Iggy131313 validation is imminent

[flower]

thanks flower, are you improveing as you are holding?

I am feeling better iggy but its been since Dec and I tapered aspartame also.Then switched generic drugs of gabpentin 4 times so I'm a little crazy right now. Hanging in there is so hard when the anxiety is crippling you ,I know.I think I can withstand it all but the anxiety. Everything seems to set ift off. If you decide to taper again be sure to go very slow this stuff adds up. We can help each other. You are not alone.

[Iggy131313]

my main syyptom at the moment isnt the anxiety, that has improved really, what I have now is even worse, constant aggitated inner restlessness (akathisia?) and profound dizzyness, I cant cope

[Petunia]

Iggy, you're doing really well and your good day yesterday is proof that you are healing.  This current akathisia is just a wave, it will pass.  You will get through it just like you always do.  You are so strong to have got through what you have.  I've been following your thread and can tell that you are getting better.

Your son is cute and the hat you made is very creative, he is lucky to have you for a mum, you try so hard to be a good parent even when you are feeling really really bad.

I hope you have another good day very soon.

[Iggy131313]

also what is really worrying me is this thread about akathisia

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/32-akathisia-or-agitation/?hl=akathisia

 

its said here that you cannot heal from akathisia until the drugs are out of your system, is that true? alto says Im healing as I try to stabalise, can my akathisia imrpve and heal while I am still on 0.48 of celexa?

 

its really unbearable, it hasnt let up at all in 24 hours, its beyond words

[Barbarannamated]

well after quite a good day yesterday with a few hours of awful dizzyness I was quite pleased with myself, went to the shops and attended my nefphews birthday party, I was quite optimistic..

Hey Iggy. Just wanted to drop in to let you know I've been following your progress. I don't have any advice to offer but hope that drawing your attention to your good day yesterday might help a little. I know from experience that the good (better) moments easily get lost once we've reentered a bad time. I understand that it's a different type of awful now but you've come a very long way. B~

[Iggy131313]

but can the akathisia go away while Im still ona  small amount? thats scaring me alot

[Iggy131313]

but thanks barbara, I dont feel like I have come any way at all, I cant see any improvement over this year, none, things have changed a bit but Im so bad, im very suicidal with this akayhisia

[Fizz]

Iggy, keep going. You're not alone with the akathisia, it feels unbearable doesn't it. How I would give anything to just be able to relax and sit calmly like the pre drug me used to. Without all this agitated restless crap. In the evening I find it best to lie on the sofa with the most undemanding tv on, a cookery programme or similar and not too loud. Thinking of you, hope tonight is comfortable for you. Hugs. Xxxx

[Iggy131313]

fizz have you had akathisia for over 2 years?

[Iggy131313]

alto, in that post above where I linked to the akathisia thread everyone is saying that you have to have no meds to recover from akathisia, you say that my cns is healing with a small amount of the med in my system, does that apply to akathisia or not? im so worried about this, please help me

[Fizz]

Iggy, the akathisia waxes and wanes, same as all the other symptoms, sometimes not so bad but I do feel restless a lot of the time and it's hard to concentrate or apply myself to much at all. We just have to make the best of the situation, with time these things will fade, it's just so slow going. Hugs. Xxxxxx

[Iggy131313]

thanks fizz,

 

well the akathisia never let up, I went to be at 6pm and lay listening to meditations but it didnt help....I did however manage to sleep thank god, I must have got to sleep arounf 11/11.30 and woke up at 6 - got up experiencing hell and then went back to sleep from 7-9 so had about 8 or 9 hours, thats an improvemnt on the 4 the night before - but it wasnt insomnia keeping me awake before, it was the akathisia.

