Iggy131313 validation is imminent

[Rhiannon]

Iggy, I think you should continue to hold for now. I think it's too soon to say that you should definitely hold for a full year. You will probably find some improvement sooner than that; I hope so. But three weeks is no time at all. You are probably looking at multiple months at the least.

 

I know, the waiting is the hardest, especially when you're in such anguish and suffering and every day is a million years long.

 

Try to focus on regulating your schedule as much as possible and doing little things to ease the symptoms, as described in the Symptoms and Self-Care area of the forum.  

 

Also you can keep a journal of your daily symptoms, rating them on a numerical scale from say 1 to 5 or 1 to 10 or something like that; maybe one number for morning and one number for evening, and jot a few notes.  

 

This will help you see, over time, the patterns of windows and waves and the overall trend to very gradual improvement.  It will also give you something to do besides worrying about possible disasters and obsessing over dosage changes. 

[Iggy131313]

thanks Rhi, I do keep a rating of my symptoms, but now new ones are popping up and its got to the point where Im so bad I cant even do that...Im so scared that Im a worse case scenario, well I KNOW the severity of my withdrawal is one of the most severe I have ever read about, that scares me so much, does severity of symptoms dictate recovery? or maybe its because I have made so many changes after the advere reaction that as alto said I have kept  my cns is uproar....

 

I have done everything in the self care forum, Ive tried doing and not doing everything but nothing seems to help me, when Im feeling a little better some things help but in this acute screaming hell all I can do is lay still and read recovery stories....

 

thanks for reaching out

[Nikki]

Hi Iggy....sending you lots of hugs.  I know what you mean about reading.

 

When I was decreasing Celexa, Rhi and Karma gave me some wonderful advise which helped me out alot and improved my understanding of the WD situation.  Sometimes when we can't trust ourselves we need to reach out and let others hold us up.

 

Your son is adorable.

[Altostrata]

What do you think the answer to your question is, Iggy?

[Iggy131313]

I want to belive that waves are healing, that its when the brain is rewiring and trying to fix itself...but when Im feeling so bad I feel like its damage being done

[Jemima]

Iggy,  I moved the posts about windows and waves to your Intro, which is where comments and questions regarding your own progress through withdrawal belong.

 

There is a topic on windows and waves in the 'Symptoms and self-care' discussion that should tell you what you want to know.

[Iggy131313]

im getting worse, oh god please help me why am I getting worse?

[Rhiannon]

Iggy, this is how withdrawal and recovery looks and feels. It's a roller coaster. Waves and windows.  Better days and worse days. Over time the better gets bigger and longer and the worse gets smaller and shorter. This doesn't happen quickly.

 

Most of us have experienced what you are going through at one time or another. It gets better. But the cure is patience, and time. There are no other magic fixes. You just have to ride it out.

 

There is a ton of good advice and information and ideas in this forum that can help with symptoms; when you're feeling well enough you might want to explore some. 

 

I have seen many, many people walk this journey. All of them recovered sooner or later. It takes time, lots of time. You're only on the first baby steps. Hang in there.

[Iggy131313]

thanks rhi, I know its not but a whole year of horrific torture seems like a very long time to me, job lost, family drifting away, I dont know how long my hubby will stay and if he takes my son away I have no reason left to live ,Im trying to be patient, but I so want to feel just a little better, just to give me hope...its 16 months since my CT 11 months and a few weeks since my adverse reaction and every day has been the deepest hell.

 

I want to belive I will recover but I have spoken to people who have not recovered after 9 yars or more and that fills me with even more dread, I wish I could get back ont he drug, I wish I could do something anything to take it away, but I know I cant I feel so trapped...

 

everything I have tried hasnt helped with the symptoms, talk therapy, magnesium, fish oil, meditation, walking, crying, nothing makes it stop, nothing helps, what kills me if that I have the motivation to live I want to do things but my body and mind wont let me, its so sad, how did I end up like this?

 

please pray for me

[Fizz]

Iggy, so sorry that you are feeling this bad. Yes, I have had acute waves which passed and I did feel much better afterwards, if that's some consolation. Keep telling yourself YOU KNOW this bad wave will pass, they always do, keep reading those recovery stories, keep being gentle on yourself and resting. We know it takes time but you WILL get there, you WILL recover, the brain HEALS. Thinking of you. Big hugs and love. Xxxxxxxxxx

[abir]

Iggy don't get discouraged - having such a bad wave does **not**  mean that your brain was not healing all this time... it is just the way the brain heals.. you can have the worst wave and a week later the best window ever... this is just a bad wave... your brain was and is healing all the time.... xxxxxx..abir..

[lexicon]

Thinking of you sweet Iggy ..

