moving, not necessarily doing anything useful, just moving for its own sake. I used to have to pace up and down my hallway for hours on end. The other problem is that your mind won't stop racing. When you eventually fall asleep, your mind will rest. But once you wake to go to the toilet, it's back at full speed again, and that's the end of your night's sleep.

I didn't experience any arousal problems - the very opposite, in fact, because my sexual drive completely evaporated.

I couldn't get on a bus or into someone's car to go anywhere - I had to walk. I had crippling day-long panic attacks. I believed I was going insane. All of these are called extrapyramidal symptoms, and my GP gave me anticholinergics that were supposed to dampen them down. Anticholinergics alter brain chemistry. All they did was make things even worse.

It drove me right to the edge of suicide. Believe me, there is no such thing as a "mild" case of akathisia. For everyone who suffers from it, it's brutal and it's savage.

I ran the Rife frequencies for akathisia for 15 minutes daily for five days, and that was the last of my problems with it.

[Iggy131313]

also in the interest of full disclosure here is how my situation has been

 

I saw some very slight improvemnts through january, in february i started to smoke some MJ in the evenings, my condition improved ALOT, it was REALLY helping me

 

at the end of march, at the end of my period which is always the worst time I went into an extremely severe wave, i was as bad as I have ever been....screaming, begging for death all of it, no peace, no rest, no comfort, no life, mush mush less than an exsistance AGAIN

 

was this is weed? I dont know, was it coming anyway? I dont know, i was doing so much better while having it, for many weeks, i had not changed the strian, or amount i was having, i dont know

 

I stopped the weed, and was forced at one point to take a valium 5mg or thrw myself out of the window, no joke, I was stood there ready to die....the severe wave lasted 1 week, I am now at the end of that week and very severe but not in my room screaming, im in the front room sobbing and pacing, moaning and praying, 

 

but i will never lie about m circumstances or what i have been doing

[Skyler]

Hi Caroline... I'm so very sorry to hear you are still having so much difficulty. Life is not supposed to be as challenging as it is for you. Your words are sobering and I'm struggling to find words that might comfort. I'm the last person on this forum to suggest taking a benzo, but I can't help but wonder if taking said might alleviate your akathisia. I'm not sure, but I don't think folks build tolerance to this effect. Maybe someone else can correct me if I'm wrong. Have you asked your doc what she thinks about this?

 

What a trial C... damned shame.

[Iggy131313]

I tried a benzo tearlier this week, a valium, it did nothing and then made me feel alot worse, sadly, i would take anything, i would take the worst psych drug out there, to make it stop...thanks for your kind words..i dont know what to say either

 

I am obviously destined to be like Druid and Buxy, 10 years and still severe suffering

[Muddles]

Mirtazapine has a strong histamine effect. Do you think this is why aktathesia is present in withdrawel?

[Muddles]

Not sure about the weed. I know my phyciatrist asked me if I had been smoking it as it interacts with antidepressants, he didn't understand poop-out.

[Iggy131313]

i dont think it interacts with ssris, i mean, everything would have some kind of interaction with ssris, im sure its not good for me in this state, but when it can give me a decent time its very hard not to have it, just to have some kind of life...it dpoesnt always work, but when im feeling a little better it can take me from a 40% ok to a 60% ok, which is a huge difference

 

early in fab I even took my son to the cinema and felt good, about 80% normal..not all day, never all day, but for a few hours at a time I can feel better, about once or twice per month..