 

this morning I can feel it still, but its lighter, maybe, im not sure, even thinking about it makes it increase...im still worried about that thread above about how you cannot heal from akathisia until all meds are out of your system and would really appriciate someone telling me if thats correct or not

 

i felt better in march and had hardly any akathisia, so suely that was a sign I was healing? and surely that means you CAN heal from akathisia with some med still there, but why does it say on thread that you cant then? Im very confused and upset about it

[Fizz]

Yes, Iggy, that was a sign in March that you are healing but then it comes back to bite us again. You felt that much better and you will again, this is all just so up and down, backwards and forwards, isn't it? Glad you got some sleep, I only got a couple of hours though the night before was better! Keep going. Xxxxxxx

[Brandy]

 ... i felt better in march and had hardly any akathisia, so suely that was a sign I was healing? and surely that means you CAN heal from akathisia with some med still there...

I think you answered your own question there!

 

Meds can sometimes cause akathisia - and a too-fast withdrawal certainly can.

 

I think in your case the akathisia is caused by biochemistry temporarily altered from too-fast tapering, not from the med itself. If so, you wouldn't have it increase and decrease after changes in your taper rate.

 

Suggestion - By all means ask more about things you read that you find relevant, but bear in mind that people respond in very different ways both to meds themselves and to tapering (especially bad tapers).

 

I know that when I post something it applies to that person's situation. (And often people have told me things privately that they don't post on forums, if only just that they forgot to.) What I would suggest to someone else might be completely different depending on their circumstances and history.

 

My guess is that your increase in akathisia (or inner restlessness) is due to your previous too large-drops in dose, and that as you stabilize on a dose and don't do any more such large drops, the akathisia will get better and better. While you're still on your dose. Right now you have some catching up to do on getting your nervous system stabilized, but I think that process is already starting to happen. Stay put on your dose and give your body the break it's clearly asking for!

 

And when (and only when!) you're ready to taper again, you're going to do it very differently, in a way that won't trigger problems in your nervous system like the too-large drops did.

[Iggy131313]

and if it was adverse reaction to the med I would have still had it in march wouldnt I? is that right? in fact it should have been worse than now as I was on a higher dose then? Its tsrting again right now

[Skyler]

pick it out syler? I made the thing!!

 

Hi Caroline... I just saw your response, think things got separated when threads were misplaced during the move.  Anyhow... Fabulous... Nice job, good taste.. and dont ya get jealous little kids can wear such neat things!

 

Akathisia.. what Brandy says is emimently sensible.. and you are on too low a dose for side effects to be a factor.  Are most of the symptoms are at night? What does the akasthisia feel like?  Does much occur during the day.

[Iggy131313]

no the akathisia is more or less constant, it feels like an intence aggitated inner restlessness, intense aggitation,  if Im say walking in the shop im ok, when I stop and stand still it builds to unbearable.

 

it used to be that my symptoms got much better in the evening,m but now its back to 24/7 for the past few days

[Skyler]

no the akathisia is more or less constant, it feels like an intence aggitated inner restlessness, intense aggitation,  if Im say walking in the shop im ok, when I stop and stand still it builds to unbearable.

 

it used to be that my symptoms got much better in the evening,m but now its back to 24/7 for the past few days

 

Hmm, I asked because factors other than WD can contribute to RLS.  I have akasthisia like symptoms occuring at night.  I'm not sure mine is not akasthisia, only mild so I'm only aware of it at night.  By any chance, do you use artificial sweeteners like Splenda?

[Iggy131313]

no way!! i know that stuff is bad, this more intense stuff had more or less gone away, it came back after the missed dose at the start of april, and has got even worse since the drop to 0.40 and hasty move back up to 0.48 - its nothing new to me its been with me since the inicial adverse reaction, I had full blown akathisia during the reaction, since then Im not sure but I know I had it constantly through december including nights, i started having the odd day or hours off from it in january, in march I had maybe an hour per day at the most, then its all come back.

 

i dont feel its rls, I dont acctualy feel compelled to move although sometimes movments help ease the feeling but as I say its more of a very intense indescribablt aggitated inner restlessness, seems to radiate from the chest area

[Skyler]

Sounds like you answered your question to Brandy in spades!

 

Have you tried taking magnesium. I have the same symptoms you do, albeit much milder, and mostly at night (the reason I refer to the Sx as RLS.. though my arms windmmill at times, mostly it's an inner restlessness).  Magnesium is a life saver for me, and many nights I would not have slept except for the mag.