I am saddened that you are going through a bad wave ..But it is only there for a little bit ..Before you know it, it will be gone.

You are courageous, and will overcome this ..You will see ..

Sending you loving thoughts of healing.

Lexi

[Rhiannon]

Hi Iggy, hug hug hug!

 

I've been doing this Internet withdrawal forum thing for three and a half years now, and for two and a half years spent at least 20 hours a week at it. And I'm a really fast reader and writer. So I've heard a LOT OF peoples' stories. A lot. And I've seen what patterns have emerged from that (I'm good at patterns, too).

 

If you read my posts you will see that I tend to be quite honest, even blunt, with people.

 

So I am not just trying to be nice or talking off the top of my head when I tell you that in my opinion you are going to be just fine. A year from now you're going to be feeling much better. It may take a couple of years for you to feel fully back to yourself, but I think you're going to be fine.

 

It's true that there are very, very rare cases where people take a long time to recover even from such a straightforward history as yours. People also get killed by having airplanes fall on their houses, too. Or from having a piece of a satellite fall on their heads. Rare events are rare.

 

Please try to focus not on the desperate negative stuff, but on what you can do to help yourself and your family get through this healing time.  I know you don't FEEL positive-- that's normal.  Just keep doing your best to fake it. Do the things that you know are good for you no matter how hopeless and pointless it feels. Trust me, it makes a difference.

[Iggy131313]

thanks so much Rhi,  that message is very reasuuring I have read it about 30 times over this morning so far, and when I walked to the shops feeling awful I was repeating it over and over to myself. I hope your right, more than anything in the world I hope your right.

 

thankyou

 

and thanks to fizz, lexi and abir for your kind messages. xx

[Fizz]

Just got your other pm Iggy, brilliant idea! Though I may have trouble with the signing up process, struggling with things like that at the moment. Love and hugs. Xxxxxx

[Fizz]

Iggy darling, how are you this morning? I didn't get a great deal of sleep, just over 3 hours, yuk. You are an angel and soooo helpful sweetheart. Gonna try your suggestions today and shout you if unsure! Think I'm going to bid on some sunglasses, eBay, later, to cheer myself up though cant really afford them! What the heck ay. Love. Xxxxxxxxxx

[Iggy131313]

hi babe, got a good nights sleep myself, but my sleep has always been pretty ok throughout this ordeal, dont ask me why, its weird, I have the odd stint of sleeplessness but it doesnt seem to last so lone, perhaps it will come later....but im scrade of how today will pan out...for me I wake up unsure and scared abd then my symptoms build through the day,

 

so far I can feel stuff happening in my head,pain, heat strange head sensations, its very disturbing. my akathisia usually starts at between 2pm and 5pm so I have taht to look forward to, give me a shout if you need me.

[Fizz]

Sorry about the head discomfort, it must be horrible. I've been hoovering up hair, mine, unfortunately. Find I have to stop for breaks in between though cos I get so exhausted, when will it ever end. Lets both buy some cheap sunglasses!! Hugs. Xxxxxxxx

[Tuskentank]

Hi Iggy,

 

Just wanted to add something. When you look at people who have taken years to recover remember that their first years were most likely the 'Dark Ages', not sure what to do, where to turn. These were,sadly, effectively lost years in terms of practically dealing with their situation. The difference for you is that you know you can come here and get support when you need, and this will always be a positive to cling to.

 

Take care

[Iggy131313]

im in hell guys, any tips for this, I just dont know what to do, I have had an epsom salts bath and its mildly taken the edge of it but im still in such torture and pain, please help me

[Skyler]

im in hell guys, any tips for this, I just dont know what to do, I have had an epsom salts bath and its mildly taken the edge of it but im still in such torture and pain, please help me

Hi there Caroline... it seems like your restless symptoms usually start in the mid to late afternoon and extend thru the night. The presence of symptoms at night is hallmark for restless legs. By contrast, akathisia does not occur during the nightime hours but manifests only during the day.

 

Magnesium is a magic bullet for me... it stops my flailing arm movements (I rarely have restlessness in my legs.. but arms count), and electric creepy crawlies, etc.  Have you tried taking a half tablet (Alto suggests starting small... I often 'pop' three).  I have not tried Epsom Salts, but maybe that's because I don't have access to a neat tub, and mine is ducedly uncomfortable.