 

im just broken by all the stories of people 10 years off or more who are still totally disabled by this and still very severe, and yes I do know all their stories and they are doing everything right, staying completely drug/med/alcohol free, working o n utrician, of curse they have tried anything and everything to heal and have not....and thats my future right there...not good

[Iggy131313]

and no I dont think akathisia is caused by histamine, maybe it can make things worse...but akathisia is a prbem with adrenaline/noradrenaline and/or dopamine

[Emphyrio]

 

i pray to god that he takes merccy on me soon and lets me die, I have spoken with dignitas who will accept me if i get a letter saying im of sound enough mind to make this desicion, healy hasnt decided if he will provide me with this yet..and i dont have 5000 to spend on it, but hopefully one day my dream will come true and i will be allowed to die a death in peace and with dignity with people i love with me at the end, its all over for me

 

It sounds absolutely horrific what you've been through Though if I were in your situation I would be trying to get urgent NHS help - either an emergency psychiatrist appointment or maybe a stay in hospital. I know that this site is not pro-meds, but in your position I would be willing to try something, anything, to help the akathisia and other distressing symptoms. Pregabalin seems to be useful for tardive akathisia - and its also licensed for generalised anxiety disorder in the UK so your GP will probably prescribe it. Also, the member who had the issue from walnut oil believed that a few weeks on lithium helped.

 

Anticonvulsants/mood stabilisers can have a lot of nasty side effects, and will need to be tapered slowly, but if I were in your position I would accept pharmaceutical treatments over horrendous physical or mental symptoms any day.

[Iggy131313]

If I knew, or even suspected they would help I would do it, but the risk is too great...I had such a severe reaction to trying to reinstate....and what I HAVE learned from all this is when you think it cant get any wrose....It can

 

the only things I have, is that I dont have anhedonia, I can feel love for my son, I know people who have had ZERO emotions, NOTHING for 10 years, I cant risk that.......and I sleep, those are my only 2 things

 

and sometimes SOMETIMES I can do things, sometimes I can go somewhere and be kind of ok, not often, but sometimes, and its those times that makes me think, maybe, just maybe there is hope, the risk is too great...

 

I have considered the lithium, I know she says it helped, but that doesnt mean it will do the same for me

 

and FJ is trying cerebrolysin this month, if that helps maybe I will try

 

David Healy suggests I try Verapamil, but im too scared

 

Benzos dont work and make things worse

 

I think if im like this in a year and no one is having any success with any other treatments and im the same, then I will try either seroxat or lithium, or lyrica

 

but I have rife treatments coming soon, and I have my 23andme test to come in

[Emphyrio]

Fair enough, if you have alternative treatments to try go for that before any more psych meds, though I'd be wary about trying treatments that aren't based upon strong scientific evidence - there are a lot of them out there. I can understand about not wanting to try any new treatments however - when I've been suffering from intense agitation with violent OCD intrusive thoughts the last think I want to take are new meds that could possibly tip me over the edge so to speak.

 

I would be wary about trying paroxetine because it is a very selective SSRI and seems to cause a higher incidence of movement disorders than other SSRIs. If I was trying something serotonergic I'd try a low dose of a tricyclic. 

 

Have you tried propranolol/chamomile tea combination for the akathisia?

[btdt]

What are these things?

" rife treatments coming soon, and I have my 23andme test to come in"

 

Do you think either will be helpful and why?

 

 

[Iggy131313]

rife is energy medicine, if you read my posts above i talked to a man who claimed to cure his akathisia using one...i dont think it will help whatsoever

 

23andme is the genetics test, it seems that methylatio and impared detox could be causing or adding to significantly our situation, some people say its got nothing to do with it, but lets face it, these people dont know what they are talking about any more than I do, and maybe less as they dont have an open mind about these things

[Muddles]

Let us know how you get on.

 

Can I ask how you managed to get an appointment with dr Healy? Are you in that area?

[Iggy131313]

anyone can get an apponitmentwith healy if your in the uk, it has to be through the NHS just quote patient choice to your dr and you will be referred, not that he can help....but i saw him within a few weeks after referral...i travelled to Convay in wales

[btdt]

rife is energy medicine, if you read my posts above i talked to a man who claimed to cure his akathisia using one...i dont think it will help whatsoever

 

23andme is the genetics test, it seems that methylatio and impared detox could be causing or adding to significantly our situation, some people say its got nothing to do with it, but lets face it, these people dont know what they are talking about any more than I do, and maybe less as they dont have an open mind about these things

I don't seem to see much here in Canada about genetic testing seems to be easy to find in the States.  