[Iggy131313]

no Im going to get some epsom salts tomorrow and see if that helps, thanks skyler, so you think from what Ive said that it sounds like its the taper thats causing it and therefore holding should help me?

[Skyler]

no Im going to get some epsom salts tomorrow and see if that helps, thanks skyler

 

I take 1 to 2 tablets, but I've never had a bad reaction. Some people find magnesium enervating, so taking epson salts with a bath is better for.  If it's easier for you to take the tablets, you could try taking one.. Alto has a thread on magensium.

 

so you think from what Ive said that it sounds like its the taper thats causing it and therefore holding should help me?

 

Asked and answered before... and YES

[Iggy131313]

lol, im like I 5 year old, I like to hear the same story over and over

 

like the new avatar btw

 

oh, and the hat, is my son as a reindeer in his christmas play (which I couldnt attend too sick) its his hand prints for antlers!!

[Skyler]

lol, im like I 5 year old, I like to hear the same story over and over

 

like the new avatar btw

 

oh, and the hat, is my son as a reindeer in his christmas play (which I couldnt attend too sick) its his hand prints for antlers!!

 

Cool avatar. LUV that hat.  I WANT ONE!!!

 

Those questioning thoughts sure do plague you.  Wow

[Iggy131313]

its just so hard skyler, i mean its so criminal, this should never ever have happened to me, to you, to anyone, and because there are no tests no info its hard to know what to do and which way to turn, you see so many people say you dont heal until the drug is out of your system, all drugs etc...and that scares me, then alto says that while Im stabalising on a small amount my cns is healing, im inclined to believe alto, she seems to know more than anyone else, but with all this info coming at you from different directions and with the symptoms so so bad and my life so hellish its hard to know what to do, and where to turn.

 

also of course instant results would help me know what to do but thats not possible, sadly, although it has been a year for me now

[Skyler]

You see so many people say you dont heal until the drug is out of your system, all drugs etc...and that scares me, then alto says that while Im stabalising on a small amount my cns is healing.

 

And common sense says they are wrong.  Not to mention your own experience.

 

im inclined to believe alto, she seems to know more than anyone else, but with all this info coming at you from different directions and with the symptoms so so bad and my life so hellish its hard to know what to do, and where to turn.

 

Alto rules... Maybe you need to ask yourself why you are constantly trying to believe what uninformed folks are saying.  Caroline.. do you think obsessive thinking is causing you to refocus on the worst case scenario?

 

Seriously.. you could write about Pop Tarts.. to the effect they make people bow legged.  Would you believe this?  People can be as misguided as they choose... it's we who must decide what is valid, and base this on the exspertise of the poster.

[Iggy131313]

I guess whats happening is my fear is taking over, i see these posts and it scares the crap out of me, is there obsessive thinking, you bet your life there is!! but when i felt a little better I didnt do that, the akathisia drives me to it, as does the anxiety but Im not having anxiety that much anymore, well, for now a least...

 

i try to also remember that i have seen improvements even though things are awful and life is unlivable, my anxiety is more or less gone, well the free flaoting anxiety is gone, obviously im anxious about my condition but thats normal anxiety and to be expected...

 

my anhedonia is gone, full range of emotions here

 

but when you have constant akathisia its not much to celebrate about....earthworm on this forum scares me he has had akathisia for 3 years trying to stablise and it has never happened, hes on that thread I linked to about akathisia

 

and yes alto does rule, I wish I had listened to her before and not put my trust in others, mainly because they were saying what I wanted to hear you see. but saying that it was only when I started to feel a bit better that I was able to belive that I could heal with it in my system, I couldnt see how it was possible, and also because my adverse reaction was so severe I couldnt see how even a small amount wasnt causing the symptoms

[Skyler]

I guess whats happening is my fear is taking over.  Obviously im anxious about my condition but thats normal anxiety and to be expected... Put my trust in others, mainly because they were saying what I wanted to hear you see.

Yes, this is true, but we all fall back to our own dysfuntional ways of coping when we hurt.  And yours is to ruminate on your fears.  So be aware of how your fears effect you, what happens when these thoughts continually resurface.  You don't really want to hear the negative messages, but when you are scared, they are your default pathway.