[Fizz]

Oh Iggy, I'm praying that this passes for you. Praying that you have a better day today. All of this is so so hard. Your window is coming. Hold on there. Let us know how you are this morning. Healing hugs and love. Xxxxxxxx

[Fizz]

I've been awake since half 3 with the cortisol rush and vibrations. Going to check symptoms and self care again. Love. Xxxxxxx

[Brandy]

 

im in hell guys, any tips for this, I just dont know what to do, I have had an epsom salts bath and its mildly taken the edge of it but im still in such torture and pain, please help me

 The presence of symptoms at night is hallmark for restless legs. By contrast, akathisia does not occur during the nightime hours but manifests only during the day.

 

 

I was surprised to read this. If you had akathisia only during certain hours, you were very fortunate. (Well, relatively - nothing "fortunate" about akathisia anytime, I know!)

 

But for me, a family member (i.e,. familiar with another person's first-hand), and many other people I've read about or corresponded with on forums for many years, there is no time schedule for akathisia. Many of us have had it 24/7.

[Rhiannon]

 

 

im in hell guys, any tips for this, I just dont know what to do, I have had an epsom salts bath and its mildly taken the edge of it but im still in such torture and pain, please help me

 The presence of symptoms at night is hallmark for restless legs. By contrast, akathisia does not occur during the nightime hours but manifests only during the day.

 

 

I was surprised to read this. If you had akathisia only during certain hours, you were very fortunate. (Well, relatively - nothing "fortunate" about akathisia anytime, I know!)

 

But for me, a family member (i.e,. familiar with another person's first-hand), and many other people I've read about or corresponded with on forums for many years, there is no time schedule for akathisia. Many of us have had it 24/7.

 

 

I've never heard of a particular time schedule for akathisia. Cortisol, yes.

[Iggy131313]

6 months ago my akathisia was 24/7 now i get it ofe half the day, apart from this past week when its been 24/7 again

[Iggy131313]

even after the valium last night it didnt take away the akathisia, I got to sleep at 11ish only to be woken at 12.30 with a jolt, I had that feeling that there was a bug crawling on my arm unless there was a bug there but i dont think so) i kept trying to brush it off...got up and smoked and managed to get back to sleep awful nightmares, i forced myself to dose through this morning till 12ish, got up and cryed like a baby, now im back in bed, my face is flushed, i havea bumpy rash on my arms and hands, and i want to die.

i have decided that I am giving this 1 year, I know my husband is also giving me a year so its pretty good timing, if i am still like this in one year I will end my life, i have no desire to live like this, and to be honest even if i recover the best I can hope for is still living a half life for the rest of it, never being able to get medical treatment, never being able to have a drink of alcohol, never smoke a puff of weed, never eat what I want, never feel free and happy again, who would want that life? and of course the most heartbreaking of all, never have anymore children, Freddies childhood has been stolen from me and I can never have another baby...and thats the BEST it could be.

My anxiety is through the roof, the akathisia isnt here yet but it will be, i feel confused, flushed to my face and hopeless, i wish I could just take a pill and die right now, even if it would be agonising pain, nothing could come close to the pain I have already endured and I know I have years more of this and only little hope of making it through, why do I have to be the most severe case? why me why the f**k has this happned to me I was a good person, a happy person.

its my wedding anniversary, 10 years ago I was so happy, at least I didnt know what was going to become of me then, my god i want to die.

 

is there nothing I can do? I have been holding for 5 weeks and things are just as bad, im worse now than ever i think, should i try to updose or continue to hold in the hope things might level out a bit? Im so so frightened, I cant hold on much longer I need something to change, I have no life, my husband has said I have 1 years and he is leaving and taking my son, i read all these posts and people are suffering so badly and for so long, i dont know what to do

[Iggy131313]

I am having a very hard time with this and have been for the whole year I have been suffering....even when I read a recovery story it seems that the person has not had as severe a case as mine, or its a benzo withdrawal, 

 

I mean, does the severity of symptoms mean a much longer recovery? it makes sense to think so, I cannot work and sometimes cannot even interact with my family...

 

how can you believe in recovery when you cannot feel any taking place? and in fact things just getting worse?

 

any suggestions on how people cope with this?

[Aria]

Iggy,

 

If you read my thread in Intro you'll see I tapered off mulitude of drugs, went thru w/d hell but I came out a lot wiser. I was able to mend family riffs enough that one sibling in now in route for a weekend visit when before she'd cut me dead me saying I was toxic. My family thought I was crazy when I was having w/d and wouldn't go with them to WalMart when they came to visit. No, not everyhting is perfect but it's better. It's hard work with family and relationships.I made myself get up, get dressed and go out pretending grocery shopping was a fun outting when the world was tilting sideways and I was hurting.

 

You gotta believe.That got me thru this and everyday I still have to believe.