Rife thanks for sharing I did some Reiki 

I have been broke for most of the years I have been in withdrawal so most of the things they say can help cost money acupuncture chinese medicine I can't afford to try not sure I would if I could but I would maybe do the testing.

I did a trade off did some sewing for a reiki lady...

It did not hurt me and there were some moments where I felt at peace something I had not been able to feel for a very long time.

 

What I do know she did not introduce toxic substances.  I felt like I was doing something that might help. I just can't say there was any big show of improvements... other than feeling peace that had been lacking for years. That in itself was worth all the sewing I did for her and then some.  

[Muddles]

Did he not help you in any way?

 

I spoke to his receptionist today and she asked me to send an email with everything in it as all my doctor put in the referal was anxiety and medication review....she said he wouldn't see me just on that.

[Iggy131313]

he gave me  a diagnosis and informed my dr this was real...other than that he has suggested i try a few drugs that show his lack of understanding of the issue, so no, he has not helped me...

[NoMeaning25]

Iggy are you still taking the 0.48mg?

[Iggy131313]

yes, ive been holding for 10 months, i wont make a drop until i ahve been holding for at LEAST 18 months...maybe 2 years

[Iggy131313]

my god I want to die so much, I know the only 2 people who have been as severe as me and both are still very severe at 10 years off, theres no hope, no hope.

[Muddles]

Iggy - you are so strong. I am feeling your pain.

[Barbarannamated]

Iggy,

 

I hope that you find relief from the hell you're in. Just wanted to let you know I'm sending my support.

 

Did I read somewhere that you ARE able to sleep, even on occasion? Do you know why that is? A positional thing or...?

 

Please keep us posted, ok?

[Meimeiquest]

I am thinking of you too.

[Skyler]

my god I want to die so much, I know the only 2 people who have been as severe as me and both are still very severe at 10 years off, theres no hope, no hope.

Caroline... you can do this.. and it's okay to think you can't, just keep treckin' though. One foot in front of another, it's a real slug fest. I'm glad you have your son to hug, he sounds like a real sweetie. And don't forget, your influence is part of why he is that way.

[Iggy131313]

deleted, dont want to scare anyone

[Skyler]

Caroline... it would seem you have a 'bugaboo' in the sense your body seems to always feel whatever state is in will last in perpetuity. But that is not reality, and you know we folks here do NOT support that. This said, I think there is something in feeling your brain is dying. The dysfunctional brain that is now really is dying, and those neurons are being replaced by healthy neurons.

 

I feel the need to comment here on your nihilistic fatalism.. Alto is right, it is unsettling for members, but perhaps you can accept corrective reality posts from time to time, because there really is a world out there you will be rejoining. At the same time I know you need to vent these thoughts. But after one or two replays of those ruminations, they becomes self reinforcing.

[Iggy131313]

i want to belive it so much, thankyou for being kind to me

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I agree with Skyler, your posts are mainly 'awfulizing' your 'mental' states and I don't see how repeating them helps in any way. No one here will tell you it is OK to harm yourself, what shall we say instead? That you will recover eventually is a fact and it will happen in spite of what you think.

 

If you need assurance, that's fine. We will give it every day if need be.

 

I remember some time ago that you posted the same alarming posts and then we never heard from you for a long time. Then you came back. You got through whatever crisis it was, maybe you can tell us how you did it. And you can do the same again. And again for as long as it takes to get better.

 

If anything, we all need to have the hope that things will improve. Life is a lot of the same old same old every day and it's worse when we don't feel well. But we persevere because we have no idea what the future will bring. Your life is only as bad as you think it is and trust me it could be worse. Do you have food and clean water? Clothes? Shelter? We are so used to these we tend to forget they really matter.

 

We are all here rooting for each other. I have the same thoughts as you every day but I have found that voicing them to others does not help at all. People reassure me that I am valuable and needed but I don't believe them just as you do not. But we ALL keep going.