 

My anhedonia is gone, full range of emotions here.

 

But when you have constant akathisia its not much to celebrate about....earthworm on this forum scares me he has had akathisia for 3 years trying to stablise and it has never happened, hes on that thread I linked to about akathisia.

So what earthworm experiences is more important? Even than listening to the return of your own emotions?

 

Edited 10:08

[Iggy131313]

So what earthworm experiences is more important? Even than listening to the return of your own emotions?

 

Edited 10:08

 

 

no, but the fact that he hasnt been able to stabalise and still has kaathisia after 3 years scares me because Im trying to stabalise and my akathisia is still bad after a yaer, just knowing that its a possibility is scary enough

[lexicon]

Hi sweet Iggy,

thinking of you, and sending you healing thoughts ..

Hang in there ..

xx, Lexi

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Iggy,

 

I'm sorry it's so hard still. I don't know if I've had akathisia, some of the definitions of things are similar and I think all of us are often at a loss to describe what we feel--it's just bad, and whatever bad we feel right now is the worst.symptom.ever. So whatever I had that may or may not have been akathisia (sp) has been gone for a few weeks, and I'm still on a small dose of AD. So take that earthworm (with all due respect to e.). We all have unique journeys, which is scary as there is no known path to follow, and reassuring, because there is always hope of a happy ending.

[Skyler]

So what earthworm experiences is more important? Even than listening to the return of your own emotions?

 

no, but the fact that he hasnt been able to stabalise and still has kaathisia after 3 years scares.

 

When you get scared, your mind tries to justify the fear.  So you listen to accounts that validate the fear (make it seem reasonable).  Then, in response to those accounts, you make knee jerk changes in your tapeing schedule (ie. updosing, or making cuts that are too frequent or too steep.. ANYTHING but holding which involves NO change) that make you feel worse... 

 

Maybe, somewhere deep down, you realize the above is a destructive response to WD anxiety?  Caroline, you are the only one who can get off that 'train'.

 

Skyler

[Iggy131313]

but its moving so fast!! if I get off I die!! lol

 

im trying, im going to limit my reading of 'horror' stories...I dont know why I read them, I guess I do it for 2 reasons

 

1) to try to find DIFFERENCES between my case and theirs, selfishly trying to reassure myself that I wont be like that

 

2) because im a ****head

 

thanks skyler, remarkably my inner restlessness has improved this afternoon, phew, it was with me for 32 hours solid and I deserved a break, i know it wont last long but my god its  a relief

[Skyler]

im trying, im going to limit my reading of 'horror' stories...I dont know why I read them.

 

Ahem, below... to repeat..

 

When you get scared, your mind tries to justify the fear.  So you listen to accounts that validate the fear (make it seem reasonable).  Then, in response to those accounts, you make knee jerk changes in your tapeing schedule (ie. updosing, or making cuts that are too frequent or too steep.. ANYTHING but holding which involves NO change) that make you feel worse...

 

Caroline.. think about what I said here.. the need to validate your fear, and take some, ANY taper action, is at the bottom of your need to read the stories. This gives you the illusion of more control while it really is the opposite.

 

Skyler

[Iggy131313]

Im in a terrible state today so dizzy confused lightheaded, major anxiety with panic attacks, crying and depression aggitation everything, acute acute hell....Im on my period so that may be a factor but this is BAD....I was wondering what people belive here, is a wave a time of healing of rebalancing or is it a bad thing?

 

I know we have no idea whats going on, but I have seen people say they saw improvement after a really bad wave?

 

what are your thoughts?

[Iggy131313]

its been 3 weeks holding at this dose (5 if you dont count the 4 days on 0.4) I am back in deepest hell, today I fell to my knees on the street as the confusion, lightheadedness, anxiety and aggitation overwhelmed me and I sobbed and sobbed...I have had to come to bed and hide from my family I cannot concentrate Im all over the place. I came on my period yesterday so that wont be helping...

 

Rhi, do you think I should hold for a year? do you think my symptoms might settle down?