[Iggy131313]

wow aria, I am reading your thread now, Im so sorry for all you have ben through////

 

I have terrible akathisia, was your caused by your med and went away when you were med free or did it continue during your w/d? mine feels like an overwhelming aggitation, its unbearable

[Fizz]

Iggy, I can understand why you're talking like this darling, we've all been there. It's the withdrawal speak, I've had it, desperate, drastic, no hope ideaology. Please please please don't ever think of giving up, I will do this with you. Okay we can't have a drink, any sugar, a coffee, a takeaway, etc at the moment, but we may be able to in the future. Don't even think about the year from now because things are gonna be quite different by then. Thousands have done it and we will do the same, get better. Please, take it easy and keep on going. Hugs and love. Xxxxxxx

[Iggy131313]

I see on this site that tardive akathisia is listed as a tardive dyskinesia...I know that TD is a permanent condition, does this mean that the akathisia I am having could possibly be permenant?

 

is it the same thing?

 

http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/dyskinesia/

 

I emailed Dr shipco and he kindlt replied and said this

 

The general rule is that if the akathisia is improving at all, then over time (I don't know how long) you can expect to return to baseline.  It tends to improve two steps forward and then one backwards, but if the general trend is positive you can expect it to continue. But looking at the literature on tardive dyskinesia, sometimes it goes away and sometimes it persists indefinitely.

 

this hhas scred me a great deal.

[Jemima]

I see on this site that tardive akathisia is listed as a tardive dyskinesia...

 

Where?  I looked up tardive dyskinesia in 'Symptoms and self-care' and don't see any evidence that tardive akathisia is included in that topic.  Here is our topic on Tardive Dyskinesia:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3726-tardive-dyskinesia-or-involuntary-movements/?hl=%2Btardive+%2Bdyskenesia

 

I know that TD is a permanent condition, does this mean that the akathisia I am having could possibly be permanent?

 

Tardive dyskinesia is sometimes permanent and sometimes not.  Akathisia is nearly always a passing thing, although quite uncomfortable while you have it.

 

is it the same thing?

 

No.  Tardive dyskinesia is an involuntary twitching of muscles, usually in the face or fingers, and it usually occurs after prolonged use of phenothiazine drugs which are drugs for psychosis that were developed back in the 1950s. T.D. does sometimes occur with many years of antidepressant use.

 

Akathisia is an overall feeling of restlessness and needing to move.  It may be difficult to resist, but responding to the urge is voluntary.

 

http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/dyskinesia/

 

I emailed Dr shipco and he kindlt replied and said this

 

The general rule is that if the akathisia is improving at all, then over time (I don't know how long) you can expect to return to baseline.  It tends to improve two steps forward and then one backwards, but if the general trend is positive you can expect it to continue. But looking at the literature on tardive dyskinesia, sometimes it goes away and sometimes it persists indefinitely.

 

this hhas scred me a great deal.

 

If you continue to focus on the worst possible outcome of any situation, you will likely spend the rest of your life in fear.  This isn't necessary, but it's your choice.

[Iggy131313]

its the 4th bullet point on the page I linked to.

 

I know I shouldnt focus on the worst outcome but its very difficult when I am in such a severe state, honestly, Im a worst case scenario and it terrifies me, when I try to find stories of people who have been as bad as me and recovered I cannot, i just find people still suffering...

 

If this akathisia would let up then I could have more hope, but my days are spent crying, wailing and feeling suicidal, there is no comfort, nothing helps and I dont know what to do....if I saw some improvement then I would be able to have hope, but im not seeing any

 

has anyone on this board had awful akathisia and its gone away? I cant fid anyone who has, please help me

[Iggy131313]

ah Jeminma, i see the confusion, when I said I see on this site, I meant the one I linked to, not SA

[Skyler]

 

 

 

im in hell guys, any tips for this, I just dont know what to do, I have had an epsom salts bath and its mildly taken the edge of it but im still in such torture and pain, please help me

 The presence of symptoms at night is hallmark for restless legs. By contrast, akathisia does not occur during the nightime hours but manifests only during the day.

 

 

I was surprised to read this. If you had akathisia only during certain hours, you were very fortunate. (Well, relatively - nothing "fortunate" about akathisia anytime, I know!)

 

But for me, a family member (i.e,. familiar with another person's first-hand), and many other people I've read about or corresponded with on forums for many years, there is no time schedule for akathisia. Many of us have had it 24/7.

 

 

I've never heard of a particular time schedule for akathisia. Cortisol, yes.

 

Huh.... I thought that was what Alto said.  From the description, it sounds more like I have akasthisia.. but it's at night!

Thanks for responding...

 

Caroline.. what you are experiencing sounds most uncomfortable.  And Jemima's feedback sounds most informative.. will read more of this section when time allows.  Good stuff.