 

Other than reading your posts, how can we help you?

[Nutmeg]

Iggy I recently went through a horrible protracted withdrawal from both Prozac and Abilify and I know how you feel. Because it is neurological and not psychological it is difficult to manage. I had to reinstate my meds and that seems to have worked for me. I don't know what will work for you but time will do it no doubt about that. If nothing else.

You have my support

[Nutmeg]

I meant to say above that I wanted to die as well and am so glad I didn't. I have a son and suicide is a horrible legacy to leave your children.

If I ever go through this again I hope I have enough support to get me through it but I remember the awful, awful feeling. Please do whatever it takes to keep yourself afloat!

[btdt]

i want to belive it so much, thankyou for being kind to me

Iggly believe it. 

Early withdrawal is surely horrid but it does get better and there are times that challenge us for sure. 

I personally do not know anyone who is as bad off at 10 years as they were in early withdrawal. 

Who are these people are they on here?

I would like to look at their profiles. 

 

Withdrawal places tricks on us and it is a rough go I know your feeling poor now but time is the magic maker in all this and it will not be a sudden thing or wasn't for me it was so gradual I could not see it happening... I could only see it if I looked back in my journals to see how I was on that day the year before. 

If you keep a journal take a look back maybe things have improved or changed.  Even a change in symptoms is an improvement tho the next symptoms may be as challenging a change I believe is the brain healing and I do believe and identify with the rubic cube idea ... there are constant adjustments being made and trial and errors.  Our bodies do not know how to heal this as never before have humans been assaulted with chemicals affecting our brains as we are know. 

 

Actually from a book I read on how the brain works by a scientist name Churchland .. the cube thing makes complete sense as the long neurons bounce info back and forth and the brain does its magic throughout the brain not in sections as once thought.  So this all does make some sense from the outside in tho I have to admit it is impossible to feel it when your living it.  Hang on distract yourself see self care try everything to stay here... really you will heal even if your watching tv... or doing EFT... or walking the dog or laying in bed with a heating pad... your healing you just can't feel it yet.  It will come hang on and look for things to sooth and distract you.  

Peace Iggy 

[Iggy131313]

thankyou btdt, the people I talk of have both posted on here at some point but i feel it would be wrong to mention them on here without their permission, both these people support me, or try to, and they have improved over the years but still suffer and still have very little quality of life..and I know of about 10 people who have not healed in 10 years..

 

I try to do whatever I can to heal, i really do, but you cant unknow things once you have learned them, i wish I could..also the pgad is permenant, i know that much, yes some people have had it and had it go away, but for the most part it is for life, i have been on the pgad forums, and those women have had it for 20 years or more...i try to think maybe its becasue they are going on and off other drugs to try and deal with it, and therefore not giving their brains a chance to heal, that might be a part of it

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Going on and off drugs definitely complicates matters so it would be hard for you to accurately compare yourself to them. If anything, you will probably recover more quickly and completely that they ever will. Suffering is not constant, it varies throughout the hours of the day. We tend to fasten on the worst of it and extrapolate it into the future and make ourselves feel really bad. Not a good idea.

 

Hope you are doing well today, Iggy.

[alex]

Iggy, we are what we think, basically;forgive me if I am blunt.

With your persistent. negative, pessimistic attitude you have become the worst obstacle for your recovery.

People have been trying to help you in this forum for months;but it seems that you are beyond any help.And that is so sad.

Attitude, Iggy;attitude can make the difference in this and many other circumstances in life.

Even facing death, attitude is what tells you what you are made of.

Unfortunatelly I have to agree with you on one thing:it is going to be very hard for you to recover from this condition, just because you keep boicoting your wonderful body and mind.

I am sorry.

[btdt]

he gave me  a diagnosis and informed my dr this was real...other than that he has suggested i try a few drugs that show his lack of understanding of the issue, so no, he has not helped me...

I would love it if you would try Grace E Jackson and see what she would say... i would love to see what she would say to anyone... I don't live in the states and the chance of me getting there are nil.